The Amish Doll: Amish Knitting Novel (Bonus Knitting Pattern Included) (20 page)

She grabbed her gift bag and asked Marilyn to close her eyes. She took out the shawl and wrapped it around her. When she told her she could look, Raven was not prepared for Marilyn’s response. She grabbed Raven by the wrists and broke down and cried. “Thank you. Thank you.”

Bud stood up and went over to put his hand on Marilyn’s shoulder. “Don’t cry, Mrs. Rowe. We all know you didn’t mean to burn down Appleton.”

Chuckey got up and stood behind her rocker, then planted both hands on her shoulders. “I’m glad it was you who started the fire and not one of us.”

Marilyn grabbed for the boys hands. “I’m not crying because of that…I’m just so happy to see you all. Little overwhelming.”

Lawrence came over and asked the boys to say good-bye. It was snowing and they needed to get back to Cherry Creek, but Raven knew he was only trying to give Marilyn time to absorb it all. It wasn’t her fault. She wasn’t losing her mind. Raven wondered if she needed the boys now more than ever.

~*~

Joshua ran out to the van as soon as it pulled into the driveway. Although so many friends and family wanted to be there to welcome Susanna home, she was still so susceptible to germs, and couldn’t be in crowds. But she asked that Raven be there. She felt honored, but out of everyone, why her?

When Joshua hovered over his mom, a fire burned in Raven to marry this man. He was selfless and strong enough to truly cherish someone, not a selfish bone in him. She’d never seen this in any man she’d ever dated, it was always what they could take.

When Susanna’s eyes met hers, a smile despite the pain spread across her face. “Raven. So
goot
to see you. To be home.” She walked with the support of Joshua and Rueben and wasn’t free to give her special hugs, but her eyes said it all. She was glad to see her, and knew about her son’s attachment to her. Their plans to marry if she was baptized and the church district was all in agreement.

Joshua told Susanna to look around and she gasped at the fresh white walls, polished oak cabinets and china closet, and waxed floors. “The whole house is like new. Lots of women had a frolic here,” Joshua said.

Susanna’s eyes lit up as she surveyed the kitchen and looked over into the living room. “Praise be.” 

Joshua led her to her rocker, and after having someone one-on-one time with her, she motioned for Raven to come over, asking everyone else to leave. Susanna laid her head back on her rocker and looked at Raven. “How are you, dear one?”

“How are you?” Raven asked. “Are you in much pain?”

“It’ll be an upward climb, but I won’t complain. But to be honest, I wish I could throw all those pills out the window.”

“What pills? I thought you were better.”

“Ach, my body sees this kidney as an intrusion, so I take lots of anti-rejection medicine, or my immune system will attack my kidney.”

Raven pulled up a spare chair. “I didn’t know that. How long will you be on the medicine?”

“My whole life.” She closed her eyes as if what she said was painful. “I hear Eb’s your
daed
. God works in mysterious ways, to bring you two together 
jah
?”

“Did you hear the story, about how EB was on my doll’s foot?”

“
Jah
. Eb wrote to me often.”  She looked at Raven in a curious way. “Now, how is my son doing? I hear he wants to get married.”

Raven couldn’t hide her smile. “I love Joshua, Susanna. He’s the best man I know.”

“And how are baptismal classes coming along? Eb told me all about that, too.”

Raven clasped her hands. “I’m learning a lot, not just about Amish spirituality, but myself. The bishop wants me to visit my aunt in Salamanca…to forgive her. It was her fault I was put in foster care. But I’m struggling.”

“How so?” Susanna asked.

“Not feeling any forgiveness toward her, only resentment.”

Susanna’s eyebrows shot up. “Forgiveness and feelings are separate. We forgive because Christ commanded us. I’m sure Moses and Elma explained that.”

Raven lowered her head. “Yes, they did. But it seems…like being a hypocrite. It’s like saying something you don’t mean.”

