Unsteady (The Torqued Trilogy Book 1) (58 page)

Red’s head drops to his forearm when he sees we’re not in danger at the moment. “See, he wants salmon. Not us.”

Shivering at the chill of my wet clothes, I stare at him. “Why did you really bring me out here?”

He sighs, the tense lines of his face relaxing. “I was going to ask you to move in.”

Our foreheads press together, the smudged sky making his eyes look even darker. I push his hair back from his forehead. “Tell me you love me.”

He doesn’t say it often. He doesn’t need to. But I need to hear it sometimes.

Holding my face in his hands, his thumbs moving back and forth over my cheeks, his eyes darting from my lips, to my eyes. “I love you, Lennon.”

I smile, softly, looking into his eyes. “Good. Because I kinda love you. And I’ll move in with you.”

Have you ever watched a sunset from start to finish?

The colors change with each layer, dark grays, purples, fading into pale blues and then the richest golds, orange, pink and red. If I had to compare it to anything, I’d compare it to the last few months. What started out dark, colors seeping into my blackened soul was changing now. This guy beside me, the one intently watching a bear finish our dinner with a scowl on his face, he saturated my heart with his love. He’s proof that even the darkest of times can end beautifully if you look up.

He’s proof that you can be loved for reasons you thought you didn’t deserve and with more love than you can possibly imagine. In a lot of ways, he’s restored my faith in not only love, but men in general. He taught me that being with someone didn’t mean you belonged to them.

If someone were to ask me, how do you move on after everything I’ve been through, maybe I’ll say love, even after you’ve been disappointed.

Maybe I’ll say believe, even after you’ve been betrayed.

Or maybe I’ll just say find a guy like Reddington Walker and never let him go.

For a long time, and even now, I’ve wondered when will it be my time to be happy? I know when that is. It’s now. Fuck everything else that’s happened.

Fuck my mom for giving me up with no explanation.

Fuck everyone who gave up on me and said they couldn’t take care of me.

Fuck Wes and his dirty lies and neglect.

Fuck Ben and everything he took from me.

Fuck not feeling good enough for someone like Red, because I am.

So I asked Lenny to move in with me. She’d been basically staying at my place since I was shot, so it just seemed almost normal for her to live there.

What’s difficult for me is the morning before when I had a key made and noticed I still had my wedding ring on my key chain.

I had to remove it, right?

They say you have one true love, one soulmate and when that comes along, and leaves, that chance is over.

Do I believe that?

Six months ago, I would have said yes. I did believe that.

But that’s like saying an old rustic car can’t be restored. It goes back to my theory of beating the crap out of that car in front of Lenny to prove my point. Even if you’re damaged, it still doesn’t take away who you are inside.

I don’t think we get to choose who and when they come into our lives. There’s something bigger in the works as far as that goes. Like my wife sending us Lenny. I could never imagine moving on from Nevaeh. It just didn’t seem possible.

But I also think she knew Lenny needed us.

Lenny… she’s different than she was when she first stepped foot inside my shop.

I’m sure I’m different too. No, I
know
I’m not the same.

Life has a way of doing that to you.

Being here, now, in front of Nevaeh’s grave, seems I don’t know, different. A place where I once felt her presence is now just a grave, nothing more. A headstone marked with a life that was taken from me.

What changed and why?

Kneeling next to her grave, I remove my wedding ring from my keychain and take the ring in my hand, staring at the black metal. “I don’t want you to think I didn’t love you or don’t anymore because that’s not the case. I loved you…
God
did I fucking love you, Nevaeh. I still love you even now.” I sigh, hanging my head as I let out a shaking breath, tears streaming down my cheeks. “But that love has changed since you’ve been gone. I will
always
love you. You’re the mother of my child, but for me… I have to let you go. For Nova, I have to let you go.” Taking the ring between my thumb and index finger, I set it on the headstone knowing someone will steal it. “This is yours. I think maybe I should have given it to you when you passed away, but I held on to it selfishly. I never wanted to move on. I didn’t. And I’m still not sure how I did so suddenly, but you know, you had something to do with it. Nova thinks you chose Lenny for us… and I think she’s right. I will always hold you in my heart.” I stand, brushing away the tears and bury my hands in my pockets. I’m about a foot away when I turn and smile. “And thank you… for
her
.”

I LEAVE THE cemetery and meet Lenny at my house before we’re going to swing by the apartment to grab the rest of her clothes. That’s when I notice Nova has taken Lenny’s blanket and pillow and put them in her room on her bed.

