SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (37 page)

The Pounder

The pounder (which I’ve nicknamed the “kabonger”) is a massage implement that consists of a small ball mounted on a flexible strip of metal with a handle on the other end. In addition to being carried by some SM stores, they can be found in massage supply stores and are used in various types of Japanese massage. (Stores that sell various types of Japanese goods often stock pounders.) It’s used to strike various parts of the body in a steady, rhythmic manner during massage. (Sometimes two are used — one in each hand.) It’s good for relaxing tense muscles and can feel wonderful.

I used to love movies with whipping scenes.

The kabonger can be an excellent SM toy. It’s simple to use, inexpensive, durable, strikes lightly enough to be difficult to get into trouble with, is highly “deniable,” makes very little noise, and can be used on most parts of the body.

Good kabonger targets include the breasts, back, buttocks, inner thighs, and penis, but there’s one target that the kabonger seems designed for: the vaginal area. I’m not going to go into gory details here (not even if you beg), just know that you can create a truly impressive effect with relatively little effort by applying the kabonger there. As always with any type of flagellation, remember to start lighter than light, build slower than slow, do an occasional “two squeezes,” and reverify safe words before significantly increasing the intensity.

Conclusion

Erotic flagellation offers tremendous opportunities. However, unlike bondage and administering other forms of erotic pain, it is much more of an art than a craft. Therefore, it can only be “taught” to a limited degree. The effect of a given flagellation session is unique, and extensive personal exploration, preferably on both ends of the whip, is essential to understanding this erotic art form to any meaningful degree.

Clamps

Other than whips, clamps are perhaps the most commonly used SM toys. They are applied to various places on the body, often but not always the nipples and genitals.

Clamps have many advantages. Unlike whips, they make no noise. They require no continuous effort on the dominant’s part; the dominant

simply places them and moves on to other matters. They provide a steady, precisely regulated amount of pain. They are inexpensive. They are usually items adapted from everyday use, so having them around the house is not particularly “incriminating.”

Many different items are used as erotic clamps. Ordinary spring clothespins are the most commonly used item. Other items include various types of plastic and metal paper clips found in stationery stores, pin-substitute clothing clamps, clamps from various types of coathangers, alligator clamps, mousetraps, hemostats, tubing clamps, and even small vise grip pliers.

To prevent damage, most clamps have a somewhat flat surface. Saw-toothed clamps, such as alligator clamps, cut deeper into tissue and are more likely to damage.

Clamps are a lazy dominant s best friends.

Some clamps can have their tightness adjusted. I have seen rubber bands placed either in front of the spring to make it squeeze more tightly or behind the spring to make it squeeze less tightly. I have also seen clothespins with bolts and wingnuts inserted through holes drilled on either side of the main spring so the pressure can be increased or decreased as desired. (These clamps, by the way, were painted black - a nicely sinister touch.) Many forms of “store-bought” clamps have tightness-adjusting mechanisms built into them. Clamps sometimes have a loop attached to them so they can be attached to leashes or weights.

People vary widely in the degree of tightness they find erotic. Some like tight damps, others can take only the mildest. A wise dominant stocks clamps of several different degrees of tightness. (They can store neatly in a tray designed for fishing lures.)

some common types of clamps

To begin experimenting with clamps, buy a bag of ordinary, wooden, spring-type clothespins. Take them home, strip, and try them on various parts of your body. Use only two at first, and start with your nipples. Then try your genitals, earlobes, lips, folds of skin on your neck, belly button, and the skin between your genitals and your anus (your perineum - pronounced per-eh-KNEEUM).

Masturbate or otherwise sexually arouse yourself as you do this. Take your time and, for now, don’t leave them for more than about five minutes on any one area - even less if the pain starts to feel non-erotic. No heroics today.

While people vary widely in the number of clothespins they can take, most people can only handle about four clamps for half an hour or longer.

Clamps are an excellent example of the SM saying, “The more turned on somebody is, the more pain they can take.” If the erotic arousal is lost, clamps start to hurt. Therefore, only apply them if the submissive feels aroused.

Important point: Avoid mixing different types of pain - such as the pain of spanking with the pain of clamps -when you play with novices or with a new partner. Mixing pain may overwhelm them, and may obscure how they react to different types of pain. You want to learn each submissive’s unique reaction pattern, so only play with one type of erotic pain at a time with somebody new.

Another important point: Clamps hurt continuously, even if the dominant forgets about them. Unlike whipping or spanking, which are labor-intensive, clamps require no ongoing effort on the dominant’s part to cause pain. This is true even if the dominant moves on to other matters. The clamps are still there, still hurting. Inept dominants lose track of this. Make sure you don’t.

One way to stay in touch with how much ongoing pain clamps cause is to experience it yourself. Have you ever experienced having a clamp on each nipple for an hour? If not, try it before you ask somebody else to endure that. If you’re not submissive, try it while you masturbate.

Another point to remember is that clamps shut off circulation to the clamped area. The skin under the pinched area is receiving little or no blood flow. Naturally, you don’t want to let this continue too long. The longest you should leave a damp on a particular place is about an hour.

