The Amish Doll: Amish Knitting Novel (Bonus Knitting Pattern Included) (21 page)

Raven stomped a foot and charged at her aunt, but Joshua and Eb held her back. “You are so spiteful!”

Eb and Joshua turned her around and looked at her evenly. “Raven, you need set free. Forgive her,” Joshua pleaded.

Raven put her head down and said a silent prayer.

Lord,

I can’t forgive this woman. Help me. I need your help. Now.

She stared at the mud under her feet. An image came to her mind of her making mud pies and her grandparents pretending to eat them. How they’d laughed. She looked back at the cherry tree. She collected blossoms and her grandmother wove them into a crown, calling her the Cherry Blossom Queen. Her eyes misted at the thought.

Raven turned and looked at her aunt. “I’m sorry Aunt Brook. I shouldn’t have called you spiteful. I think you’re just a really sad person. I forgive you for everything, and I hope you’ll forgive me for being so angry with you over the years.”

“Go away. You’ve done enough damage to this family.”

“I will, but is Uncle Ram home? I’d like to see him.”

She swatted at the air. “He ran off after you left. Blamed it all on me.”

Raven had to choke back tears. So her Uncle Ram did care for her. Maybe she’d remember more of his kindness when more good memories surfaced. “Do you know where he is?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Now get off my land.” She spun around and charged up the steps, banging the front door shut.

Eb rubbed Raven’s back. “Are you alright, dear one?”

Raven looked up at the clouds as tears streamed down her cheeks. “Free…”

Raven knit that night out of sheer delight. A sense of well-being enveloped her. Her knitting through the years gave her a sense of control and comfort, but tonight she felt something else pour from her. Creativity. Every time she’d thought of a new design or color combination, like Marilyn’s mint and red shawl, she’d inwardly cringed, wondering if it was a mistake. Was it because she thought she was a mistake?

Well, she knew better now. She was created by God. He actually thought her up. The idea amused her. She imagined God molding clay and designing her. The thought was too big for her to comprehend, so she thought of Susanna’s favorite Psalm…131…I don’t concern myself with great matters, Nor with things too profound for me.

Raven looked in her basket of yarn and felt peace. How many times had she stared at it, feeling condemned that she couldn’t make her aunt a shawl? But she just couldn’t and told the bishop, and he said move with the pace of nature. Slowly. Maybe she was supposed to make the shawl years down the road. Who knew? But for now, after such a stressful day, she decided to make something fun. Since Bud and Chuckey were Buffalo Bill fans, and they’d be returning to Appleton soon, she’d make them red and blue hats. She’d miss seeing them over at the Yoder’s but they were needed at Appleton.

Raven heard a knock on her bedroom door. “Come in, Dad.”

Eb came in with a mug in his hand. “Thought we’d have our last hot chocolate for the winter. Spring’s coming on mighty fast and we’ll soon be making root beer.”

Raven set down her needles and took the mug. “Thank you. How do you make root beer?”

Eb grinned. “It’s an Amish secret recipe. And you’re not Amish yet. After your baptism, I’ll share it with you.”

Raven smirked. “Very funny. You know I’m worried. With trying to tie up loose ends at work, I haven’t had time to practice any German. And I’m supposed to have a trial period of living without a car. When will that happen?”

“Have you asked the bishop?”

“I will tomorrow.” She picked up some yarn and fidgeted. “What if I don’t make it in?”

“You’ll stay with me, have no car, practice German, and try again in the fall. There’s no hurry.”

Raven looked at Eb as if never really seeing him before. “You’re right. When I kneel and take the vow, I need to make sure I mean everything. It’s as serious as a wedding vow.”

“
Jah
, it is. Maybe you need the summer to really absorb it all and plan your wedding.”

“And if I don’t get accepted in by fall? There will be no wedding.”

Eb scratched his bearded chin. “You’re thinking English-like. Always in a hurry. Are you afraid Joshua won’t wait for you to be accepted into the flock?”

