What She Left Us (27 page)

“I
don’t think so,” she whispered. Jenna heard a bird chirp high above them, and
then some sort of small creature scurry behind her, but she didn’t want to take
her eyes away from Clay’s face.
How did we get to this point?
she
wondered.

“Do
you know what you want?” Clay asked. He had moved his hands down to hold her
elbows now, and the action seemed so intimate somehow, it made Jenna shiver.

“I’m
not sure.”

“Well,
can I tell you what I want?”

Jenna
couldn’t speak, so instead, she nodded.

Clay
took his right hand from Jenna’s elbow and moved it to Jenna’s chin, touching
her softly. With his other hand, he pulled her body closer to hers, carefully,
tentatively. She didn’t pull away, but kept looking into his warm eyes,
waiting.

He
brought his lips closer to hers and right before he kissed her, he said, “This
is what I want.”

“So
then what happened?” Courtney swirled the ice in her rum and diet Coke she had
Jenna order for her as the plane cruised at a comfortable thirty-three thousand
feet.

“We
kept kissing for a while in the woods. I swear I was lost in that kiss, Court. I
didn’t know what was going on.”

“That’s
how it feels every time I kiss Mitch.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”
Courtney took a sip of her drink.

“Then
we stopped, and he pulled away, looked at me for what seemed like forever, and
then he broke out into a really big smile. I’m pretty sure I was smiling just
as big. I bet we were smiling at each other like a couple of seventh graders
who were making out behind the school for the first time, or something like
that. He said he wanted to do that for a really long time. And then we walked
back to our cars.”

“That’s
it?
That’s it?”
Courtney asked.

“He
held my hand the whole way back. But we didn’t talk while we walked back. Until
we got back to our cars. He told me to have a safe trip to Chicago, and to
think about things while I was away. He said, ‘
Really
think about
things.’ I told him I would. And then we kissed again. Like crazy kissing. Oh
my God. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to take him back to my place and–”

“Jenna!”

“What?”

“I
don’t know, that just doesn’t seem like something you’d do.”

“I
know, but believe me, I thought about it. He’s such a fabulous kisser. I
definitely thought about it. But then, after I got home, I wondered if, with
everything going on, with the stress of everything, maybe I just got caught up
in the moment of it all. And before Clay kissed me, he asked about Darren, and
I didn’t know what to say. Here, look. Darren sent this text last night.”

Jenna
reached into her purse and grabbed her phone, sliding through her texts until
she found the one from Darren. She handed the phone to Courtney.

Jenna,
been thinking. We REALLY need to talk about us. I miss you. I’m not sure I’m
making the right decisions. I love you. Safe travels to see your dad. I hope it
all goes okay for you and Court. XO

“Sounds
sweet,” Courtney handed the phone back to Jenna. “What did you say back to
him?”

“Nothing.
I mean, he can’t call me to say this? He’s got to text me?”

“True.”
Courtney said.

“So,
I don’t even feel like talking about Darren, or even thinking about him right
now. Are you ready for what’s going to be happening in the next couple of hours?”
Jenna asked.

“Well,
what other choice do we have? You know, it’s not all about me. They lied to you
too. They lied to both of us,” Courtney said.

“I
know, but it’s mostly about you, it’s your story. We’re going to see Dad to
find out why… I mean, shit, I don’t know what I mean.” Jenna rubbed her temples.
“Why the hell would they have kept such a secret from us growing up? Why didn’t
they make it part of our lives? I don’t understand why they adopted you but couldn’t
tell us? It wouldn't have been a big deal for them to just tell us, to make it
a part of our lives.”

Jenna
hugged her sister then and the two of them were quiet together in the lull of
the cabin of the aircraft as it moved across the country and toward their truth.

