What She Left Us (20 page)

“Tell
me, tell me!”

“We
put an ad out for a lead singer and are doing auditions and it looks like it
might actually happen. We’ve got our bass guitarist and drummer already. And of
course, me.”

“Holy
crap, that’s awesome. Then you can get gigs around school and everyone will
know you!”

She
hugged him close, and he wrapped his arms around her. He looked at her,
different than he had ever before, more carefully, like he was trying to figure
out the puzzle of her, trying to put the pieces of her together. He didn’t know
that since she met him, the puzzle had seemed to have fallen in place.

“I
love you,” he said.

She
looked into his eyes, not believing he had actually said it. Sure he had said
he was falling
in
love with her, but to actually say
the
words,
to look into her eyes and say them, well, that was amazing. She felt her world
turn brighter, and her smile exploded across her face.

“You
do?” she said.

“I
do. Are you good with that?”

“I’m
good. I’m so good.” Courtney said.

Mitch
held onto her, wrapped his long legs around her ankles playfully.

“And?”
he asked.

“I
love you too.”

“You
do?”

“I
do.”

“How
much?” he teased.

“What
do you mean, ‘how much?’”

“Why
don’t you show me how much?”

“How
about
you
show
me
how much,” Courtney said. “You’re the one who
fell in love with me first.”

“Okay,”
Mitch said, “I’ll show you how much I love you, but first, you’ll have to take
off that sweater of yours.”

“Oh
really?” Courtney grinned.

“Really.”

“I
think it works the other way around.”

“How
so?” Mitch asked.

“Well,
if you love
me
so much, then you have to show me how much by taking it
off for me.”

“Oh,
I’m going to show you exactly how much I love you, right this very minute.”

“I
can’t wait. I can’t wait for you to show me exactly how much you love me, Mitch
Nathaniel.”

Darren
had been in Florida a week. Jenna and he spoke briefly the night before he left
but aside from that they kept missing each other. He stood by everything he had
said when he came to see her, wanted to make their relationship work, missed
her like crazy, kept telling her that he was going to Florida only to secure a
better career to make a better life for the two of them, and he loved her with
his whole heart and soul.

And
Jenna had felt guilty. She knew she hadn't done anything wrong, but being at
the bar with Clay, and getting so drunk, and making him take her home… where
had her thoughts been that night? Certainly not with Darren. But Clay had told
her she'd been going on and on about Darren. She was so confused, and being
away from Darren made things that much harder.

Flowers
started arriving almost immediately. Carnations and Peruvian lilies, with cards
that said, “Because I want this to work” and “I love you more than all the
flowers in the world,” and “I miss you more than you can ever imagine.” When
she walked through the door at night, she was overcome with the scent of
flowers, and overcome with the feeling that he loved her enough. That he loved
her quite possibly enough to carry her through the rest of her life. That he
always had.

He
was busy with his work training, and they rarely had time to talk on the phone,
and so they exchanged texts mostly. When they did have time to talk, the calls
were tearful, on Jenna’s part.

She
missed him, wished she could go back to before. So she could have made
different decisions, maybe wiser ones, she wasn't sure, but definitely
different ones so she wouldn't be in the situation she was in now, apart from
him, unsure about everything. She wished she could have undone the choices she
made back then, when her mom had died, when she could have chosen differently.

Now
Jenna's landscape was completely off-kilter, with a whole set of people and
rules that were new to her. It was like not only would she have to relearn
everything about the both of them, but she was learning everything about her
new surroundings.

She
wished more than anything she could have undone the hurt she caused them both.
She didn’t like the path they were on now, this redoing of everything, of
having to start over, this getting reacquainted even though they knew
everything about each other, although they were miles and miles and millions of
thoughts apart. She wished they could be together.

So
when the Fed Ex envelope with the round-trip ticket to Florida for Thanksgiving
came, she knew that she would go. She needed to see him. She would go for a
week and spend time with Darren. She owed it to their relationship, to see what
might become of their future, and she wanted to see him.

Work
would be slow over the holiday – students went home over the break, and Jenna
was sure that Doug, her boss, would let her off for the week. At least she
hoped so.

Treatments
were going okay, aside from Courtney having had that fainting spell. She hadn’t
fainted again, but kept feeling woozy after the sessions, which was causing a
bit of concern.  (“You have GOT to eat breakfast!” Tish and Sadie kept hounding
her.)

Yes,
she had decided she would make the trip to Florida. She’d go see Darren, spend
a week in sunny Florida, and get things back on track with their relationship.
It was exactly what she needed. She would make sure to locate the closest
hospital so she could get her treatments there, and everything would be fine.
Courtney had Mitch; he’d take care of her. Maybe she could go home with him for
Thanksgiving.

Jenna
held the plane ticket in her hand and smiled. She picked up the phone to tell
Darren she’d be there for Thanksgiving.

It
was the Monday before Thanksgiving break and Courtney and Jenna were at their treatment,
and then Jenna was heading to the airport for Florida. Courtney and Mitch would
leave the next day for his parent’s house.

“You
nervous?” Courtney asked.

“No.”
Jenna said. “You?”

“No.
Liar.”

“You’re
lying too.” Jenna laughed.

“I
know. I’m terrified to meet his parents and all his sisters,” Courtney said.
“What if they don’t like me?”

“Well,
he’s got like six of them, right?” Jenna said. “There’s a big possibility some
might not like you.”

“He’s
only got four, and yeah, some might not like me. Thanks. Ugh. And considering
he doesn’t have the best relationship with any of his family lately, I’m kind
of on edge about the whole thing. Really, what are they going to say about him
bringing home a girl?”