Susanna nodded. “I see …Let me explain it how it was taught to me years ago. When a seed is put in the ground, you can’t see it,
jah
? But in time you will and the plant will grow. That’s what forgiveness is like. Do you feel a seed, a little mustard seed, of forgiveness in your heart toward your aunt?”

“Yes, at times I feel more than a seed, maybe a whole flower, and then I’m back to wondering if I have a seed at all.”

Love shone from Susanna’s eyes. “Raven, I’ve loved you since the day I met you. You talk Amish-like. Real honest and straight forward.”

Raven squeezed her hand. “I felt the same about you.”

“Raven, I know you can forgive. You know why?”

“No.”

“Because you have Christ in you to water that little seed of forgiveness. And He’ll continue to water it and make something beautiful out of it. Trust me. I’ve had to forgive before…”

Joshua was so much like his mom. Wise and so loving. She’d forgive Aunt Brook for God’s sake, Joshua’s sake….and Susanna’s sake. Lawrence said he found her aunt with the help of Heather. She knew what needed to be done. “Thank you, Susanna. This talk
really helped me,” she said, to the lovely woman she hoped someday would be her mother-in-law.

Lottie was never pregnant
? Raven had suspected it, but couldn’t believe it.

Joshua shook his head and looked over at Eb, sound asleep in his rocker. “She apologized. Said she knew she was falling away from the Amish life, and felt if she married me, I’d keep her on the straight and narrow.”

“And so now she’ll confess her sin before the Amish after church and all is forgiven? Just like that?”

“
Jah
. Of course, but sin leaves scars.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we’ll all forgive, but her reputation will take time to recover. It’ll be blemished for a long while. No Amish man will want to marry her until she shows she acts…Amish.”

Raven looked at their locked hands. “I’m glad the truth came out and your name isn’t blemished.”

Joshua kissed her hand. “I have you to thank. And you got caught in that blizzard because of me.”

“But you rescued me, my knight in shining armor.”

Joshua narrowed his eyes. “The bishop did explain that the Amish are pacifist,
jah
?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Well, knights go to war. So when you call me a knight I…get confused.”

Raven snickered. “It’s just an expression. It means someone who saves you, I suppose.”

“How did I save you? From the fire? You called me a shining knight then….”

Raven kissed Joshua on the cheek. “When you listened when we first met. It was like you were pulling poison out of me. Such bitterness. But I’m not done yet. I need to go to Salamanca and face Aunt Brook.”

“Want me to come with you?”

Raven leaned her head on his shoulder. “Would you? I don’t understand this Amish forgiveness and I’m scared.”

~*~

When the sky blue station wagon pulled into the Yoder’s, Raven knew Marilyn had arrived at their new knitting circle.
Susanna was still much too weak to knit more than a few rows, but this group gave her purpose. Knitting shawls for patients on transplant lists was her new calling, along with giving lots of love to Timmy and Cliffy. But Raven agreed with Joshua: she was pushing herself too much. She had to get her blood checked daily at the clinic, and it wore her out.

Jim walked Marilyn to the side door and quickly said hello and then rubbed his hands together, saying he was eager to join the large group of men working at the sugar shack. Raven looked out the back window to see Joshua patiently show all six boys how to tap a maple tree. What a good father he’ll be someday….

Marilyn chatted with Susanna while Raven cut the raisin bars into squares and then she took a seat.

“Marilyn, how are you?” Raven asked.

“Oh, cold. It’s so cold all the time.”

Susanna slowly got up to get a raisin square, obviously in pain. “I could have gotten that for you,” Raven said.

“Need to move my legs more. Don’t want any blood clots. Anyhow, I’ve laid around for three years and it feels good to walk. Just a painful incision.”

“Marilyn, do you want a raisin square?” Raven asked.

Marilyn looked up. “I made pies this morning and need to watch my figure. Brought a few for the boys.”

