That's a Promise (28 page)

“Who did?” Brooke grabbed Brandon’s arm and pulled him towards the door.

“I am sworn to secrecy,” she said making a gesture of zipping her lips, and dragging Brandon out of the room.

I knew I was alone with Blake, and I could feel the electricity fill the air around us. I finally decided to turn around, and was struck again by his handsome, no, sexy features. His dark brown eyes locked onto mine as soon as I turned around. We didn’t say anything, but I felt like a lot was being said in that one look. I know I showed him that I wasn’t over him, and I could see sadness and longing in his look. I also knew that he still hadn’t changed his mind.

“I didn’t think you would be here while I helped them,” he said, breaking the silence. I sat down on my big comfy bed, and tried not to feel hurt by his words.

“I’m sorry you had to see me, Blake. I will stay out of your way until you’re done,” I said. I didn’t want to make him suffer any more than he had to.

“That’s not what I meant, dammit,” he said roughly. He turned away and I saw him take in deep breaths. I took advantage of the angle and checked out his ass in those jeans. They hugged him just right, hanging low on his defined hips. I wished I could reach out and worship his body.

“That’s not what I mean, Jo,” he said again, turning to look at me. “I didn’t think you would want to see me after what I did to you.” His eyes were troubled. For someone who had such a commanding presence, I loved that he could always come off as soft and gentle, especially around me.

“You didn’t
do
anything to me, Blake. I wasn’t good enough for you to open up to, and that’s not your fault. I gave you that ultimatum,” I said, trying to act nonchalant about it, when in reality my heart still hurt. He kneeled down in front of me and grabbed my chin.

“Don’t do that. You are too good. That’s why I knew I had to give you up. I’ve been fucking miserable without you. I just figured you wouldn’t want to see me,” he said insistently. I pulled away and rose from the bed to walk across the room. His proximity was getting to me. My heart raced and pounded in my chest, my body was hot, and I felt like I couldn’t catch a breath.

“How’s the business?” I asked to take my mind off of what he just told me. He sighed and sat on the bed, as I walked back to the bookcase to inspect the engravings. “What did you end up naming the business anyway?”

“The business is doing well. We got a pretty big job over the summer, so that kept me busy. I was able to get a couple of other jobs because of that one. I decided to go simple and call it Porter’s Architecture and Design… Jo, I don’t wanna talk about business. I want to talk to you,” he said. I closed my eyes and let the warmth of his words wash over my body that had grown cold and alone in the last three months.

“Did you get this for me?” I whispered touching the bookshelf. I didn’t want to think of the possibility earlier, but I knew that he would have known just how much I would love it.

I felt his presence behind me, and I shivered from images of him wrapping his arms around me and touching his lips to my neck.

“Yes, love. And before you say anything, it would break my heart if you didn’t accept it,” he said right next to my ear. I felt my breathing get shallow as I felt his hot breath in my hair. I was amazed that he could still affect me in that way, even after all that time. Not only that, but I was amazed that Blake Porter could always render me mute when he was near.

He was standing behind me, and he moved his hand so it wrapped around my stomach. His head came down, and he ran his nose along my jawline to my ear, inhaling as he went. I shivered, and felt the primal need to be with him again.

“I missed you so much, Blake,” I whispered to him as he licked my ear. I moaned at the electricity I felt when his tongue touched me. I could feel desire burning within me, and run right to my sex. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest. Blake moved his hand so he could lift my hair and pull it off of my left shoulder to get better access to my neck. I melted into him as he continued to play with my ear in his mouth. He started to trail kisses down my neck, but he stopped abruptly, stiffened, and then pulled away from me.

“Apparently you didn’t miss me enough,” he growled. I turned around at his abrupt absence, and looked at him in bewilderment.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

His eyes were filled with anger and hurt, and I didn’t understand what I could have done in a second to have made him so upset. He walked back up to me, throwing daggers at my neck. I looked down as he came up to me, and was shocked to see that there was a purplish blue mark on my collar bone. I closed my eyes, trying to take stock of the feeling of stupidity I felt knowing that the man I am in love with just saw a hickey on my neck from another guy.

