The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (45 page)

Take a completely stuffed invitation packet to the post office for weighing (and measuring if it's oversize) to make sure that one first-class stamp will do the trick. You don't want your invitations arriving stamped “Postage Due.” While at the post office, pick out a special stamp. The Postal Service usually has something current with “love” printed on it, but go ahead and use that Elvis stamp if that's your passion.

I always advise my clients to address the envelopes as soon as they possibly can, then stick them in a conspicuous place with a big sign on them saying, “Mail on September 21.” I can't tell you how many dizzy clients did all the addressing and stamping two months in advance, and then three weeks before the wedding realized that they forgot to put them in the mail.

—Sandy, of Sandy's Printing in Glendale, California

Instant Wedding Alert:
What's the absolute bare-bones minimum amount of lead time you can get away with to have a professionally printed invitation? Let's say you've just decided that you want to have your ceremony on the anniversary of the night you met at the Gertrude Stein Democratic Club meeting, but that's next month. And you have your heart set on a classic Crane's engraved wedding invitation.
C'est possible?

Yes; after all, we do live in the Digital Age, and with fax machines, overnight shipping, and so on, you can probably pull it off three weeks before the ceremony. You'll need to pay the stationer extra for rush service, you may have to pay your little brother to address envelopes, and you won't be giving your guests much advance warning, but yes, it is doable.

THE RIGHT STUFF

Stuffing an invitation packet is as simple as stuffing a turkey when you have the right instructions. Here's how it's done:

1. Make sure you've addressed the envelopes before you begin assembling the packets.

2. Place the tissue over the printed portion of the invitation.

3. Put all inserts within the fold of the invitation or in front of the tissue.

4. Put the invitation folded edge first into the unsealed inner envelope with the printed side facing the flap.

5. Put the inner envelope into the outer envelope with the guest's name facing the flap side of the outer envelope.

6. Finally, if you still have the strength, seal the outer envelope.

Here are a few hints to keep in mind as you hit the home stretch in the Wonderful World of Wedding Invitations.

If you're having two envelopes, the inner ones are the ones that are ungummed; they'll even come from the printer wrapped in a warning strip that says, “Do Not Address These Envelopes!”

In the ultratraditional world, the terms “and Guest” and “and Escort” are never used. You're supposed to ask for the date's name and address and send him or her a separate invitation. If you ask us, “and Guest” is perfectly acceptable, but remember that you're under no obligation to have everyone come in pairs.

If a lot of your friends have children, and you decide not to include the kids, simply make no mention of them on the invitation. If you want them to come, add each individual name, because if you use the phrase “and family,” people may show up with their third cousin once removed. Also think about hiring a baby-sitter to watch all the kids during the reception so that the parents can celebrate while the kids play or nap.

If you're especially close to a friend's preteen or teenage children, thrill them with their very own invitations.

One of Letitia Baldrige's rules of etiquette that we're very pleased with: if two people are living together, they receive one invitation and their names are listed alphabetically—that is, not necessarily with the woman's name first.

For your guests involved in long-term but non live-in relationships, it's nice to send separate invitations. But before you mail them out, call the one you're closer to and make sure they're still speaking.

For a straight married couple in which the woman has not changed her name, put her name first on a separate line from her husband's.

We also feel that if “Mr. and Mrs.” doesn't suit the couple you're inviting, giving the woman equal billing is nice; for example: