The DNA of Relationships (27 page)

We at the Smalley Relationship Center and Smalley Marriage Institute are committed to serving you and equipping you as relationship champions. Look for these relationship resources:

Relationship Resources for Marriage
If you are committed to helping people in their marriage look for
The Marriage You’ve Always Dreamed Of
by Dr. Greg Smalley.

Dr. Greg Smalley and Robert (Bob) Paul run the Smalley Marriage Institute, which offers marriage intensives for couples who need the care of a relational emergency room. Couples come to the marriage intensives with broken and failed marriages. They are often ready to divorce the next week. Greg and Bob help these couples get to the heart of their differences and heal their wounds. These marriage intensives forge lasting behavior change—and
The Marriage You Always Dreamed Of
and another upcoming book will offer you what they have learned over years of counseling distressed couples.

Consider starting a marriage relationship revolution by inviting other couples into your home and leading a couples’ small group that studies
The Marriage You Always Dreamed Of.
To learn more, visit www.smalleymarriage.com.

Relationship Resources for Young Singles

If you find yourself naturally hanging out with singles, God may be calling you to invest in their lives. Be proactive. Don’t let MTV, FOX, or
American JOE
teach them how to relate to their peers and the opposite sex. Don’t let them establish destructive relationship patterns. Check out Michael and Amy Smalley’s
Don’t Date Naked
(put on the armor of God) for straight talk about relationships between guys and girls. To learn more, visit www.dontdatenaked.com.

Look for more Michael and Amy Smalley resources that help parents and churches create wholesome Christian rites of passage for teens. Michael is working on a book that encourages the men in the church to mentor teenage guys into becoming godly men, and Amy is working on a companion book for women and teenage girls in the church. Often teens and preteens are left to fend for themselves. Don’t let that happen in your church.

CHAPTER 1—A RELATIONSHIP REVOLUTION

1. 1
   . This phrase was coined by Dr. Scott Sticksel.
   

CHAPTER 2—THE DNA OF RELATIONSHIPS

1. 1
   . Genesis 2:18.
   
2. 2
   . See Genesis 2:15-17; 3:1-6.
   
3. 3
   . Sharon Begley, “Your Brain on Religion,”
   Newsweek
   (May 7, 2001).
   
4. 4
   . Exodus 34:14.
   
5. 5
   . See John 10:10.
   
6. 6
   . Rick Warren,
   The Purpose-Driven Life
   (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2002), 22–24.
   
7. 7
   . See Isaiah 43:3-4.
   
8. 8
   . If you need a reminder, read John 3:16 to see what lengths he went to in order to pay the price for every one of your bad choices.
   
9. 9
   . Matthew 22:37-39.
   

CHAPTER 3—THE DANCE THAT DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS

1. 1
   . These and other names in this book have been changed to protect the privacy of the people whose stories we share.
   

CHAPTER 4—THE POWER OF ONE: TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY

1. 1
   . Archibald D. Hart,
   Habits of the Mind: Ten Exercises to Renew Your Thinking
   (Dallas: Word, 1996), 11.
   
2. 2
   . Ibid., 8–10.
   
3. 3
   . Ibid., 5.
   
4. 4
   . Philippians 4:8.
   
5. 5
   . 2 Corinthians 10:5,
   NIV
   .
   
6. 6
   . See Philippians 4:19.
   
7. 7
   . Romans 12:18,
   NIV
   , emphasis added.
   
8. 8
   . James 1:2.
   
9. 9
   . Luke 17:3-4,
   NIV
   .
   
10. 10
    . Luke 17:5-6,
    NIV
    .
    
11. 11
    . Matthew 6:12.
    
12. 12
    . That truth is even more clear in a statement Jesus made right after he taught his disciples the prayer. He said, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you” (Matthew 6:14).
    
13. 13
    . Ephesians 4:32.
    

CHAPTER 5—SAFETY: CREATE A SAFE ENVIRONMENT

1. 1
   . Genesis 2:24.
   
2. 2
   . Romans 13:7 tells us to “give respect and honor to all to whom it is due.” And Romans 12:10 reminds us, “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”
   

CHAPTER 6—SELF-CARE: KEEP YOUR BATTERY CHARGED

1. 1
   . Mark 12:30-31.
   
2. 2
   . I am not suggesting that you ignore it if you believe God is nudging you to do something because a loved one
   is
   in danger. You don’t want to doubt that. But you do want to discern when you are getting yourself worked up and when God is nudging you.
   
3. 3
   . See Matthew 14:23; John 6:15.
   
4. 4
   . See Mark 15:41.
   
5. 5
   . See Matthew 21:18; John 4:7.
   
6. 6
   . See John 2:24; 11:6.
   
7. 7
   . See Matthew 26:36-38.
   
8. 8
   . See Luke 4:28-30.
   
9. 9
   . See Luke 12:30.
   
10. 10
    . See Matthew 11:28.
    
11. 11
    . Ephesians 5:29.
    
12. 12
    . 1 Timothy 5:23,
    NIV
    .
    
13. 13
    . Ephesians 5:18,
    NIV
    .
    
14. 14
    . Psalm 149:4.
    
15. 15
    . John 10:10.
    
16. 16
    . Psalm 103:1,
    KJV
    .
    
