That McCloud Woman (22 page)

Jack
paused, then reached inside and cupped his hand over Billy's head. "I'm
going to call Alayna and tell her that we're coming home."

"We?"
Billy echoed.
"You mean you're going home, too?"

Jack
blew out a long breath. "If Alayna will let me stay."

Billy
let out a whoop, kicking his feet up in the air. "She'll let you stay,
Jack! I just know she will."

Alayna
paced in front of the window, casting nervous glances out the window.
"They should be here by now," she said with a nervous glance at the
grandfather clock.

"You
know how kids are," Mandy soothed. "Jack probably had to stop every
couple of miles to feed Billy or let him use the restroom."

Alayna
choked on a laugh. "No, I
don't
know how
kids are, but I'm learning. The hard way." She pressed her hands against
her temples. "Oh, Mandy. What if Billy doesn't want to stay with me any longer?
How will I ever be able to let him go?"

Mandy
wrapped her arms around Alayna and hugged her. "That's the hell of being a
parent," she said with a sigh. "We never know how long we'll have to
hold on to them." She planted her hands on Alayna's shoulders and dipped
her head to meet her cousin's gaze. "Look at Jack. He had a son and lost
him way before he was ready to let go. My Jaime is almost seventeen and he's
already kicking at the chute wanting Jesse and me to let him run free."
She sighed again. "And I'm not ready to let him go.

"I
don't know that I'll
ever
be ready. It's a mother's curse," she said wrapping an
arm around Alayna's shoulder and walking with her to the door. "We work so
hard to teach our children to be independent, then we cry when they leave us
and strike out on their own." She shook her head, then pulled Alayna
closer to her side. "Just love him while you have him," she told her.
"That's the best a mother can do."

Mandy
pushed open the screen door. "Jaime! Jesse! Load those kids into the truck
and let's head home."

Jaime
waved and scooped Molly from the swing and onto his back, giving her a
piggyback ride. Jesse followed at a slower pace, holding his Stetson over
Meggie to shield her face from the low-hanging sun.

Mandy
smiled as she watched her husband and son. "But all the headaches and
heartaches are worth it," she added, then turned and offered Alayna a
reassuring smile. "You'll see."

Alayna
heard the sound of a truck and raced to the window, shoving back the drape to
press her nose against the glass. Twin dots of light bounced toward her through
the darkness, growing larger by the second. With her heart in her throat, she
opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch just as Jack braked to a
stop and switched off the headlights. He opened his door, stepped to the ground
and closed it behind him. He paused, turning to look at her. She lifted a hand,
and he did the same.

She
tried her best to get a good look at his face, to read his expression.

Before
she could, he turned away and rounded the hood, moving to the passenger door.
He opened it, and ducked inside. Moments later, he reappeared, carrying Billy
in his arms.

Alayna
raced down the steps to meet him. "Is he hurt?" she asked, laying a
hand on Billy's bent knee.

"No.
Asleep. I think he probably stayed up all night waiting for an opportunity to
sneak out to the camper and hide."

Alayna
stepped back, giving Jack room to pass. "Thank heavens," she murmured
with relief, then ran to open the front door for him.

She
followed him up the stairs to Billy's room, and helped him strip off the boy's
clothes and tuck him into bed. Once they'd accomplished the task, they stood
side by side, both staring down at the sleeping boy, their arms folded across
their chests as if afraid that they might accidentally touch each other if they
let them dangle free.

Alayna
leaned a shoulder against Jack's, lifting her hand from her forearm to squeeze
his. "Thanks for bringing him home," she whispered. "I was so
worried."

Jack
dropped his arms and placed a hand against the small of her back, giving her a
nudge toward the door. "I imagine you were."

They
walked down the stairs together, and Alayna was at a loss as to what to say.
Everything in her told her to grab ahold of Jack and beg him to stay but she
realized how unfair that would be to him. She had to be strong for his sake.

At
the foot of the stairs, she forced a smile, knowing that dragging out the
goodbye would only make it worse for both of them. "I really appreciate
your bringing Billy home."

Jack
stopped and pulled off his cap, crushing it between his hands. "It was no
trouble." He cleared his throat, and dropped his gaze to his hat. Slowly
he smoothed the creases from it. "Alayna, you said something to me last
night that I haven't been able to get off my mind."

She
cocked her head, looking at him in puzzlement. "What?"

"You
said that you loved me."

Alayna
felt the heat crawl up her neck and stain her cheeks. "Yes, I did. I mean,
I do." She huffed a breath, stiffening her arms at her sides. "What I
mean to say, is that, yes, I love you, but that places you under no obligation
to love me in return."

Jack
looked up at her. "I wasn't finished yet," he said, trying not to
smile.

"Oh."
She pressed a hand to her throat in embarrassment, then waved it at him.
"Well, go on, then. What was it that I said that has been troubling
you?"

"You
said that I didn't have to say it back."

Alayna
looked at him, confused. "Well, that's exactly what I meant to say. You
don't
have to say it back. A person can have feelings for another
person without that person having to return those same feelings."

