What She Left Us (34 page)

“What?”

“Sorry,
Jenna, not you, a customer’s here.”

“Oh.
Well, I should let you go. I’ll try to call again after New Year's, and if you
see Clay, will you let him know I called?”

“Sure
thing! It was great chatting!” And she hung up the phone.

So,
that was that. She didn’t know what had happened to Clay and he was all she
could think about. If she admitted it to herself, he was all she had been
thinking about since that moment in the forest preserve when he had taken her
face into his warm hands and kissed her like no one before ever had.

“I’ll
miss you,” Jenna squeezed her eyes tight to stop the telltale tears from
coming.

“Don’t
cry,” Helena begged. “No more crying. We’re all getting together in March.
We’ve promised. With your dad too. And that horrible wife of his even.” She
laughed, which caused laughter from Jenna.

“My
turn,” Courtney shoved her sister out of the way to make room for her hug. “We
have to get this over with or else the sprinklers will turn on, and really, I’m
so tired of crying. We’re all good now, right? Done crying. Done. See, no more
tears!” Courtney made a silly face to indicate she was absolutely positively
done with the tears, and that sparked a bit of laughter.

“Group
hug and then I’m out of here. The taxi’s waiting and I know he’s got that clock
running. I’ll call the minute I land in Chicago.” To Jenna she said, “Let me
know what you decide you’re going to do. If you need a change of scenery,
you’re always welcome.” To Courtney she said, “Keep up your studies.” Then she
put her hand on her forehead. “Oh my God, I almost sound like a mother. Never
mind. You both be good to each other. I love you both!”

Helena
picked up her bag, hugged them both once more, and walked down the front step.
Courtney and Jenna followed her outside into the cold, blustery day. Before
Helena got into the taxi, she turned and blew them a kiss, and shouted, “Love
you girls!”

Jenna
waved and Courtney ran to the taxi for one last hug. “I love you so much,” she
whispered into her birth mother’s ear. Helena clasped her hands alongside
Courtney’s cheeks and looked into her daughter’s eyes. “You have no idea what a
gift it is to hear those words from you. I love you too.”

As
the taxi drove away, Courtney wrapped her jacket tightly around herself. Jenna
walked over to Courtney and put her arm around her. They didn’t say anything
until the taxi was out of sight.

“Wow,”
Courtney exhaled.

“Some
Christmas huh?”

“Some
year.”

They
turned toward the house and were surprised to see Mrs. Crand and two of her
scraggly cats in the yard next door. She was in a housecoat and flimsy jacket
attempting to shovel her front steps, which looked like an accident waiting to
happen.

“Would
you like some help?” Jenna offered.

“Oh,
hello. Are you the new neighbors?”

“Mrs.
Crand, it’s us, Jenna and Courtney.”

“Oh,
silly me. I don’t have my glasses on. Well, come on over here girls. I’d love
to say hello.”

Jenna
and Courtney walked over and Mrs. Crand squinted at each of them, inspecting
them carefully. Jenna took the shovel from her hand.

“My,
you two look lovely. How are you doing?”

“We’re
good, and how are you?” Jenna asked.

“Oh
fine. I’ve got some of those cookies that your daughter loves so much, if you’d
like to bring her over sometime?”

“Sure,
maybe sometime,” Jenna offered.

“Do
you remember when those little girls lived next door?” Mrs. Crand asked.

Jenna
and Courtney exchanged a knowing glance.

“They
were the sweetest things. I used to watch them play in the backyard. They would
swing for hours on their swing set. Those two little girls were such funny
little imps to watch. The older one, I forget her name? She would push the
little one so high up in the sky, and she would squeal her little heart out.
That’s how I knew they were out there playing. I would be in the kitchen,
baking, and I could hear them laughing and playing outside for hours. I would
peek at them from my kitchen window. The two of them out there, just having the
time of their lives.

“I
never had a sister. I always wanted one. I always thought those were the
luckiest girls. Sure, I have Whiskers and Mittens here, but it’s not the same
as a sister. Some days those little girls would have tea parties, other days
they would spend hours playing in the sprinklers. One thing for sure, they loved
each other so much. I always wondered what happened to them. If they grew up
happy? I hope they grew up happy.”

“Why
don’t we take you inside, Mrs. Crand. We can have my boyfriend come over and
shovel for you later, if that's all right?” Courtney offered.

“Why
yes, that would be lovely, thank you girls.”

They
took Mrs. Crand inside, and when they left, she gave them a container of raisin
oatmeal cookies.

Jenna
took her sister’s hand in hers. It was warm and comfortable, the hand of a
sister she’d known her whole life. “Want to take a short walk around the block
before we go back?” she asked.

“Sure,”
Courtney said, then looked at Jenna and asked, “We grew up happy, didn’t we? We
should have told Mrs. Crand we were happy.”

“I
think despite everything, we’ve been really lucky, and yes, we grew up very
happy.” Jenna smiled. “We’ve been blessed with each other for sisters, how
could we not be happy?”

“We’re
okay, right?” Courtney asked.

Jenna
grabbed her sister and hugged her tightly. She could feel her warmth, despite
the cold air surrounding them, and she thought for a minute that she would cry.
She wanted to put the smell of her sister, the feel of her hair, the warmth and
the strength of her… everything to memory.

Then
Jenna let her go. “We’re better than 'okay,' we're amazing.”

“I
can’t even imagine if I never had you for my sister.” Courtney smiled.

“Let’s
get back. Mitch is going to wonder where we are.”

They
grabbed each other’s hands and raced toward their mother’s house, the house
where they first became sisters, where they fought and they loved, where they
told secrets to one another, and where they were a family. They were leaving
this house soon, but they would never not be sisters, no matter who gave birth
to each of them.

