What She Left Us (29 page)

“’Cause,
I couldn’t bear to think that this would change the way you feel about me,”
Courtney sniffled.

“Never,”
Jenna said. “Not in a million years. Really, this is better than I even
expected it to turn out. We’re blood, you and me.” She wiped away some of
Courtney’s tears, and then continued. “I wasn’t… not that it matters, but I was
prepared for you to have some birth mother neither of us would ever get to
know. And now, well, Helena’s family. She loves you. She loves the both of us. She
truly does.”

Courtney
smiled then, a true smile, like everything really would be okay. They would
have a relationship with Helena, and it seemed also that they were on the way
to repairing the relationship they had with their father too.

When
Courtney, Jenna and Helena hugged goodbye the next day, no one wanted to let go
first. Finally, Frank had to break it apart. “Girls, you’re going to see each
other in three weeks for Christmas! Stop with the blubbering already.”

They
separated, wiped away tears, and promised to keep in touch with phone calls and
texts until Christmas. Courtney promised Mitch would be there, and Jenna joked
that she had no idea who she’d be bringing to Christmas dinner – either a
bartender or her ex-fiancé.

**

As
the airplane took off, Jenna and Courtney grasped hands tightly, and Courtney
sighed heavily.

“What’s
the matter?” Jenna asked.

“I
think I’m finally, really, really happy.”

Jenna
squeezed her sister’s hand tightly, feeling the pressure in her ears as the
plane gained momentum. “I’m glad. I’m so, so glad this weekend went the way it
did. Yeah, there was a lot of tears, and a whole hell of a lot of family
excavating, but we really did unearth a lot, didn’t we?”

“Yeah,
and I guess I can see why Mom was trying to protect us. I’m not angry at her,
but I do wonder if I would feel differently if she were alive?” Courtney
admitted.

“That’s
true. And so much of how things were when we were kids makes a lot of sense now.
Why she kept us from Dad after the divorce, and Helena,” Jenna said.
“Definitely from Aunt Helena. I get that even though, especially since she got
well, Mom didn’t want her around. Like she would fear Helena would take you
away from us. It must have been so hard, and painful too, for Helena to stay
away.”

“It
makes me sad. I would have liked for Helena to know us when we were younger.”
Courtney closed the airplane window shade.

Jenna
sighed. “At least she gets us now. At least we get her now. And Daddy too. And
in some strange way, it’s all because of Mom’s death. I wonder if Mom thought
about telling us? If one day she would have sat us down and told us the truth?”

“We’ll
never know,” Courtney said, and placed her head on her sister’s shoulder. “But
that’s not important now. I just feel good about how the weekend turned out.”

“Me
too.”

“What
are you going to do when we get back?” Courtney asked Jenna.

“I
have no clue,” Jenna tapped at the screen of her cell phone. “I talked to Clay
yesterday.”

“You
did?”

“Yeah,
he called me.”

“What
did he say?”

“Just
wanted to check in on how the weekend was going. It was really thoughtful.
Darren called too, but I didn’t pick up his call. I let voicemail get it.”

“Well
what did Darren say?”

“He
said he was coming home for Christmas. He gets three days off for break, and
that he’s miserable and tired of this run-around “bullshit” – his word – between
us, and that he needed me to call him back right away because he wanted to hear
my voice and he wanted to make sure the weekend was going okay for us.”

“You
didn’t call him back, did you?”

“Nope.
I didn’t call him back.”

“Oh
Jenna! Why are you being like this when he adores you so much?!”

“It
sounded like he was blaming me all over again for everything, calling
everything bullshit and all. And after all we’ve been through, he should know how
hurt I am right now. If I was that important to him, he would have handled so
many things a lot differently.”

“Don’t
you realize you started this whole mess with him? You’re the one who broke up
with him?” Courtney accused.

“I
know, but maybe even though I wasn’t sure what I was doing at the time, maybe
it was for the right reasons?”

Courtney
shook her head, “I’m never going to understand you or your way of thinking when
it comes to men.”

“It’s
not yours to understand. As long as I understand it.”

“And
do you?” Courtney asked.

“I
think I’m getting closer to figuring things out.” Jenna said. “Now we’ve got to
get back and you’ve got to pack up your stuff and sign all your students out for
the semester.”

“I
am not looking forward to that circus. It's going to be a mess getting them all
out of the dorms.”

“When
is Mitch going home for break?”

“Well…”

“Well
what?” Jenna lifted her eyebrows at her sister.

“We
kind of talked about him staying at Mom’s during break and him helping out a
bit with the clean-up. What do you think about that?” Courtney asked.

“I
think you’re pretty much an adult who can make her own decisions,” Jenna said.

Courtney
smiled. She couldn’t wait to get back to Mitch. She had called him from Chicago
and told him everything about Helena. He’d been nothing but supportive, and
that’s when they both had come up with the idea of spending winter break
together at her mom’s house. It would be a great help to Courtney, and Jenna
too, to get the house in shape to finally put it on the market. And he'd have a
chance to meet Helena then too.

“Love
you Jenna, you’re the best sister-cousin I could have ever hoped for,” Courtney
laughed.

“Sounds
like we’re prime candidates for a reality show, huh?” Jenna laughed and hugged Courtney.
“You’re amazing sis. I adore you.”

There
was heavy snow falling and the drive from the airport back to school took
forty-five minutes longer than it should have. It was past midnight when the
taxi dropped Courtney off in front of the dorm. She got out, grabbed her bags
and then leaned back into the cab to hug Jenna.

 “I’ll
call you tomorrow so we can figure out when we’ll all head for home,” Jenna
said.