One friend of mine, a novice dominant, was experimenting with clamps one night. Quite appropriately, he tried them on his own nipples so he could experience the sensation. While he was savoring it, he drifted off to deep - and awoke when his alarm went off almost four hours later. His nipples hurt for almost a month, and he’s lucky he didn’t wind up with gangrene. However, he’s one dominant who will never, ever forget about a damp he left on a submissive!

Putting them on.
Let’s assume your submissive is face-up on a bed and that all prior negotiations are completed. With one hand, hold the dothespin near its free end. With the other, pinch a fold of skin and lift the skin away from thesubmissive’s body. Gradually increase your pinch’s pressure until it equals the clamp’s pressure.

You should now be holding a small “tent” of skin. Pinch open the clothespin and guide it over the skin.

I like to find out where their limits are, and then push them.

Tell the submissive that the clamp probably will cause a sharp pain for the first 30 seconds it’s on, and then the pain will subside.

Over a period of about five to 10 seconds, gradually release pressure on the clothespin. When your hand is completely off the clothespin, gradually spread apart your pinching fingers, then slowly move your hand away. Don’t bump anything, especially the clamp.

Let the submissive lie quietly for about a minute so they can get used to the sensation. Don’t touch the clamp and don’t distract them. You might rest your hand, without moving it, on their thigh or abdomen, but don’t interfere with their adjusting to the clamp. This is an important moment for them. Don’t mess it up.

Watch their breathing. If it stays tight, the clamp might be too intense. On the other hand, if they relax and take a deep breath, you can probably continue.

Also watch their overall degree of muscle tension or relaxation. It’s normal for a submissive, especially a novice, to tense in expectation of receiving pain. What’s important is how they react
after
the clothespin is on. If they remain tense, they’re probably not aroused. If they relax, that’s a good sign.

Important point: Remove the clamp if the submissive doesn’t find it erotic. If they don’t relax their muscles and begin breathing normally again after about a minute, you should probably remove the clamp even if they haven’t asked for that.

If they do ask you to remove it, or call “yellow,” or give some other similar sign, take the damp off at once. Afterward, don’t criticize them. They may feel guilty. They also may feel angry or turned off. Be understanding.

Remember, let them get used to this at their own pace. Don’t rush them. If, after about a minute, the submissive relaxes and breathes normally, proceed with the session.

Occasionally, a submissive who is used to clamps and likes them nonetheless reacts badly to one particular damp. This damp may be placed too close to a nerve or other structure under the skin. Sometimes moving it by only an inch or so solves the problem. If you try moving it once and it still hurts in an excessive or non-erotic way, that area just isn’t ready for a clamp that day; give up and try another body part or activity.

Unclamped nipples almost look naked.

If the submissive is completely unfamiliar with clamps, you probably should not bind them during their first exposure. They will feel more anxious, and less in control, if they are bound. This anxiety over loss of control will make it harder for them to relax and open up to the experience. The “no bondage for first times” rule is a good general rule.

Taking them off. Another important fact about clamps: they hurt coming off. This seems especially true of clamped nipples. As blood flows back into the freshly undamped tissue and reexpands it, pain results. Unfortunately, little can be done about this. The best you can do in most cases is warn the submissive that the spot will hurt for about 30 seconds after being undamped, then the pain will subside.

When the submissive’s sexual arousal level lessens, their ability to accept pain also drops. You want to remove the clamps accordingly. In the case of a man, this means removing the clamps a few minutes before, or shortly after, he has an orgasm. Again, the basic way to remove the clamps is gradually. Clamped tissue is hypersensitive to movement. Keep it still during unclamping.

Warn the submissive that the damp will hurt as it comes off, no matter how gently you remove it. Let them know the pain will subside after about 30 seconds. Make sure your hands are dry enough to grip the clamp securely, and use your dominant hand. If your fingers are slippery (as they often will be if you used lubricant during the session) the damp may slip out of your hand and back onto just-released tissue, causing the submissive to scream. Place the thumb and forefinger of your non-dominant hand near the clamped tissue to stabilize it. Don’t press on or move the tissue with your other hand. Grasp the free ends of the clamp. Again, keep it still. Taking about five seconds, pinch the ends together until the clamp is free of the tissue, then slowly move it straight up. Be careful not to move the clamp off to the side until it’s completely clear of the tissue.

Important note: Once you begin to remove the clamp, continue to remove it-even if your technique becomes ragged. Don’t let go and try again; that will make the pain much worse.

Clamp removal demands a delicate, sure touch. The ability to remove clamps with minimal unnecessary pain is a mark of a skilled dominant. You learn by practice. You learn even more by experiencing somebody else removing clamps from
your
body.

Caution: Unless you are deliberately trying to cause pain,
don’t
rub freshly undamped skin. This often well-meaning but ignorant gesture sharply increases the pain. Let undamped tissue reexpand at its own rate. Try this on yourself. Put on nipple clamps and leave them in place for 15 minutes. Then remove them and immediately rub your nipples. You’ll understand, and you’ll remember.

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