Stay (15 page)

I nodded. “I think I’m going to take a shower and
get out of here for the day. I’ll see you sometime later
tonight.”

“Yeah, man.” We bumped fists and then I jumped in
the shower forcing myself to wash away any lingering smell of
Maggie from my body. Normally I’d leave it, but for some reason, I
just wanted all reminders gone.

The bar was just about to close when Jenny, one of
the waitresses, a girl I’d had some fun with once or twice, came up
behind me and wrapped her red fingernails around my waist.

“Hey, sexy. What do you say you and me go have a
drink at my place?

I unwrapped her, walking to the other side of the
bar to wipe it down. “Not tonight.”

“Come on. You’ve been cranky all night. I guarantee
I can loosen you up,” she purred into my ear. I pushed her off as
gently as I could without coming off as a complete asshole.

“Look, Jen, it’s not happening tonight. It may never
happen again. So, I’m asking you to back off, okay?”

She hit me playfully with the palm of her hand, but
kept it there. “Jeesh, who pissed in your Cheerios? I was just
looking for a good time.”

I grabbed her hand, and shoved it back down to her
side. “Yeah, well, go find it somewhere else.”

Finally, I was sitting in my car in front of our
apartment building. It was just after 2 a.m. and I was forcing
myself to stay put. I couldn’t figure out what had happened. What
went wrong? Last night had been amazing. Best night of my life.
Best night sleep in forfuckingever. But then she panicked or
something, and I knew she was going to push me away. I just knew
it. Her face in the morning screamed regret. I wish I could say the
same, but no way in hell did I. Last night meant the world to me.
Maggie giving herself to me meant she still loved me and that gave
me hope.

The light to my old room was still on, which meant
Maggie was still awake. I’d had enough guilt, anger, and bitterness
to last me a lifetime. I rested my head against the steering wheel
and let the memories of last night creep through my twisted head.
God, I missed her. More than I even realized. Just the mere touch
of her hands had sent me out of control last night. There was no
way I was going to be able to handle her telling me last night was
a one-night only opportunity. Personally, I was surprised I hadn’t
kidnapped her and dragged her ass to Vegas yet.

The next time I glanced up, the light was off, so I
crept into the apartment as quietly as possible. The door to her
room was closed, so I let out the breath I’d been holding. Jeremy
was already sleeping, and he wasn’t alone. He was flat on his back,
a mound of blond hair spilled out all over his chest, his arm
wrapped tightly around some chick. I slipped into the bathroom,
brushed my teeth, took a piss, and grabbed the only thing I could
control in my life. I started to pop the Xanax into my mouth, but
then found myself not wanting it tonight. I smiled and placed the
pill back into the bottle.

When I woke the next day, the apartment was quiet. I
lay there for at least a half hour listening for any spark of life,
especially from the room next to mine. I must’ve looked pathetic
with my ear pressed against the wall, hoping to hear her. Nothing.
Once the calm of my racing heart settled, I poked my head out the
door to make sure I was alone.

I smiled with relief.

The next day, Jeremy returned with who I assumed was
the girl wrapped around him the night before. The blond hair
matched anyway. I didn’t get a decent shot of her last night.

“Oh, hey, you’re up. This is Sarah.” He turned and
pulled her next to him. “Sarah, this is Luke.” Sarah offered her
hand, so I took it. I eyed him for a split second, trying to get a
feel for this new situation.

They started to walk over to our room when I stopped
him, grabbing a hold of his shoulder. “Hey, man. Did you talk to
Mags?”

He shook his head. “Not yet. She locked herself in
her room when she got back. As soon as I can, I will. I
promise.”

I sighed, rubbing the five o’clock shadow on my
face. Locked herself in her room. What, was she five? I was
beginning to hate this version of Maggie. I wanted the old one
back. And I wanted her back now.

It wasn’t until the afternoon that Maggie decided to
show her face. I assumed she’d been hiding from me, since her door
was shut the entire time, but it appeared I’d been wrong.

The front door flew open and she walked in carrying
a small duffel bag. I closed my eyes for a split second and then
refocused on her. I almost didn’t ask, but my curiosity got the
best of me. “Where’ve you been?”

