The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (41 page)

Online services:
There are some really cool invitation websites where you pick a style and fill in your specific information. Many
offer gay and lesbian graphics if that's what you're looking for. They'll take it from there, and your invites will be delivered to your door, ready to be addressed and stamped. (See the Resource Directory in the back of the book.)

If you choose to use a printer who's straight, the initial response you get will tell you whether you'll want to use them or keep on looking. For the most part, we found very little evidence of attitudinal problems. However, if you have the bad luck to call the same print shop that just took the
Friends of Pat Robertson Newsletter
off their press, they will probably be a little hostile to you. So what? Hang up and call the next place on your list. As we said in chapter three,
your
attitude is everything.

Don't be afraid to shop around, and don't feel that you have to come out to every single cashier. You don't have to say, “I'm gay and going to marry my homosexual lover, what's it to you?” in order to get a price quote. And one other thing: don't expect this decision to be taken care of in fifteen minutes; in fact, be prepared to make at least two trips before you finalize everything.

Okay, now that you're ready to make your way to the stationer, printer, or whatever, here's what you need to take with you:

Be sure you have (in writing) the date, times, locations, and addresses. Try to have some idea as to the wording you prefer. You should know the approximate number of guests you're planning to invite. And, as silly as it may seem, make sure you know the correct spellings of the names and places that will appear on the invitation.

Once you arrive, the salesperson will show you those voluminous wedding catalogs of invitations that range from the simple to the bizarre. (Some designs, of course, will be totally inappropriate—a bride and groom walking over a footbridge, for example.)

We haven't mentioned money yet, but now it's time for a reality check. You can't buy a greeting card for 50 cents, so don't expect to get your custom invitations for that. Plan on spending at least $3 per set (which includes invitation, inner and outer envelopes, reply card, and reply envelope); there's a chance that by the time you've left the store you may even have spent as much as $6 per set. It could be worse: invitation “specialists” charge up to $100 per invitation. (If you can afford that, you're probably having somebody read this book for you.) One printer we spoke with told us that the rule of thumb she passes along to couples is to plan on spending about $1 per item; the ceremony invitation and envelope would be $1; the reception card would be $1, the response card and envelope would be $1, and so on. She says that you'll probably end up spending less than that, but this is a good way to ballpark the cost. And don't forget to add on the cost of stamps—including extra postage if the invitation is heavy or oversize, plus stamps for the response-card return envelope. (Yes, you have to pay the return postage; it's tacky not to.)

How many invitations will you need? Take a count of your final guest list and add at least twenty-five to that; this will cover you for last-minute invites and souvenirs. Then add at least fifty extra envelopes so that whoever is addressing them can make mistakes and not feel suicidal. Surprisingly, an extra twenty-five or fifty
invitations on an order will not raise the cost of the order much, and can help you avoid spending lots more on a second run.

Invitation prices will rise and fall based on the following:

Paper.
The heavier the paper, the higher the grade. The paper is probably the most important place to put your money, because a change from typing paper to rag bond, for instance, gives you an entirely different look. Other options include parchment, vellum, rice paper, handmade paper, and recycled paper.

Printing method.
Hand letterpress
is the most expensive printing method, because, as the name suggests, it's all set by hand—you know, like the Guttenberg Bible. Next comes
engraving,
which involves a copper steel plate that is etched with the type; it's extremely classy looking, the Rolls-Royce of printing.
Thermography
is probably the most popular choice, because it simulates the raised lettering of engraving at a more affordable price.
Offset printing
has a flat surface and can be effective depending on the image to be reproduced. Last but not least, there's
photocopying.
If engraving is the Rolls-Royce of printing, a photocopy may well be the Hyundai, and will probably not provide the look you want for your wedding.

Ink.
Black is standard; other colors may cost more. Some printing companies also have what they consider to be extraordinarily special colors of ink that they'll charge extra for. (Of course they'll charge extra, because they hired a creative team to come up with color names like “elderberry,” “oatmeal,” and “moss.”) Also, if you choose more than one color, expect to pay extra.

Typeface.
Most companies offer a variety of type styles. Some also give you a large range of type sizes, allowing greater flexibility in fitting your wording into the space available. Computer-generated typefaces open up a whole world of possibilities, including Hebrew or Chinese characters.

Envelopes
.
You may want the outer envelope to have a lining, which of course will cost you extra.

Additional printing
.
This includes printing the return address on the back flap of the outer envelope, printing your address on the response-card envelope, and printing extra lines on the invitations themselves. You may also opt for
blind embossing
(that bumpy raised printing without ink) for the return address (especially if you don't want anyone to know where you live; we find
blind embossing
hard to see)
.

THOSE VOLUMINOUS WEDDING CATALOGS . . .

If you go into a store or print shop for your invitations, or if you get mail order catalogs, you're going to be inundated with options for other things that have your names on them. This includes but is not limited to: personalized napkins, matches and ashtrays, ribbons, wedding programs, scrolls, informal personal notes, thank-you notes, place cards, keepsake boxes, balloons, bookmarks, note pads, cake boxes or bags, and CD cases. There are engraved items such as cake cutters, toasting glasses, picture frames, charms, key rings, pen stands, and Christmas ornaments. You can even order those personalized swizzle sticks you've always longed for.

Interesting enough, many gay and lesbian couples get a big kick out of ordering items that have almost become anachronisms in the world of straight weddings.

If you're anything like us, you've done all of your homework… but when you go to the printers, you're going to forget that list of questions you had to ask. We've done you a favor here—take this list with you.

Printing Primer: Questions to Ask

Will I get to see a proof?
Some printers offer this service for a small fee. You might want to consider looking at proofs, because you'll be better off paying for any changes ahead of time than ending up with a finished product that's less stunning than you expected.