Starting Fires (16 page)

I watched him get off the bed and walk naked into a bathroom in the corner of his room. Alone, I took the time to look at my surroundings. He had two dressers. One short and one tall. They were different shades of brown and the handles didn’t match. His bed didn’t have a head or footboard and was sitting low to the ground. Knick-knacks were scattered across every surface. No one thing matching the other. His clothes were piled in corners, scattered across the floor, or hanging out of drawers. A few pictures of trees lined the walls. All very artistically taken—no tree the same.

I heard the water faucet turn on in his bathroom and decided I should get dressed before he came back. I knew he had just seen me full on naked, but now that the deed had been done, I didn’t want my body to be on display any longer.

I found my panties first and put them on. I reached for a pair of jeans on the floor that ended up not being mine, and Lucas’ cell phone fell out of the pocket, landing on the floor. A wadded up towel broke its fall. I was reaching for another pair when I heard his phone vibrating.

I glanced at it.
‘Sandra calling’
flashed on the screen.

My body fell back on the bed. This was it. The decisive moment. Could I do it? Could I push the jealousy aside and take this for what it was? I hadn’t told him that he couldn’t be with other girls, just that I didn’t want him to do it in front of me. I rubbed my hand through my hair. The phone stopped vibrating, and I swallowed a knot in my throat.

The sex had been amazing. More than amazing. I’d never experienced anything like it in my life. And I knew I wanted to do it again. I wanted to keep being around him. Every moment with him was spectacular. I didn’t want it to end, but I didn’t want commitment from him either. I couldn’t have both. If I wanted this, I would have to take Lucas for what he was. And he would have to do the same. Which meant that, after seeing her name on his phone, there was no way I was staying to cuddle in his bed.

When he came out of the bathroom, I was putting on my jeans. My back was to him, and I heard the jangle of his belt as he put his pants on. He came up behind me and curled his arm around my stomach, pulling me into him. His other hand pushed my hair over my shoulder and he kissed me just below my ear. I arched my neck, sighing as he caressed my bare breasts. “You gotta go?” he whispered.

“Yeah…” I answered, distracted as he continued to kiss me. “Studying.” Without realizing it, I’d reached above me and curled an arm around his neck. My head turned to him and I kissed him slowly. Soon it turned so passionate I moved around and he pulled my legs up to wrap around his waist. He held me under my thighs as I cradled his jaw.

He started making his way to the bed, kicking discarded clothes out of the way. As he sat, our kiss slowed and I trailed my mouth down his neck. He squeezed my waist as I licked him. “If you want to get any studying done, you better stop now,” he told me.

I smiled onto his skin but extracted myself from him. He watched me put my bra on then stood to pull a shirt off his dresser. It was the black one with the gray logo of the unknown bar. He handed it to me and I put it on. As I pulled my hair out of the back, I admired him standing in front of me. His jeans were zipped, but not buttoned or buckled. He was barefoot, still shirtless.

His scent lingered in the air, and I brought the shirt to my nose, sniffing it. He must have worn it recently. His cologne covered the collar. As he watched me, his mouth twitched up. When I took a bigger inhale, he full on smiled and walked over to me, kissing me one more time.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said. I nodded and walked out of his room, picking up my shoes and shirt on the way out.

In my room, my homework took two hours. I did it all still wearing his shirt. And then, after taking a shower, I put it back on, nuzzling the collar as I got under my covers. Just as I was turning off my lamp, my phone dinged.

Done studying?

Yeah.

I’m coming over.

Within three minutes, he had walked across the street, into my bedroom, and was back inside me.

 

Chapter 14

A
fter that first
night, anytime we were alone, we were having sex. My closet. His bathroom counter. The pool tables at the bar. Twice in his car. My bed. His bed. Up against walls. On floors. Everywhere.

We’d become obsessed. I’d abandoned every other responsibility. Studying was pushed to the side. Any assignments I turned in were subpar—and I didn’t care. If we were together, I was underneath him, or above him, or on my knees with him behind me. It was becoming a problem that I had no solution to.