Jack
shook his head as if to clear it. "Is that a bunch of that psychological
mumbo jumbo you picked up in that fancy school you went to back east?"

"What?"

"That
'this person and that person' stuff? Because if it is, you're gonna have to say
it in plain English if you want me to understand."

Alayna
pursed her lips. "What it means, in
layman's
terms,"
she added pointedly, "is this. I can love you without you feeling
obligated to love me back."

"But
I do."

"Well,
fine, then. Now why don't we—" She stopped, her eyes going wide. "You
what?"

"I
do."

"You
do, what?"

"I
do love you."

Alayna
could only stare. "You do?"

Jack
gave his chin a jerk. "Yeah, I do."

She
slipped a hand to cover her mouth, and the other to clutch her stomach.

"You're
not going to get sick, are you?" Jack asked, peering at her closely.
"'Cause if you are, I'll run and fetch you a basin or something to throw
up in."

Alayna
sputtered a laugh that sounded more like a sob, and waved her hand in front of
her face to stem the tears that threatened. "No, I'm not going to get
sick. I'm just—I'm just surprised, is all. Oh, Jack, I—"

But
then she was in his arms and his mouth was on hers, stealing her words as well
as her breath. "Alayna, Alayna, Alayna," he murmured, rocking her
from side to side as he absorbed her warmth and the feel of her. "I don't
want to run anymore."

She
caught his face between her hands and held him there. "You don't have to,
Jack. You're home now."

He
closed his eyes and leaned to press his forehead against hers, wanting to
believe that it was that easy. "But I'm scared, Alayna. Scared I'll screw
this up somehow." He drew back to meet her gaze. "I want to marry
you, and be a father to Billy, and Molly and Meggie, but I'm scared that I'll
disappoint you, that I'll let you all down somehow."

Alayna
pressed her hands against his cheeks. "But you will disappoint me, Jack.
And I'll disappoint you, too. As well as the children. That's just part of
life. But our love for each other is what will carry us over the rough
spots."

Jack
groaned and pulled her into his arms, burying his nose in her hair. "I do
love you, Alayna. I love you so much it hurts."

"And
I love you," she whispered, hugging him close.

He
drew back again, cupping her shoulders within his hands. He dipped his knees,
looking deeply into her eyes. "I want to have a baby. Us," he
clarified. "I want us to have a baby. One of our own."

He
watched the blood drain from her face and wondered what he'd said to make her
react that way.

"I
can't have children, Jack. I told you that."

"But
I thought you meant—never mind," he said, and pulled her into his arms
again. But this time her arms didn't come up to wrap around him and hug him
back.

And
Jack knew he'd said the wrong thing.

Slowly
he stepped back, sliding his hands down her arms to capture her hands. "It
doesn't matter, Alayna."

"Yes,
it does," she said, dropping her chin. "If not now, it will later.
You're young and healthy. You could have more children if you wanted to."

Jack
released one of her hands to push a knuckle beneath her chin, forcing her gaze
to his. "No, it doesn't matter," he said softly. "Not now, and
not later. I've got you, and that's all I'll ever want or need. But if you want
to fill this house with kids, then that's fine with me. I'll love them, too.
And if you want to adopt some of those kids, that's okay, too. We'll provide
for them all the best we can."

Unable
to bear the misery in her eyes, Jack pulled her into his arms again, rubbing
his hand up and down her back, willing her to believe him, to trust that he'd
never renege on his promise. "I only said I wanted us to have a baby of
our own because I thought that was what you wanted," he explained.
"Truly, Alayna, I'm satisfied with exactly what we've got. I give you my
word on that."

Slowly
he felt the resistance ease from her body. Slower still, he felt her arms lift
to wrap around his waist. Then she was hugging him with a fierceness that
nearly stole his breath.

"And
you never go back on your word, do you, Jack?" she said, drawing back far
enough to look at him.

"No,
ma'am, I don't," he said. "My word's as good as any legal document
you could have drawn up."

"And
I have your word that I can fill this house up with children?"

"Yes,
ma'am," he said, beginning to smile. "As many as you want."

"And
we can adopt some of them, too, if we're offered the opportunity?"

"Yes,
ma'am," he said, laughing. "As many as you want."

"Then
let's get married."

"That's
a damn good idea."

"For
better or worse," she said, pressing a finger against his lips and looking
deeply into his eyes, "I'm yours."

"And
I'm yours," he returned, and swung her up in his arms.

"Can
I be the first kid you adopt?"

Jack
froze and he and Alayna both looked up to find Billy sitting at the top of the
stairs, his legs swinging from between the banister spools.

"That
depends," Jack said, narrowing an eye at the boy.

"On
what?" Billy asked.

"On
how fast you can get back to bed."

Billy
was on his feet and running before Jack could blink his eyes.

"I'm
fast," Billy yelled over his shoulder. "Really, really, fast."

Jack
chuckled and shifted Alayna in his arms, searching for a better grip. He jerked
his head in the direction of the stairs. "Are you sure you want a houseful
of kids like him?"

"Yes,"
she said laughing. "Just like Billy."

* * * * *