Raven felt her heart swell. The boys’ visit was like medicine. Marilyn’s depression seemed to be lifting, gaining some old interests back. Raven looked up when Hannah, Mary, and Lottie filed into the kitchen from the side door. She quickly turned to get plates and cups to put on the table. She didn’t know Lottie was coming and wasn’t able to look at the girl who almost ruined Joshua’s life.

The women talked about all they did to spruce up the house, and Susanna marveled at how many women came to help. Raven reminded herself that this knitting circle was for Susanna and turned around with a pot of hot tea. “Anyone want something hot to drink?”

Hannah blew air into her cupped hands. “I’ll take some.
Danki
, Raven.”

“I’ll have some too,” Mary said.

Lottie took her knitting needles and yarn and sat in a chair, not meeting Raven’s gaze.

“Lottie, do you want some?” Raven asked.

“
Nee
,” she said, smugly.

Mary sat next to her daughter and whispered something in her ear.

“
Danki
for asking, Raven,” Lottie said evenly.

Raven looked over at Susanna, who shrugged her shoulders. Lottie supposedly repented before the people of lying and making a false accusation. Was she really sorry?

Marilyn looked at all the women. “So, how are my boys doing up here in Amish country?”

Hannah took a seat and started to knit. “David and I love Toby and Ethan so much that…we’re hoping to adopt them.” She looked up at Raven. “Is that possible, being Amish?”

“Yes. It’s a lot of paperwork but absolutely.”

“Can you handle this paperwork?”

“I can point you in the right direction,” Raven said.

“I think Eli and I overreacted,” Mary said. “And I’m asking your forgiveness. What happened concerning Lottie is water under the
bridge?”

Lottie looked up, eyes glaring at her mom. “I don’t want those little spies back.”

Marilyn laughed. “They spied on Raven at Appleton. Remember Raven? How they listened to you talk on the phone? Watching you and Lawrence with binoculars out the windows?”

Raven couldn’t help but smile. “I remember. And the rumors they spread…”

“So they’re brats if you ask me,” Lottie snapped.

“They’re boys,” Marilyn said, defensively.

Mary cleared her throat and looked over at Susanna. “How are you feeling? Your eyes are half shut.”

“Doing some ‘casting off prayers’. Learned it from Deborah Weaver from Smicksburg. It’s a knitting term but Deborah said one night while casting off, she thought of the scripture that says to cast your cares upon the Lord because He cares for you…Got the idea for this knitting circle from her.”

“Well, I think you need to lie down. You look pale.” Hannah went over to her sister and placed her hand on her forehead. “You have a fever.”

Susanna sighed. “I will for a while. Road to recovery is hard.”

Hannah got a pitcher out of the icebox. “You need something cool to drink. And then just rest there while we knit.” She turned to Raven. “Do you think she’s up to having the knitting circle here? We can have it at my place.”

“What would Raven know?” Lottie blurted. “She doesn’t live here.”

Marilyn chuckled. “Not yet.”

“And what does that mean?” Mary asked.

Marilyn cocked one eyebrow. “A little bird told me something…but it’s a secret.”

Raven put her index finger to her lip, hoping Marilyn would say no more. Marilyn nodded and looked down and knit. Raven turned in her two weeks’ notice since she couldn’t work at Appleton once she was Amish. It might have been premature, because the
Gmay
or church had to vote her in, and she had to forgive her Aunt Brook. If she wasn’t allowed in, she’d wait until the vote in the fall, when baptisms were held again. She knew she’d found a home among the Amish…and with Joshua.

The side door opened and Bud and Chuckey barged in. They went over to Marilyn and hugged her. “Thanks for making us pies. And you made my favorite!” Bud said “Chocolate cream!” A grin lifted his face. “Mr. Rowe said the piece I took was too big, since we’re on a diet.”

“
Ya
,” Chuckey laughed. “He made our pieces smaller, but you know what? He was hiding behind a big old tree eating an extra piece, and we caught him.”

Marilyn acted surprised. “No, Mr. Rowe would never do such a thing.”

