Stay (8 page)

He crossed his arms over his chest, planting his
feet on the ground. “No way, Maggie. I’m not going anywhere.”

Jeremy finally stood up. “Dude, I don’t know who you
are, but I haven’t seen my sister in almost two years, so I’m
asking you to leave.”

Max pulled Maggie over a few inches, whispering
something in her ear. She nodded at whatever he said, and then she
turned to Jeremy. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to walk him
out.”

We all glanced to the two of them, and I wanted to
say no, but I didn’t have that right anymore. She wasn’t running-
all her stuff was here. While she was outside with Max, Jeremy and
I paced her slightly stained carpet. Dean perched on the edge of
her bed, watching us. Jeremy chomped down on his thumbnail, nervous
as hell.

When she finally walked back in, her eyes were red
from crying. “Maggie,” I finally managed to say her name out loud,
even though it came out strained. She moved slowly to me, wrapping
her arms around my waist. I bent over, burying my face in her hair
the way I always used to do. At least she still smelled like
cookies or sugar. I didn’t even care which one. I felt like I was
finally home. “Are you okay?” I asked.

I could feel her nod into my chest. “I’m glad you
found me.”

“You are?” I pulled away, shocked, but held onto her
wrists. “Because we could pack this all up and leave tomorrow.”

She backed out of my grip. “I don’t know if I can,
Luke. I have a life here. A job here.”

Jeremy came around to stand next to us. “Maggie,
there is no fucking way you’re staying here in New York, let alone
working in a goddamned strip joint.”

“Jeremy, please, we need you to back off a little,”
I said calmly to him. I knew we couldn’t push her. She looked ready
to break.

Jeremy grabbed my collar, shoving me away from her.
“You can’t be serious. You went fucking crazy when she left you.
You can’t want her to stay here. To work there.”

Slowly, I peeled away his hands from my shirt. “Of
course not, but I don’t want Maggie to run. We finally found her,
Jer.” I felt like an ass because we were talking about her like she
wasn’t there when I was achingly aware of her presence.

“Maggie, did you not hear me? Dad is gone. You need
to come home for Mom and me.”

Dean shot up. “I don’t understand any of this.
Shouldn’t we be doing the fucking jig instead of arguing? We just
found Maggie.”

My eyes closed, ignoring Dean, knowing that going
home for their mom was not going to mean anything to Maggie. She
despised her mother for letting her father get away with what he
did, and for not believing her when she asked for help.

Maggie grabbed her brother. “Jer, I love you, and I
missed you so much, but I can’t go home for her.”

“This is crazy.” Jeremy ran his hands through his
hair, like he was ready to tear it out. “Help me out here, Luke.
Tell her you want her back home too.”

“You know I do, but I won’t force her.”

“Will you two stop it? I’m right here!” she
screamed.

A loud bang sounded from downstairs. Maggie looked
exhausted. “It’s the neighbors. We woke them up.”

“Come back to the hotel. We’ll work this out,”
Jeremy pleaded, holding her hands in his. “Please, Maggie.” I
thought for a minute by her face that she was going to say no, but
how could you say no to him now? He appeared so desperate.

Exasperated, she said, “Okay, let me just change out
of this outfit. She stepped into the bathroom, and when she
reemerged, she was dressed in worn-out jeans and an old rock
T-shirt I’d bought her from a summer festival we went to when we
were eighteen. I smiled.

On the walk to the hotel, she informed us that Max
is her “boyfriend” and that we needed to get it together and
respect that. It was like a hard slap to the face, a big-ass kick
to the balls. I was dying the entire way to ask her just how
serious, but I backed off. For now. I knew every button that could
work in my favor or against me. The desperation to have her back in
my life kept my mouth shut.

I wanted to lie next to her so badly, to hold her,
but she was sharing a bed with Jeremy tonight. I swore he thought
she was gonna bolt if we let her out of our sight for two seconds.
I was surprised that I didn’t tie her hands to the damn bed to keep
her from running. I was scared too, so I just remained fixed,
staring at her from the couch. Maggie claimed to be too tired to
hash it out when we got back, so promises were made for the
morning. I could easily tell Maggie wasn’t ready to explain about
her father and for some reason Jeremy didn’t push. He was content
enough having her back and I was too.