“Well, we can’t court until I’m Amish. It’s hard.”

“Well, you can talk to the bishop tomorrow about all this. For now, let’s enjoy our hot chocolate.”

~*~

There was a peace in the bishop’s house Raven still marveled at. Was it here where so many Amish made peace with each other, working out differences instead of running away from them?

“Have you ever tried meadow tea, Raven Meadows?” Elma asked, warmly.

Raven took the delicate tea cup filled with the mixtures and took in the aroma. “No, but I like its name.” She took a sip. “We had something similar on the reservation. We grew our own spearmint.” Aunt Brook helped her plant her spearmint patch. Raven remembered it as if it were yesterday. She slowly lowered the delicate tea cup, afraid she’d drop it.

Joshua turned to her and put a hand on her shoulder. “Raven, are you alright?”

She didn’t know what to say. This was a serious meeting concerning the timing of her baptism, and Moses was sitting right across from her. A man she really wanted to be liked by, but this image of Aunt Brook startled her. She wiped sweat beads forming above her lips. Is this what a panic attack is? “I’m sorry. The meadow tea just brought back a childhood memory.”

“Another bad one?” Moses asked, deeply concerned.

Raven remembered stories of Amish forgiveness. She’d read they were some of the happiest people in America, because they forgave, not carrying loads of anger and resentment. No, they had little baggage. Was this a part of unpacking the baggage of her childhood? “It was a good memory. Aunt Brook helped me plant my spearmint patch. She laughed and hugged me.”

“How old were you?” Joshua asked.

  Raven looked up. “A preschooler, maybe. Don’t really know…”

  Moses tapped his fingers on his well-worn Bible that was sitting on the oak table. “Have you had other
goot
memories since you forgave her?”

  “No, just now was the first. Am I supposed to go down and visit her again?”

  The bishop shook his head. “You did your part. You released her unto God. Maybe you’re to pray for her.”

  “
Jah
, Raven, pray for her. Maybe even make her one of those prayer shawls my
mamm’s
making.” Joshua said.

  Elma sat next to her husband and reached for Raven’s hand. “Now let’s just slow down.  God will make it clear if you’re to not look back, like Lot’s wife, or go back and talk more with your aunt.”

  Moses smiled at his wife. “He who finds a wife finds a
goot
thing, just like this book says.” He picked up his Bible, and looked at Elma, whose face was slowly turning pink. “And we’re here to talk about your wedding plans,
jah
?”

  “My baptism,” Raven said.

  “You’re looking to convert to be married to Joshua, so they’re tied together.” He took a sip of tea. “Now, we’ve gone over all the book learning, but Raven you’ll need to live without a car. It’s the car that makes life go so fast. Makes it so you don’t travel too far from your church and everyone sees your Christian walk daily.”

  Raven always felt she could live in a cabin in the woods with no neighbors, being close to nature, like when growing up. The thought of not driving though seemed to suffocate her even by talking about it. Maybe she had to go through withdrawal from modern conveniences, like Eb did from alcohol. She turned to Joshua, and reminded herself he was worth it. “I quit my job and am living with my dad without a car, starting next week. Need to wrap things up at Appleton. Is that okay?”

  Moses sighed. “And you plan to get baptized on New Birth Sunday? It’s not far off.” He bit his lower lip and stared into his tea. “I’m thinking that’s not possible. You’ll need to wait until fall.  Like I said, the car’s the hard part.”

  “What are we supposed to do about our relationship?” Joshua asked. “You said we couldn’t court until she was baptized.”

  “
Jah
.”

  “Can we spend time alone together, like in a dating way?”

  “Joshua, like in a
rumspringa
way?
Jah
, if you weren’t baptized, but you made an oath to the
Gmay
not to court or ‘date’ an
Outsider
.”

  Elma got up and replenished their empty tea cups. “Do you love Raven?” she asked Joshua.

