What to Expect the Toddler Years (286 page)
Read What to Expect the Toddler Years Online
Authors: Heidi Murkoff
Observe the program yourself. Before you schedule an interview, try to observe the facility without your child. Ask to visit during the day; you can’t judge a day-care or preschool program without observing it in action. The best times to visit are when kids are likely to be difficult (e.g., before nap time) or when they are just arriving and may be upset about separating from their parents (though some schools will not allow visitors at these times, considering them to be disruptive). When visiting, watch how teachers handle disputes, separations, crying, boredom, and behavior problems. How are children like your own handled? Do the kids look happy and occupied? Are teachers cheerful and absorbed in their child-care responsibilities? Is there a lot of interaction between teachers and children and among children? When a child isn’t occupied, does a teacher notice and try to draw the child into an activity? Are children allowed to go off by themselves to do their own thing, whether that’s a puzzle, a book, or a daydream? Is space divided into different fun areas (dress-up, books, kitchen, science, blocks, and so on) so the children can play in small groups? Is there constant supervision, indoors and out?
PRESCHOOL ADMISSIONS
Five-page applications, complete with probing essay questions. A grueling series of interviews. Exhaustive checks of background and character. Intensive testing of academic ability and achievement. Submission of writing samples and artwork. Exploration of extracurricular activities. The admissions process for Harvard? Princeton? Yale? No, the admissions process for many of today’s preschool programs.
That a toddler should have to endure such an admissions process may seem comical, almost ludicrous, but for many parents and young children, it’s a painfully serious reality. And while many preschools still have open admissions—accepting children who apply on a first-to-apply, first-to-be-accepted basis, with an eye only to achieving a healthy balance of boys and girls and a workable mix of ages—more and more seem as demanding as any Ivy League school in their admissions requirements.
If you live in a community where high-pressure preschool admissions tactics aren’t the norm, consider yourself lucky. If you don’t, and your child must be tested, take the following steps to ease the pressure:
Look for a pleasant tester.
People who evaluate young children for a living should be empathetic, patient, and kind—but unfortunately, they don’t uniformly fit that profile. To ease the potential trauma for your child—as well as to help boost the odds that your child will test well—you should look for a pleasant and understanding tester. If testing is done at the school, you probably won’t have much say in the matter. If it’s to be done at an independent facility, ask parents who’ve had their children tested for a recommendation. If possible, ask to meet the tester briefly in advance.
Consider tagging along.
Some testers allow parents to be present when their children are tested; many others don’t. If your child doesn’t separate well and is likely to be upset (and uncooperative) without you in the room, petition to come along. If your child might be more responsive without you around (many children are), stay outside. It’s also a good idea to wait outside if you think that you might become impatient or upset if your child gives an incorrect answer to a question.
Use your scheduling smarts.
Schedule testing for a time when your child isn’t likely to be hungry or tired (after snack time and after—but not too soon after—naptime). Postpone testing if your child isn’t feeling well or is generally out of sorts.
Prepare your child . . .
Make sure your toddler gets plenty of rest the night before. The day before, and the day of the test, mention to your toddler what is going to happen (ask the agency or school ahead of time to outline the routine). Be upbeat, with no hint of pressure or stress in your voice. Explain to your toddler that a person who is like a teacher (you can even describe the person if you’ve already met) will be talking to him or her, that they’re going to play some games together, and that it’s going to be fun. If you won’t be allowed in the testing room, make that clear so the separation won’t take your toddler by surprise—but be sure you emphasize how nice the tester will be and that you will be waiting right outside the door.
. . . but don’t overprepare.
Don’t be tempted to quiz your child with flash cards before the testing, or to step up at-home learning. And don’t warn your child that the encounter is all-important or that “if you don’t answer the questions right, you won’t be able to go to that special school”; the more relaxed your toddler is, the better he or she is likely to do. Besides, no young child should feel under pressure to perform.
