The Lightning-Struck Heart (50 page)

He said, “It’s always about
you
.”

I arched an eyebrow at him. “How you figure?”

“I’m going to be the fucking king one day,” he snarled at me. “I’m going to take my father’s place and rule over all of Verania. It’s why I was born. It’s what I was raised for. It’s why I took all those fucking lessons in etiquette and diplomacy. It was in the hundreds of hours of meetings I attended with councils and heads of state. With advisors and commanders, all telling me what I was supposed to do. How I was supposed to be. What I would become. And then
you
.”

It was said with such venom that I almost took a step back. But I didn’t because I didn’t fear him. I was not scared of Justin. I would never hurt him, but that didn’t mean I’d take his shit.

“
You
get taken from the slums,” he said. “
You
are brought into my home. You who did nothing to deserve it. Nothing to earn it. All because of a fucking magic
trick
you did one day when you were sticking your nose where it didn’t belong. And it only took
days
for it to be all about you. Oh Sam the sweet little wizard. Oh Sam the boy who came from nothing. Perfect, innocent Sam who came to the castle and who everyone loved. Morgan talked about you as if you were a prophecy fulfilled. The staff talked about you like you were royalty. Beloved and cherished. My friends, my fucking
friends
, thought you were smart and loyal. And my
father
. Well. Let’s just say it wasn’t long before he was speaking of you as if you were his second son.”

“I didn’t ask for any of this,” I said quietly.

“You never had to!” he cried, and Gary and Tiggy jerked their heads up. Tiggy started toward us, a low growl rumbling from his chest. I held up a hand to ward him off, to placate him. He stopped, but he wasn’t pleased. “You never had to ask for
anything
because it was always given to you! How do you think it made me feel when I would sit at my father’s side, doing everything I could to get him to notice me, to say something about how well I was doing, how proud of me he was, only to hear him talk about
you
. About what
you
did. About what
you’d
become.

“And to make it worse, you could come and go as you pleased. You didn’t have to stay in the fucking castle. You didn’t have to follow rules and guidelines and codes. You could do whatever the fuck you wanted because you’re fucking Sam of fucking Wilds. You fuck up and everyone laughs and shrugs. You got a Dark wizard
murdered
and nothing, absolutely
nothing
happened to you.
Nothing
. I make a mistake and the entire fucking
kingdom
will hear about it.”

“That’s not fair,” I said, trying to keep from raising my voice. “I’m sorry if you felt that I’ve taken things from you, but I’m not sorry for my life. I won’t ever apologize for who I am and I shouldn’t have to. You can’t ask that of me, Justin. And that Dark wizard that I
got murdered
? He was going to kill us. He was going to hurt Gary. And I will never let that happen. Gary is my friend and I will never let anyone hurt him. And Tiggy loves us. He loves us enough to protect us. Much like I tried to protect you.”

He recoiled as if I’d slapped him. “You don’t love me,” he said hoarsely.

“No,” I said. “I don’t. But you are my Prince, and I would do anything to protect you.”

“Fuck you, Sam. Gods, fuck you so much. You sanctimonious little bitch.”

“Your father loves you. Your people love you. Ryan lo—”

“Don’t you fucking talk to me about Ryan!” he shouted. “You don’t know
shit
about that. You don’t get to speak a godsdamn word about us.” He took a step toward me.

I said, “Don’t. Whatever you’re thinking, don’t.”

Another step and the stone beneath my feet cracked. The
green
was so bright and I had to force it away. Dark syllables danced across my mind, but I stripped them of their intent. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t hurt him. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

There was a large shadow flashing overhead and then Kevin was there, landing near Tiggy and Gary. Gary murmured something to him quietly, words I couldn’t make out. Kevin gave an answering rumble but didn’t move from his perch.

And that meant Ryan was coming. They must have heard Justin’s voice.

Fuck this day so fucking much.

“He came here to save you,” I said. “There was no stopping him.”

“And I’m sure it didn’t hurt that you were going too,” Justin said, chuckling bitterly.