We tried to be as discreet as possible. If we were going to do this, I needed boundaries. Public affection was out. I didn’t want myself becoming attached. I didn’t even tell Lacey or Nicole, but they knew. I could see it in their eyes every time they brought up his name. They were just waiting for me to confirm it.

Truthfully, I enjoyed it. It felt like we were having a forbidden fling, hiding it from everyone around us. Each time we snuck off to be alone, a little thrill shot through me. If he wanted more, he didn’t make it known. We never talked about where this was going, or how we felt about any of it, and I was fine with that because it was perfect for me.

The way he reacted to my body pushed all my insecurities aside, and I felt comfortable with him. He never shied away from touching parts of me that I had come to look at as “
problem areas.
” Sometimes after sex he would lie next to me and draw lazy circles across my belly, or rub the back of his knuckles down my thighs. At first, I’d felt exposed and wondered if he was scrutinizing. But one night he looked over at me and said, “Do you realize how perfect your body is?” There was so much sincerity in his eyes that my worries immediately dissipated.

Our sex fest had been going strong for three weeks. It was mid-morning on the Monday before Thanksgiving, my laptop open while I submitted half-assed schoolwork. As I waited for a file to load, I glanced out of my kitchen window and watched two birds flit and flutter across my yard.

Wally came down the stairs, looking exhausted. “Rough night?” I asked him.

“Not really. But every time I’d nearly be asleep these words kept drifting into my head.” I raised my eyebrows, waiting for him to tell me what they were. Instead of explaining, he walked to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water.

“What words?”

Dramatically, he took a drink, and said, “
Oh my God, Lucas… yes… God!
” My face heated and he continued with, “Or
Fuck, Marzy!
Which, I don’t know if you’ve realized, that one’s clearly his favorite.”

“Wally! Stop listening to us!”

“Didn’t you just hear me? I was trying to sleep. Why don’t you stop being so loud? Or how about go to his house for a few nights and give me a break?”

Embarrassed, I grabbed my laptop and raced up the stairs, leaving his laughter behind me. If Wally knew about us, we weren’t being nearly as discreet at we thought we were.

Later, I met Lucas and Ian in their driveway. I was riding with them to the bar and approached the backseat. Ian was on the other side getting in the back, too. My brows furled in confusion. Countless times I’d ridden in this car with them and Ian always sat up front—he never even asked if I wanted to. Why was he all of a sudden changing his tune?

He gave me a chin nod as he opened the door. Still feeling confused, I went to the front. Ian giving me this seat made me feel a mix of emotions. It was such a simple thing, but felt like so much more.

After Lucas started the car, he patted the space beside him, telling me to scoot over. I bulged my eyes and nodded in Ian’s direction. As I started putting on my seatbelt, he bit the inside of his lip, watching me. He looked disappointed and I didn’t like seeing that look on his face, so I turned to the window.

Once we got on the road, Ian and Lucas carried on a conversation. At least I think they did. I only heard Lucas’ half. I still wasn’t skilled in Ian speak. So naturally, I was thoroughly confused.

Tonight, Burns had quite a crowd. “What’s going on?” I asked Lucas.

“A bar down the street closed last week. We’ll be packed for a while I’d bet.”

A group of men careened by us and Lucas gripped my waist, pulling me into his side to avoid them. Reflexively, I curled into him, placing a hand to his stomach. They didn’t apologize and Lucas’ jaw grew tight as he watched them walk to the bar.

“Do you have to work tonight?” I asked.

Not taking his eyes off the men, he answered. “I’m not supposed to.” His hand began rubbing my side protectively. A few people walking by looked at us, and I wanted to step away from him—not because I didn’t like it. That was the problem—I liked it too much. Finally, he turned his glare away from them and started scanning the room. “Ian’s over there,” he said. “I need to check on things behind the bar.”

