The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (43 page)

Print your invitation on a beach ball and mail it (preferably deflated) to announce your beach party wedding.

Get copies of an appropriate 45 rpm record such as Bette Midler's “Chapel of Love” and print bogus labels for the B side, telling all about the who, what, when, where, and so forth.

Do a short home video of one of your mothers inviting guests to the wedding. Have it copied and send it out. Later, submit this to
America's Funniest Home Videos
and win lots of money.

Instead of envelopes for mailing the invitations, consider boxes, tubes, or cans.

Lawyers: send a “summons to wedding” or a notice of legal partnership.

Trivia lovers: create a crossword puzzle or pop quiz about yourselves and the event. (Don't forget to enclose an answer sheet or no one may figure out how to get there.)

Gourmands: go to a cookie company and have your invitation printed on large cookies or slabs of chocolate. But don't order too many extras or you'll never get the cummerbund around your waist.

Go through the drawer that's filled with loose old photos; scan them, have them reprinted, and enclose one in each invitation, asking people to join you in creating new memories. You may even find a picture from a keg party to send to your old sorority sister.

Have a photo taken together that reflects the theme of the party. A couple we know whose house looks like pages 24 to 36 in the Sundance catalog got dressed up in full cowgirl regalia and had their portrait done atop a stallion. The caption asked the guests to join them at the roundup.

Go into a photo booth at the mall and get strips of funky two-shots to enclose in each invitation.

Have a photo taken of the two of you holding hands in a trendy public place. Before you have the copies made, put those little black bars over your eyes so that you look like something from the
National Enquirer.
Have the caption read, “
Strange But True: Woman to Wed Woman!”

In short, the sky's the limit. Dare to be different. If you have the chutzpah (and money) to hire an organ grinder and have the monkey hand-deliver each invitation, you have our blessing. (And please include us on the guest list.)

Here's a rough schedule of what kind of lead time you'll need for the invitations and related possible emergencies. This timeline is designed to place the least possible amount of stress on the couple in terms of getting the word out. (Notice we said “least possible amount,” because frankly chances are slim to none that you'll get through this without any stress at all.)