Starting Fires (14 page)

Chapter 12

M
y back went
completely straight and every muscle in my body grew tight. This was so embarrassing. I couldn’t think of a more horrifying way to meet someone’s parents. We were in our late twenties and caught out in a field, fooling around like teenagers. Lucas reached into his car and discreetly held my panties out to me. My face turned beet red as I tried to think of a way to put them on without his dad noticing.

“I’ll distract them,” he whispered. He walked around the car and approached them, hugging his dad and giving the other man, Uncle Dave, a handshake. I was grateful that he used his left hand. It looked awkward, but it saved me even more embarrassment. They didn’t know where that hand had been, but I did. While catching up, they walked to the trunk of his dad’s car. I used the opportunity to quickly slip my panties on, but stood there not knowing what to do.

“Who’s your friend?” his dad asked.

“Marzy,” Lucas called to me. I stepped away from the car and walked towards his outstretched arm. Once at his side, he pulled me into him. “This is my dad and Uncle Dave.”

I already knew that, but smiled. “Nice to meet you.”

“William,” his dad said as we shook hands. “Marzy’s an interesting name.”

“It’s Marlowe, actually. Lucas is the only one who calls me Marzy.” His hand rubbed up and down my side and I realized that this whole ordeal was a tad intimate—boyfriend/girlfriend intimate. From what I knew, that wasn’t what he was looking for and if I was feeling that way, I needed to dial my emotions back a bit.

His dad gave me a sweet smile. “Marlowe, then. It’s nice to meet you too.”

Dave shook my hand next and asked about my outfit. “Oh,” I said with embarrassment, “We were at a Halloween party.”

“What brought you out here?”

“Umm…”

“We just felt like it,” Lucas interjected. “Now stop with the twenty questions. What are you doing here?”

“We just felt like it,” Dave shrugged with a smile.

I started nervously messing with my hair. Lucas was doing his best to ease my embarrassment by caressing my back but I think it made it worse. His Uncle and Dad kept eyeing his hand with curiosity and amusement.

“Your mom kicked us out of the house,” his Dad told him. “We got a hankering to blow up some pumpkins and she said ‘
not on my lawn
,’” he used a mocking feminine voice and I smiled. “So we told her fine, we’d come out here and blow ‘em up.” He pulled a big pumpkin out of the trunk of his car. “You ever blow up a pumpkin, Marlowe?”

“No,” I chuckled. This was so silly. Two men, old enough to be my father, were blowing up pumpkins on Halloween.

“Well, you’re about to,” he handed me one of the smaller ones, and my body sagged with the weight.

They illuminated a patch of grass with their headlights and I watched his Uncle go first. He cut a hole in the top of the pumpkin and lit an M80. Once he dropped it in, he jogged away. I giggled behind Lucas’ back, my head tucked under his shoulder so I could still see. As it exploded, I gripped him, laughing as pumpkin meat flew everywhere—some landing close to our feet.

“Your turn, Marlowe,” his dad said.

I tensed. That looked dangerous. I wasn’t sure I was ready. “You first,” I said. “I want to see someone else go again.” I was braver on this one and stood next to Lucas, but still clutched his arm when the pumpkin exploded. By the look on his face, it was clear he thought my reactions were amusing.

I ended up watching Lucas, his Dad, and his Uncle blow them up at least two more times, putting my turn off. But I couldn’t do it forever. There was only one pumpkin left. Mine. “Alright Marlowe,” his dad said. “Time to shit or get off the pot.”

I made a face at the gross analogy, but chuckled. “So I just cut a hole in the top, light the M80, drop it in, and then come back over here?

“That’s it.”

I held the pumpkin, but felt scared. The good kind of scared. The nervous, I want to do this, but I’m afraid, even though I know it will be fun, scared.

Lucas nudged me and smiled. “You got this,” he said.

