When Parents Text: So Much Said...So Little Understood (17 page)

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Authors: Sophia Fraioli,Lauren Kaelin

BOOK: When Parents Text: So Much Said...So Little Understood

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“U Know”?!

MOM
: So, did u and Jon, ‘u know’?!?

ME
: Uhh, what?

MOM
: “U KNOW”

ME
: Mom, I’m not answering that.

MOM
: Sarah told her mom.

ME
: I’m not Sarah.

MOM
: Maybe u should be. I’m telling grandma’ that u did. She’ll bug u. Then u’ll tell me.

Ringtones

DAD
: Jessie, when you get time could you send me some cool ring tones ? something like crickets or an angry cat, or some futuristic sounds. Anything thats cool or funny.

Boom Boom

MOM
: Send me new music. I am bored of of these songs now.

ME
: Ok, will make some CDs after my exam and send them

MOM
: Also can you give me those Black Peas songs?

ME
: What??

MOM
: Those Black Peas - from that Boom Boom song

Parental Proof

MOM
: What form of identification do we need?

ME
: Just something to proove you’re my parent. Like a birth certificate or something.

MOM
: What if I’m not really your parent?

Two Questions

MOM
: what’s oxycotten?

ME
: a drug mom.

MOM
: what’s a pearl necklace?

ME
: we are not having this conversation.

Lost in Translation

MOM
: What did you do with your sisters contacts, she can’t find them

ME
: I didn’t touch her contacts, maybe she deleted them

MOM
: From her eyes?

Shrink

DAD
: your mother and I are having a marital problem. She won’t let me sit on the new couch when I want to. She says that I need to use other rooms in the house. Comments?

Fashion Advice

MOM
: Would u wear these MC hammer leggings

MOM
: YA OR NAY ON THE HANGING CROTCH PANTS?!

Agenda

DAD
: Could you meet with me for about 30 minutes to talk about:
-my website
-facebook
-other stuff

Quiet Floor

ME
: Can’t answer the phone- in the library. The quiet floor!

MOM
: Never been there. What is the quiet floor? How boring? How are you going to meet any boys on that floor?

Hipster

MOM
: Hey, what is a “hipster”?

ME
: Lol, it’d take too long to explain over text.

MOM
: You are one of them aren’t you?

Slacks

DAD
: How do you spell “slacks” (pants)?

ME
: slacks

DAD
: Thanks

SOS

DAD
: Your mom is making blueberry pancakes. Now i just feel guilty that i am the one who broke her lamp. Do i tell her?? Choose __yes or __no. -Love Nervous Dad. :/ SOS.

Giardia

MOM
: Hi, how are you feeling?

ME
: A little better, Chris came down and took care of me.

MOM
: Awww, that was nice, do you think you have giardia? What’s with your sister and her FB pic?

ME
: Uh, I don’t know.

MOM
: The one with the light saber.

Thankfully No

MOM
: Did you ever see a kid pour vodka on their eyeballs?

Snow

ME
: It snowed last night.

DAD
: As in snow on Grounds ? Or Nose Candy at a party??

Conventions

DAD
: just got stopped at airport for handwarmer in pocket. y must we all be so bound by convention?

Euphemism

MOM
: Hey honey, what’s up?

ME
: Eating sausage. Requires both hands. I’ll talk to you later :)

MOM
: IS THAT A

EUPHEMISM, YOUNG LADY?????

Naked Man

DAD
: Why is there a picture of a naked man on the computer?

DAD
: Is it from cock roulette?*

*Dad has confused the website name of Chat Roulette, yet in his renaming he has captured the website perfectly.

PARENTAL WISDOM

Sophia:
“My name is Sophia Fraioli,” I said, slowly raising my fists in the air, “the greatest of all time!”

I took my place in the circle. This was not your typical preschool introduction. My dad turned to the other parents and with a laugh said, “Like Muhammad Ali!”

I grew up on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. My dad worked nights and would spend time with me during the day. Convincing me that my last name was “the greatest of all time” was only one of his unique forms of parental guidance.

I was the only girl in my playgroup, and my dad never wanted me to feel left out. Each day before I headed out onto the playground, he would look me in the eye and recite the same piece of advice: “Kick ass and take names.” To this day, he uses those words whenever I’m in need of some guidance. And each time, I listen.

Text messaging allows parents to offer advice at every turn. For better or worse, these texts are some of the best gems of parental wisdom that we’ve received.

Meanwhile

DAD
: I will deal with your sassy behavior wen I get home. Meanwhile have some fiber

Concerns

MOM
: R U okay? I am worried. Sorry i couldnt talk had boys all to myself. It sounds like U have alot on ur plate right now. Please focus on what matters. I knowling you want to DJ, but please dont now. After you meet with your advisor, call me. I am playing Mah Jong right now. How bad is your lip? Sorry this is do long. Love, Mono

Flat Tire

ME
: We got a flat tire..

DAD
: Its only flat on the bottom.

Spidey Sense

MOM
: Just watched a show. Be sure if your car ever breaks down or gets a flat tire, don’t ever get out of the car. Call someone. Triple A or me or dad. Keep your doors locked and windows up. Not trying to scare you, but keep your spidey sense.

Nose Ring

DAD
: i need to tell you something that’s bothering me that you may not know. your nose ring is preventing many from taking you seriously. in fact it is taken as a sign of rebellion and immaturity. hence given the first impressions by those you encounter in life being skewed as result, the ring would actually be a hinderance. just as smoking is. do yourself a favor and get it removed. until you do, it will mostly be considered a character flaw

Facebook Reprimand

DAD
: Use humor in a manner that is not offensive to others, and edit the language. Show some respect for yourself and family.

Love Dad

Dry

ME
: My skin is really dry.

DAD
: Well don’t put it in the oven.’

Addict Help

DAD
: Good morning! Hope u have a good time in Florida with your sister

DAD
: One more thing, could u or please go to this site and just read this. The site is www .addict-help.com/marijuana.asp

Floss

ME
: I got an A on my sociology paper!

DAD
: Okay—be sure to floss regularly