“Be
your charming adorable self. One of them has got to like you,” Jenna laughed. “At
least the most important person likes you – Mitch.”

Tish
and Sadie were doing their usual poking and prodding, but the girls were immune
to it by now and soon they were lying back in their chairs, eyes closed.

“You
ate breakfast this morning Courtney?” Tish asked.

“Yes,
Mom!” Courtney said, then felt a tinge of regret for saying that. Oh God, she
hadn’t thought of Mom in a while, and the guilt of calling some other woman Mom
fell into her stomach like heavy syrup.

“Jenna,
we have to get back to the house over Christmas break, clean it out, and get it
on the market. We have to do that.”

Jenna
sighed. “I know. It’s just… I can’t think about it now.”

“There’s
time, I guess. Maybe we needed this time to step away. Get perspective, figure
stuff out,” Courtney offered.

“There’s
really nothing to figure out,” Jenna said. “We really have to do it, get all
the stuff out of that basement especially, and sell the house. It’s time to
move on.”

“Oh
God,” Courtney said.

“I
know.”

“No,
I feel sick,” Courtney said, “Tish, I need you.”

Tish
rushed over to Courtney’s side and saw that her face was pale gray. She grabbed
her wrist and counted silently, then said, “Your pulse is thirty beats per
minute. Sadie, let’s stop her bag.”

Sadie
and Tish worked together quickly. Sadie pulled out the needle and stopped the
rush of blood. Tish grabbed a cold cloth for her head, and the smelling salts
in case Courtney passed out. Her breathing became shallow, and Jenna, unable to
do anything, watched her sister closely from her chair.

“Is
she okay? Why does this keep happening?”

“We
don’t know,” Tish said. “Court, you still with us?”

Courtney’s
eyes rolled back for a second, and Sadie placed the smelling salts under her
nose. Courtney coughed, leaned her head to the side and vomited bile onto her
shirt.

Then
she started convulsing.

“Oh
my God!” Jenna yelled. “What’s wrong!”

“She's
seizing! Buzz the doc on call!”

Mitch
must have heard the commotion from the waiting room because he rushed in as
Courtney was coming to, and then seconds later a doctor came in.

Mitch
stepped away, a concerned expression clouding his face. The doctor asked what
had happened as he took Courtney’s vitals.

“Let’s
get an iron count,” the doctor ordered.

Tish
pricked Courtney’s finger and filled a machine with the droplet of blood. The
doctor checked Courtney’s blood pressure, placed an oxygen mask over her nose,
and put his fingers to her wrist to get a pulse. Only then did Mitch feel like
he could move to Courtney’s other side.

She
was weak and shaking, and very pale, but when she saw Mitch a small smile
spread across her lips. Jenna wished more than anything that she could go to
her, but she was still tethered to her needle and tubes.

“Court,
baby,” was all Mitch said. It was enough to bring the marathon of tears to
Courtney.

“Oh
God, Mitch, I’m so scared.”

“It’s
going to be okay. I’m right here. I’m going to take care of you. I’m here
baby.”

The
doctor moved over to the machine where Tish inserted the drop of blood. “Did
you spin her blood?” he asked.

“Yes,
why?” Tish asked.

“You
sure?” he asked.

“Of
course I’m sure. What’s the problem?”

“It
shows here that her iron count is seven-point-three. Dangerously low. You
should not be removing a pint of blood from a woman with an iron count of
seven-point-three. She should be hospitalized immediately.”

Jenna’s
eyes filled with tears. She’d never been so scared for her sister. This is when
the disease really began to scare her, this is when it started taking over;
this is when everything that had been gray about their disease became crystal
clear. This is when she thought,
“Oh my God, this disease could kill my
sister.”

First
she called Darren and left a message explaining why she wouldn’t be on the
plane.

“I’m
hoping to be there by Wednesday. She’s not doing well,” Jenna whimpered into
the phone, wishing more than anything she was talking to Darren and not his
voicemail. “I love you,” she ended the call.

Next,
she called Clay. “Can you come to the hospital?”

When
Clay showed up, he hugged Jenna tight and she buried her face into his
shoulder. He smelled like clean aftershave and soap, and a little bit like
sweat, like he had rushed to get to her.

“How
is she?” he asked.

“They’ve
got her in a room hooked up to some stuff – I don’t know what the hell went
wrong? Why the treatment’s affecting her this way?” 

Clay
rubbed her back, small reassuring circles, and then he pulled her closer. “It’s
going to be okay, she’s in the right place, and they’re taking care of her. How
long does she have to stay?”

“They
think overnight. She needs to get her iron back up to about ten. No one knows
why her iron dropped so low, so fast. Mitch is in there with her now.”

“Can
we go in?”

“Yeah.”

They
walked down the hall, Clay’s arm secured around Jenna’s shoulder, she tucked
into him. He squeezed her. “I’m really sorry you’re going through all of this,
Jen.”

“Thanks.
I feel so bad for her. She doesn’t deserve this. What I wouldn’t do for it to
be me instead of her,” she admitted.

They
passed a nurse’s station, and one of them looked up from her desk.

“I’m
going to see my sister,” Jenna said, as if she needed permission.

“No
problem,” the nurse smiled slightly.

Jenna
pointed to the door and Clay pushed it open for her. Mitch sat in a chair near
the bed, and made a move to stand, but Clay motioned for him to stay seated.

“Hey
Clay,” he waved half-heartedly.