We went our separate ways and I had a difficult time navigating the room. People were everywhere, laughing, clinking glasses, getting up from their tables without warning. A few times, I nearly crashed into someone. When I finally made it to Ian, I was more than annoyed. He was busy doing something on his phone, but shifted his eyes to me as I sat. “Wally wants to know if Nicole and Lacey are coming.” I heard him perfectly and I wondered if he did the quiet voice on purpose to mess with me.

“I think so,” I said. “But they might be late.” He nodded and typed something into his phone. “Where are they?” I asked, not needing to clarify who ‘they’ was. Bear and Wally were usually a package deal.

He responded quietly and I narrowed my eyes. I think he’d said ‘
on their way
,’ but I couldn’t be sure.
Was
he messing with me? Not blinking, he matched my stare. I was about to tell him that I thought he was a whisper fraud when a girl squealed his name. We both turned to the voice. Immediately, I recognized her pixie cut. It shook around her face as she did this excited little wiggle. “Hey, Sandra,” he said and stood to hug her. I felt my stomach knot and my teeth clench. I couldn’t be sure if anything had ever happened between her and Lucas, but my intuition told me that even if it hadn’t, she wanted it to.

Lucas didn’t immediately notice her when he approached, but then she said his name. A familiar smile passed between them and he walked over, giving her a side hug. He started back to me, but then she grabbed his arm, pulling him into a chair.

“I haven’t seen you since Halloween,” she said. “How’ve you been?” Her hand was resting against his forearm and she squeezed it while she waited for him to answer. Lucas glanced in my direction and slid a beer to me.

“Great,” he told her. “Keeping busy.”

While they caught up, I drank in silence. His eyes would shift to me every time she found a new way to touch him. His leg. His shoulder. His hand. It wasn’t fair that she was doing this so freely. She didn’t feel the need to suppress her affections and it pissed me off. Mostly, because I couldn’t say anything about it. I had no right.

When she laughed at something he said, and brought a hand to his neck—the neck that I touched and kissed almost every day—I abruptly stood from the table. I might not have a right to say anything, but that didn’t mean I had to watch it.

To get away from the situation, I went to the bathroom and checked my phone. They would be playing their set in about ten minutes. Girls were standing around the mirror fixing their clothes and hair, so I stood by the hand dryer and surfed the internet. With a minute to spare, I walked back into the bar. The table we’d been at was empty. Normally, when they played I was front and center, but tonight I wanted to be removed.

Nicole and Lacey came through the door and asked if I was going up front. Lying, I told them I wasn’t feeling well, but would see them afterwards. Several stools were open at the bar and I picked the first one I reached.

They started playing, but I didn’t even look in their direction. I kept my eyes glued to the TV. It was playing The Tonight Show. Not the best bar television in my opinion. The subtitles kept getting the words wrong, and I smiled to myself as I tried to decipher what was being said.

After forty-five minutes and two beers, I heard the chords of a song that would make any girl weak in the knees and looked to the stage. Lucas was staring straight at me. His voice filled the speakers with the lyrics to
Sex on Fire
by Kings of Leon.

His eyes followed me as I stood and walked to the back of the crowd. I loved the way his voice strained and cracked. It wasn’t perfect but I felt every word deep in my bones. He gripped the microphone with one hand and the stand with the other as he met my eyes.

Going low to the ground, he put everything into his voice, telling me through the song how consumed he was with what we had. Sweat was glistening on his forehead and it made my whole body feel hot. The dirty lyrics and insinuations had me doing exactly what he wanted me to—imagining him with his body pressed against mine. And just like that, my anger was dissipating.

Some girls turned their heads in my direction, staring longer that what was polite, but my eyes never left Lucas. And his didn’t leave mine. Not when I walked across the back of the crowd. Not when I settled beside the employee’s only door.

The fierce heat in his eyes pooled around my stomach, and I wasn’t waiting for us to be home. The song nearly over, I pushed through the door. Their set would be finished shortly, and I waited for him in the only room with a lock. The bathroom.

