What to Expect the Toddler Years (288 page)

Practicing cooperation.
Cooperation and turn taking will be expected in preschool (though children don’t always learn to cooperate immediately). So whenever you get the chance, practice at home. Take turns playing with the same doll and putting pieces into a puzzle; work cooperatively at the kitchen counter and doing laundry (you take the clothes out of the washer, your toddler puts them in the dryer). Don’t despair if your toddler doesn’t excel in cooperation at home; children are almost always more agreeable when they’re
not
with their parents.

Playing name games.
Your toddler won’t be expected to write or read his or her name, but being familiar with what the name looks like (and which letter it starts with) can be helpful when so many things are going to be labeled with it (cubbies, lunch boxes, pictures, and so on). Write your toddler’s name on artwork, on the refrigerator in magnetic letters, on the chalkboard, in the sand with a stick. Recite its letters occasionally, in a singsong fashion (“L-I-Z spells Liz”). Don’t, however, pressure your toddler to learn to recognize or read letters or words.

Packing a lunch box.
If your child will be bringing lunch to school, pick out a fun lunch box together. A few days before the first day of preschool or day care, begin packing your child’s lunch and letting him or her eat it from the lunch box at the kitchen table. Demonstrate how to take the food out of the containers, pack what’s reusable back into the box, and throw out (or recycle) what isn’t. Also let your almost-preschooler get used to wearing a backpack if one will be worn to school. (Some children, however, don’t like the feeling of a backpack; of course, it’s okay to carry the pack by hand instead.) If nap time at child care will be on a mat, having your toddler nap on one at home for several days before trekking off to day care or preschool will increase the odds that he or she will really be able to rest easily in the new environment.

Sharing the chores.
If you haven’t begun giving your toddler some simple chores to do, start now. Concentrate on chores that your child might be asked to do at school, such as putting away toys, clearing the table, or washing paint-brushes (see page 415).

Giving directions.
Make a game out of following directions (which your toddler will also be expected to be able to do, to a certain extent), calling off several in a row (“Pick up that hairbrush, brush your hair two times, turn around in a circle, and bring me the hairbrush, please.”). Again, don’t worry if your toddler doesn’t follow directions consistently; chances are that he or she will be much more conscientious about following them at school (see page 394). And make sure you keep the game fun and pressure-free.

Giving choices.
Children are expected to do a certain amount of decision making at school. Provide practice by giving your toddler choices whenever possible (“Do you want to play with the blocks or the puzzles?” “Do you want cereal or grilled cheese for breakfast?”). See page 414 for more on making choices.

Providing structure.
Some tight-ship families run on a tight schedule; other families have no noticeable structure at all. If yours is the latter kind, begin incorporating a little structure into your toddler’s day in the weeks before preschool. You can even post a written schedule (story time right after lunch, clean-up time right after play), illustrating it so your toddler can “read” it (with a picture of a book for story time, a sandwich for lunch, blocks for play, a toy chest for clean-up).

Stepping up the socializing.
If your child hasn’t yet had regular play dates, arrange some in the weeks before preschool to increase comfort with other children. But don’t overdo it—your toddler may tire of the social scene before school starts.

Adjustments are tough for toddlers. Adjusting to day care or preschool can be especially tough for a child who’s never before spent a significant amount of time away from home. Understanding your child’s need for extra support while getting into the swing of peer-group life will help make the adjustment happier and smoother. So will getting off to a good start, by:

Preparing for a positive experience. Gradually acclimate your toddler to the idea of embarking on this adventure. Read books together about children in day care or preschool; talk about siblings, cousins, or peers who already attend a program; casually discuss the kinds of activities your toddler will be involved in. Be upbeat and enthusiastic
about what’s in store, but not so lavish in your descriptions that you prompt suspicion or anxiety or set your toddler up for a disappointment (
nothing
can be
that
good).

Being there for your toddler—in the beginning. Often, knowing that a loving grown-up is nearby gives toddlers the courage to explore an unfamiliar environment. For this reason, most programs invite parents and caregivers to participate during the adjustment period, encouraging them to stay and play with their child for all or part of the first few days (which are often abbreviated). The object is to help toddlers to separate, not to increase clinging. So be available to your child, but don’t hover as he or she explores new surroundings and meets new people. It’s preferable for the teacher to be the one to say, “Now, do you want to play in the dress-up corner, or would you like to try painting?” Once your toddler has grown comfortable playing at your side, gradually begin moving off—to a chair a few feet away, then to a bench a little further off, then to the doorway.

Saying good-bye. When it comes time to make that move out the door, don’t sneak off without a good-bye, even if the good-bye is painful for both of you. Let your toddler know who will pick him or her up and when, being as specific as you can (“I’ll be back after lunch” or “Sophie will come and pick you up when you come in from the park”), and plan to keep your word (late pickups can be devastating, particularly during those first days). Leave with a convincing smile on your face that tells your toddler that you’re confident he or she will have a good time (even if you’re not so sure).

Some toddlers never seem to feel at home in the new environment as long as their parents are around. If you sense this is the case with your child, a swifter separation may actually speed adjustment. Enlisting a teacher’s support will help, too.

How sick is too sick for day care or preschool? Many programs have policies about sick children, and criteria vary from facility to facility—be sure to ask when you sign up. Ironically, since most infections are spread
before
a child appears sick or begins exhibiting symptoms, policies that require runny-nosed kids (or kids who aren’t contagious at all, such as those with ear infections) to stay at home may not be effective in preventing the spread of illness. Such policies may also keep children who could safely be in school at home, causing parents unnecessary scheduling crises.

Regardless of the school’s policy, it is in everyone’s best interest if children stay home if they are feeling very unwell (and therefore can’t keep up with the group or can’t play outdoors); if they’re running fevers or were running fevers within the preceding twenty-four hours; are vomiting or have acute diarrhea; and/or have a red, sore throat, an eye infection that hasn’t been treated, infected untreated skin rashes or lesions, rapid or labored breathing, severe pain or discomfort, or a communicable disease (such as chickenpox, measles, flu, strep, hepatitis A, impetigo, scabies, or pertussis) that is still in the contagious stage.