The Lightning-Struck Heart (48 page)

Justin shrugged. “He barricaded the tower.”

“But—”

He walked out of the room.

I followed.

We went up the remaining set of stairs, which led to a hatch in the ceiling. Justin pushed up on the splintered wood and sunlight poured down onto the stairs. I blinked against it as I reached the top.

Kevin was sitting on the edge of the roof, like an overgrown stone gargoyle, tail curled out along the side of the keep. If it weren’t for the fact that his name was Kevin and that he wanted me to suck on his penis, I would have thought him an extraordinary beast. Unfortunately, he’d colored my perceptions and all I wanted to do was cover my mouth so no one could accuse me of having dick lips again.

“You will stay here, my Prince,” Kevin said to Justin. “Do not come down and attempt to defend me.”

“Okay,” Justin said. “Wasn’t planning on it.”

“Even if it looks like I’m at death’s door, you must stay hidden and safe.”

“Sure.” Justin sounded bored.

“Even if I’m screaming and my blood is pooling on the ground, do not under any circumstances rush down and cry over me, confessing your deepest love and begging me not to go.”

“Right.” Justin rubbed a smidge of dirt off one of his knuckles.

“And if I should go, I plead with you to not throw yourself off the top of the keep to your death because you think that you can’t live without me and want to follow me through the Veil—”

“Oh my gods,” I said because I couldn’t take it anymore. “Seriously. Just… seriously. What is this even…? I don’t. Gods.”

“It’s romantic,” Kevin said.

“It’s creepy,” I said.

“I think it’s all right,” Justin said with a shrug.

Kevin preened.

“How are you going to explain your dragon lover to the King?” I asked, unable to think of anything else to say.

“Easy,” Kevin said. “I’m young, hung, and have absolutely no refractory period.”

“Dude,” I said in awe. “Just. Dude.”

“He’s not my dragon lover,” Justin said.

“Not yet,” Kevin said.

“Weird,” Justin said. “Maybe I liked it better when I couldn’t understand you. Is that what you’ve been saying to me this whole time?”

“Not at first.”

“Really? How long did it take?”

“Four minutes.”

Justin sighed. “The whole time.”

“Mostly,” Kevin agreed.

“And then you see Sam and his lips and now you’re pushing for a three-way?”

“What?” I said.

“No, baby,” Kevin said, voice sweet. “No. You’re the only one for me. Of course not. I would never. I wouldn’t do that to you. Unless you wanted to. Do you want to? Gosh. I’ve never even considered it. Is that what you’re thinking about? The three of us? Me lying on my back and you two climbing all over my junk? Is that what you want?”

“I’m the denominator,” I whispered. “Oh my gods,
I’m the denominator
.”

Justin wrinkled his nose. “Not really a threesome-with-Sam kind of guy.”

“Hey!” I said because someone needed to defend my honor. “I would be a
great
person to have a threesome with. I’d be all tender and caring and making sure both parties got equal attention from me. By the time I got done with both of you, you’d be so satisfied, you’d be ruined for all others.”

Kevin and Justin stared at me.

Oh shit.
“Uh. Not that that’s an option. Because it’s not. Seeds need to bloom in me and make treasure because I love being on my knees for armies. Crap. That’s not what I meant to say.”

“And how do you know him?” Kevin side-whispered to Justin.

“He’s to be my wizard when I am king,” Justin said. And if I’m being honest, he could have tried to sound a bit more thrilled at that.

“Yikes,” Kevin said.

“I’m not going to rescue you,” I told Justin.

“I won’t have to eat you, then,” Kevin said, snapping his jaws at me.

“You don’t scare me anymore,” I said, even though it wasn’t completely true. “I’m not made of leaves and twigs, you wannabe carnivore.”

“It’s a healthier
life
choice!”

“Don’t talk to Sam about life choices,” Justin said. “All of his have been wrong.”

“You’re kind of a bitch,” I said. “Your Highness.”

Whatever retort Justin may have had was put on hold when Kevin tensed, the bony spines on his back going rigid. Justin and I looked over the edge of the keep down toward the entrance to the valley.

I choked at the sight that lay before us.

“Is that what I think it is?” Justin asked. He almost sounded amused.

If what he thought it was happened to be Ryan riding Gary full-out into the valley, sword and shield drawn, Tiggy running at their sides, hands balled into gigantic fists as they hurtled themselves toward the keep, then yes.

Gary looked majestic as fuck, mane flying back around his head where he wore a makeshift battle helmet that I’d never seen before, nostrils flaring, coat gleaming. I reminded myself to tell him later.