Don’t show any disappointment
. So what if your toddler—who can identify every animal in the zoo at home—suddenly can’t tell a dog from a cat? So what if he or she forgets the alphabet or how to count to ten? These things happen when children are in an uncomfortable, unfamiliar situation (because they panic and go blank; because they aren’t in the mood to perform for strangers; because they just want to show off by being silly). Voicing disappointment or disapproval to your toddler because he or she doesn’t test as well as you’d like isn’t fair, and is likely to compromise future testing.
Reschedule if your child’s upset.
If, once you get to the testing facility, your toddler starts crying and can’t be jollied out of it, ask if the test can be postponed. Don’t worry about what the school will think; any early childhood center that doesn’t consider children’s feelings doesn’t deserve to be considered by you.
Preschool interviews, like testing, can be traumatic unless you keep them in perspective. Your child is applying for preschool, not for college or an important job. Remain relaxed about the interviews, and your child is likely to be, too. Prepare your child for interviews as you would for testing (see tips above).
And keep in mind that you and your child are not the only ones who are being judged—the school is, too. Ask probing ques tions during the tour and the interview. Observe what’s expected of the children; if you sense that there’s too much pressure, this might not be the right school.
Policies regarding prospective parent visits to a day-care center or preschool
vary from facility to facility. Most will require an appointment; many offer a formal tour (often for a group of parents), followed up by a longer visit so that the parents have an opportunity to view the class in action. Dropping in by prospective parents is often discouraged, not only because it can be disruptive, but because it can present security problems. Parents who already have children enrolled in a program may be allowed to drop in unannounced (so they can make periodic evaluations), though, again, policies will vary. However, a day-care program that seems resolutely opposed to an occasional visit by a parent may indeed have something to hide. If this is the case in your child’s day-care center, ask for an explanation of the policy—if you don’t get a satisfactory one, or if you suspect that the facility is keeping parents away so they won’t see what really goes on there, you might want to consider looking elsewhere for child care.
When you do visit a facility, make an effort to avoid disrupting the activities; don’t strike up conversations with teachers or children and be careful to stay in the background (ask in advance where to position yourself).
Ask about (and observe) the approach to discipline. Look for a program where the goal of disciplining is to help the children learn self-control rather than to force them to bow to authority. Teachers should discipline with respect for their young charges and in positive ways, using problem solving and discussion, and possibly time-outs as needed (though these shouldn’t be overused). Physical or verbal abuse, angry scolding, physical restraint, isolation without supervision, shaming, and ignoring conflicts among children should not be in evidence.
Call some parents with children presently in the program. If you don’t know any—and don’t know anyone who knows any—you’ll have to rely on names and numbers provided by the director. Ask what they like about the program and what they don’t like. Also try to talk to a parent or two in the process of dropping off or picking up children (which may be difficult, because they are usually in a hurry).
Listen. What does the place sound like? Is there a happy hum or a piercing caco-phony? Is there a lot of crying and scolding or a lot of laughter and cheery voices?
Sniff. Smells may be clues to cleanliness (or lack of it), so use your nose—if you can sniff dirty diapers, tobacco smoke, spoiled food, or other unpleasant odors, you may be smelling unsanitary conditions.
N OCCASIONAL SITTER
Locating candidates.
As with any other kind of child care, a good way of finding a good babysitter is to ask friends, acquaintances, and neighbors for recommendations. You can also call a local college placement office, which may have a babysitting service, or check a bulletin board that lists students interested in sitting. Or contact the sitter-training program at a local hospital, a local Red Cross affiliate, or Safe Sitter for the names of some trained graduates looking for babysitting jobs. The Safe Sitter program trains teenagers in all babysitting fundamentals, including safety and first aid. Log on to
www.safesitter.org
for the number of the Safe Sitter program nearest you. If you know a responsible teenager, speak to her about the possibility of babysitting, keeping in mind that she should meet the qualifications below.