It hasn’t been easy on Nova since I was shot. She saw and heard a lot of fucked-up shit that night, and it’s been a huge battle trying to get her to sleep in her own room again without someone in her bed with her.

It took me a long time to talk to Nova about that night in the shop where I nearly died in front of her. Weeks actually. Finally I did and asked her if she wanted to talk about it. There’s a certain amount of innocence in her I’m thankful for, because despite her remembering that night vividly, she talks about it as if I was her own personal super hero.

Super hero, or just plain old dad, I will always struggle with how to protect Nova. I think all parents do because there’s only so much you can protect them from and somethings are out of your control.

I lean into the doorframe and watch her arranging her stuffed animals to make room for Lenny. “Nova, darlin’, Lenny’s not sleeping in your room.”

Nova rolls her eyes and stands in front of me with her hands on her hips. “Don’t be shellfish, Daddy.”

“You mean selfish?”

She taps her finger to her chin, contemplating what she said. “Yes.”

“Still… she’s not sleeping in here with you.”

“And why not?”

I kneel down and take her hands in mine. “Because Lenny…. she’s going to sleep in my bed.”

A look crosses her face, one I’ve never seen before. I can’t help but think it might be realization maybe?

“Is she like my mommy now?”

Anxiety rushes through me. “Well, no. Nevaeh will always be mommy. Lenny’s going to live with us and she’s my girlfriend. I don’t know where this will take us next but I know I want her here with us, and I love her.”

There’s a smile on her face, so cute and adorable. “I love her, too, but why does she get to sleep with you?”

And we’re back to that.

“Because I get cold at night.” More like my dick gets lonely.

Don’t say that to her.

“Are you cold every night?”

“Yeah?” Yep. That’s presented as a question.

“Maybe you need more blankets.”

Fuck. How do I explain this?

“I have blankets. Lenny.” Wrong fucking answer.

Nova stares at me, her face blank. “Can she sleep with me at least two days a week? You can have the other three.”

She’s negotiating a sleeping schedule already.

“We’ll talk about it later.”

With a heavy breath, she steps away and walks past Lenny in the hall. “You ready to go?” Lenny asks me. “Your mom’s here to watch Nova so we can get my stuff and then you have your follow up with the doctor.”

“Right… yes.” I reach over, turn the light off to Nova’s room, and then make my way out to the living room to see Nova sitting on the couch, arms crossed over her chest and refusing to look at me.

“What’s wrong with Nova?” Lenny asks when we’re in the car.

“She’s upset you’re sleeping in my room.”

“Oh, poor girl.” She can’t control the burst of laughter that leaves her lips as we pull out of the driveway.

“No. Poor me. Think of
me
in this situation.”

She laughs.

AS WE PULL up to the shop, I park behind Raven’s car as a rush of emotions hit me because so many times my life has changed here, inside that building. It’s just a building surrounded by four walls but when you think about it, Nevaeh told me she was pregnant in there. I asked her to marry me in the parts room and Nova took her first step inside there. My dad died on the floor in front of me, I fucked Lenny against a workbench in there, and finally, I was shot and nearly died in almost the exact same spot my dad died.

So yeah, this place holds a lot of memories for me. It’s different now. I still own the business and run it, but I’m a little more laid back then I have been in the past. Mostly because I’ve come to realize I have a family who’s there to support me when life’s unsteady. You can’t always be strong on two feet. Sometimes you need others to give you a little balance. I have that now.

Lenny stares at my keys as I give her the key to my house when we’re just about ready to leave the apartment with the last of her things. “Where’d your ring go?”

“I gave it to Nevaeh this morning,” I say smoothly, no expression on my face. “I think it’s best she has it.”

“You did what?” She eyes me with a calculating expression. “Someone’s going to steal that, Red.”

I shrug. “Probably.” I knew someone would, but it was more about me moving on than it was about someone stealing it.

“Just tell me what you want from me?” Tyler shouts behind the closed door of his room. I hadn’t even realized he was here.

Both Lenny and I stop what we’re doing and look at each other.

“You know, I’ve been putting on a show in front of my brother, your friends, work, all that, but I’m tired of pretending. I’m leaving in two days. Tell me where we stand,” the girl yells back.

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Sounds like Berkley and Tyler are at it again.”

Lenny’s eyes widen. “We have to go,
now
.”