When
they arrived at the airport, a driver was waiting for them with a sign that
read HADDONFIELD. Of course their father would send a driver. He was uniformed
too, with a cap and everything. Courtney wondered if he drove a stretch limo
and hoped it had a bottle of rum in the back. The two cocktails she had on the
plane had calmed only some of her nerves and another drink on the way to her
dad’s condo would definitely help ease her into the realm of numbness she felt
she needed to experience in order to deal with what she was about to face.

Jenna,
on the other hand, had not had anything to drink. Her fear of flying had
offered her a chance to pop a couple Xanax instead, so her nerves were already
stable.

“We’re
Haddonfield,” Jenna waved to the driver.

“This
way, ladies,” He tipped his cap to Jenna and Courtney. They only brought
carry-on luggage for the weekend, so there was no need for a trip to Baggage Claim.
The driver led them outside to a Town Car.

“Damn,
not a limo,” Courtney whispered to Jenna as they slid into the back.

“But
there are beers back here,” Jenna said.

“Dear
old Dad,” Courtney laughed. “Gets a point for that right there.” The girls each
took a beer, opened them, and clicked the bottles together.

“To
our unknown future,” Courtney said.

“To
being sisters, no matter what,” Jenna said.

“To
fucked-up families,” Courtney said.

“To
fucked-up relationships,” Jenna said.

“You
can drink to that one, mine’s not fucked up,” Courtney laughed.

“I
love you,” Jenna said.

“Love
you too,” Courtney smiled, and took a sip of the chilled beer.

“Ladies,”
the driver interrupted. “Your father asked that you call him when you were en
route.”

“Okay,
thanks,” Jenna said to the driver, then to Courtney she said, “You want me to
call?”

“Yeah.
I’m going to be busy getting a buzz-on as quick as shit,” Courtney said.

“Okay.”
Jenna took her phone out and dialed her dad. When he answered, she put him on
speaker.

“Hey
Dad, we’re in your car. Thanks for the beers. We’re getting shit-faced.”

“Not
the intention of the beers, but hello girls, how was your flight?” he asked.

“Hi
Dad,” Courtney said. “Flight was good, not enough rum.”

“Don’t
drink too much.”

“We’re
not,” Jenna said, slapping Courtney on her knee.

“So,”
their dad continued, “You’ll be happy to know your stepmother won’t be here
this weekend. She’s away visiting her mother.”

“Dad,
she was never our stepmother,” Courtney said. “You married her like three years
ago.”

“I
know, but it’s funny to call her that,” he laughed, and the girls laughed with
him. He was quiet for a minute and then he said, “I’ve missed you girls.”

Neither
girl spoke, so their father continued. “I want you to know that what your
mother and I did, and what you’ll find out shortly, it was all for the best. What
we did for the family, it was the best for everyone involved. For everyone. And
that we all love you.”

Jenna
and Courtney stared at each other as the car cruised along the highway.
Courtney tilted her head back and took a long swallow of her beer. She wasn’t
sure she was going to be able to handle what was about to transpire, this next
phase of her life, this unexpected part of her future. She was scared to death
of what she was going to discover. She reached for her sister’s hand. Jenna put
her beer aside, deciding she wanted to be clear-headed for what lay ahead of
them.

The
car exited onto Lake Shore Drive and Jenna looked out the window as Lake
Michigan stretched ahead of her. Courtney finished her beer, and put her head
against the back of the warm creamy leather seat.

What
did their father mean, that they all loved them?

The
girls would know soon enough. They’d know it all very soon.

Their
father met them at the door to his condo and enveloped them into a huge bear
hug. Jenna and Courtney let him hug them, their arms at their sides, like lost
souls. The girls started crying and they weren't sure if they were crying from the
exhaustion of the flight or the thought of what their family could have been
had their parents stayed together and the truth been known earlier. It was
unknown, and scary, and the girls fell into their father and wept.

“Girls,
don’t cry, everything is fine, right? You’re both healthy?” He pulled away and
looked at each girl closely, as if he was seeing them for the first time ever, holding
Courtney at arm's length, and then Jenna.

