What She Left Us (18 page)

They
were quiet for a moment, and then Darren said, “Here’s the minor glitch – I
have to go for training in Florida for eight weeks. But you can come. You can
get your treatments done there, right?”

Florida
for two months?

Jenna’s
heart sank. She couldn’t leave Courtney now. There was no way she was going to
leave her sister.

“So
then what happened?” Courtney asked.

“I
let him go,” Jenna said. She had been pretty calm about explaining the whole
scenario to Courtney, and told her almost everything, omitting how many times
they made love. She decided to keep that to herself.

“Don’t
you want to go to Florida with him?” Courtney asked.

“I
can’t do that! I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“So
how did you leave it?”

“I
told him to go, and that I could visit him during his training. I’m not going
to leave you here by yourself while we’re going through our treatments
together. No way am I going to leave you all alone.”

“Jenna,
really. I’m not alone. It hasn’t been that bad. And I have Mitch.”

“I
know, but I’m not going to do that to you. We’re sisters. We’re doing this
together.”

Darren
had been less than thrilled with Jenna’s decision to stay, but he understood
her dedication to Courtney. He stayed the night with Jenna, and they got up the
next morning and had breakfast. He tried to convince her further that it would
be healthy for her to come to Florida, that they could spend eight weeks
together, away from anything else, all other distractions. He said they needed
the time to get to know each other once again, to have time to reconnect with
one another.

But
Jenna said he would be all consumed with studying and training, and she would
be stuck alone in an apartment, and all on her own to get her treatments done. She
and Courtney had bonded with their nurses, and felt comfortable with the
treatments they were getting there, and she didn’t want to be away from Court.
Not when they were going through their treatments. It was as simple as that.

Finally,
unwillingly, Darren agreed she should maybe stay with Courtney. After the eight
weeks, he would come back to Jenna. Still, after training, he didn’t know if he
would be assigned to another location for the air medic job. He would have to
go where the need was. Would Jenna be willing to go with him? By then, she and
Courtney would have a better idea on how their iron counts were stabilizing. By
then, she could be able to tell how her future was looking. She could only hope
so.

She
told Darren yes.

She
would be there for him when he got back in eight weeks.

She
hoped she would be able to stand by that answer. She had disappointed him
enough already.

Tish
and Sadie rubbed iodine on Jenna’s and Courtney’s vein sites and bantered back
and forth about their weekends. By now, the girls were used to their usual
chatter and also used to the routine.

“You
girls know that you’ve already saved about twenty-four lives with all the blood
from these treatments? It’s so nice of you to donate the blood. Not everyone
does, you know?” Sadie said.

Jenna
had her eyes closed as she could tell that her needle was about to go in, and
said, “Uh huh” while Courtney said, “that’s great to know.” Both of the girls
liked to lie back and keep relaxed while during their ‘sessions’… to think of
good thoughts. Imagining the lives they were saving while going through the
process, including their own, was probably a good thing.

Courtney
turned her head to her sister, "You sure about this?"

"What?"

"You
and Darren? You guys are really back together, like together, together? And
you're okay with him being gone for two months right away?"

"We'll
see. I don't know. It just felt right when he was here."

"Yeah,
but now he's gone. For two months. Why don't you want to go with him?"

Jenna
was quiet for a moment, then spoke, "I belong here. I'm finally feeling
settled, and I'm not leaving you. You wouldn't leave me."

Courtney
sighed. “You're right. I wouldn't.”

“Mitch
looks good,” Jenna changed the subject, opening one eye and popping her head up
to look at Courtney. He sat in the waiting room, and Jenna thought she might as
well bring him up to her sister, since they hadn’t talked much about their
relationship.

“Yep,
he’s good; he’s been playing a lot of guitar.” Courtney knew her sister wasn’t
the biggest Mitch fan, but hoped she might come around soon. “He could play for
you sometime?”

“Sure,
that might be cool.”

They
were quiet for a little while, then Courtney asked, “How are things over at
Klippy's?”

“Pretty
good. Clay’s a lot of fun to hang around with and the girls there are actually
not too bad. I was expecting them to be a bunch of sorority snobs, but they've
been really helpful and super nice. Work will keep me busy when Darren's gone.”

“Girls,”
Sadie interrupted, “Your bags are half-way filled. Are you both doing good?”

“Fine”
and “Okay” came from the girls.

“Good,”
Sadie said.

“Keep
squeezing your fists lightly every now and then to keep the blood flowing,”
Tish added.

“We
know,” Jenna said.

They
were quiet for the next several minutes and then Tish said, “Okay ladies, we’re
about done!” Then Tish and Sadie began the steps to remove the needles and
bandage the girls up. As Sadie lifted Courtney’s arm and put the bandage on her
vein site, Courtney began to fan herself with her free hand.

"I
don't feel too good."

Her
face went ashen, her eyes rolled back, and then she passed out.

**

When
Courtney woke up it took her a few seconds to figure out where she was. There
was Mitch, Jenna, Sadie and Tish all staring down at her like she was some
freak show in the circus.

“What?”

“You
fainted,” Jenna said.

Mitch
took hold of her hand, the one that hadn’t been jabbed with the needle minutes
before. It took Courtney a few seconds to figure out that Mitch must have
rushed in from the waiting room – that’s how he was there now.

“Are
you okay?” Mitch asked. “Thank God you didn’t stand up and fall on the floor.
Good thing you passed out on the chair.”

Tish
was on her other side taking her blood pressure. “Did you eat breakfast?”

“Yeah,
um, well, not really. Two bites of an apple.”

“Girls,
you know you’re supposed to eat breakfast every time you come in here to
bloodlet. In fact, with hemochromatosis, it’s especially important that you eat
breakfast every morning,” Sadie added.