I used his Dad’s pocketknife to cut the hole and walked to where they’d been putting the pumpkins. His Uncle gave me the M80 and the lighter. They were all standing by the car but I couldn’t see their faces in the shadow of the headlights. Carefully, I flicked the lighter and brought it to the M80, but pulled back at the last second. “I can’t do it!” I yelled to them.

“Yes you can,” his Dad called.

“Just drop it in and run back,” his Uncle said.

It was obvious that they found this humorous. Taking a deep breath, I pulled my hair over one shoulder. I eyed the hole in the pumpkin and bent down. Before I could talk myself out of it, I lit the M80 and dropped it. In my haste to move, I scrambled on the ground, but got back up.

“You missed it!” I heard someone yell.

Not thinking, I turned back around to put it in the pumpkin. “No!” Lucas laughed. “Get over here!”

I realized how stupid I was being and peeled off towards him. I’d wasted precious seconds, and wasn’t sure I’d make it in time. Closing in, I leapt into his arms. Laughing, he caught me and held me up at his waist. At the last second, he turned so we could both see my failure. I held my ear as the M80 exploded on the ground, taking half of the pumpkin with it.

“Awww… Anticlimactic,” I said. “Sorry.” Lucas chuckled and nuzzled my neck before putting me down.

“Are you kidding me?” his Uncle said laughing. “Seeing you scramble around in that outfit made this
whole
thing worth it.”

Since it was late, we said our goodbyes and Lucas’ dad gave me a big hug. “You come by the house anytime,” he whispered. I smiled and nodded, even though I knew I wouldn’t. That was a level of seriousness Lucas and I didn’t have.

In Lucas’ car, I sat in the middle next to him. We waved to his Uncle and Dad as we pulled off. With all the exploding pumpkin excitement, I’d almost forgotten about our earlier acts. But then Lucas placed his hand high on my inner thigh as he drove. It was so close to where it had previously been that all of the feelings came flooding back.

I blissfully sighed and placed mine along his forearm, telling him that I didn’t want him to move it. He squeezed my leg as he focused on maneuvering the winding road. Wondering what happened with Mark, I pulled my phone out of my purse, seeing a few texts from Bear.

Mark had reluctantly left. Charles had told him that I was only visiting for the weekend so hopefully that would keep him away for good.

As we stopped at the end of the road, Lucas pulled out his phone, too. I was distracted with my own text messages, but looked at his screen. He had a new message from someone named Sandra. My eyes scanned it and read, “Hope you come back, you didn’t get to finish-”

Lucas turned off his phone and slipped it back into his pocket before I could read the rest. My stomach dropped and I wondered if that was what had kept him occupied upstairs. Probably. I’d been with him most of the night and hadn’t seen him talking to anyone named Sandra.

This was a good reminder that despite everything—all the time we spent together, meeting his dad, all the ways he touched me and showed affection—he and I weren’t committed to one another. He was free to be with whoever he wanted. And so was I. It sucked that right now the only person I wanted to be with was him when he apparently had others.

I forced myself to push those feelings aside. This is what I wanted. A noncommittal relationship. One where both of us were free to do as we pleased and not answer for anything.

It was late when we made it back and most everyone had left the party, but there were a few stragglers. I was exhausted. It was after 2 a.m. and I had schoolwork to do the next day. I told Lucas goodnight and waved to everyone else. As I was walking up the stairs, I looked over my shoulder and saw Lucas approach a girl. She was slender and had a cute pixie cut. Her eyes lit up when he approached. Sandra. It had to be.

She said something to him and excitedly placed a hand on his arm. Lucas looked over and caught me staring. Not taking his eyes off me, he pulled a beer off the counter, and walked out the back door. I didn’t stay to see if the girl followed him, because deep down I knew I shouldn’t care.

I decided that it was time to pull back. I had the power to give as much or as little to this relationship with Lucas as I wanted. And right now, I needed to give little. I was busy studying when there was a knock at my bedroom door.

“Come in,” I called.