Her beautiful face was two feet from mine, and I was
terrified to fall asleep. I’d insisted she take my spot, since
Phoebe and Dean took the other bed. Normally this was the point
where I’d reach for my Xanax, but I couldn’t risk blacking out
tonight. Instead, I stayed up the rest of the night planning my
mode of attack to win her back, worrying she might leave, or worse,
stay with Max, and I’d never get my girl again.

Chapter 7

Maggie

When I woke, Luke was still on the couch,
staring out the window, one arm tucked behind his head. I knew
there was so much to say, and it frightened me to wonder what he
thought of me now. Jeremy was not next to me, and Dean and his-I’m
not really sure what she is to him-were gone. Jeremy filled me in
briefly about how they picked her up, and even though I thought it
was strange, I wasn’t one to judge. I wasn’t surprised she latched
onto Dean. Out of the three, he’d always been the easiest to
charm.

I didn’t move one inch as I watched Luke rustle
around on the couch, wondering what his life was like now. If he
had a girlfriend. What did he do for a living? Did he have as hard
a time as I did after I left? Will he ever be able to forgive me?
Seeing him again hit me like a ton of bricks, and I wanted him to
hold me and never let go. I was lost in thought and hadn’t noticed
that he’d turned over and was now staring back at me.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked.

“I was just remembering you. That’s all.”

He sat up slowly, placed his feet on the ground, and
moved beside me. “I have so much to tell you. I don’t even know
where to begin.”

I placed my hand on his to encourage him, but the
moment I felt that heart-stopping spark, I pulled back. “Start from
where you need to.”

I looked down at my hands, rubbing them together,
trying to ward off tears, when Jeremy stepped out of the bathroom.
He must’ve seen how intense we looked because he didn’t come over,
but rather excused himself.

“I’m going out to grab some breakfast. I’ll be back
within the hour.” As he said it, he gave me a look of warning to go
easy on Luke. Once the door clicked shut behind him, I glanced back
into his eyes.

Luke dropped his head into his hands for a minute
before lifting his gaze to meet mine. “My family-they’re gone.” He
choked out a soft sound like he was holding back from crying.

“What? Gone? What are you talking about?”

“They were killed, Mags. In an accident. My whole
family is gone. After you left that day, I didn’t handle things
well. I basically became a recluse for six months. I never heard
from you. I thought eventually you’d call or text-something.” I
could tell he was doing his best to not break down, looking away,
clenching and unclenching his jaw. “I needed you so much and you
weren’t there. I was convinced you were dead, because there was no
way my Maggie wouldn’t be there for me.” He took a deep breath.
“Anyway, you didn’t, so I went on a binge of partying, girls, you
name it-I did it. And I’m sorry for all of it. I was just so pissed
that you could throw away our time together like it meant
nothing.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

Luke peered out the window for several long seconds,
then focused back on me. Ashamed, I raised my hand to stop him, to
explain, but he softly grabbed hold of it.

“I understand why you felt like you needed to start
over somewhere else, but why did you shut me out? Why? I would’ve
walked through hell and back to fix you. It never made any sense to
me. I know what he did was so wrong, but why did you need to leave
me?”

I was still trying to process what he’d told me. I
gasped, my hand trembling at my mouth. “Oh God!” Every word broke
my heart-but his family. “Wait, Phoebe’s...she’s gone?” Luke loved
his family more than anything. Especially Phoebe. She always looked
up to him, like he was some sort of god. I knew he had to be in
terrible pain at their loss, but her especially. They had an
amazing bond. He doted on her. He’d stop whatever he was doing to
run to her if she called for anything.

He nodded his head slowly, but remained quiet.

“I’m so sorry. What happened?”

His eyes locked with mine, but then he turned to
look out the window briefly. “A fucking heroin addict decided to go
up a ramp the wrong way. They all died. And I wasn’t there. I can’t
help but think if they waited for me, even if it was only a
minutes’ difference, it could’ve saved them. I have so many what-
ifs, and you’re one of them. I don’t want you to think that I’m
blaming you when I say that-I just need you to understand what you
leaving did to me.”