I grimaced, waiting for her to say that she ran back
to New York to that asshole. “I was at my mom’s house for the
night.”

Surprised, I jumped up. “What? Why? Did you tell
Jer?”

She shook her head. “I needed to think, and I needed
to talk to her.”

“And...”

“It went about as well as I thought it would.” I
carried her duffel to her room and threw the bag on the bed. I blew
out a breath noticing the crumpled sheets where I’d been only three
nights ago. But, I pushed my own issues and fears aside to see if I
could somehow help.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She strolled around me like it was no big deal that
she ran again. She sat on the edge of her bed. “She blames me, I
think.”

“For what?” I asked, immediately pissed.

“For him. She thinks my lies were what caused his
heart to go.”

I gasped. Leigh hadn’t been the best mother to
Maggie, but I had a hard time believing she’d make her daughter
feel guilty for that. Especially when the blame should rest on my
shoulders after what I did a few days before he dropped dead.

I shivered remembering.

It was a Wednesday night and I had just lost my
whole family two weeks prior. I sat outside the bar for almost
three hours, sucking back a bottle of Vodka, waiting for him to
come out. Finally, I gave in and went inside. Three hours of
drinking myself into a stupor gave me an amazing amount of courage.
I mean this was their father. Their father who took away her
innocence, her trust, and her love away from all of us. He saw me
immediately and knew something was wrong. I’ll never forget his
face. “Luke…boy this isn’t any kind of place for you. Why don’t you
get going?”

I stumbled forward, getting into his face. “I know
what you did to her.”

He swiveled in his chair, waving me off. “I don’t
know what you’re talking about son.” He looked up to the bartender.
“Johnny, this here, boy is underage,” he lied. He knew I turned
twenty-one.

I glanced up to the guy tending bar. “I’m not here
for a drink anyway. I’m here for him.”

Their dad tilted his face back toward me. “Say what
you want to say and get out before I do something we’ll both
regret.”

“I hate you. I know what you did to Maggie-you piece
of shit. She told me everything. I’ve stayed away for too long. My
family is gone, Maggie is gone and it’s your fucking fault. Get
up,” I roared.

“Maggie’s lying to you, boy. She was just looking
for an excuse to leave your sorry ass. I guess I was that
reason.”

I pushed my sleeves up to my elbows. “Maggie never
lied to me, ever in her life. I took care of her better then you
asshole. Now get the fuck up before I force you.” I’d spat in his
face to make him move.

He did.

He pushed me back, and since I was feeling no pain
it didn’t bother me. “You’re scum. I hate you, your daughter hates
you, and now it’s payback time.” I slammed my fist into his face
before he could register what was happening. With each punch I
screamed out their names. “This is for me-bam. This is for
Phoebe-bam. This is for my mom-bam. This is for my dad-bam.” I took
a deep breath, people were gathered around. One guy had even
attempted to pull me off, but I wasn’t moving. Because I had one
more punch. “And this is for Blue, you fucking prick-bam!”

I’ll never forget that night. The blood. His busted
up face. He never pressed charges and we both knew why.

I shook my head bringing me back to the moment.
“What did Leigh say to you?”

She shrugged. “At first it went okay. We talked, but
then we were sharing a bottle of wine-and when I say share, I mean
I got one glass.” She lifted her face and sadness was written all
over her it. “She never believed what I told her he’d done to me. I
told her about all the times he’d tickled me to feel me up, and I’d
scream for her to get him off me. Do you know what she said?”

I had to close my eyes. I wanted to hold her, be
there for her, but hearing how her father abused her tore me up
inside.

“She thought I was having fun. She never thought
anything of it. She told him what I’d said after I left, and she
thinks he never got over my accusation, that it caused him too much
stress that he wasn’t strong enough to handle it.”

“The man had problems, Blue. It wasn’t your fault.
He did this to himself.” I reached out to touch her, but thought
better of it and pulled away.

“Are you glad you went?” I asked her.

She shrugged again. “What’s done is done, right?
Jeremy was always the favorite. He got everything. I got abused by
my very own father, and I have a mother who chose to believe him
over me.”