Tiggy looked scary as fuck, with the snarl on his face, the muscles bunching in his thighs.

Ryan looked hot as fuck with his sword and shield and hair flying in the wind, and I’m pretty sure I was on my way to a full erection by that point because that shit was fucking
erotic
.

“This feels like a sex dream,” I breathed.

“This feels like a
what
?” Justin asked.

“Uhhhh. Nothing. I didn’t say anything. Oh, look. Fascinating things are happening. Let’s focus on those.”

And as if waiting for me to say so, Kevin spread his wings and roared, the sound crawling along the valley. I saw Tiggy stumble slightly and even Gary faltered, but they pushed on. I’d never thought them more brave. Or more ridiculous.

And I couldn’t even begin to comprehend Ryan riding atop Gary. I couldn’t even find the time to think that Ryan was somehow a racist because of it.

Kevin launched himself off the top of the keep and spread his wings. He fell near silent, his wings catching him before he landed on the ground in front of the great doors.

“Don’t kill them,” Justin called after him. “Maybe just scare them a little bit.”

I gaped at him.

“What?” he asked me. “We might as well enjoy it if we have to watch.”

That… okay. I couldn’t fault him for that. Because Gary was doing a great impression of a warrior princess with his battle screech as he charged up the road toward the keep. And Tiggy was trying to scream along with him, but he wasn’t really understanding what they were doing so he was screaming, “
I’m yelling too
!
”
And Ryan might have been manly screaming, but I was distracted by the way the sun fell in his hair and I had to stop myself from sighing dreamily.

Of course, they all stopped screaming when Kevin landed in front of them, the dirt puffing up in clouds around his claws. Kevin hissed, his forked tongue curling out around his lips, the spines along his back quivering. If I hadn’t known that he was a mostly vegetarian, sexually aggressive lizard, I would have been terrified. As it was, I rolled my eyes.

“Eep,” Gary said.

“Whoa,” Tiggy said.

“Prepare, dragon!” Ryan shouted. “For today, you will meet your end!”

Justin and I both snorted.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean that to sound as douchey as it did,” I said.

“No,” Justin said. “He meant it all right. He does that sometimes.”

“Tiggy,” Gary hissed. “Take off this fucking helmet.”

Ryan slid down from Gary and flourished his sword, eyes never leaving Kevin. Kevin snarled at him, dragging his claws along the ground, tail flicking dangerously from side to side. His muscles bunched in his legs, and it looked as if he were about to launch himself at Ryan. I wondered briefly if I should intervene.

Tiggy leaned over and lifted the helmet from Gary’s head. Gary, ever the diva, shook his head daintily, his mane settling perfectly on the side of his head.

And the dragon. Just.
Stopped
.

“Um,” Ryan said. “Hello? Dragon? Are we doing this or—”

“What great beauty is this?” Kevin breathed, sounding soul struck.

“Um. What?” Ryan asked, taking a step back. “Talking. It talks. Of course it does.”

“Did you hear my battle scream?” Gary asked Tiggy, completely ignoring Kevin. “I was all like,
GRAAAHHH
and it sounded pretty awesome if I do say so myself.”

“It very loud,” Tiggy said. “Tiggy scream too.
GWAAAHHH
!”

“No,” Gary said, shaking his head. “Not gwah. Grah.
GRAAAHH
!”

“
GWAAAAHHHH
!”

“Dragon,” Ryan said, poking Kevin with his sword. “Hey. Dragon.”

“
GRAAAHHHHHH
!
”

Kevin ignored Ryan, eyes only on Gary.

“Seriously?” Justin asked me. “
Seriously
?”

“Hey! You leave them—okay. Even I can’t defend this. Oh my gods. What the hell.”

“
GWAAAAHHHH
!”

“
GRAAAHHH
—never mind. We’ll work on this later. Well, finish the dragon thing, find a tavern and scope out the mens.”

“Scopin’ out mens,” Tiggy agreed. “And cake.”

“Yes, dear heart. We can have cake. Now, where were we?” Gary looked back at Kevin, who was still staring at him. “Oh, right. Dragon. That’d probably be a good place to start. You there. Dragon! Hello! Yes, you!”

Kevin looked over his shoulder as if there was another dragon standing directly behind him that Gary could have been addressing. “Me?” he asked.