I leaned over and pressed my forehead to his. “Do
you have any idea how hard it is to pick out your baby sister’s
outfit to be buried in?” He shook his head. “I was numb at the
funeral, but I kept checking over my shoulder for you, knowing that
you’d come to make the pain go away. We always fixed each other,
Mags. But you never came to fix me. So I decided that there was no
way you were alive, ‘cause you would never have let me go through
that alone.”

Tears spilled down my face as my arms wrapped around
him. At first he didn’t hug me back, but then I felt the undeniable
sense of relief when his head rested on my shoulder. “I didn’t
know. I promise I would’ve come home. I was going through some
things, Luke.” I pulled back from his reach. “I didn’t think you
could help me this time. I needed me to fix me. I feel horrible for
not being there for you. I’m so sorry.”

“I get that he hurt you.” He took my hands in his,
pulling me back in. “I don’t know Maggie, I was so unbearable to be
around. I became a total asshole to anyone who meant anything to
me, including my sister. I met someone about two months before the
accident. We started dating and I liked her, but then we got into
our first fight and I swear to god, I saw you that night. She
screamed, hands on hips, like you always did when you got pissed at
me. I broke up with her right there. Phoebe yelled at me for
dumping her. I’d finally gotten my act together. Phoebe was worried
about me and liked that I found someone new. I should have gone
home to see her in that play, but all I wanted to do was stay on
campus and get wasted because I still missed you. I was still in
love with you. I missed us. God, Maggie not one day went by that I
didn’t think of you. It fucking killed me when you left. I feel
like I failed you.”

My heart was breaking even more with each
confession, to the point I wasn’t sure I could handle hearing
anymore.

“No, Luke. You didn’t fail me. I failed me. Us.”

“I know you needed to do what you did. It took a
long time for me to get past it, but I forgave you a while back,
Maggie. I hated your father for what he did to you, what it did to
us, and even though I haven’t forgotten the pain it caused when you
left, my heart has forgiven you.”

“I’m so sorry about your family, Luke.” I sniffled,
holding onto him. “But, thank you. Your forgiveness means the world
to me.” And it did. It had troubled me since I left, not knowing
what my leaving did to him. I wanted desperately to keep my arms
wrapped around him, to kiss away all his pain but I held back
remembering Max was waiting to hear from me. And I couldn’t do that
to either of them. I vowed right then and there that I would never
hurt Luke again.

For the next twenty minutes, Luke held onto me so
tightly it was hard to breathe, both of us not wanting to be the
first to let go. But as his lips nuzzled my neck, kissing the spot
he always loved, it slapped me back to reality, forcing me to pull
out of his strong embrace.

“I should be getting back to my place. When were you
all planning to leave?”

He snorted. “I don’t think Jeremy is going anywhere
without you. You know that, Mags, right? Come home with us,
please?” His hands cupped my face as he stared straight into my
eyes. “I’m begging you to come home with us. I need you. I’ll do
anything you want.”

I shook my head. God, I needed a cigarette so badly,
my hand was shaking. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I have to go
and think.” I started to walk out but Luke grabbed hold of my
waist, spinning me around. “I can’t let you go alone. You need to
wait for Jer, or let me come with you.” Luke pulled out his phone.
“I’ll text him.”

I covered my hand over his. “I’m not going to run. I
just need to get my head straight. I can’t do that when you’re
staring at me like that.”

“Like what?” His eyebrows shot up, his cute, dimpled
grin appearing. Even though his hair was buzzed instead of his
usual wavy brown locks, those deep green eyes always made me melt.
It had me feeling like old times.

“Exactly how you’re doing right now. I can’t do
this, Luke. I’m sorry.” I pushed his hand away and cranked open the
door to find Jeremy sitting in the hall, a cup of coffee in his
hand.

Jeremy glanced up at me, exhausted. “You two
finished?”

“Yeah, I was just heading home. I’ll call you in an
hour or so.”

He jumped up. “No way.”

I grabbed him by his shoulders, forcing him to look
at me. “I promise you I’m not going anywhere. I just need a few
hours, and then we’ll talk. Come back over after lunch, okay?”