I inched closer and picked up her small hands in
mine. “I’m sorry, Maggie. I wish I could’ve done something.
Anything to keep you away from that.”

She smiled softly. “It’s not your fault. I’ve really
tried to move on. It’s not so hard anymore. I know it wasn’t my
fault. He was a sick man. But seeing her was my way of getting some
sort of closure. I’m not sure if I’ll go back anytime soon
though.”

She leaned into my chest, so I naturally wrapped my
arms around her. I sucked in a breath and kissed the top of her
head. “I’ll always be here for you, Maggie. You know that,
right?”

“You’re too good to me,” she murmured into my
chest.

“What are you going to do next? Let’s find some
baking class or something for you to take. I miss your baking.”

She stiffened at my question, which caused me to
follow suit. I was afraid to pull away, to hear the answer. But, I
waited.

She stuffed her face deeper onto my chest. “Max
called. I’m going to New York for a few days.”

“What?” I yelled, jumping off the bed.

“It’s something I need to do, Luke. I can’t move
forward with you-or with him- if I don’t figure out what’s running
crazy inside my head. It’s like a freight train and I don’t know
how to stop it. I’m so confused and scared. I hate feeling like
this, hurting you. If I stay with you, I hurt him. If I go to him,
I hurt you. I can’t win.”

I paced unable to speak for several minutes as I
listened to her go on.

Finally, I said, “Did the other night mean nothing
to you?”

“Of course. Luke…please understand.”

“You’re leaving me again, aren’t you?”

She didn’t answer.

I stood so close, I could feel her breath on my
neck; I could hear her racing heart. “Does he make you laugh,
Maggie? Does he know that just above your knee is the only place
that you’re ticklish? That it brings out the greatest laugh I’ve
ever heard?”

Maggie slumped onto the edge of the bed. “Don’t,
Luke,” she begged.

I knelt in front of her, slipping between her legs.
“Do what, remind you?”

She tilted her face toward the ceiling, and then
dropped it to look at me. My hands were running up and down her
thighs. “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“I don’t know, Maggie. I thought this would be easy.
You and me together again. At least that’s what I thought would
happen, but it’s not. Is it? Are you even planning on coming back?”
I spoke louder as she stood, walking around me. Needing to get out,
I made my way toward the door.

She latched onto my hand as I went to leave. I
paused to hear her answer. “Of course I’m coming back. It’s just
for a few days. I need to do this for me. For you. Please tell me
you understand?”

I turned away from her, hurt and disgusted. “Okay,
Mags, you go do what you need to do, but I’m not sticking the fuck
around to watch you leave again. Tell Jeremy to call me once you’re
gone.”

I stormed out of the apartment, unable to control my
emotions. So many were racing through me right now, I could barely
remember my name. I felt like the whole world was caving in around
me again.

My own personal abyss was coming, and I couldn’t do
a fucking thing to stop it.

Chapter 15

Maggie

When Luke walked out furious with me, I fell
to the floor crying. I couldn’t blame him for doing it, but it
still hurt like hell to watch him leave. It ripped me in half as he
walked out of the bedroom, but I couldn’t go on like this. He
didn’t come back. I called him several times, but he’d just pick up
and then end the call without saying anything.

It’d been two days since I’d seen him, and I was
almost ready to head to the airport. Max insisted on flying me out
since I didn’t have a job yet. Thankfully, the guys weren’t
charging me rent. I hadn’t seen Max in over a month, and although I
was kind of excited, I was nervous to be near him. Afraid he’d know
I took advantage of his trust as soon as he saw me.

It was hard enough not to crack over the phone every
time he whispered his love for me. I still hadn’t said it back,
because I still wasn’t 100 percent positive that I returned the
feelings. I knew I wanted him in my life, but I wasn’t sure in what
capacity. I liked being with him; he made me feel good about
myself-stronger. He helped me get through a horrible time, and I
felt like I owed him the truth, to let the chips fall where they
may.

Luke was the one thing confusing me. I wanted him so
badly, but I knew if we started back up, and something bad
happened, neither of us would fair well. Luke had always been my
safety net, but it was time to grow up and prove that I could do
anything I’d set my mind to. That I didn’t need someone to catch me
anymore.