“Nothing happened.” But wasn’t that a lie? Because something
had
happened.
Everything
had happened.

“He was mine, you know,” Justin said. “My father told me that a king needed a queen. When I told him I was gay, he said that a king needed a consort. He said that if I didn’t find someone on my own by my twenty-fifth birthday, that he would arrange a marriage on my behalf. That he would find someone for me and I would be forced to marry them. Do you know what that feels like, Sam? To know that your future is put on a deadline and if that deadline isn’t met, that you’ll be matched with a stranger, someone who you’ve never met but will spend the rest of your life with.”

I didn’t say anything because I
didn’t
know. I didn’t know what it felt like to be forced to love someone, because I loved someone with so much force it hurt my heart to even think about it. Someone who didn’t belong to me. No matter what was said, Ryan wasn’t mine. It didn’t stop the keep from starting to rumble, the stones vibrating underneath our feet. Gary called my name, told me to focus, to fucking
focus
, but I pushed his voice away.

“So I picked someone,” Justin said, oblivious to my anger. “I picked Ryan. I made a godsdamn choice and even if I didn’t love him, even if I didn’t have feelings for him, I picked someone. I made my own choice. I wasn’t forced by my father. And it was
fine
.”

And, of course, that’s when Ryan showed up, clambering through the hatch.

Justin, hearing his fiancé, smiled darkly at me and said, “I’ve fucked him, you know. Had him on his hands and knees and I fucked him. He begged for my cock and I gave it to him with all I could. There were bruises left by my fingers on his hips.” The stone beneath his feet split and he took another step forward.

“Justin,” Ryan barked. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Teaching a lesson,” Justin said, eyes never leaving mine. I kept my face a blank mask, not allowing him to see anything, be it hurt or jealousy. It was weakness and I wasn’t going to allow him to see it. “He needs to learn his place.”

“This isn’t you,” Ryan said, coming to stand beside him. He put his hand on Justin’s shoulder. “You don’t want to do this.”

“He’ll never be yours,” Justin said, ignoring Ryan. “We made a deal. An oath. Did you know that, Sam? A knight’s word is his honor. He wanted to make a name for himself. Wanted to rise up through the ranks. He agreed to be the King Consort to secure his place among the knights. It may not have been born of love, but it was still my choice. And his. Regardless of how we started, I care about him. And I know he cares about me.”

“You know I do,” Ryan said quietly, looking at Justin. “And I keep my oaths.” He looked over at me with something akin to sadness.

And didn’t that just sting. Even though I knew it, even though I knew there were feelings of a sort between them, hearing them spoken aloud hurt more than I thought it could. And I knew Ryan was a man of his word. Regardless of what he felt for me, however far it reached, he would keep his word to the Prince. Because he had to. He’d made an oath, and it was the strongest promise a knight could make.

I tried to pull the magic down then. Tried to contain it so nothing more would happen. I needed to leave. I needed to leave this all behind, separate myself from the others. Find an empty space far from anyone and then release it all at once. I didn’t know what would happen, didn’t know how powerful that release would be, but even I knew it’d been building for weeks. I’d just chosen to ignore it.

The stones began to shift underneath our feet.

I gritted my teeth together.

Gary shouted something I couldn’t make out.

The hatch. I had to get to the hatch.

I couldn’t allow them to get hurt. Not any of them. Not even Justin.

I took a step and the stones cracked again.

And then Ryan said, “
Sam
,” his hands coming up to my face, and everything just
stopped
.

The rumbling.

The shifting.

The flashes of green and gold.

The ache along my skin.

The buildup that thrummed within me, begging to be released.

It all just stopped.

I opened my eyes.

And there was Ryan, always Ryan. He cupped my face and his thumbs traced my cheeks. His eyes were so bright and he said, “Hey, Sam, you’re with me, okay?” I just nodded, unable to look away, even though I
knew
I wasn’t with him, not really. But it didn’t matter because I felt soothed, his touch a balm, and I knew then I’d never find anyone like him again. There might be others out there who could anchor my magic, but they’d never be like him. He’d never have to know, but I would. I would know him forever.