Raven knew that love healed, and she was witnessing a miracle. Bud and Chuckey adored Marilyn and she needed them, just like she did, and she was just beginning to realize it. Raven got up and looked out the back window and noticed that Cliffy and Timmy were near Joshua, and that Toby and Ethan hovered around David. These two men would be their fathers, the thing they wanted more than anything in life. She looked over to the right and saw Eb…her father…the man she’d come to cherish. She noticed the sun peeking through the clouds and thanked God for bringing people together, like yarn knit together to make something beautiful.

~*~

Raven clung to Joshua as they walked the muddy dirt road to her Aunt Brook’s little log house. Benny Kettle had shown them the way, and waited in the car with Lawrence and Eb, all praying for her. If she went by her feelings, she’d be running back to the car, but she’d learned from the Amish, forgiveness was an act of obedience. Joshua said encouraging words but memories of this place filled her mind and crowded them out. She stopped when she saw the cherry tree. The tree that she planted with her grandmother. Tiny buds were forming, which was unusual for Mid-March. Was this a sign that her grandmother was with her?

She squeezed Joshua’s arm harder. She had living people who cared for her. To lend her strength. Raven stopped and turned to Joshua. “Thank you for coming with me. It means so much.”

Joshua took both her hands. “Just remember all the scriptures we wrote down. If she says something nasty, remember to think on them. Okay?”

Raven looked at the man she hoped to marry. “I will. And I’m a pacifist now that I’m learning to be Amish, so I walk away from an argument if it doesn’t stop?”

“
Jah
, or run if someone comes after you.” Joshua winked. “I’ve run before. No shame in it.”

They continued down the muddy road and were soon greeted by two coon dogs. Their deep bark was deafening, but soon they ran back into the house, as if by command. Raven looked and saw a short woman with black hair in the doorway. She walked out onto her porch and looked suspiciously at them.

“What do you want?”

As Raven got closer, she couldn’t believe what a little woman her aunt was. Being nine when she left, her aunt was a formidable foe, but now she saw a woman with hollow eyes. “Aunt Brook. It’s me. Raven.”

Her aunt walked down the steps to get a better look. “I asked before. What do you want?”

“I just came to say I remember all those nights in the attic. The hunger and bruises.” Nausea washed over her and she held her middle. “I want you to know I forgive you.”

Her aunt came closer to her and suddenly slapped her in the face. “Forgive me? You’ve killed so many people. My mom and dad and your own mom. I should be forgiving you.”

The sting on her cheek made it hard to think of any scripture. “What are you talking about? I didn’t kill anyone.”

“Oh, you would say that. Your grandparents died young because you were a burden and my sister, your mom, wandered off after you were born, so depressed she was. Police never found her body.”

She couldn’t think. Was she such a burden it killed her grandparents? Was her mom dead? She heard someone yell from behind her. It was Eb…her dad.

“Flo ran off to be with me. We had plans…”

Aunt Brook grew pale and stepped back. “I remember you,” she hissed. “Then my sister’s alive. And you never bothered to come tell us.”

Eb scrunched his face, confusion distorting his appearance. “I haven’t seen Flo since the day we met to run off. She got cold feet. Never saw her again.”

Aunt Brook clasped both hands over her mouth in disbelief. “Are you telling the truth? Maybe she’s alive?”

“Said she needed time to think, and was headed towards Buffalo,” Eb said.

“She did? We thought she drowned in the Allegheny. Talked about it… She got so depressed after giving birth to you.” She eyed Raven sharply.

Joshua put his arm around Raven. “You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Remember?” He turned to Raven. “He planned you,
jah
?”

Aunt Brook rolled her eyes. “You Amish and your talk about religion.” She pointed at Eb. “He got my sister pregnant.”

“Christians aren’t perfect. We need the Lord’s forgiveness every day,” Joshua said.

“I’m sure you do, Handsome. Going to get Raven pregnant, too?” She laughed a bitter laugh. “Make it a family tradition.”