The Years Between (3 page)

She straightened up. “Let’s go get my stuff. I want to go home. I don’t want to wait. And I want to do this again, in a bed. Our bed.”

“We’ve never done it in our bed.”

“We’ve never done most things. It’s time we started.”

Will grabbed her hand as they stood in front of the apartment. She hadn’t been inside since the day Lindsey took her out and put her into treatment for cutting, rape and abuse. That was the day Will first left her here. And the day after the most colossal breakdown of her life. The day Will saved her. And the day he left her.

They were relieved and thrilled that there appeared to be no media staking out their apartment. If any of them knew Will’s exact location they’d probably be front and center at the apartment. For once luck was with them.

“You okay?” He held her gaze.

She nodded. “I’m okay.”

He unlocked the door, opened it, flipped the light on and set down the suitcase of the stuff she packed from Lindsey’s. The apartment looked exactly the same. The same dull couch, and recliner, white, blank walls and basket of magazines, and the small kitchen table and barren kitchen.

Images swarmed through her mind. She could picture herself standing there in her stupid, blood-stained wedding dress, after Will and hers farce of a marriage. She could picture the stinging of her legs. Along with her heart. She envisioned Will stiff and unyielding, disdainful and confused, and very unhappy she was there. She shook her head. This time, Will’s hand was on her lower back. He grabbed her free hand. She glanced at him with a smile. “I’m not going to turn crazy just because I’m walking in here.”

“That’s good. I’m also hoping you won’t remember what a dick I was then and turn around and leave. Maybe I’m holding onto you to keep
you
from leaving
me,
this time.”

She smiled and stepped past him and her luggage before glancing around. “My God! It’s like a time warp. Nothing is different.”

He fidgeted. “I guess not. I wasn’t here much. After you left, I stayed here as little as possible. I hated being here without you.”

She tilted her head. “I never knew that. You never said that before.”

“I never said a lot of things. I loved you then, you know. I just didn’t have a clue what to do with it, or about it.”

“Gretchen told me. I didn’t know if I should have believed her.”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “We have
a lot
to talk about.”

“Yes, we do. But not right now. I’ve had enough to last me for a few days.”

He glanced around. “Maybe we should move.”

She looked
around too. “We should definitely move. But we can’t tonight, so for now, it’s home.”

“What about your stuff?”

“I’ll call Noah; he’ll send me whatever I ask for and store the rest.”

“Noah.” Will’s tone was annoyed. She tilted her head. Will never once acted jealous of other men around her, and spent a lot of time pushing her away. It was odd to comprehend he just might have said “Noah” in a jealous tone.

“Uh, Will? Are you disturbed by Noah and me?”

“Well, didn’t you date him?”

“You told me to!”

“Okay, I did. Well, not him specifically.”

“He’s who you had in mind. Why do you think I asked him to take me out? I always did what you told me. I thought you were always right about me, and us.”

He hung his head and sighed. “I know; but I did think he would be good for you. He was nice to you, stable, polite… and had nothing to do with the cause of your pain. I really thought being with me would make it more painful for you. I just… I can’t stand to live without you. It took me by surprise. It was easier to think I
wanted
you to do that, than to really let you do it.”

She could have let his imagination suffer a little while, but instead, she shook her head. “You have to know more than anyone, I didn’t sleep with him. We made out a few times. He tried to touch my—well, that doesn’t matter, but I freaked out and left.
You
know better than anyone.”

“I know,” he said finally, his face stricken. “Was it… painful?”

She pursed her lips. “What?”

“Whatever you couldn’t do?”

She was silent for a long moment. “Yes,” she finally said in a near whisper. “It was hard to realize I could not even begin to do that with anyone, but you. I went home and cried because I didn’t know how to deal with that. You were the only one who made me feel safe; and you didn’t want me.”

“I wanted you.” His tone was low and his fists were clenched at his sides.

“You weren’t willing to have me, then. So, yes, it was very painful. You leaving me was painful. Being separated from you was painful, but thinking you were dead was the most painful of all.”

He shut his eyes. “I didn’t think I was good for you.”

“I know. Like you, I know everything. It doesn’t always make it easy. I didn’t even pack my stuff to come here. Noah did. I was… catatonic. Lindsey called and told me the general said you were missing. Noah got me here. You owe him a debt of gratitude, not jealousy. Besides, he knew you always had me.”

He crossed the room and wrapped her in his arms. “Talk to Noah. I’ll pay for whatever you want sent. Someday, you’re going to have to admit how angry you really are with me.”

She glanced up and he looked down at her, still holding her tightly. “I’m not angry at you! My God! Will, I’m on my knees, I’m so grateful you’re alive.”

He smiled. “Yes, I know that. But someday, when we finally find that mythical ‘ordinary’ you were talking about, it will be time to let yourself be as angry as you should have been with me.”

She rose up on her tiptoes and had to reach to put her arms around him. “Okay. Someday, maybe I’ll be a little mad at you pushing me away. But for now, can we please just be happy to be here, together?”

He breathed in deeply and leaned down before lifting her up and carrying her towards the bathroom. She squealed and laughed as her heart felt like it bounced up to the ceiling. “Will! Quit
it!”

He grinned wickedly as he set her on the bed. Glancing around, the room looked just as she imagined new recruits were required to keep their bunks. The covers on the bed were so tightly wound around the mattress, it was like he used Spanx. She used to trash the room just to piss him off. Her heart clenched, thinking of the months she spent huddled in there, alternately cutting herself in the bedroom, or hiding on the bed.