  “
Jah
. Want to marry her.”

  “And the Bible says love is long suffering. You know that. Sometimes we suffer when we wait for a
goot
thing. Animals are giving birth now, being spring, but they’ve been mighty uncomfortable for a while, carrying their young. You only need to wait six months.”

  “She’s right,” Raven said. “Good things come to those who wait.”

  “Is that an English proverb?” Elma asked. “I like it.”

  “Just something I’ve heard, and believe to be true.”

  Elma grinned. “Raven, do you know how to cook?”

  Raven shook her head.

  “How about we take the next six months and I teach you all I know about gardening, preserving. Ach, we can go berry picking together. So many
wunderbar
goot
work frolics to look forward to. Making apple butter in a big copper pot in the fall.”

  “And maybe when time starts to stand still without a car, you’ll have time to think clearly on what to do about your aunt. Susanna has that knitting circle and maybe you should knit her a prayer shawl.” Moses pulled at his beard. “Susanna needs lots of healing on her road to recovery and you can be a great help.”

“But being around Raven so much would be a temptation,” Joshua said. “She’d be next door and in and out of the house. It’s hard for me not to want to kiss her.”

Raven slapped Joshua’s arm. “How can you talk like that?”

“It’s the honest truth.”

Elma let out a laugh. “Raven, we Amish don’t beat around the bush like so many English. We’re honest and frank.”

Raven looked over at Joshua. “No more kisses until the day of our wedding.”

Joshua threw his napkin up in the air with a sigh. “Bishop, this will be too hard.”

“I won’t change my mind. Look at this as a test. Do you love Raven for her inner or outer beauty.”

“Both,” Joshua said. “How can I promise to do something I might not be able to do?”

Raven started to snicker, not ever seeing Joshua so animated. “Because, Joshua Yoder, I won’t kiss you.” She turned toward the bishop. “Moses, you have my word. Until I’m baptized, I won’t kiss this man again.” She put her arm on Joshua’s shoulder. “We’ll be good friends for six months.”

Elma clasped her hands on the table. “Raven, I’m amazed. You act so Amish…”

“I hope I’m always a Christian before anything else. But thanks. That’s a compliment.”

Moses took in a deep breath. “Raven Meadows, I have high hopes for you. Very high hopes.”

Epilogue

She and Joshua planted a field of celery for their wedding, and sometimes looked with longing at each other, as they passed by the garden rows, but Raven always pushed him away, saying she was the one who made the vow to not have any physical contact.

Raven helped Susanna recover. There were a few setbacks on her road to recovery, but every day she made more progress. Raven took her in the buggy Eb bought to the doctor in town. Sometimes, she even had the nerve to drive the buggy to visit Appleton, and when she did, she took Chuckey and Bud out on rides.

Hannah and David went through the process to adopt Ethan and Toby. Joshua filed the necessary papers to adopt Timmy and Cliffy as a single man, shocked that he could adopt without a wife. But he knew Raven would soon be his bride.  

Eb started up his furniture business again, and Raven loved to rub down the oak wood with linseed oil. But Eb would only talk to her in German, which she found maddening at first, but was glad Eb didn’t give in, learning the language faster by constantly hearing German. Every now and then, she’d look at Eb, and thought of her mother. Was she alright? Was she alive? Such thoughts prompted her to ask Lawrence to take her to Salamanca again. She’d only had one good memory of Aunt Brook, but it was enough to give her strength to face her again.

Joshua went with her and together with Lawrence, they knocked on Aunt Brook’s door again.  Her aunt hugged her neck. When Raven visited the first time, her aunt thought her sister was dead.  Aunt Brook found Flower Meadows after inquiring at several reservations. She was given information that led her to a reservation in Canada. Flower was married and had three children.
She apologized for not writing and said the longer she put it off the harder the task was. Flower didn’t want her husband to know about Raven, and wanted a clean break from her past. Raven’s natural mother had no desire to see her…ever.