I felt him touch the area surrounding my mark, and heard him sigh.

“Must not have missed me too much, Jo.” His voice was grave as he said those words to me. He was hurt. I was mad.
How dare he?
I crossed my arms and glared at him.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but that mark doesn’t mean anything. I
did
miss you.
Excuse
me for looking for affection from someone after not being good enough for the man I am madly in love with!” I raised my voice to show him just how hurt and mad I still was about what he did to us. “And don’t you dare think that this is worse than sleeping with Alice while we were together!”

He looked shocked when I said that, and took a step back. “You know, that’s the second time you have implied that I slept with her, but I haven’t! If you wanted to know, all you had to do was ask!”

“I didn’t imply anything! I am letting you know that I know that you slept with her while you were with me, just like you cheated on her while you two used to date!” I knew my face was red with anger, but I couldn’t help the overwhelming hurt and frustration that had been building up through the months.

“Alice and I haven’t done anything since high school, Josie! And I never dated her, either. We were just friends that used to hook up a little. In fact, my older brother was more into her than I ever was.” He got closer to me and cupped my cheeks.

“You’re right, Jo. I have no right to be mad at you. But it kills me to see that on you,” he said looking at the mark on my neck. “To think another man touched you, when it should only be me, is fucking torture. You are supposed to be
mine
, Josie. Not someone else’s.” He touched my neck and backed me against the bookcase. “It should only be me touching you. Loving you. Making you feel sexy and dirty at the same time. It should be
me.
” I looked into his troubled dark eyes and knew that if he asked me to be his, I would have said yes in an instant.

“It can be only you who touches me, Blake. But you have to let me in. You can’t push me away. Are you ready to do that yet?” He closed his eyes. Bad sign.

“I wish you believed me when I told you that you really shouldn’t be around my family,” he said, shaking his head before kissing the corner of my mouth. A small cry escaped my mouth at the contact. It was extremely sensual, just a hint of his tongue against a small portion of my sensitive lips. “I need more time to figure out what I am going to do with that first. So, no I won’t be able to stop pushing you away yet.” He pulled away from me, and I was once again filled with hollowness.

“I’ll be waiting Blake,” I said softly to him, as he walked towards the door. I heard him sigh when he reached the door.

“I wish you wouldn’t,” he said and walked out.

Chapter 26

Thursday Present

My heart pounds as I finish putting on the final touches of make-up on my face. Blake will be here any minute, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for what could happen tonight. Will we just talk? Will we reminisce? Will we have sex? I don’t know, and those thoughts have kept my mind
very
busy at school the last couple of days.

On Wednesday, I struggled keeping my emotions in check while working. Knowing that Daddy wouldn’t be calling me after work, made me feel the sorrow of his loss once again. Being alone in the classroom during lunch was not my best option for a time like that, but I wasn’t ready to be around the other teachers yet.

I was pleasantly surprised when each one of my students came into the classroom after lunch carrying a single rose. I stopped asking what was going on, when I kept getting fits of giggles as responses. The last two students came in with a note attached to a rose and a vase made to look like an old lantern. I took it from them, and they went back to their seats giggling. I took the vase, filled it with water, and put the 18 roses in it. I was in love with the beauty of the display. Finally, I opened the note.

 “Happiness can be found in even the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light.” – Albus Dumbledore

I love you, Jo.

How the hell was I supposed to not melt a little at that? He had officially put himself in the center of my life again. The quote was is so relevant to how I have been feeling. Darkness clouding me has been a constant in my life, but I have always been able to pull out of it and find happiness. I will make it through this too. I make my own happiness; I need to remember that. I sent a quick motivation into the universe reinforcing that I will be happy, and then continued my day with a lot less sadness than earlier.

