SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (40 page)

Supplemental thought: Your saliva can also be used to “help loosen up” the lubricant, and contact with saliva reduces the infectivity of the AIDS virus. Welcome this extra protection, but definitely don’t rely on it. Another supplemental thought: A physician told me some evidence exists that the use of any lubricant might (repeat, might) reduce the possibility of passing on a sexually transmitted disease. The thinking is that, because lubricants reduce the amount of “wear and tear” on the body parts involved, fewer breaks in the skin get created, and thus the probability of at least some forms of disease transmission is reduced. (Other bugs, of course, go right through intact skin with no problem at all.) As with the information about saliva noted above, welcome this extra protection, but absolutely do not rely on it.

A visit to your local drugstore, adult bookstore, or erotic boutique will help acquaint you with, among others, such names as Liquid Silk, Astroglide, Probe, Slippery Stuff, KY Jelly, PrePair, ForPlay, and Wet. (You should also look over their selection of condoms, contraceptive gels, spermicidal suppositories, and so forth.)

Your local drugstore may also have some additional, unexpected treasures. A liquefying cleanser called Albolene has enjoyed a semi-underground following for years as an excellent lubricant for erotic play, particularly masturbation. At some sex parties, you get a discount on your admission fee if you bring a jar - a sort of BYOA situation. One caution: Albolene is oil-based and doesn’t contain nonoxynol-9, so consider carefully when to use it .

Other “non-traditional” lubricants include Johnson’s Baby Magic Lotion, Crisco, coconut oil (one of my favorites), vegetable oil, and petroleum jelly. These all share Albolene’s limits.

A carefully chosen lubricant can add considerable safety and pleasure to your erotic play. Make sure you clearly understand the advantages and disadvantages of each type.

Erotic “Torture”

Yeah, I know. Even to me this chapter’s title looks a little threatening. Let’s define the term. I define erotic torture as any type of erotic pain given by non-flagellation means. I’ve already covered clamps. In this chapter I’ll cover other common means of “inflicting” erotic pain.

Using Your Hands and Mouth

Your hands are two of your most skillful and versatile “torture” instruments. Your hands can pinch, squeeze, poke, spank, pull, slap, and caress. Your fingernails can do everything from lightly stroke to deeply rake - even to the point of drawing blood and leaving scars. Your ability to give your submissive a range of sensations ranging from exquisite to agonizing by using just your hands says volumes about your authority and competence as a dominant.

If this is torture, lead me to it!

There’s also your mouth. Your lips, tongue, and teeth are some of your most potent torture/pleasure instruments. Again, the range and intensity of sensations you can cause your submissive to feel by using only your mouth can be overpowering. One caution: A human bite that breaks the skin is much more likely than an ordinary wound to cause a serious infection, so avoid doing that when you bite.

Safety note: If the skin is broken anyway, immediately and vigorously clean the wound. Use soap and water followed by a disinfectant containing provodone-iodine such as Betadine. If it’s a large or deep wound, immediately consult an SM-positive physician. If it’s not large or deep, dean it twice a day and keep a close eye on it for a developing infection. If it gets infected, consult the physician. If you’re worried about scarring, consult the physician. (Remember that mild supplements of zinc and Vitamin C will help wounds heal faster.) A human bite that breaks the skin is one of the worst types of wounds there is. Treat them with the seriousness they deserve.

The feedback you get from using your hands and mouth is invaluable. This form of play is highly intimate, and the skills you develop with this form of play will serve you well in the future. I routinely tell novice dominants: “If you want to get good at using whips, damps, and other equipment, then first get good at using your hands and mouth.”

Hot/Cold Play

In addition to sensors for light touch, heavy touch, and pain, the skin contains sensors for heat and cold. Naturally, we perverts find ways to incorporate these sensors into our play.

Candle wax.
Holding a burning candle over someone so the hot wax drips onto them is a classic SM technique. It’s fairly popular and most people play with it somewhat. However, it does leave a messy residue of wax all over the place, and that can be bothersome.

Have you got any extra Ben Gay that I could use?