The door opened and Lucas sat down on my bed. “You didn’t get a desk,” he said and brushed some hair out of my face.

“Not yet, but Charles is taking me tomorrow.” I went back to reading my homework. After a few seconds, Lucas cleared his throat.

“I was about to get a bite to eat, you wanna come?”

“I already had a sandwich,” I told him truthfully.

“Alright.” There was a stretch of silence before he said, “Want me to come with you tomorrow to help pick out the desk?”

Normally, I would have said yes. Any company with him was good company, but I was trying hard to leave my heart out of this. “That’s okay. Charles and I can handle it.”

He looked at me for a beat then rubbed the back of his head. I thought he was going to say more, but instead he stood and brought a hand to my hair. He was bending down, about to kiss the top of my head, but I looked up at him and met his lips with mine. He kissed me once and then again, before walking off. Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed him, especially if I was trying to keep some distance, but I was weak.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go to lunch with him or have him help me pick out a desk. I absolutely did. But if he was still hanging out with the Sandras of the world, I didn’t
need
to want to. It would only end in heartache.

That night I didn’t go to their show. Instead, I watched movies. I thought about Lucas, and what he was doing or who he was doing it with, but tried not to dwell on it. By 10 o’clock, I was exhausted and fell asleep. The next morning I had a text message from the night before. Lucas had sent it and asked if I was going to make it to the bar. Obviously, I hadn’t so I didn’t even bother responding.

After Charles got off work, we hopped in his truck and headed to a furniture store. I realized that we hadn’t even talked about what happened with Mark.

“I never thanked you for dealing with Mark,” I told him as we were driving.

“No need. It was my pleasure to tell that asshole where to go.”

I hmphed. “Well, sorry for bringing you into it. I never expected to have to see him again.”

“Pretty crazy,” he said. “Why didn’t you tell me about what he did?”

“I don’t know. I guess I was just tired of thinking about it. You were one of the only people who didn’t know and it felt nice to not talk about it with you.” I sighed. “I guess I should have.” He was my best friend after all. “Did he give you a lot of trouble?”

“Naw. He was furious for a while, but then I took him outside and laid it out for him. That you had moved on and he needed to. I’m not kidding, the dude started crying. He admitted to everything and tried to give me some sob story. I just let him talk it out until he realized that it was better this way. That he needed to let you go.”

“That’s so stupid,” I said. “He let me go months ago. He didn’t want anything to do with me. It was only after I stopped wanting him that he became so hell bent on us getting back together.”

“Pride, I guess.”

I didn’t care what it was. Mark had royally screwed me up—messed with my self-esteem, made me second guess love, pushed me away from ever committing to anyone else ever again. My father hadn’t helped either—off fornicating with Juanita while he was still married to my mother. I wondered if they had been together in my house. Had they done things in the home of his family? The thought made me so angry, I pushed it away before I exploded.

My new desk and chair fit perfectly in the nook by my closet. After it was set up, I didn’t leave my room for the rest of the night. At one point, I heard Lucas talking to Wally in the hallway, but he never knocked on my door and I never came out.

I wanted him to. It would have been nice to curl up next to him and watch TV, but it never happened. After I got out of the shower, his voice was gone.

Lacey texted me the next afternoon and invited me to Nicole’s birthday dinner the following night. I hadn’t even known it was her birthday, which showed what a horrible friend I was. In a rush, I left the house to find her something. I had no idea what she liked. Our clothing style was completely different, her taste in music and movies, nothing like my own.

In a last ditch effort, I went into a variety shop and found a Star Trek section. They had figurines, mugs, t-shirts, and an assortment of various items. I didn’t know which Star Trek she liked, and there were tons, so I picked out a cute fitted t-shirt that had the emblem and the words “Starfleet Academy United Federation of Planets.” I figured it was a safe bet.

I returned home to find Lucas on my couch. All the guys were playing a video game. His elbow was resting against the arm, and his fingers were curled over his mouth. He didn’t smile when he saw me, just stared.