What She Left Us (19 page)

“Okay,
you’re my friend right?” she asked.

“I
hope so,” Clay said.

“All
right, so, he came back, and I thought everything was great. He shows up. Here
actually. You weren’t working. God, I was so glad you weren’t here when he came
in–”

“Wait.
Why were you glad I wasn’t here?”

“I
don’t know. That’s really weird of me to say, right? I mean, I, I was so
freaked when he came here, I didn’t know what to do. It was really awkward. I
didn’t want him to be here. Wait, maybe that’s a sign? Is that a sign?” Jenna
asked.

“How
the hell am I supposed to know?” Clay asked, looked deeply into her eyes.

“You’re
the doctor. You said, ‘The doctor is in!’ You’re supposed to know these
things!”

Clay
drank from his beer, which was again almost empty, as was Jenna’s. Then he
clasped his hands together and leaned his chin on top of them, as if he were
deep in thought. “Tell me more about what happened.”

“I’m
not telling you everything!”

“You’re
not?”

“Nope.”

“Shit.”

Jenna
laughed. “So, I don’t know, I guess we got back together, but then he tells me he’s
leaving for Florida for two months for a new job he has to train for. And that
he wanted me to go with him!”

“Did
you want to go with him?” Clay asked.

Damn.
Clay was a really good listener. He asked all of the right questions. He looked
at Jenna intently when she spoke to him, he was considerate and waited for her
responses, and just looked at her. And those eyes – his hazel eyes that were
sometimes green and sometimes a shimmery brown, depending on the light and what
color shirt he wore. His mouth. His face… now she was comparing him to Darren…
while she was talking about Darren and getting very, very drunk. This was not a
good thing to be doing. Not at all.

Still,
she couldn’t stop talking about it. She wanted to know what he thought. She wanted
Clay’s opinion. She valued Clay's opinion.

“I
don’t want to be away from my sister. You know about why I’m here. Why I have
to be here. So we can get our treatments done together. But I was miserable
without him. I really was.”

“Was
it being miserable without him, or were you miserable about the
idea
of
him?”

“I’m
not really sure. That’s a really good question.”

Mandy
brought over two more beers. That was the great thing about working in a bar.
You never had to wait for your drinks. It was crowded now, after eleven, and co-eds
were packed in tight, the music was loud, the dance floor was alive. People
smashed up close to the bar, trying to get shots and beers, and Clay pulled his
seat closer to Jenna’s so they could hear one another talk over the noise. Rihanna’s
Stay
blared, and Clay placed his hand on Jenna's knee.

“You’ll
figure it out. You’re a smart girl.”

“Okay,
I’m done talking and thinking about me. What’s your story?” Jenna asked. “You
never talk about you and your story.”

“I
don’t have one,” Clay answered.

“Sure
you do,” Jenna moved closer. “Tell me yours.”

“You’re
not ready to hear it. It’s gruesome,” he teased. “No one at Klippy’s knows it.”

“Yeah
right.”

“It’s
true,” he looked toward the bar and yelled to Mandy. “Hey Mand! Two Ice Bombs
over here, okay?”

“Really?”
she yelled back.

“Yep,
time we introduce our pal Jenna to them!” Clay said.

“Two
Ice Bombs coming up!”

“Ice
Bombs?” Jenna said to Clay.

“Yep,
we’re going to have some Ice Bombs, and then we’re going to dance. You didn’t
want to think tonight, so I’m going to make it my job that you don’t think
tonight.”

Mandy
brought over two shots, the Ice Bombs. They were icy blue and when Clay said
go, they threw the shots back. It was like doing a shot of mouthwash with a
rush of burn afterward.

“Wow!
What was that!” Jenna asked. “That was actually pretty good.”

“You
like it? I invented it. It’s got peppermint liquor, one-fifty-one and a slip of
Goldschlager liqueur.”

Jenna
felt loose now, as if all her worries were fading, at least for the moment.
Through the crowd, she could see the height of Mitch making his way toward
them. She stood up on the edge of the stool, and reached onto Clay’s shoulders
to steady herself.

“There’s
Mitch!” Then she looked down at Clay who was looking up at her. She knew he
liked what he saw, and she enjoyed the attention, for a moment forgetting the
drama of what might or might not be happening with Darren. Because really, she
had no clue what would be waiting for her in eight weeks. She hadn’t even
spoken to him since they had been together. She was convincing herself with
every drink that he didn’t care about her. That was the trouble with alcohol.
She could convince herself of anything if she wanted to.

“Mitch!
Courtney!” she called out, still steadying herself on Clay. He had now moved
his hands to her hips, to keep her from falling from the barstool. Jenna waved
them over to the bar and they shifted through the crowd.

“Hey
guys! Over here!” she yelled.

“Jenna!”
Courtney yelled back, Mitch holding onto her like she was a piece of fine art
that would crack if someone got too close.

“Hey.”
She leaned over to hug Courtney, Clay still holding onto Jenna’s waist so she
wouldn’t topple off the stool. “This is Clay!”

Mitch
shook Clay’s hand and Courtney said hi. “What do you guys want to drink? I know
the bartender,” Clay said.

Jenna
said, “Get them Ice Bombs!”

Another
round of Ice Bombs were ordered, along with four beers and in no time the four
of them were laughing like they had hung out together for years. An hour later,
when Jenna grabbed her sister and the two rushed off to the bathroom, Courtney
said, “You’re wasted!”

Jenna
said, “So what? I’m having fun. Aren’t you having fun? Isn’t this what we’re
supposed to be doing?”

“Yes,
but… ”

“But
what?” Jenna asked.

“What
about Darren?”

