The Amish Doll: Amish Knitting Novel (Bonus Knitting Pattern Included) (16 page)

Their eyes met and Joshua frowned. “Raven, what’s wrong?”

“Just being neighborly.”

“Want to play cards?”

“No, wanted to say hi to Cliffy and Timmy, too.”

“Do you want some hot chocolate?”

Raven looked into Joshua’s blue eyes. The eyes that pulled out the truth about her childhood. Now he was about to be trapped in an abusive marriage. Lottie would make him miserable. Tears filled her eyes and she wiped them, saying she had a cold. Joshua asked her to talk to him in the living room. He sat on the bench and patted the seat next to him. She sat down, and tried not to look at him.

“Joshua, don’t marry Lottie. I can’t prove anything now, but please, let’s go down and talk to your
mamm
. She’d know what to do.”

“Too much stress on her. Nee, I won’t go down.”

Raven took his hand and kissed it. “Joshua, you deserve better than Lottie.”

She felt his arm go around her. “Raven, what’s going on?”

She turned to him and looked into his eyes and then hugged him around the neck. “Don’t marry her. I c-can’t prove anything yet…”

“Prove that I’m not the
daed
of the
boppli
?”

She released him and looked at him evenly. “Joshua, please trust me on this. I’m going to clear your name.”

He looked at her sheepishly. “You love me, don’t you?”

She put her head down. “How could I not love you? No man I’ve ever met compares to you.”

He smiled. “I thought you were going to marry Lawrence for sure.”

“I realize now that I really do love only you.”

Their lips slowly met and the most gentle, heartfelt kiss that was ever put on Raven’s lips melted her heart. Joshua was so gentle, so unlike other men.

Joshua stroked her long black hair. “Last week, when you asked me to hold you, I did. Now I’m asking you to return the favor.”

Raven wiped the tears that spilled on to her cheeks and wrapped her arms around Joshua, the sweetest man she’d ever know. Surely God would stick up for him and save him from an unhappy marriage.

“I was ready to send a bloodhound out to find you! I was worried.”

Raven staggered into the living room and plopped down on the couch. “Long, long day. Sorry, Eb.”

“Well, maybe I worry too much. Feel like your
daed
or something.”

Raven tilted her head and considered what Eb said. “I’d like that. Having you for a dad.”

He grinned. “You would?  Having an alcoholic for a
daed
wouldn’t be a picnic.”

“Recovered alcoholic, right? You’ve been sober how long?”

“Well. It’s been Nov. 4th since I took a drink. So that makes it three months.”

Raven pulled a boot off. “That’s over ninety days. They say if you can do something for ninety days you’ve kicked a habit, although you’ll always need to stay away from alcohol, you know that?”

“
Jah
, I do. But I don’t need it anymore.”

“So you don’t feel guilty anymore about your family’s death?”

Eb placed a tray full of food on her lap. “I’m thinking the bishop and elders were right all along. It wasn’t my fault and there was no need to blame God.”

Raven shrugged. “That bishop and those elders seem awful stern to me.”

“Are they mean to you? But you’re not Amish.”

“No, but just observed something. Don’t think it’s fair.”

Eb scratched his chin. “The bishop cried like a baby, pleading with me to not forsake God, and turn away from the bottle. I know if you talked to him, he’d listen.”

“Really? I’m surprised. But I told an Amish person I wouldn’t tell anyone about his secret.”

“Well, then don’t. But I’ll be behind you in prayer, dear one.”

Raven was glad to come home to Eb. He’d cared for her since the day he met her, and she was thankful he thought of her as a daughter. She needed family and hoped to find it eventually with Joshua. Susanna would be her mom…

“If your friend is innocent, the Lord will clear his name. Seen it too many times. The bishop and elders depend on it, too. They wait a while before passing a strict judgment, to see if the Lord shows up.”

Raven wondered if the marriage being in March wasn’t only for Susanna to be home, but for the truth to come out. She slowly turned to Eb. “Have the elders been talking to you lately? Have you had a change of heart toward the Amish?”

Eb’s eyes glistened. “Let’s just say I’m starting to see that God is good again.”