Also, the open flame is a slight but significant fire hazard. Be careful with it, and clear your surroundings of anything easily flammable. Of course, you’ll have a fire extinguisher and quick-release gear immediately available. (I know of a session involving a heavily bound submissive, a candle flame, and rubbing alcohol that ended in disaster. Both the dominant and the submissive were very seriously burned.)

Major point: Candle wax cools rapidly as it falls from the flame onto the submissive’s body. This allows you to regulate the wax’s temperature by controlling the height of the candle above the submissive’s body. As always, try it on yourself. The inside of your forearm is a good spot to check how hot something feels.

Safety note: Avoid beeswax candles, colored candles, and “utility” candles made with large amounts of plastic. These types of candles have a high melting temperature and could burn. Use ordinary white paraffin candles.

The chest, breasts, nipples, and abdomen are excellent wax targets. Avoid the neck, face, and head. Be careful around the genitals. Among other things, the wax is hard to remove from pubic hair.

Menthol play.
Note: The essay on menthol play is closely patterned after a similar essay I wrote for my book “Tricks: More than 125 Ways to make Good Sex Better.”
Menthol, when applied to the skin, creates intense sensations. These sensations are usually felt either as heat or as “chilled heat.” Menthol-containing products can be used to spice up fellatio (cough drops) or as a male masturbation lubricant (chest rubs and arthritis creams). Their labels will tell you whether or not they contain menthol.

Please note: Chest rubs and arthritis creams are oil-based, and thus should be avoided in situations that require condoms.

Chest rubs and arthritis creams are used almost exclusively to make male masturbation more intense. They are not designed, intended, or recommended for internal use, so please don’t combine them with fellatio, cunnilingus, vaginal intercourse, or anal intercourse. Don’t use them to lubricate a vibrator or dildo prior to insertion. I have heard of some people trying to use them for those activities, but unless they used
extremely
small quantities, such usage was more painful than they could stand. These substances can also upset the natural biological balance of such areas.

A small amount of menthol can, in some cases, be applied to the clitoris to make female masturbation more intense, but please be very careful Remember, it’s not intended for internal use, and it feels much “hotter” on mucous membranes. Ladies, I suggest you try this by yourself before involving another person.

I love to be paddled really hard on a well-iced bottom.

Menthol-containing cough drops might be used during cunnilingus, but please note the warnings above very carefully.

Menthol must be used cautiously. If other forms of erotic “torture” are like spices, menthol qualifies as red hot pepper. Using a
very
small amount may spice your play up nicely. Too much, and that quantity is very easy to reach, can cause genuine pain, even agony.

Start slowly and with small amounts when using menthol-containing creams. It’s often wise to “dilute” it with another lubricant. Never use the extra-strength brand of anything until you’ve used the regular strength brand successfully several times. I, by the way, once accidentally had a bad experience regarding the difference between an intensely hot, but bearable, amount of Ben Gay cream and an equal amount of Ben Gay gel. (Yeeeooowwwccchhh!!! Owww! Owww! Owww! Mercy!! Safeword!!)

Menthol may take up to five minutes for the effects of a given “dose” to be fully felt, so take your time about adding more. One dose is usually felt for about 20 minutes, but this can vary considerably from person to person and from product to product. Menthol applied to the scrotum is usually felt sooner and feels hotter than menthol applied to the penis.

Caution: It’s easy to add more, but it’s very difficult to remove what you’ve already applied.

Another caution: If you use a menthol-containing cream to masturbate a man, a considerable amount will get on your hand as well as his cock. Because the skin of your hand is much thicker than the skin of his penis, it may take considerable time for you to feel this. “Burning Hands Syndrome” can develop an hour or more after the session. You might therefore wear latex or vinyl gloves when playing with this stuff, particularly the extra-strength brands.

Yet another caution: Be careful about combining menthol with any abrasion. Skin that has been scraped, such as by fingernails or a whipping, will be considerably less able to tolerate menthol. An amount of menthol that intact skin tolerates well can easily be too much for abraded skin to handle.

If you have a “menthol overdose,” you can usually wash it off by using cold running water and lots of soap. Applying large amounts of shampoo and then washing it offworks especially well. Very liberal amounts of the astringent called Witch Hazel also wash it off. (Your drugstore carries it.) You can also “cool things down” by rubbing on generous amounts of petroleum jelly (be sure you don’t use a chest rub) or an oil-based cream. I haven’t personally tested it, but I’m told that cold cream works well.

Don’t combine menthol play with bondage until you, your partner, and the substance in question are very well acquainted. A menthol overdose is especially likely to occur the first one or two times you use it with a new partner. If they get overdosed and need to run to the shower, they’ll need to be able to run there
now.
They can suffer terribly during the time it would take you to untie them.

It’s not at all a bad idea to create a menthol overdose deliberately in order to test these various cool-down methods. That way, in an actual “emergency,” you’ll have a clearer idea of what works (and what doesn’t). Understand that different people may respond better to different cooling methods.

I don’t recommend using menthol with a new partner unless they (and you) are already highly experienced in its use. It’s too easy for things to go wrong and perhaps harm your budding relationship. Use this only for self-play or with someone you already know well. It would be a very good idea to use a particular lubricant on yourself several times before you ask a partner to use it on you.

Because menthol “burns” for about 20 minutes after being applied (some brands burn longer), and because this feeling may be seriously unpleasant if no longer accompanied by sexual arousal, it’s both wise and compassionate to wait for its sensations to fade to a very low level before bringing a man to orgasm.

Final comment: Menthol leaves a distinct, noticeable smell in the air. It’s a good idea to use it only in well-ventilated areas if the lingering smell might be a problem.

As you can see, menthol usage is one of the more serious aspects of SM play. Use it properly and you can add an enormous amount of intensity and pleasure to your lovemaking. Just understand that it’s not a toy. Use menthol improperly and you’ll regret it.

Toothpaste.
Some dominants use “spicy,” “cinnamon,” or “minty” brands of toothpaste while performing fellatio and/or masturbating their submissive to create a wonderful/agonizing sensation.

This is done by squeezing about one-quarter inch of paste or gel onto a finger. Gels will last longer and not dry out as fast. Use sparingly at first. My sources tell me that if you use too much during fellatio you’ll make your eyes and nose water. (I’m also told that Close Up gel is the hottest. Crest is reportedly milder.) Apply the finger to the tip of your tongue, then apply your tongue to the penis. Concentrate on applying most of the paste or gel to the head of the penis. It will dissolve and cover the rest.

Pastes or gels can also be combined with a lubricant for masturbation games. If you want to retain “the fellatio option,” remember to mix the paste or gel only with a lubricant that you feel good about putting in your mouth.

Hair blowers.
The hot jet of air produced by an ordinary hair blower is sometimes fun to play with. Aimed at the breasts or genitals, it causes an intense burning sensation with little danger of actual damage. (Of course, like anything else, it can be overdone.)

Are you sure you know how to use that thing?

Hair blowers aren’t used very much because they have some disadvantages : (1) They’re noisy. (2) They tend to dry out lubricants. (3) They run on AC current, and thus pose a small but definite shock hazard. (As of this writing, I have heard of no mishaps.) Still, some people like them.

Ice cubes.
Cheap, readily available, and unlikely to cause significant damage, ice cubes are a popular SM toy. The cube can be touched to the skin - genitals and nipples being, of course, favorite targets - or trailed along the skin. Some people drip candle wax and trail it with an ice cube; that’s intense! You can also pop an ice cube into your mouth while you perform oral sex. Finally, you can insert a well-rounded ice cube into the submissive’s vagina or anus. This usually gets the attention of even a jaded masochist; they emit that wonderful-sounding gasp. Don’t put in too many, though. You don’t want to cause frostbite.

By the way, get out the first aid book you of course have on hand and have studied thoroughly. The treatment of frostbite runs counter to many peoples’ ideas about what should be done. Should you rub frostbitten tissue to help restore circulation? Look it up.