17. 17
    . See Matthew 6:21.
    
18. 18
    . See Isaiah 43:4.
    
19. 19
    . See 1 John 2:14; 1 Corinthians 4:10.
    
20. 20
    . See Philippians 2:15,
    NIV
    ; 2 Corinthians 3:3; Ephesians 2:19.
    
21. 21
    . 1 Corinthians 6:19-20.
    
22. 22
    . Ephesians 2:21-22.
    
23. 23
    . Luke 2:52.
    
24. 24
    . Don Colbert,
    Deadly Emotions: Understand the Mind-Body-Spirit Connection That Can Heal or Destroy You
    (Nashville: Nelson, 2003), 16.
    
25. 25
    . Ibid., 17.
    
26. 26
    . Ibid., 25.
    
27. 27
    . See Colossians 3:1.
    
28. 28
    . See Ephesians 3:1-17.
    
29. 29
    . See Psalm 23.
    
30. 30
    . See Matthew 10:29-31.
    
31. 31
    . See Romans 8:28; James 1:1-4.
    
32. 32
    . See Isaiah 52:12; Psalm 23.
    
33. 33
    . See Isaiah 61:3.
    
34. 34
    . See Isaiah 40, especially verse 31.
    

CHAPTER 7—EMOTIONAL COMMUNICATION: LISTEN WITH THE HEART

1. 1
   . Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, and Susan L. Blumberg,
   Fighting for Your Marriage
   (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2001).
   
2. 2
   . Steve Brown,
   Scandalous Freedom
   (West Monroe, La.: Howard Publishing, 2004), from chapter 3, “The Perfection We Desire…and the Forgiveness That Sets Us Free.”
   
3. 3
   . Proverbs 20:5,
   NIV.
   
4. 4
   . For some very effective communication tools, see Gary Smalley, Greg Smalley, and Michael Smalley,
   Men’s Relational Toolbox
   (Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale, 2003).
   
5. 5
   . To learn more about what we call LUV talk (
   L
   isten,
   U
   nderstand,
   V
   alue), see Greg Smalley,
   The Marriage You’ve Always Dreamed Of
   (Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale, 2005).
   
6. 6
   . Proverbs 4:7,
   NIV.
   
7. 7
   . Romans 14:13,
   NIV.
   
8. 8
   . Romans 14:19,
   NIV.
   

CHAPTER 8—TEAMWORK: ADOPT A NO-LOSERS POLICY

1. 1
   . Proverbs 14:12; 16:25.
   
2. 2
   . Variously attributed to both Paul Gauguin and former West German Chancellor Ludwig Erhard.
   
3. 3
   . 1 Corinthians 12:25-26,
   NIV.
   
4. 4
   . Philippians 2:3-4.
   
5. 5
   . Genesis 2:24.
   
6. 6
   . Matthew 19:6.
   
7. 7
   . Hebrews 4:16 reminds us that we can “come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it.”
   

CHAPTER 9—WHAT WE CAN CHANGE

1. 1
   . See Ephesians 3:19.
   
2. 2
   . 2 Samuel 7:5.
   
3. 3
   . 1 Chronicles 22:8.
   
4. 4
   . 1 Kings 8:18.
   
5. 5
   . See 2 Samuel 7:8-16.
   
6. 6
   . Habakkuk 3:17-19.
   

CHAPTER 10—YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

1. 1
   . Psalm 23:4.
   
2. 2
   . The Associated Press, December 30, 1999; from the Smart Marriages Archive, www.divorcereform.org/mel/rbaptisthigh.html.
   
3. 3
   . John Rossomando, “Born-Again Christians No More Immune to Divorce Than Others, Says Author,” CNSNews.com (January 21, 2002); see www.cnsnews.com/viewculture.asp?Page=/culture/archive/200201/CUL20020121b.html.
   
4. 4
   . Kerby Anderson, “Divorce Statistics,” Kerby Anderson Commentaries, January 12, 2000; see www.probe.org/docs/c-divorce.html.
   

The Smalley Relationship Center, founded by Dr. Gary and Norma Smalley, offers many varied resources and events to help people strengthen all their relationships. The center provides enrichment resources, conferences, small-group curricula, articles, a national radio show, and daily online encouragement. Resources include books, videos, DVDs, and small-group series for married couples, parents, and singles. The DNA of Relationships seminar-taught by Dr. Gary Smalley and Michael Smalley, M.A.-will tour major cities throughout the United States.

RESOURCES AND EVENTS:

• Video series, including the classic, best-selling Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships and Secrets to Lasting Love  
  
• Twenty-eight best-selling books, including Gold Medallion winners such as
  The Blessing  
  
• Small-group resources, including Homes of Honor and Making Love Last Forever  
  
• Online enrichment through more than two hundred articles, weekly e-letters, and weekly tips about relationships  
  
• Nationwide conferences: The DNA of Relationships seminar (new in 2004-2005)
  
• Smalley LIVE!
  national, two-hour, call-in radio show on Sundays through Radio America  
  
• Nationwide simulcasts for churches: partnering with CCN (Church Communications Network) to provide events on relationships
  

For more information on these resources or to inquire about speaking engagements,
visit www.smalleyonline.com