“So you might be returning to the Amish? Sure would make Joshua happy if you did.”

“And why is it so important to you that Joshua is happy?”

“He’s a good man.”

Eb wagged this finger at her. “Tell the truth.”

“I am. The Yoder’s are the nicest people and Joshua shouldn’t be forced to –” Raven covered her mouth. “Oh, I can’t say.”

“Well, all I know is since I’ve seen how you hover over those boys, being their advocate, I’m seeing how much God is ours, like the Good Book says. And I’m seeing an amazing answer to prayer, but I can’t say what it is now.” He winked. “I realize God sees…and he redeems….he helps us like an advocate does.”

Raven leaned forward. “Eb, are you alright? It seems like you’re talking about yourself.”

“I am, dear one. I am. God is a restorer for sure and for certain.”

The way Eb looked at her, all sentimental, made her wonder if he just wanted to be alone and read his Bible at night, like he always did. “I’m going to turn in early. Long day and need to knit.”

“What’re you making?”

“A prayer shawl, for my Aunt Brook. When I knit I’ll pray for her, and then I’ll deliver it.”

“So you found her?”

“No, but Lawrence has connections on the reservation and is looking into it.” She walked over to Eb and kissed him on the cheek. “Good night.”

“Good night, dear one….my girl. Oh, and remember, don’t make plans on your birthday, at least in the afternoon. I have a surprise.”

“I won’t. Thank you.”

~*~

Raven was running in the woods, not knowing which way to turn but followed the flickering light. She woke up to see a light flickering in her window. What on earth? She slipped on her moccasins and robe and went to the window. It was too dark to make out who it was. Brandon? It couldn’t be. He’d left over a
month ago. Maybe one of the boys was in trouble and needed her. She ran down the steps and looked out the bottom window. It was Joshua. Raven opened the side door to let him in. She braced herself, fearing bad news about Susanna.

But Joshua had hope in his eyes, and was as carefree as when she met him. He scooped her into his arms. “I’m free.”

She shook her head in shock. “So the bishop found out about Bruce, and believes me?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He swung her around. “And I don’t even care. I talked to my
mamm
on the phone. She was so suspicious about me not going to visit, it was making her sicker. So, I told her about Lottie’s accusation.” Joshua took off his black wool hat. “
Mamm
said if I marry Lottie she’ll shun me.”

Raven grinned. “That’s so funny...but what does all this mean?”

He took her hands. “Raven, I’d rather live as a man known for not being responsible and have you.”

All the ridicule she’d endured, all the rejection and feeling of abandonment seemed to be peeling off, like old paint. She put her head on his chest. “I don’t feel like I deserve you, or I would have fought harder.”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought you’d naturally love Lottie. I didn’t feel worthy of you…”

“Why? Why would anyone not love you?”

“I don’t know….I lived a worldly life before I came here. Understand?”

Joshua tilted her head up and she looked into his unflinching blue eyes. “All have sinned,
jah
? And you asked for forgiveness?”

“Yes, many times.”

“When someone sins in the Amish community, if they repent, all is forgiven and forgotten. We all know we’re made from the dust, and are human. We make mistakes. It’s the job of the community to restore.” He shifted. “That’s what they’re trying to do with Lottie. Force a true confession. It’s really for her own
goot
.”

Raven couldn’t take in all this goodness. Feelings of shame and unworthiness threatened to drown her. He took her and kissed her gently, but then with all his heart. “Raven Meadows, there is nothing that could make me change my mind about you, no matter how hard you push away. I want to marry you some day.”

Raven gasped for air. “Oh, Joshua, I love you too, but so many obstacles... I’m not Amish.”

“You said before you’d convert,
jah
?”

“Well, I was going to, but now I’m afraid. The leaders seem to have too much control.”

“I’ll be talking to the bishop tomorrow. He has a high opinion of my
mamm
, and what she says he’ll take to heart. He’s a
goot
man. I’m praying God will reveal the truth about this
boppli
, too.”