“Yes. You. Now. Have you seen a wizard? Well, apprentice, really. He’s about six feet tall, skinny as all get out. I’ve told that boy he needs to eat more, but does he listen to me? Of course not. His nose is always buried in his Grimoire or in the labs or running for our lives. He’s got black hair, or maybe it’s better described as onyx. Onyx, Tiggy?”

“Onyx,” Tiggy agreed. “Pretty Sam.”

“Onyx, then,” Gary said. “But you probably know him from his mouth. It never closes.”

“Hey!” I snapped. “It closes all the time!”

“Only when you swallow, dear,” Gary said and then, “Sam! Oh my gods!”

Tiggy, Gary, and Ryan all looked up.

Justin and I waved.

“Are you a prisoner of the dragon?” Gary asked. “What the hell am I saying? Of course you are. Gods, Sam. If you ever do that again, I swear I’ll murder you. You gave me gray hairs!
Gray hairs
, Sam. At
my
age? You asshole!”

“Uh, it makes you look distinguished?” I tried.

His eyes narrowed. “Distinguished. That’s what you’re choosing to go with.”

“Are you all right?” Ryan asked, tone weary and concerned. “When you were taken, I couldn’t—”

“I’m fine,” Justin and I both said at the same time.

“Er,” I said. “The Prince is just fine.”

“Because that’s who you were asking about, right, Ryan?” Justin asked.

“Uhhh,” Ryan said. “I should probably fight this dragon.”

“Can we please ignore the awkwardness and go back to where Sam said I was an old cow?” Gary asked. “He should never be allowed to speak again. Ever.”

“If you ask me, I’ll tell you what
I
think,” Kevin blurted out.

“Hmmm,” Gary said. “Intrigued. Go ahead.”

Kevin swallowed thickly, throat bobbing up and down. “Okay. So. Um. Come on, Kevin, you can do this. You got this. Just say it.
Say it
. Ahem. You are the most enchanting creature I have ever seen. I have not known true beauty until this day. Any beauty I thought I might have known before was an obvious lie because there is no comparison.”

“Sucks for you,” I told Justin, elbowing him in the side.

“He’s dissing you too, asshole,” Justin grumbled.

“Nah. I’ve just got dick lips.”

“I don’t think that’s as good as you keep thinking it is.”

“Five minutes ago, you were his one true love. Now, I bet he doesn’t even remember your name.”

“I don’t suppose it matters,” Justin said, lips curving dangerously. “I’m already engaged to be married. You know. To a knight.”

And that round went to Prince Asshole.

“You took my breath away,” Kevin continued, oblivious to the drama from above. “When you removed your warrior’s helmet, I wondered if the gods had chosen to honor me this day for any world where you exist must truly be a blessing.”

Gary stared at him. “Tiggy,” he said, crooking his lips toward the half-giant. “Who is he talking to?”

“You,” Tiggy said. “He wants to eat Gary flower.”

“My flower was eaten a long time ago.” He looked the dragon up and down and said, “I’ll see where this goes. Continue.”

“First, might I know your name?” Kevin asked. “I assume it is something so magical that the very utterance of it would cause rainbows to weep in glorious joy.”

“Gary.”

“
Gary
,” the dragon whispered in awe, the name on his lips sounding almost like benediction. “Have two syllables ever sounded more beautiful together? Geh. Ree. The gods must have outdone themselves the day that word was born. They took the exquisiteness from the earth and rolled it together with a pinch of sunshine and love and gorgeousness and when it was finished, it was
Gary
.”

“Wow,” Gary said. “That was… words.”

“This is getting uncomfortable,” I told Justin.

“I might have gotten lucky that Gary showed up,” he said.

“So,” Ryan said, his sword now dragging in the dirt. He looked slightly put out. “Are we, like, gonna fight here? I’m not really sure of the protocol for something like this and—”

“Ryan,” Gary said. “Shut up. I’m being wooed.”

“But—”

“Ryan.
Shut
.
It
.”

“Gods,” Ryan grumbled.

“I apologize for the Knight Commander,” Gary said to Kevin. “He doesn’t understand how love works.”

“That’s bullshit,” Ryan said. “I know love. I’ve got so much love. You don’t even know.”

“He does?” I asked, heart beating traitorously in my chest.

“You do?” Justin asked.

“Hi, Sam!” Tiggy said, waving at me.

“Should I take him out for you, my sweet?” Kevin asked. “All you have to do is but ask and I will make sure his blood is spilled upon the ground. I’ll roast his skin with my fire. I’ll tear off his head. I stick my claws up his perky ass if his screams will make you happy.”