When Parents Text: So Much Said...So Little Understood (20 page)

Pastor Advice

MOM
: Pastor Dollar just did a great sermon on being single. Thought of you :)

Everything

DAD
: How are you feeling?

ME
: Not great. Throat hurts.

DAD
: Sorry. Drink more emergency

ME
: I’m doing everything I can. Nasal spray, cough drops, oral decongestant, vitamin c . . .

DAD
: That a girl. I am very proud of you

ME
: For using nasal spray?

DAD
: Everything

Big Chance

MOM
: sposed to be low 60’s and partly sunny with a big chance of hugs!

Disney Play by Play

MOM
: Turn on the TV! Beauty and the Beast is on!

ME
: Mom. I’m at work.

MOM
: Gaston’s storming the castle! OH NO! He’s stabbed the Beast! Gaston fell off the castle! The Beast is dying! THE LAST PETAL FELL! She realizes she loves him- He’s rising off the ground- He’s SO HANDSOME! And they live happily ever after. Love you!

Laugh and Smile

ME
: :-)

ME
: ok thanks mom lol

MOM
: i like it when you laugh :-)

ME
: well thanks:)

MOM
: and when you smile:)

Less Than Three

MOM
: Talk to you later 2.9

ME
: 2.9?

MOM
: You sign your texts <3

ME
: and 2.9 is less than 3

Big Fat Wide Belt

MOM
: Congrats! Another notch on your big fat wide belt!

MOM
: Not that you’re fat

MOM
: Like a wrestler’s belt

MOM
: You know, one of those championship belts - only with lots of notches

ME
: Please stop.

Heart Problems

MOM
: 3>

MOM
: damn. that didn’t work.

MOM
: how do you get the three to turn around

Oatmeal

MOM
: I’m making oatmeal Cookies

ME
: Why would you tell me this?! That’s messed up...

MOM
: because I miss you-I associate you with oatmeal

ME
: Weird but thank you

Sure Is!

ME
: Ok thanks dad! <3

DAD
: What is that? a butt with a cone?.

Like a Virgin

MOM
: How are you feeling today?

ME
: Ugh. Cramps.

MOM
: You should be happy, that means you aren’t pregnant O:*)

ME
: what face is that?

MOM
: That’s you, my virgin angel<3

ME
: Thanks mom . . .

Nervy B

DAD
: My love pls don’t drink too much cause we saw a program on teen drinking and I got worried. Now I’m having a nervy b

Got In

ME
: I got into the University of Michigan

DAD
: love proud love proud love proud LOVE PROUD! !!!

Warning

MOM
: Here’s a poster they have against texting and driving: LOL, OMG, RIP. love ya

Means Love

MOM
: #:-))

ME
: Your smiley faces confuse me.

MOM
: It just means love.

Forgotten

MOM
: Hi honey. are you feeling forgotten?

Thinking of You

MOM
: Thinking of u as i sit here eating a jar of sweet pickles i found in the back of refrig!!

Genes

DAD
: :). Sorry for the bad genes. Love you so much!!!!

Easy to Please

ME
: Hey, is it okay if I see a movie?

DAD
: Yes.

ME
: Thanks.

DAD
: I’m proud of who you are

A LOT

DAD
: There is still a bit you have to do to get the scholarship. Envelopes are at home. Love you both. A lot. I mean a LOT. Not just a little bit, but TONS! Do you get what I’m saying here? Are you picking up what I’m throwing down? Are ya with me?!

Back to College

DAD
: mom cried because she saw the left over salmon in the fridge and she thought of you and how you love salmon

I. Found. U.

MOM
: Its 3 a.m. where r u?

(20 minutes later)

MOM
: Please let me know whats going on. R u ok?

(5 minutes later)

MOM
: I. Found u. You r in bed. I didnt hear u come home. I was so worried! Glad we R all safe and sound. Love u.

Exclamation Point

MOM
: love you exclamation point

:-)8

Bowtie Man*

+:)

Ash Wednesday

( \:D/ )

Happy uterus

:()

Monkey

@(*.*)@

Monkey

:#(

Sad man with mustache

*$$$

Starbucks

*\0/*

Cheerleader

:z)

Breathe Right strip

WTF

What the fuck

FML

Fuck my life

FYL

Fuck your life

:)=

Vampire

:1)}

Smiley with a beard

Chubies

How T9 spells bitches

( o Y o ) —> ( . Y . )

Shrinking nipples

3<]

Foot in ass

:-)3

Dimple chin man

:+) 0 0

Party planner with balloons

({})

1. A hug from dad

2. A vagina

<3

1. A heart

2. A butt with a cone

3. Sideways woman’s body

4. Sad ice cream cone

5. Less than three

)o(

Ice spider

)8(

Angel

(?_?)

Unamused face

@_____________@

Froggie

(_/_)(_\_)(_/_)(_\_)(_/_)

Booty shake

:/)

Happy penguin

:P

1. Tongue sticking out

2. “PLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL”

: { )-

Smile with mustache and under lip hair

#:-))

“Means love”

OoOoOoOoOoO

Popcorn

GGMM

Good golly, Miss Molly

:)B

Old boobs

:)8

Young boobs

(\_(\
(=‘ :’)
(,(“)(“)

Rabbit

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Big cat