“Well, let me tell you about this Bruce guy, and the boys’ plan…”

~*~

Raven went back up to bed, floating on a cloud. Joshua would give up so much for her? She loved this man with all her being. So much, that it made to want to defend him more. Find out more about what was happening between Bruce and Lottie. She was certain he was the father, if she was even pregnant.

What a funny thought? If she was pregnant? She would be almost three months now, and still had a trim waist. But then again, she wore a lose apron. Raven laid down in bed, determined to not worry or let Lottie steal this magical moment. Joshua loved her unconditionally.

Being wide awake, she may as well make a few rows of her aunt’s shawl. A prayer shawl meant praying for that person who you knit for. She thanked God for her Aunt Brook because… Raven couldn’t think of anything to be thankful about. Then she remembered what Joshua said long ago. Raven had a hard life and tried to help other kids so they’d never go through what she did. If she had a pampered life, she may be blind to all the needs around her. She might not care about anyone but herself. She might be…Lottie. She did have a lot to thank Aunt Brook for…

~*~

Joshua heard a loud knock on his door the following afternoon. It was Lottie, and her
mamm
and
daed
. Eli took off his black hat and held it calmly in his hands. “Joshua, the bishop came by this morning and told us of your decision to not marry Lottie. Is this correct?”

“
Jah
, it is. I’m not the
daed
.”

“Then you’ve fallen for the lies of Raven Meadows?” Mary asked. “About Lottie and Bruce being together, and that Bruce is the
daed
.”

Joshua sat down. “
Jah
, I believe Raven and the boys. But I made my decision before anyone told me about Bruce.”

Lottie stomped her foot like a child. “Raven and those boys cooked up this story to stop you from marrying me.”

Joshua stood up. “Don’t talk about Raven like that.”

“Why?” Eli asked, visibly upset. “Are you attached to an Outsider?”

“Maybe I am.”

Lottie ran toward Joshua and started to hit him in the face. Her
daed
pulled her back. “Lottie, you are Amish. We don’t embrace violence.” Eli led her to the door and told her to wait in the buggy, and then marched up to Joshua.  “You’ve broken my daughter’s heart. What happened to the Joshua Yoder who was upright and respectable?”

Joshua just hung his head and prayed that God would defend him. He’d done nothing wrong and hoped his innocence would be revealed.

~*~

Cliffy looked wide-eyed at Timmy. Sitting at the top of the steps they’d heard everything.

“It’s
goot
that he dumped Lottie,” Cliffy said.

“You said ‘
goot
’. You sound Amish,” Timmy laughed. “I’m glad she’s dumped, too. And I think Joshua wants to marry Miss Meadows. Think about it. If he does, she could be our
mamm
, I mean mom.”

Cliffy elbowed Timmy. “
Jah
, I know. So we need to move fast. What if Joshua gets in trouble, like is shunned or something? Gets kicked out of the Amish? I want to be Amish, don’t you?”

“I think so. I want Joshua as a
daed
for sure, even if he’s young. Susanna and Rueben would be our parents, though, I think. Not sure what’s going on.”

“It doesn’t matter. All the Amish act like they’re one family. Look at all the cousins Joshua has.”

“You know Toby and Ethan want to be Amish, say they like the big families, or just being in a family. But Bud and Chuckey don’t like it. I’m afraid we’ll all get separated.”

Cliffy sighed. “When Appleton reopens in April, I want to stay here. Do you?”

“For sure.” Timmy turned to Cliffy. “We’d be brothers, huh?”

The boys fist-bumped. Timmy ran to get his walkie-talkie. “Come on. I’m calling all the guys. We need to work on nailing this Bruce guy.”

~*~

Over the next few days, Raven learned that her boys were working overtime trying to see if Bruce was with Lottie, but to no
avail. But Joshua was so confident he’d be cleared and he looked happy and healthy again, and in love with her. She’d have to trust that everything would work out.

Today was her birthday, and Eb had big surprise. But why was Lawrence going? She had to stop trying to figure everything out. She pulled a letter out of her jean pocket; a message Susanna set her, revealing her favorite Bible verses:

Lord, my heart is not haughty,

Nor my eyes lofty.

Neither do I concern myself with great matters,

Nor with things too profound for me.

Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,