And so, of course, that’s when I understood I’d underestimated Justin yet again.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he said.

“Justin, why don’t we—” Gary started, but was cut off almost immediately.

“Does he know?” Justin demanded. “Did you tell him?”

And he
knew
.

I took a step back out of Ryan’s hands. I looked over his shoulder at Justin and said, “No. Don’t do this. I didn’t. I wouldn’t. Don’t do this. Please.”

“What’s going on?” Ryan asked, eyes narrowed as he looked between the two of us.

“Tell him,” Justin said. “Or I will.”

“Justin, I’ll go, okay? I swear to the gods I’ll go. I won’t do anything. Please, just don’t do this.”

“Every wizard needs an anchor,” he said to Ryan. “My father taught me that. Told me one day, Sam would find a person who would help him build his magic. Would help him to become a better wizard. Magic needs to be built upon a foundation, and a cornerstone
is
that foundation. It helps the wizard become more in control. More settled. Because magic, if unchecked, can grow and twist you into something off. Dark. And the cornerstone is usually someone with intent.
Romantic
intent. Isn’t that right, Sam?”

“Sam?” Ryan asked. “What is he talking about?”

“I never wanted this,” I said. “I promise. Both of you. I didn’t ask for this to happen. I swear I didn’t.”

“You told me a cornerstone wasn’t anything,” Ryan said, voice hard. “You told me that it didn’t matter.”

“Did he?” Justin asked with a laugh. “That was a lie. It’s
everything
.”

“That’s enough,” Gary snapped. He moved swiftly, hooves clacking along the stone until he was by my side. He brushed up against me and I took strength from it. Everything felt too loud, too bright inside my head. He knew. “You’re free to go. Ryan, take the Prince back to Castle Lockes. Forget this place and leave Sam the hell alone.”

“I smash?” Tiggy growled, coming to stand on my other side. “I smash Prince and Knight Delicious Face?”

“Sam,” Ryan said, taking a step toward us.

“Don’t you get it, Ryan?” Justin said. “You’re his fucking cornerstone. Because of
course
you are. The one time I make a choice for myself, the
one time I get to choose
, Sam of fucking Wilds tries to take that choice away. I won’t let him. Not this time. You pledged yourself to me, and I will never let you go.”

And there it was. Out there. Words that could never be taken back. I’d never wanted him to find out. Not like this. Not ever. It should have felt better, having all my cards on the table.

But gods, it didn’t. It hurt.

“Is that true?” Ryan asked.

I said, “Don’t—”

“
Is it true
?”

I took a breath. Let it out slowly.

And said, “Yes.”

“You lied to me. I asked you and you
lied
to me.” He was angry and hurt, just like I’d knew he’d be. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

“No.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“Because,” I said, “you have an oath. One I won’t let you break. Your word is your bond and you are bound to Justin.”

“How long?” he asked, sounding even angrier. “How the fuck long have you known?”

“The restaurant. With the Darks.”

He took a step back. Away from me. Toward Justin. “Sam… that. That was
months
ago.”

And because this had to end, I said, “And it doesn’t matter anymore. We’ve got what we came here for. It’s time to leave. It’s time to say good-bye.”

Shit Just Got Real, Son

S
O
,
THAT
turned out to be a huge clusterfuck.

Because of course it did.

And I felt bad for Justin. I really did.

Still hated him with a fiery passion.

But I felt bad.

(And then I remembered the whole comment about having Ryan on his hands and knees and I didn’t feel that bad anymore.)

I told the others I needed to speak to Morgan in private. “Wizarding things,” I said, going for ominous and instead sounding slightly manic.

Tiggy looked pissed off.

Gary looked murderously at Justin.

Kevin stared at Gary.

Ryan stared at me.

Justin said, “I don’t get why we have to wait. We’re not even going with you.”

Tiggy scowled.

Gary started sweating glitter.

Kevin stared at Gary.

Ryan stared at me.

Justin said, “Gods. Call Morgan. The sooner you’re done, the sooner we can go.”