There
was gratefulness in their hearts, and nostalgia, and a sadness for what had
been, but mostly, there was peace. Because of what had transpired in their
past, they were now able to look forward to a beautiful future, and whatever
would come of it, there was something they would always be sure of, the love
they had for one another was the bond of sisters, strong and deep.

The
girls huddled together in the cold as they made their way to their mom’s house
for what would be one of the last times, and Mitch waved to them from the front
porch. Courtney ran ahead of Jenna and up the three steps of the porch. Mitch
opened his arms and collected Courtney into a hug while Jenna slowed her pace
and watched from the walkway. Her throat closed up, an overwhelming feeling of
longing clung to her, and she felt like an intruder, watching them. Mitch
touched Courtney's cheek and whispered something into her ear and whatever he
said to her, whatever private moment shared between the two, it lit up her
whole face.

Jenna
lowered her head and toyed with the button on her coat as she made her way up
the stairs, but a thought was already forming. She knew she couldn’t continue having
these feelings, she knew she had to make some changes, do something that would
make her really happy, and seeing Mitch and Courtney together like this
confirmed to her that she had to follow her heart, no matter the consequences.

She
brushed by Mitch and Courtney, mumbled "sorry" and went into the
house.

"Where's
the fire?" Courtney asked.

"I've
got something important I have to take care of," Jenna yelled behind her.

"Where?
Where are you going?" Courtney rushed into the house, Mitch following her.

"Don't
worry about it, it's just something I have to do."

When
she walked into Klippy's she knew right away that Clay wasn't there. She could
feel it in her soul. The place was void of him. In fact, it was void of
practically everyone. A couple of tables were filled, but everything looked so
unfamiliar to her. She recognized one waitress who had started the week before
she went home, but she couldn't recall her name. Was it Margie? Maggie? The
girl turned her head and nodded at Jenna in recognition, then went back to one
of her tables. She probably thought Jenna was back to work.

There
was a single customer at the bar, someone who looked like he might have spent
the last week there, head hung low, mumbling into a glass of scotch, hair
disheveled. He was twisting a cocktail straw and talking to a bartender that
Jenna had never seen before. The bartender was leaning on his elbows listening
intently to the guy, as if his last tip depended on it, and most likely it did
if this was the only guy who came into Klippy's during the holiday.

Jenna
sighed.

The
bartender noticed her. "Oh sorry, I'll be with you in a sec," he said.

"That's
okay, I'm going to use the ladies' room."

"Back
that way," he pointed.

"I
know," Jenna answered.

She
hoped maybe Clay was in the back but then she thought there was no way they'd
have two bartenders working this shift, so she went into the bathroom and ran
cold water on her face. She had put on makeup, even curled her hair, but who
was she kidding? Why had she gone through the effort? He wasn't here. She
didn't know where he was, or when she would see him. She had already admitted
to herself that she was in love with Clay, had known this the minute he kissed
her, but now, now was it too late?

She
swung the bathroom door open and went back to the bar. Maggie-Margie nodded in
her direction. "You on shift today?"

"Oh
no, I'm not." Jenna smiled at her.

"That's
good, cuz I need all the tips I can get, and it's a real slow day,"
Maggie-Margie said.

Jenna
took a seat at the bar, far away from Mr. Been-Here-All-Week and waited for the
bartender.

"Hey,
what can I get you?" he asked.

"I
actually work here. Worked here. Well, I might still work here. I don't
know," Jenna sighed. "Is Doug coming in later?"

"Yeah,
he should be in around three. I'm Patrick." He put his hand out and Jenna
shook it.

"Jenna."

"You're
Jenna?"

"Um,
yeah."

"Clay's
Jenna?"

"What
do you mean, Clay's Jenna?"

"Only
that he talks about Jenna all the time. Assuming that's you?"

Jenna's
heart hammered in her chest, she could feel it through her ears, and the blood
through her body turned panic-hot. "He does?" she asked.

"Yep."

"Where
is he?"

"Well,
he went to the mountains for Christmas, but I'm pretty sure he's back. He's
helping over at Carina's for a while. She fell and broke her leg."

Jenna
grabbed her purse and keys and swiveled off the barstool.

"Do
you want me to give him a message for you?" Patrick hollered after her.

"Nope!"
Jenna yelled. "I'll give it to him myself!"

The
roads were slick with ice as she drove up the hills to get to Carina's Café and
she tried to concentrate on keeping the car from sliding. But her thoughts were
all about Clay. She recalled the first time she met him, how he had joked with
her about the beer she had ordered, and then how he had spent so much time
listening to her talk about her personal problems. He had been there for her at
her lowest, and he always managed to lift her spirits up when she was feeling
down.

And
then, when she got sick, he had been considerate and caring, nothing like how
Darren had been, all-consumed in his job. Clay had dropped everything to come
to the hospital to be there when Courtney was admitted. Clay had calmed her
down. Clay had been her… it seemed that Clay was her everything.

She
wanted him to be her everything.

She
was absolutely sure of it. And if Patrick was telling the truth, that she was
all that Clay had been talking about, then Clay felt the same about Jenna.

She
pumped her brakes, and turned the corner, inching slower as she got closer to
Carina's. She had no idea what she would say to Clay, and hoped that he would
forgive her for being indecisive. She had to get the closure with Darren, she
knew that. And that was good. She had ended things with him, completely,
forever.

Jenna
looked down at her wrist for a split second and glanced at her tattoo. The back
wheels of the car shifted against the ice, and the car slid a bit, but Jenna gained
control of the car again. Her heart sped up.