“We just…”

He was nuzzling her neck and breathed in deeply, as if sniffing her hair. “I missed you so much. It’s been a really long time, Jessie. I feel like I can’t get enough of you. Please...”

He rarely needed anything from her. Their relationship was based on her needing things from him. It worked for Jessie like a mild aphrodisiac for Will to need her. She stroked his hair and opened her legs so his body could rest over hers.

“Okay, soldier, since you asked so nicely.”

He leaned back enough to smile into her eyes. “Are you just doing it for me?”

She shrugged. “So what if I am? If I tell you it’s fine, it is.”

“What if it’s a little better than fine? The truck wasn’t exactly a place to be very good.”

She smiled. “That was good. Seeing you happy is always good for me.”

“Well, that's not good enough for me. I think I know a few ways to make it good for you too…”

****

“I can get a few weeks off for my injuries.”

“You’re going to reinjure yourself if you don’t stop manhandling me. But how many is a few?”

They lay together on
their
bed, under
their
covers, for the first time ever. He wrapped his body around hers, placing his hands on her stomach. She might have died of the sheer heavenly feel of him. “Enough to go on a vacation.”

She sat up. “What!?”

He chuckled and sat up with her. “I was thinking, shouldn’t we take a vacation together? We never have.”

She stared at her toes.
Vacation.
Such a simple, innocent word. It meant relaxation, swimming, sunbathing, hotels… It also evoked the cover story of what they were doing in Mexico: vacationing and simply flying home. Mexico, where she was bound and gagged. Where three men stared at her naked and dirty body. Where they…

“Jessie? Where did you go just then?”

Not now
. It was something she finally managed to do, but could not always. She could usually shake off the images and postpone the ensuing emotions for later. They always came back, but sometimes, not as strong. Or at the wrong moments. She turned closer into Will. Now he was alive. That’s all that mattered. None of the rest mattered. Even if it did, it didn’t have to anymore. She smiled. “A vacation, huh? Do you think we could really hope to pull that off?”

“I really think we deserve it. Actually… what if we made it our honeymoon? The real thing this time? We get re-married and take the honeymoon we never got to enjoy.”

She stared at her hands. “We didn’t get to do a lot of things.”

“I know that. This time, we get it all. What about it, Jessie? Will you marry me again? For real?”

She shook her head. “Wh-what if you don’t like being with me? I mean for real. Where there are no outside pressures, drama or trauma. What if the reality of me isn’t what you expect? What if we find ‘ordinary,’ and it’s not what you want?”

“What if it
is
what I want? I want you. And whatever that entails. Come off it, Jessie. There is no guarantee for any couple; everyone takes a chance. I believe ours is better than most. We started in the worst place, but hopefully, can switch it around to end up in the best.”

“I’m still not…”

He suddenly stood up and dropped to her side of the bed, taking her hand in his and staring into her eyes. “I love you. Will you marry me?”

She bit her lip. “You’re naked.”

“You’re unsure about me. I want you to be sure. I want you to be sure for the rest of your life.”

“You left me. You didn’t think I could handle being in a real relationship with you and the Army.”

“I think I was wrong.”

She slowly smiled. “I know you were wrong. Okay, Will Hendricks, I will marry you. For real this time.”

“And take a honeymoon with me?”

“Yes. How are we getting married?”

“However you want. That is, if you will.”

The hesitation made her heart skip. “Yes, I will. I want to more than anything.”

“Then however, and wherever you want. You choose it all this time, not Fuck-face.”

“Fuck-face? Being my father?”

“Not your father. The general, who, from here forward, is known only as Fuck-face.”

She smiled. “I would like to do it simple. And I don’t want to wear a wedding dress. I want it to be easy and casual, to reflect who I am now, and not who we tried to be the first time.”

“Just make it soon. We don’t have forever…”

He crawled back into bed next to her. His last statement put a damper on the mood. She sighed, “Will we ever have forever? Will there ever be a time we can be together and take as long as we want to do things?”

“We have forever, now. We just have to deal with some things in between. Everyone has to work, Jess. Mine’s just a little more intrusive.”

“A little?” she grumbled, as she shook her head. “Forget I said that. Here’s me smiling. We
get
to be married sooner. We
get
to be in the military. I’m happy about that.”

“One year, nine
months, and nine days. That’s how long we
get
to be in the military.”

“Less than two years?”

He nodded and held her gaze. “Less than two years.”

She nodded her head, “I can do anything for less than two years.”

He smiled and drew her closer to him suddenly. “That’s what I’m counting on.”

****

“How are you today?” Jessie squeezed the phone and shut her eyes. Lindsey’s tone was soft and kind. Tears pricked her eyes, but Jessie wasn’t sure why. It was nothing new. Her father’s presence still loomed over her life, and knowing he was dead hadn’t really registered in her brain yet.

“I’m okay. How about you?”

“I’m okay too.” Lindsey was quiet for a long, drawn-out moment. “No, that’s not true. But I guess there really isn’t a thing to do to change the reality of what our father was. It’s a tough, bitter pill for me to swallow. It breaks my heart. It makes me feel so stupid for how I believed in him. But I’ll be okay. I’m just really, really tired. And the local media is all over me. Are they bothering you?”

“No, I don’t think they know where Will and I are.
I don’t think they even know Will is in the country, or that I’m back in North Carolina. No one ever figured out I was in Washington State. As far as the media is concerned, I fell off the planet. I hope now, it stays that way.”

Lindsey blew out a breath. “I can’t tell you how relieved that makes me. I’d rather have me deal with it than you two. You deserve some time together. You deserve some peace.
How’s Will?”