“Okay,
thanks for everything,” Courtney said.

“For
what?” Jenna asked.

“For
loving me unconditionally, I guess.”

“Don’t
be a dork. And let’s not be dorky about this for the rest of our lives. Let’s
be normal okay? We’re sisters. That’s what we are. We’ve always been sisters,
even when you’ve been a pain in my ass,” Jenna smiled.

“Goodnight,
I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Love
you,” Jenna said.

“Me
too,” Courtney waved as she made her way up the slippery steps and entered the
glass doors to the dorm building. The bright lights contrasted the darkness
outside and it took a minute for her eyes to adjust once she got inside the
lobby.

“Need
help with your bags?”

She
turned to her left and there was Mitch. Her beautiful Mitch, sitting on one of
the thread-bare orange lobby chairs, his guitar in his lap, a Coke can and a
pizza box on the table next to him. His smile illuminated his face, and as he
moved his guitar to another chair to get up, Courtney felt her whole body go
warm.

“Mitch.”

“Court.”
He said her name like he loved her more than anything in the entire world, like
it was the most perfect word in the English language.

“You’ve
been waiting here for me?”

“Practically
my whole life.”

He
took her in her arms and she’d never felt so secure, so loved, so happy. Ever.

“I’m
so glad you’re back.” He ran his fingers through her hair, kissed her neck and both
of her cheeks, and then her lips. “I could do this forever.”

“I
might let you,” she murmured into his ear.

“Good.
Very good. But can we go upstairs?” he asked.

“Definitely,
let’s go upstairs,” she said.

“Perfect.
Because up there, I can show you just how much I truly missed you.”

Jenna
hadn’t seen Clay since they spent the day at Carina’s Café and she was nervous
about how things would be once they saw one another. When she walked into
Klippy’s for her last shift before she went home for Christmas, her stomach
flipped when she locked eyes with him.

“Hey
Jenna,” he smiled warmly at her from behind the bar.

“Clay,”
she tried to say it smoothly, although her insides were a jumbled mess of
emotions, and she stumbled on his name so it kind of came out as two syllables.
Feelings she couldn’t describe, but wanted desperately to understand, had taken
up space inside of her. She had been thinking of their time together, of him
kissing her, his strong arms around her waist amidst the forest trees. It had
felt like a fairy tale, that was for sure, but she knew she hadn’t imagined it.

He
was grinning like a fool, she had thought then, like a fool in love maybe? And
then she realized a little too late, as she put her hand to her face, almost to
stop it, that she was grinning also. She had been smiling at him too. Like a
damn fool.

Mandy
was behind the bar too, and something must have clicked for her because she
looked from Clay to Jenna and asked, “What is up with the two of you?”

That
brought Clay and Jenna into the now, and Jenna looked down, yanked off her
scarf and coat and pulled her gloves from her fingers. Clay wiped the bar down
faster.

“Jenna’s
just getting back from Chicago – that’s all,” Clay said to Mandy.

“Oh
yeah? How’s the Windy City?” Mandy asked.

“Windy,”
Jenna said, as she made her way to the back to grab her apron. She knew it was
going to be an awkward shift, but didn’t want it to be, and she desperately
wanted to talk to Clay alone. About what, she wasn’t sure, but maybe she wanted
to hear what he had to say, maybe she wanted to tell him… well, she wasn’t sure
what she wanted to tell him. Maybe that she had missed him? Maybe she wanted to
see if he had missed her? She didn’t know. She wanted to see if the vibe was
still there. But knowing how she felt when she first walked in and saw him, well,
the kissing was still fresh on her mind.

Maybe,
just maybe, she wanted him to kiss her again.

**

Jenna’s
shift was ending and she had done a pretty good job avoiding total eye contact
with Clay, but anytime their eyes did meet, she felt like she might explode
from the attraction between the two. It hadn’t been like that before, and it
was arresting. It was suffocating. She needed to get out of there. 

She
handed her checks to Mandy and went to the back room to clock out. As she was just
about to remove her apron, she felt Clay come up behind her.

“Why
are you avoiding me?” His breath was hot on her neck. He took her hands into
his, as she was untying the back of her apron.

“I’m
not.” She didn’t turn around to face him.

“You
are. You can’t even turn around to look at me.”

“I…
I don’t know.”

“Are
you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?” He held onto her hands tightly still,
yet she didn’t move her hands away from his.

“Because
you know I’d never do anything to hurt you. You know that right? I would have
never kissed you if I thought you didn’t want me to kiss you.”

“Clay.”
Jenna started crying then, but he didn’t know. The tears slipped slowly down
her cheeks. She wasn’t sure why she was crying. Maybe it was because she was
confused, maybe it was because she nervous.

“Clay,”
she said his name again.

“What?”

“I
wanted you to.”

“You
wanted me to what?” He touched her hands softer then, and she intertwined her
fingers in his, although her back was still against his chest, and he couldn’t
see her face, couldn’t see the tears.

“I
wanted… I want you to kiss me.”

She
turned then, and reached for him, and he pulled her closer to him, and she
could feel his whole body along the length of her, and their lips met, and it
was both sweet and desperate. As they kissed, he moved her off to the side of
the back room, and she clung to him, like if she let go, she might fall, and
she didn’t want to fall.

Before
she knew what was happening, they were in the staff bathroom, and his hands
were under her shirt and she was gasping at his warm touch on her cool skin.
Their kisses were becoming more desperate, tongues and mouth and hands where
they had never been before. She could hear a song by Bruno Mars playing out in
the bar, and then suddenly, Clay let his hands fall to his side.