Blake was leaning against my car when I walked out of the building, and grinned at me when he saw me coming. He looked so amazing, and my heart beat enthusiastically at the sight of him. I ran and leapt up into his arms as he swung me around. I kissed all over his face, and he let out a deep laugh that vibrated through his chest and into mine.

“Thank you so much,” I whispered in his ear.

“I’d do anything for you, love,” he said and captured my lips with his. He always knew the key to my heart was through books, and I’m glad he still knows how to cheer me up.

Today was another surprise. He still won’t admit to his hand in it, but someone “anonymously” donated a large chunk of money for the school library. Blake listened to me complain about that library for hours on some nights back when we used to be together, so the fact that he remembered and did something about it, means the world to me.  He may not have put his name out there for me to really know, but I know. I
know
it was Blake.

“I didn’t do it, Jo,” he said trying and failing to hide a smile, when I confronted him after school. “Look will you stop talking about it if I agree to come up to the apartment later?” I pinched my lips together in thought, and decided that yes, I could drop the subject if I could have the chance to spend the night with him.

That’s what led to the pounding heart I have as I wait, impatiently, for Blake to get here. I slipped into some jeans and a loose t-shirt, not wanting him to think I cared too much, but it’s a lie. I care a
whole
lot.  He makes it so easy to forget everything bad that has happened to us, and move on. He is making me feel like I can forgive him, something I always felt would be impossible. How do I forgive that? It’s not just that he lied. It’s the actual truth that is heart wrenching. I don’t know how he does it, but he makes me want to forget it all.

I hear a knock on the door, making me stop mid-pace. I just saw him a couple of hours ago, but the excitement to see him again doesn’t dissipate. He is a bubble of peace in my world of turmoil. I walk to the door, and check myself out in the mirror in the hallway before opening it.

“Oh hey,” I say to the perfect man standing in front of me, crossing my arms and leaning against the door frame. I am trying to play it cool, but my insides are roaring to life. He chuckles, and leans in to kiss my cheek.

“Hello to you, love,” Blake says, and then steps into the apartment. I take him in as he steps ahead of me. He is wearing black trousers that outline his perfect ass just right and tucked into that is a light blue dress shirt that compliments his eyes. He is beyond handsome, and every time I see him dressed like that, I can feel how confident and demanding he is. It’s incredibly sexy and a huge turn on. I’ve seen him at work, and I know firsthand how sexy he is being the boss.

As he looks around the apartment, I start to get more nervous about what he sees. I changed things when he broke my heart, because it was too much of a reminder of the home that we had made there together. The only room that I haven’t re-painted, is the bedroom. I just can’t do it. I have been torturing myself for the past year with his memory, sitting in the closet and staring at the sweet note he wrote me when we painted the room.

“Looks good, Jo,” he says turning around to face me and taking me from my thoughts. I shrug and walk into the living room. I sit on my green couch that I got after I gave away the furniture that he had helped pick out, and settle in, not sure what to do now that he is here. He walks over to the bookshelf that I could never give away, and looks at the new books that I have accumulated within the last year.

“I always loved how much you liked to read. I don’t know how, but it made you even sexier to me,” he says, and then comes and sits next to me on the couch. I roll my eyes at him and he gives me his confident and cocky crooked smile.

He pulls me towards him, and I giggle as he tickles my sides. It feels normal, natural, and also annoyingly painful. My laughter seems to encourage him, because he continues his torture, until he has me captured underneath his body. 

He rubs his nose along my neck and up behind my ear, breathing me in. I shiver at the sensitivity of the contact. “Say it,” he whispers to me before assaulting my sides again. I can barely breathe through the laughter, and my efforts to get out from under him. Is it really laughter? Because I don’t think so. There is nothing genuine about my laugh.

“Fine!” I yell out, knowing that I can’t take any more. He stops and grins down at me, waiting. “I’m sexy and I know it!” repeating the phrase from a song he always used to make me say whenever I doubted myself.  My cheeks heat after I say it, but he just smiles at me and rubs his thumb across my now rosy cheeks.