“Your
blood pressure’s really low.”

“I
might have to puke,” Courtney said.

“Sade
– grab a vomit bag,” Tish ordered, removing the blood pressure cuff.

Sadie
handed a bag to Courtney and she took it gratefully. “I’ll get you some apple
juice and crackers.”

“I
don’t know what happened,” Courtney said apologetically.

“Hon,
you need to eat, that’s all,” Mitch said, and kissed her on the forehead,
moving her bangs gently away from her face.

She
smiled up at him. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t
be sorry, just remember to take care of yourself, okay?”

Jenna
watched the exchange between Mitch and her sister. She wished Darren was there.
Then she got angry. Why couldn’t he have postponed his training for a little
while? If he loved her as much as he said he did, why couldn’t he have stayed
with her while she went through her treatments?

Did
he even know what this was like for her? Did he even care? He hadn’t even
really asked her about what she was going through when he was there. Maybe it
was a mistake. Maybe they were a mistake. Well, this eight weeks would be the
time they would need to figure it out. And what had happened to Courtney
further proved to Jenna that she had made the absolute right decision about
staying and not going with Darren to Florida. She needed to be with her sister.
They needed to be together for these treatments.

But
as she watched Mitch comfort her sister, the way he held her hand and touched
her face so carefully, she wondered how much her sister really needed her? How
important was she to her sister?

Jenna
and Clay were both done with their shifts and as Jenna was untying her apron,
Clay said, “Hey, wanna stick around for a beer?”

“Absolutely.”

“That
didn’t take much coercing,” he laughed.

“It’s
been one of those weeks.”

“Lucky
for you, the doctor is in,” Clay said.

Jenna
threw off her apron, stuck it into her locker in the back and told Clay she’d
be right out. She stopped into the bathroom, checked her reflection and skipped
any girlie maintenance. She had spent the last six hours slopping burgers,
beers and fries. There was no hope, and besides, Clay was her friend. She
didn’t need to do anything to look good for him. Still, at the last minute, she
brushed on some mascara and a quick stroke of lip gloss.

Clay
was at the end of the bar chatting with Mandy, the bartender on duty. She
smiled as Jenna made her way to the bar stool next to him. “How’s it going
Jenna?” Mandy asked. Jenna took a seat and sighed. “That was a long shift,” she
said.

“You
want your usual?” Mandy asked, and Jenna nodded.

It
was nice to be in a place where the people knew what her ‘usual’ was – a Blue
Moon on tap with a wedge of orange. Mandy slid it her way and dropped off a Sam
Adams for Clay. “Thanks, Mandy,” Jenna said.

“Cheers
to the weekend,” Clay lifted his beer.

“Amen
to that,” Jenna drank.

The
beer tasted good – citrusy tang, and it went down smooth. It had been a bad
week. Well, it started out good, with Darren’s arrival putting her on a major
high, and then disappointment and uncertainty had set in almost as soon as he
left. What would happen in the next eight weeks? Then Courtney fainting on
Thursday had freaked her out and added to her upset.

Darren
was supposed to leave for Florida on Sunday and he hadn’t even gotten in touch
with Jenna. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He had called and left her a
message while she was on shift Wednesday, and then she returned his call, but
he hadn’t answered. Phone tag. Come on, he couldn’t answer her call? How much
had he wanted this to work if he couldn’t try her more than once before he left
for two months? Was he really willing to make this work?

Jenna
began to think of alternatives – like couldn’t he postpone his training? Ask if
he could have gone to Florida a couple of months later? He’d been working as an
EMT long enough, surely they would have at least considered his request, but
had he even thought of it? She wondered how much of her situation even came
into play? Again, angry feelings rushed in, and she tried to push them away. It
was too much to think about.

Tonight
though, Jenna wanted to put it all aside and relax. She loved Klippy’s, the
energy, the people, the music, and she felt like letting go and having fun,
forgetting Darren, the disease, the future, everything, for just tonight.

Before
she knew it her first beer was gone, and her second was ordered. Clay was trading
bartender stories with Mandy, and Jenna was laughing along, but she was only
half-listening.

“Hey,
I should call my sister and her boyfriend to see if they want to meet us out!”
Jenna yelled over the music, which was total old school – Sugar Hill.

“Sounds
good. I’d love to meet your sister.”

“Yeah?”
Jenna said.

“Sure,
she’s got to be cool if she’s related to you.”

Jenna
tried Courtney and got her voicemail. It was loud in Klippy’s so she ended up
screaming her message: “COURT, YOU AND MITCH GET YOUR BUTTS OVER TO KLIPPY’S.
WE’RE HAVING BEERS AND I WANNA DANCE!”

“You
want to dance?” Clay asked.

“Well,
maybe not this second, but probably in another beer or two,” Jenna said.

“All
right. Mandy – more beers!” And he turned to Jenna. “So, why was the week so
crappy?”

“Okay,”
Jenna was feeling relaxed from the two beers. “You know my ex, Darren?”

“Well,
not personally, but yeah, you’ve mentioned him.” Clay looked into her eyes, his
attention unwavering. It was unnerving how he looked at Jenna, and she felt
like she had said something wrong, yet she couldn’t look away.

“Well,
he came back.”

“
Came
back,
came back?” Clay asked.

“I
think so. I mean, I’m not sure. But yes, I guess so. See, it’s so damn
confusing,” Jenna admitted, taking another slug of her beer. Thank God for
beer, she thought. It made everything so much easier. Even though things were
getting foggy, like her mind, some things were easier. Talking to Clay was
easier, looking in his eyes was easier, being with him was so much more
relaxed. She took a deep breath and continued.