The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (25 page)

A business that is gay-owned or -operated won't necessarily give you more attention or offer a better price.

As a consumer, you should always check out the quality of the service or the product. Again, the fact that a business advertises in gay publications doesn't necessarily mean it's good.

OPTIONS, OPTIONS, OPTIONS

The Caterer

Multiple choice:

1.
You can use a gay caterer.

2.
You can use a straight caterer and tell her or him it's for a gay wedding.

3.
You can use the caterer of your choice without giving a second thought to sexual orientation.

To inspire you, we herewith present some positive stories from the Experts, the Pioneers, the people who've actually done it: the gay and lesbian marrieds who went through the wars, fought in the trenches, and have these words of wisdom to impart:

I said to the printer, Look, I need a good price, and I want you to know that this is an unorthodox alternate-lifestyle wedding. Will you handle something like that? He said, Why wouldn't I handle something like that? I said, Do you know what I'm talking about? He said, Yeah, you're gay and you're getting married. So what?

—Rob, 2004

We went to an upscale mall to purchase the rings and I wasn't sure if I would be comfortable there. What we found was that they
were very supportive. The woman who ended up waiting on us was getting married the same exact day. She was excited for us and we were excited for her, so it ended up a very positive experience.

—Susan, 1994

Brian and I had a philosophy: if you were to put all the bigots behind a one-way mirror, and they could see how Brian and I lived, they could not mistake what we had as anything less than a divine, inspired, special love that most people would compliment. We never hesitated to make an appearance at a place where, at the back of our minds, maybe we thought we weren't really wanted. We expected tolerance—maybe not acceptance, but tolerance.

—David, 1990

We hired a restaurant we liked to handle the food, and they brought in a staff of six. We just said it was a wedding. I think I was afraid of running into discrimination. I really wanted this particular restaurant to cater it, and I guess I didn't feel that they needed to know.

When they got there, no one acted surprised, but I'm sure they were. All the waitresses were so professional and nice; I mean, at one point I was up there serving the cake and one of them came over to me and said, “Oh no. You just go on and have a good time. This is your special night.”

—Jeff, 1996

My boss at work is one of my best friends, and she's gay. She told me that she'd really love to bring her girlfriend to the wedding. But she's not really out to the other people we work with, so I decided out of courtesy to her that I wouldn't invite anyone else from work even though I probably would have if it hadn't been for that circumstance. It was important to me that it be a special day for her too.

—Joe, 1998

We were shopping around for wedding locations and had to wait while a man in charge of a chapel ran through his spiel on the telephone with someone else, describing the size of the rooms and the sanctuary and checking dates. He finally turned to us and said, So, who's the bride? Or is it a double wedding? Then we explained that we were marrying each other. He took a moment to adjust and then was actually kind of entranced with the idea and showed us around with renewed enthusiasm. Before we left, he told us that he once rented the chapel for a cross-dresser wedding but that no one there was gay.

—Beth and Patty, 1994

There was a country club where I had wanted my wedding ever since I can remember, but through the years I guess I figured it would never happen. Then Brit said, Let's just call and see how they react. So when she called and made an appointment, she said that there would be a lot of gay people
in the wedding party. The person said that it wouldn't be a problem. But I'm thinking,
Sure, we told them we've got some gay friends, but that's not the same as two brides.
So we called them back and told them that it was going to be a lesbian wedding, and was that a problem? They were fine with it. It just goes to show you, you just might get what you ask for.

—Pam, 2001