The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (66 page)

Consider how important food is to you. Yeah, yeah, we
know
you have to eat it to stay alive; what we mean is, how significant a role does it play in your daily life? What does food mean to you socially? There are couples who love to cook together, some who have dinners once a month with the same group of friends where everyone brings a new and exotic dish, and people who are always on the lookout for the newest best restaurant in town. Others are happy having Cheez Whiz on Ritz crackers as their appetizers and Big Macs as their main course. The category you fall into will help determine the direction you want to take when scoping out the eats.

If you've decided to have your celebration at a hotel or a restaurant, you probably already know where your food is coming from. If you're planning on using a site such as a bowling alley that allows you to bring in your own caterer or pick one from their recommendations, you may employ the services of a caterer to simply drop off trays of finger food. Or you may be going for a 100 percent do-it-yourself operation. No matter which of these you end up with, we'll walk you through the steps of what you need to know.

Caterers may go under a number of aliases (party planner, food-service manager, banquet adviser, director of food services), but they should do what the word
caterer
says: they should cater to you, attend to your needs. Now, exactly what your needs are will vary depending on the size of your guest list, the location of the wedding, how much time you have to spend on the details, how much money you have to spend, and the temperaments of the brides or the grooms and everyone else involved.

For our purposes here, the caterer is the person or company in charge of the food (and drink). However, the caterer's area of responsibility could range from buying the food to cooking the food to delivering the food to setting up the food to cleaning up after the food. You may choose one of those caterers that consider themselves artists and food their medium, or your caterer may be the Chicken Delight down the street that will deliver forty-five extra-crispy drumsticks with all the fixings. Either way, what really matters is that
you
understand what is being provided, and that
they
live up to their end of the bargain.

Caterers can offer you tons more than just the consumables. These experts can lend a hand in the following:

Helping you find your location.
Caterers who have regular corporate clients can give you an entrée to office lobbies, atriums, or top-floor meeting rooms; resourceful
caterers might have an “in” with facility managers or owners of private estates.

A sense of style.
A caterer should know how serving styles work with different age groups in assorted spaces. Creative menu selection tailored to your crowd and presented in a unique way gives the party character. Caterers can conceptualize the party and coordinate a complete look to the reception. Kegs of imported beer accompanying foods served from pushcarts was one caterer's answer to a reception held on the lawn of a couple's backyard.

Structuring the day and pacing the party.
When you hire a thorough caterer, you are hiring an expert who will help guide you through many of the details of the reception. The party will be orchestrated in a way that gives guests time to schmooze, munch, and boogie too. A good caterer knows the answer to the following questions: When is it time to serve dinner? Is dinner over yet? Should we cut the cake because some people have to leave? When can
we
leave?

As an endless source of information.
Because the caterer is at the epicenter of the party-planning business, he or she can steer you to florists, decorators, and rental companies who will all join forces and become your wedding-reception army.

Choosing the proper caterer can be a cause of great anxiety; in fact, it's part of the syndrome that we call Food and Beverage Apprehension. Catering is the ultimate in ordering in, only the stakes are much higher than you're used to. Food and Beverage Apprehension can also manifest itself when suddenly everything is much more expensive than you had planned and you begin to feel that this highly recommended food-service director is ripping you off royally. (Your internal monologue might go something like: “Yeah, he
seemed
really nice, but I'll bet deep down he's really a homophobe, and he's trying to ruin our wedding!”) This is probably paranoia. (Probably.) Do people get ripped off by caterers? Yes, sometimes they do. But if you follow our guiding light, you'll minimize the chances of that happening.

The two best ways to find the caterer for you are personal experience and word of mouth. Personal experience doesn't necessarily mean that you've hired them yourself. Remember last year's office party, when you went through that buffet line four times? So, who catered that? Think about restaurants where you love the food; they might do catering. As for word of mouth, check around and ask friends (especially those who have had weddings recently) and any organizations you're affiliated with. If you've chosen your photographer, ask him or her—wedding photographers have probably eaten at more weddings than Liz Taylor. Say to everyone you meet, “Hi, who does your catering?” (We personally feel that this is a scintillating conversation opener.)

As a secondary source, let your fingers do the clicking and check out caterers and restaurants via the Internet. Depending on where you live, you should find quite a selection that illustrates the diversity of cuisine and assistance that is available. Don't pick a caterer from the Internet just because you think “Flash in the Pan” is a clever name; make sure you run them through the paces that we're about to propose.

Cornell University in Ithaca, New York, offers a master's program in hotel management that includes food service. We're telling you this because you should be aware that there is a lot of information to be had here, and that you shouldn't panic because you're not an expert in the field—yet. We're about to give you a crash course in food service so that you can begin to figure out where you need professional help and where you think you can handle it yourself (“I'll buy that bottled water myself at Sam's Club”) or throw in your own personal touches (“No one can set a table as beautifully as I can”).

For wedding purposes, we can break down the elements of catering into four categories.

The Food:
Caterers have different strengths or specialties in food preparation. Some are particularly good with regional fare; others are not known for food but offer a fabulous presentation (great if you're looking for custom ice sculptures or fruit carvings); still others can provide something special such as a sushi bar and chef. A good caterer will be game to tailor your wedding to your specifications. Food can be served buffet style, from food stations, sit-down, or passed around on trays by circulating servers. Typically, cost is calculated on a per-head basis, and you'll need to find out what that really includes.

The Drink
:
Includes whatever suits your fancy: champagne, hard liquor, wine, kegs of beer, mineral water, Mountain Dew, coffee, tea, or milkshakes. In hotels, halls, and private clubs, liquor can count for as much as 45 percent of the catering bill, and you probably won't be allowed to supply your own. You'll get more bang for your buck if you're in a space where you can provide your own liquor and hire a bartender who will prep and pour.