The lighting was low, so when he appeared in the doorway, I could barely see his face. He didn’t say anything as he walked in, shutting the door behind him. He turned the lock and I could feel my body tingling as he walked to me. He started undoing his belt, so I started undoing mine. Before my pants were even unzipped, he flipped me around and led me to the wall. It was fortunate that I was wearing heels. Without a good surface, standing was our only option.

I wanted this, but something was bothering me and I felt tense. “Don’t let her touch you anymore,” I said. His response was a gentle nod as he started kissing my neck. His fingers curled into the waist of my pants, and my body began relaxing under his touch. As he pushed them down, I bent over.

With a shaky breath, I propped my hands on the wall and felt his torso meet my back as he entered me. My eyes closed and I moaned as I felt him cage me in. His thrusts were hard and deep. The loud music of the bar was drowned out by the sounds of our bodies slapping and our rushed breathing. Wanting it even deeper, I pushed my ass into him.

One of his arms curled under mine and rested around my shoulder, using the hold to forcefully push himself into me. My inhales were sharp and desperate. Just a few more thrusts. When he bucked hard, I cried out and reached over me to touch his face. My fingers landed on the back of his head, and I gripped his hair. I felt his lips touch my neck, and I think he said, “All I need,” but couldn’t be certain. With his mouth still on my skin, he started moving faster until his own moans filled the room.

It hadn’t been a marathon, just a rushed, needy fuck, but my body still felt satisfied. “Mmmm,” he murmured as he kissed my shoulder. I nodded and muttered something incomprehensible, making him chuckle. Gently, he kissed my skin one more time before pulling out.

Once we righted our clothes, we came out of the room, and headed back to the bar. I realized that people might know what we’d been doing and froze. He stopped and looked at me questioningly.

“You go first,” I rushed out.

He smiled like that was silly. “Why?”

“Lucas, it’s obvious what we just did! This is embarrassing.”

“Baby,” he laughed, “who cares?”

“I do!” My foot stomped for good measure, only making him laugh harder.

“Fine,” he said, still chuckling. “I’ll go out here. You can go out this way and come back in the front.” He shook his head as he unlocked the stock room door to let me out.

The walk to the front was still embarrassing. I hoped that when I walked in, no one would recognize me. Just in case, I discreetly walked to the table Lucas was sitting at. Everyone but Wally was there. An empty chair was across from Lucas, and I went for it, but Wally swooped in and took it just as I approached.

Awkwardly, I stood in front of the table. They were all smiling, but trying to pretend as if they weren’t. Nicole took a sip of her beer to hide hers. Charles put a hand over his face. Wally straight up grinned at me.

Lucas reached for me, offering his lap in lieu of a chair. I tensed. Sensing my unease, he gave everyone at the table a murderous glare. They started talking amongst themselves, pretending to ignore us. Gently, he grabbed my hand and slowly pulled me onto his legs.

I went with reluctance, but didn’t relax into him. The hand rubbing up and down my side did little to calm me. If we were alone, this type of interaction wouldn’t have fazed me. It was clear that we had reached a critical point in this situation. Did I mind public affection? Did I want to be able to freely touch him?

I realized that yes, I did. But I needed boundaries. If we acted this way all the time, I would start to feel like his girlfriend. And I wasn’t. I reached for a beer on the table and drank a sip. As he took it out of my hand and also drank from it, I realized it was his. He’d done it so casually, as if sharing with me hadn’t bothered him at all.

I started to smile, relaxing a little. I guess people were more open when they drank—like we were on Halloween. Maybe that could work for me.

I settled into him and draped an arm over his shoulder. Both of his came around me, one sitting on my waist, the other along my legs. He and Wally were still talking and he seemed oblivious to how difficult this decision had been for me.

Nicole winked at me from the other end of the table. Not wanting to make this a big deal, I rolled my eyes. She smiled, knowing that it was. Sandra was over her shoulder, glancing at Lucas and me. I wanted to rub this in her face. To run my fingers through his hair. To nuzzle his neck. To kiss him right in front of her. Instead, I tore my eyes away. It wasn’t her fault that I felt jealous. And it wasn’t my fault that she probably felt jealous now.