“You
girls are okay, right? With the hemo… hemocro?”

“Dad,
it’s called hemochromatosis. And yeah, I’m fine,” Jenna wiped at her tears,
attempting a smile. “Actually, it’s going way better than we could have
imagined. Tish and Sadie, they’re my phlebotomists; they say I’m doing great.
My iron levels are almost perfect, and when we get home, I’ll be seeing Dr.
Rhetler, my specialist. In another few months, I may only have to go for
treatments twice a month.”

“Oh
honey, that’s great news,” her dad said. Then he looked at Courtney. “You
okay?”

“I’m
pretty freaked out.”

“Everything
will be okay, just fine. I promise.” He closed the door behind them. “Just
remember, and this is the most important thing. We're a family. You’ve always
been sisters, you’ve always been the very best of friends, yes?”

Jenna
and Courtney looked to one another, and then back at their father, and each nodded.

“What
your mother and I did, when we made the decision nineteen years ago, we made it
out of love, and, and well, just know that we love you both very, very much.
And I loved your mother too. You know that? I loved her.”

Jenna
chose this moment to speak. “How were we to know this? You got divorced. It
seemed pretty messy to us at the time, and it certainly didn’t seem like you loved
each other when you got divorced.”

“There
were some things we couldn’t agree on, and that pulled us apart. But this isn’t
the only thing that broke up the marriage. Your mother and I had different
opinions on a lot of things. We couldn’t live together. One thing for certain
though, I didn’t want this family secret to go on for as long as it did. And now,
finally, it doesn’t have to be a secret any longer.” He picked up their bags. “I’m
so glad you’re both here. Come on into the living room.”

It
was Jenna who saw her first, the woman sitting at the far end of the corner of
the brown suede couch. Her eyes were big and rimmed red, as if she had been waiting
for years, waiting for this moment to arrive. There was a familiarity about
her, Jenna realized, the way she sat, with her ankles crossed and her hands twisting
in her lap. Her face looked like she had lost years of a life she hadn’t known
existed, yet she was young, maybe mid-to-late-thirties at the most. She was
motionless except for the twisting of her hands and the jittering movement of
her feet. She kept bouncing her heel up and down as if it was a nervous tic she
had no control of. Other than that, and the fact that she looked like she had
been crying for the past decade, she looked, well, she looked like…

“Aunt
Helena?” Courtney stared at the woman on the couch. She hadn’t seen her aunt since
that one year they had visited their father, and she took them to the Ferris wheel
out on Navy Pier. They had ridden to the top and Courtney had clung to Aunt
Helena while she peeked over the side, looking out at the tiny people down
below, not believing how high above the world they were. She had felt safe up
there, despite being so high.

But
now, looking at Aunt Helena, so small on the couch, Courtney didn’t think she
could save a fly stuck in a jar of honey.

Helena
shifted on the couch and either cleared her throat or coughed. “Hi girls.”

“What
are you doing here?” Jenna asked. She looked at her father. “Why is Aunt Helena
here for this?”

And
then, the memories came.

Jenna
knew her little sister was sick, and that when she was in the hospital they did
their best to make her better, but now that she was back, she still wasn’t that
great. She slept all the time, and when she was awake, her mom had to feed her
through a tube in her nose, and she still threw up a lot. She wanted to love
the baby, but it was really hard, mostly because Jenna never got attention
anymore. Not from her mother and not from her father either. It was almost
better over at Mrs. Crand’s stupid smelly house with her yucky raisin oatmeal cookies,
she thought.

One
late afternoon after Jenna decided she wasn’t going to love her sister anymore,
she was in her room playing with her own dolls – the ones who would do what she
wanted them to do: eat and sleep and play with her – and she heard the doorbell
ring. She raced out of her room to see who was there because she knew that
anyone visiting would have to be better than her stupid parents. Her stupid
parents who were only interested in her stupid little sister.