The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (62 page)

If you're giving your guests a program of the ceremony, it's a nice idea to list the prelude and other musical selections along with the names of the composers and the performing artists.

For more musical information, see chapter Seventeen, “That's Entertainment!”

50 Great Love Songs

“In My Life” (Lennon/McCartney)

“Love Song #1” (Me'shell Ndegeocello)

“All of My Life” (Irving Berlin)

“Keep It Precious” (Melissa Etheridge)

“The Rose” (Amanda McBroom)

“Amazing Grace” (traditional)

“For Me and My Gal” (Leslie/Goetz/Meyer)

“Come Rain or Come Shine” (Mercer and Arlen)

“Zing Went the Strings of My Heart” (H. Arlen)

“Loving You” (Stephen Sondheim)

“Can't Help Falling in Love” (Weiss/Peretti/Creatore)

“There But for You Go I” (Lerner and Loewe)

“My Heart Is So Full of You” (Frank Loesser)

“There Is Nothing Like a Dame” (Rodgers and Hammerstein)

“Love Me Like a Man” (Chris Smither)

“It Had to Be You” (Jones/Kahn)

“Always” (Irving Berlin)

“Have I Told You Lately” (Van Morrison)

“If Love Was a Train” (Michelle Shocked)

“I Want to Marry You” (Bruce Springsteen)

“If I Should Fall Behind” (Bruce Springsteen)

“For You” (Tracy Chapman)

“A Song for You” (Leon Russell)

“My Funny Valentine” (Rodgers and Hart)

“Love Don't Need a Reason” (Allen/Callen/Malamet)

“You Are So Beautiful to Me” (Billy Preston)

“Our Love Is Here to Stay” (George and Ira Gershwin)

“If We Only Have Love” (Jacques Brel)

“Hawaiian Wedding Song” (Charles King)

“A Simple Song” (Schwartz and Bernstein)

“Never My Love” (Etta James)

“If Not for You” (Bob Dylan)

“When You Wish upon a Star” (Harline and Washington)

“Stand by Your Man” (Wynette and Sherrill)

“Try a Little Tenderness” (Woods/Campbell/Connelly)

“Marry Me” (Dolly Parton)

“I'll Cover You” (Jonathan Larson)

“Stand by Me” (King/Glick)

“Your Song” (Elton John)

“You Have Captured My Heart” (Julie Silver)

“True Companion” (Marc Cohn)

“Crazy for You” (George and Ira Gershwin)

“I Live for Your Love” (Alan Rich)

“Just in Time” (Comden/Green/Styne)

“Today I Met the Boy I'm Gonna Marry” (Darlene Love)

“Anyone Would Love You” (Harold Rome)

“Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” (Lauper and Hyman)

“True Love Ways” (Buddy Holly)

“One Hand, One Heart” (Leonard Bernstein)

“I Wanna Get Married” (Nellie McKay)

At this point we're sure that you understand why we can't give you any precise advice on who stands where and next to whom and when—because
you're
picking from so many individual options that all the rules go out the window. However, in an effort to give some definition to how you're staging the ceremony, we've compiled some tips from the etiquette gurus. Use ‘em or lose ‘em.

The standard order of the wedding party in the processional and recessional is different for Christian and Jewish weddings. We think the most striking feature they share is that the groom comes in early and the bride is the last one to enter. This will never do for you. No matter who you have preceding you (“good people,” flower children, etc.), the two of you should be the last ones to arrive and the first to leave.

If you come from a divorced family, and your natural parents loathe one another or their spouses are jealous about the whole affair and your parents' part in it, think through the seating for them. You don't want any hurt feelings to ruin the day for you.

Your ushers won't have to worry about this, but if you're standing at the back of a Christian church looking toward the altar, the left side is traditionally the bride's and the right side is the groom's; in a Jewish ceremony it's just the opposite. Expect those ushers with a sense of humor to say to each person they escort, “Are you a friend of the groom's, or a friend of the groom's?”

If you're going to walk down an aisle, you can rent or buy a runner that will add a little magic to the look, as well as prevent those new high heels from slipping out from underneath you. This runner is rolled out by the ushers just before the processional starts; that way, your guests' shoe prints won't ruin it ahead of time.

Think of a wedding in a chapel and you probably envision the officiant facing the congregation. What's wrong with this picture? Your backs, the backs of the guests of honor, are to the audience. No director worth her or his salt would ever stage something this way. Why should you? Change places with the officiant and let your guests look at
his
or
her
back. Or stand in a V, with the two of you looking at the officiant but “cheating” toward the audience.

Brian and I kept our vows a secret until the moment we read them during the ceremony. We decided whoever read their vows second would have to march down the aisle first. It was a good compromise.

—David

To get your imaginations working, look over this list of what others have done to customize their ceremonies.

If you have access to a flagpole at the ceremony site, have a special flag made to fly over the festivities. It can be a solid color, a rainbow flag, or one that you've designed yourselves. Later, take it down and have everyone sign it.