What to Expect the Toddler Years (284 page)
Read What to Expect the Toddler Years Online
Authors: Heidi Murkoff
SIGNS OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE IN A CAREGIVER
Anyone who uses drugs or abuses alcohol is not a suitable caregiver for a child. But since a substance abuser is not likely to announce the fact, parents must be alert to the signs of abuse. They are often readily apparent—if you know what to look for. Consider any of the following signs a red flag:
Slurred speech, staggering, disorientation, poor concentration, and other signs of drunkenness, with or without the smell of liquor on the breath (possible signs of the abuse of alcohol or barbiturates or other “downers”).
Restlessness, nervousness, agitation, dilated pupils, poor appetite (possible signs of stimulant abuse—for example, amphetamines or cocaine).
Euphoria, relaxation of inhibitions, increased appetite, memory loss; possibly, dilated pupils and bloodshot eyes; even paranoia (possible signs of marijuana use).
Pinpoint pupils (possible sign of early heroin addiction). Another sign of such addiction, a pronounced craving for sweets, would be next-to-impossible to detect at an interview, or even on the job. It would only be worthy of concern if it were accompanied by the pinpoint pupils.
Watery runny eyes, excessive yawning, irritability, anxiety, tremors, chills and sweating (possible signs of drug withdrawal, which could occur if an addicted person tries not to use drugs on the job).
Any of these could also indicate mental or physical illness. Should you note them in a prospective caregiver, you could insist on a medical checkup to rule out substance abuse as well as any illness, but it may be better to move on to the next candidate.
Does her personality seem compatible with yours? Are you comfortable with her? Do you seem able to communicate well? Does she have a sense of humor?
Does your toddler seem comfortable with her? (Keep in mind that a typically reticent toddler may take some time to adjust to a stranger.) More important: Does she seem comfortable with your toddler? Does she seem kind and caring? Is she patient and truly interested in your child or does she seem to be just going through the motions?
Did you notice any warning signs of mental instability? These could include: lack of eye contact; monosyllabic, evasive, or pat answers; confusion or lack of clarity in conversation; apparent extremist behavior or thinking (religious fanaticism, compulsive cleanliness, excessive rigidity); inappropriate behavior (such as giggling or singsong responses); outlandish dress or makeup; emotional neediness (she’s recently broken up with a boyfriend and sees this job as a way of recovering from the loss).
Once you’ve singled out your best prospect (she’s interviewed well, received solid recommendations), consider a trial session so you can see her in action before you make a long-term commitment—such a trial is well worth the cost. Pick a day when you don’t have to go to work (on a weekend, perhaps) and plan to be in and out of the house while she’s on duty. Take her through
your toddler’s daily routine as well as any household routines she’ll need to be familiar with and give her lots of opportunity to get to know your toddler and your home. Chances are your toddler will loosen up more when you’re not around, so make sure you leave for a couple of short stretches (an hour or so at a time) during the day. While you’re around, keep your eyes and ears open. If your toddler tends to be shy with new people, pay more attention to how the babysitter responds to your child than how your child responds to the sitter (your child will warm up eventually to the right sitter, but the right sitter will already be warm). Follow your instincts; if something tells you that this person is not right for your child, err on the safe side and look elsewhere.
For more information and suggestions, write to the International Nanny Association and/or one of the other care-giver information services (see page 814).
AMILY DAY CARE (OR GROUP HOME CARE)
Locating possibilities.
Again, your child’s doctor, parents of other children, friends, and neighbors may be able to provide good leads as well as recommendations. There may also be a local organization that can provide the names of registered family day care facilities; or contact the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC; see page 814).
What you need to know about a family day-care situation.
Family day-care facilities can range from wonderful to wretched. To sort out those you are considering, consider:
Is it licensed or registered
? Not all states regulate or license family care facilities, and requirements are often lax even in states that do regulate. Inspections are not necessarily required; when they are, they may be few and far between (an inspector may have hundreds of facilities to oversee). Still, some regulation is better than none.
Health and safety standards
. These are similar to those you’d look for in a day-care or preschool facility: an indoor space that is clean, child-safe, fire-safe (with sprinklers and fire alarm in working order, and with an easy escape route in case of fire), and an enclosed, safe outdoor play space (see page 646).
The qualifications of the caregiver
. Look for the same qualities you would look for in an in-home caregiver: experience and, preferably, training in child care; training in first aid and basic life support; fondness for and patience with children (see page 810).
The child-care philosophy of the care-giver
. Evaluate this as you would for an in-home caregiver (see page 811).
The caregiver-to-child ratio
. For children younger than two, a ratio of 1 adult to 4 (or preferably 3) children is recommended; for ages two and three, at least 1 adult for every 6 children (a 1 to 4 ratio is ideal). These ratios should include any of the caregiver’s children who are at home some or all of the time. (Most states allow much higher ratios—as high as 1 adult to 15 children—but such numbers don’t make for a safe situation or good care.)
The setup
. Check to see if the care provider is also running her household (doing laundry, house cleaning, marketing) while caring for your child and the others; if so, attention may be seriously lacking.
Toys and activities
. There should be an ample supply of well-maintained, age-appropriate toys (toys meant for older children should not be accessible to younger ones) and plenty of stimulating and safe activities planned (outdoor play, arts and crafts, story time).