When Parents Text: So Much Said...So Little Understood (14 page)
Read When Parents Text: So Much Said...So Little Understood Online
Authors: Sophia Fraioli,Lauren Kaelin
PLLLLLLLLL
DAD
: I have ginger
ME
: There is no need to text all three of us we are all together
DAD
: PLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
ME
: ?
DAD
: Its the noise you make when you stick out you tounge and blow!!!
ME
: This is going on whenparentstext.com
DAD
: PLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!
DAD
: And dont forget, if it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have a phone to use for texting :)
ME
: You could have just said =P
DAD
: Idk that one
Exercise
MOM
: I started 2 do jumping jacks without my bra & almost knocked myself unconscious
Owl Call
MOM
: Hi Hon! Miss u. Was thinking about when you ended up with two golden retrievers in the fancy museum covered in mud after you had just gone to your math tutor who taught you nothing! also just heard the coolest owl call… whheew wuwuwwu whooo whuu whooooooo
Yo-yo
DAD
: I was a Yo Yo champion once
DAD
: In the bronx
Cute
ME
: Why do you still have this tiny jelly jar?
DAD
: It’s too small to keep nails and screws in.
ME
: Ok...
DAD
: But it is too cute to throw away!!!
Pelicans
DAD
: Lake Whitney is covered with pelicans.
ME
: That’s great, but you do know that now 50% of your all-time texts to me are about pelicans.
DAD
: And? I like pelicans. 66%
Wind Catchers
DAD
: Your brother has reconnected with his hippie girlfriend. They have been here since last night. You could also call the show Birds of a Feather. She actually is real nice and seems to mellowed him a bit.
DAD
: They make jewelry and wind catchers together. They have made some pretty cool stuff.
Toilet Problems
ME
: Dad is driving me crazy with the toilet. I’m having them come fix it first thing in the morning. It’s not a big deal. I don’t see why he is flipping out.
MOM
: Bcuz bathrooms r very important 2 him
Fuzzy
DAD
: We played apples to apples and the word was fuzzy so I put down Fuzz and your brother put down fur - mom picked fur wtf
DAD
: It cost me the game
Hot Commodity
MOM
: Geezer following me around store bc i stopped to tie shoe and i guess he thought i was picking him up and another one in pking lot. Both decrepit. Tell your father to keep living.
VPL*
MOM
: Well this should make u laugh and give u some new material…I finally bought some new underwear so now u cant see my underwear outline in my pants
ME
: So necessary
*Visible panty line.
TMI
ME
: Have you left yet?
MOM
: Dad found a nest of five baby rats in the garden and had to kill them with a shovel, gross. just leaving now.
Lost in the Supermarket
DAD
: I lost your mom in the store.
(one hour later)
DAD
: I wish she was taller, then I could find her.
Parking Problems
MOM
: Umm someone wrote something a very mean thing in the dirt on my car……..
MOM
: It says. Learn to park
MOM
: :’(
Super Mom
MOM
: Just got an Amber Alert text. Be on the lookout for a 1998 Red Ford Taurus, license place DXM 284.
ME
: Why do you get those things?
MOM
: So I can help fight crime! I’m one of the good guys!
Big Poppa
DAD
: I need a store that’s just called “Fat Guy”….nothing fits me :(
Do It Up
MOM
: did i tell you i’m going to florida this weekend?
ME
: cool with who?
MOM
: its going to be great...you know how i do it up...on the beaches..!
Re: Mom
DAD
: Shes being menopausal im just rollin with it
Ladder
MOM
: Won’t be able to make it to your concert. Dad fell off the ladder.
This Day in History
MOM
: Crazy but true...Today in 1968 I got my period for the first time. Lol swear.
ME
: hahahaha
MOM
: For real! I remember cause I was at JFK going to grandma sally.
Razor
DAD
: going to the hospital. razor scooter accident.
ME
: weren’t you going to work?
DAD
: i ride my scooter to work
Collateral Damage
DAD
: Fat woman fell on mom and pulled a muscle
When Parents Text Each Other: Costco
DAD
: Got new card and I’m primary card holder.
MOM
: Oh ok
MOM
: Get low sodium soy sauce and vingar for our marindades
DAD
: 300 12oz. cups for only $9.99! I was paying $2.50 for 50.
DAD
: 152 gallon ziplocks for 9.99
DAD
: They only half regular soy sauce.
DAD
: I want to still use regular soy sauce
DAD
: In line
DAD
: Probably $175 total. I want to come back for six pack of PUR filters only $45
DAD
: They sell caskets.
Camera Ready
MOM
: is the camera ready?cause my face is.
Mustache
ME
: Karina says you have a pretty epic mustache.
DAD
: Its called beowulf.
It Could Happen
MOM
: I took a new sleeping pill tonight. It says i may drive, eat, or have sex without knowing it.
ME
: Uhhh…
MOM
: Night!
Deer I Fear
DAD
: hunting in tree.. luv u lots
ME
: have fun
DAD
: dont txt me bck idiot!!!! DEER r NEAR I FEAR.. turning fone off
Sophia:
My mom owns every season of
Mad Men.
Not to mention a themed hat and calendar. We’re a family that loves entertainment. Though most of our days are spent out of the house, we always find time at night to catch up on our DVR and watch reruns of
Seinfeld.
Unfortunately, while I was away at college, our yearly ritual of watching the Oscars had to be altered. Instead of making a bag of popcorn, betting on our favorites, and picking our own best dressed, our exchanges were limited to texting.
“Oh my god, look at how sexy John Hamm looks in his suit, with his beard!” was just one of the many gems I got from my mother on Oscar night.
Though this year we got to watch together again, I somehow missed the little one-liner messages sent to my inbox after every winner was announced.
Oprah
MOM
: I watch Oprah, I feel like noting is impossible.
The K Drug
ME
: Are you watching the game?
DAD
: Saw a little. Are you watching it? Mom says to take your temperature!
ME
: What my temperature???
DAD
: Wooohooo! 41 to 26
ME
: Haha. Why did mom say that?
DAD
: She thinks you might be sick if you are watching Celtics. She wants meto watch Kardashians. NFW!!!
ME
: Haha. Do it! So funny! Tell her it’s what I do to go to sleep. Unlimited on netflix!!!!!
DAD
: OMG. The K drug. They should use it for anesthesia.
Radio Disney
DAD
: My life is over- they took ESPN sports radio off the air and replaced it with RADIO DISNEY. Feels like hannah montana stabbed me thru the heart with a mickey mouse pearl handles dagger