“What
about him? He’s leaving for Florida in two days, and he hasn’t called me. I’m
not doing anything wrong. I’m hanging out with my friend.”

“Yeah
okay.”

“What
do you mean, ‘yeah okay?’” Jenna asked.

“It
looks to me like Clay would like to be more than friends.”

Jenna
leaned into the sink, washing her hands. “What the hell are you trying to say?”

I’m
not ‘trying’ to say anything,” Courtney shot back. “I’m saying this: I think
you need to get a hold of yourself and figure out what you want. If Darren is
the love of your life, and if you want to be with him, then don’t fuck it up.”

“Courtney,
are you even kidding me? He hasn’t even given me back the engagement ring. Does
he love me enough to NOT go to Florida? Does he love me enough to stay here
with me while I go through my treatments? My God. I look at you and Mitch, and
you’ve been together, like what, for barely two months, and he’s by your side
for everything! Maybe that’s what I want. Maybe I want someone to care for me
THAT much. Not someone who cares only a little bit for me. I want someone who
is going to invest his whole self in me. Not someone who is going to say he
loves me then leave the next day for two months. What the hell is that?”

Jenna
was crying now, and her mascara was smearing, and she was definitely wasted,
and sad, and confused, and she didn’t want to be at the bar any longer, and she
didn’t want to be having this discussion with her sister either. Her sister who
had never been in love her entire life but now had her perfect amazing guy and
was an expert at everything that had anything to do with love.

She
pushed past Courtney, slammed out of the bathroom, and ran to Clay, who sat
with Mitch, laughing and drinking a beer.

Through
her tears, she looked at Clay, and grabbed his hand.

“Can
you take me home, please?”

Jenna
heard her cell phone ring, but didn’t move to answer it. Her face was smashed
into her pillow and she could smell her own stale breath every time she
exhaled; she knew she had thrown up. Her hair was sticky with remnants of it. Her
head pounded to match her pulse.

The
cell phone rang and rang and then she heard her bedroom door open and
footsteps. A voice whispered, “I’m going to answer that, okay?”

It
was Clay.

“Hello,”
she heard him whisper into her phone.

On
the other end of the phone, Courtney couldn’t believe Clay answered Jenna’s cell.
“Is my sister there?”

“Courtney,
it’s definitely not what you think. She was puking all night. I stayed here on
the couch. She’s still in bed. She was in the bathroom until about three, and
then I moved her into her bed, and I stayed on the couch. She’s right here, do
you want to talk to her?” Clay asked.

“Yes,
I would like to talk to her, please,” Courtney said.

Jenna
moaned from the bed, and shook her head from under her white duvet.

Clay
moved onto the bed and handed her the phone.

“Talk
to your sister,” he shoved the phone to Jenna’s ear.

“Hulluph?”

“Are
you okay?”

“Can’t
talk. Move. Headache. Call later.” Jenna tossed the phone toward Clay.

He
took the phone and said to Courtney, “Did you get that?”

“I
think so. Is she really that bad?”

“I
don’t think she ate dinner last night.”

“Should
I come over?” Courtney asked.

Clay
moved the phone away from his mouth, and said, “She wants to know if she should
come over?”

Moans
escaped from under the duvet.

“I’m
guessing she wants to go back to sleep,” Clay said to Courtney. “I don’t have
to be at work until four. I can hang here, and make her some soup when she
feels up for it. How about she calls you later?”

“Okay,”
Courtney said. “And Clay?”

“Yeah
Courtney?”

“Thanks,
she’s needed a friend.”

**

When
Jenna woke up a couple hours later, her head still ached, but she didn’t feel
like she was going to die any longer. Clay must have heard her moving around
because he came right in with a glass of water and three Advil.

“Thanks,”
she said.

“You
were wrecked,” he said. “What happened?”

“I
haven’t done shots and drank like that since college,” she admitted. “Thanks
for getting me home. And taking care of me.”

“It’s
no problem. I’m really sorry about the Ice Bombs. I shouldn’t have made you drink
them.”

He
waited for her to say something. They were quiet for a moment. She sipped the
water, afraid that it would come right back up, but she wanted to chug it, she
was so dehydrated.

“So,
what exactly happened?” she finally asked.

“Fortunately,
you didn’t puke in the taxi. You waited until we got out of it, then you blew
all over the bushes outside. And in your kitchen sink. Then I got you into the
bathroom. So, no real messes to clean up. And you were crying and going on and
on about Darren.”

“What
did I say?” she asked.

“Oh,
the usual girl crap.”

“Like?”

“That
you didn’t know what you were going to do, that you love him, but why is he
leaving, blah, blah.”

Jenna
put her hands in her head. She was still in her Klippy’s T-shirt but was no
longer wearing her jeans. Had he taken them off for her or had she done it? She
guessed at this point it hadn’t mattered; Clay had seen her puke her guts out,
and probably do so in her underwear. It was like nothing was sacred now.

“I’m
sorry.”

“What
are you exactly sorry for?” Clay asked.

“For
being a stupid drunk. For making you listen to all my pathetic crying. For
puking everywhere. For wasting your time.”

“Hey,
you’re not wasting my time,” he touched her shoulder lightly. “You’re my
friend. I like you. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care about you Jen. I want
you to be okay. Okay?”

She
smiled.

“You
want some soup or something?”

“Soup
would be awesome.”

“So
I think we’re going to put an actual band together.”

Courtney
had just come back from Art Concepts and Mitch was in her room, waiting for
her. She had given him an extra key but this was the first time he actually
used it. He was lying on her bed with his hands behind his head, looking pretty
comfortable propped up against her pile of pillows, like he belonged there.
Courtney dropped her bag and went over to him, settling next to him.