The Zombie Survival Guide: How To Live Like A King After The Outbreak (13 page)

I swear to god I'm replacing her with the next fat chick zombie I come across. In the meantime, I need to get good and drunk!

She's probably thinking to herself right now, how she probably could’ve gotten a better boyfriend if she’d only not been zombified. Shit, I guess I’d better apologize…

“I'm sorry Sandy, I didn't mean to yell. It's just that when you bite me I literally have to start drinking to stop myself from turning into a zombie, okay? You don't want that to happen now, do you? Who's gonna lay down the pipeline if I turn? You understand, don’t you baby?”

She understands. I can tell by the way she softly murmurs “brains,” as I take her in my arms, that she still truly loves me.

“Owww!!! You
bitch!!!
”

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