You Know You Love Me (17 page)

Blair? Nate called, cautiously pushing open the ladies room door. Are you in there? Blair
was crouched in the end stall. Shit, she said softly, wiping her mouth with toilet paper.
She stood up and flushed. Ill be right out, she said, waiting for him to leave.

But Nate pushed the ladies room door open all the way and stepped inside. On a counter by
the sinks were little bottles of Evian, perfume, hairspray, Advil, and hand lotion. He
unscrewed a bottle of water and shook a couple Advil onto his palm.

Blair opened the stall door. Youre still here, she said. Nate handed her the pills and the
water. Im still here, he repeated. Blair swallowed the pills, sipping the water slowly. Im
really fine, she said. You can go back to the party. You look nice, Nate said, ignoring
her. He reached out and rubbed one of Blairs bare shoulders. Her skin felt warm and soft,
and Nate wished they could lie down on her bed and fall asleep together like they always
used to. Thanks, said Blair, her lower lip beginning to tremble. So do you. Im sorry,
Blair. I really am, Nate began. Blair nodded and began to cry. Nate pulled a paper towel
from the dispenser and handed it to her. I think the only real reason I did it . . . I
mean, that I did it with Serena . . . is because I knew shed do it, he said, grasping for
the right words. But it was you I wanted all along. Nice one. Blair swallowed. Hed said it
just right, exactly the way shed written it in the script in her head. She put her arms
around Nates neck and let him hold her. His clothes smelled like pot. Nate pushed her away
and looked down into her eyes. So everything is okay now? he said. You still want me?
Blair caught the reflection of the two of them together in the bathroom mirror and gazed
up into Nates gorgeous green eyes and nodded yes. But only if you promise to stay away
from Serena, she sniffled. Nate wound a strand of Blairs hair around his finger and
breathed in the scent of her perfume. It felt okay, standing there, holding her. It felt
like something he could do. For now, and maybe forever. He didnt need Serena.

He nodded. I promise. And then they kisseda sad, soft kiss. In her head, Blair could hear
the swell of music signaling the end of the scene. It had started out a little rocky, but
at least the ending was okay. Come on, she said, pulling away and wiping the mascara
smudges from under her eyes. Lets go see whos here. Holding hands, they left the ladies
room. Kati Farkas smiled knowingly as she tottered past them on the way in. You guys, she
scolded. Get a room!

This band rocks! Serena shouted at Vanessa over the pounding drum and bass. She wriggled
her butt from side to side in her chair, her eyes shining. Dan was having trouble
breathing normally. Hed barely touched his drink.

Vanessa smiled, pleased that Serena liked the music. Personally, she hated it, although
shed never tell her sister Ruby that. SugarDaddy was all about people dancing and sweating
and shaking their bodies around, which was definitely not Vanessas thing.

Shed rather lie around in the dark listening to Gregorian chants or whatever. Yeehaw! Come
on, Serena said, standing up. Lets dance. Vanessa shook her head. Thats okay, she said.
You go.

Dan? Serena said, tugging on his jacket sleeve. Come on! Dan never, ever danced. He was
bad at it, and it made him feel like a goofball. He hesitated, glancing at Vanessa, who
raised her black eyebrows, challenging him. If you get up and dance right now, you will go
straight to the top of my loser list, her look said. Dan stood up. Sure, why not, he said.
Serena grabbed his hand and pushed her way into the gyrating throng with Dan stumbling
after her. Then Serena began to dance, her arms raised over her head, kicking her feet out
in front of her and shaking her shoulders. She definitely knew how to dance. Dan nodded
his head up and down and waggled his knees in time to the beat, watching her. Serena
reached out and clasped Dans hips, rocking them back and forth and around and around,
mimicking what her hips were doing all on their own. Dan laughed and Serena smiled and
closed her eyes, getting seriously down. Dan closed his eyes too, letting his body follow
hers. It really didnt matter that he danced like a moron, or that he was the only one in
the room wearing a tuxedoprobably the only one in Williamsburg. He was with her, and that
was what mattered.

Alone at the table, Vanessa finished first her drink and then Dans. Then she got up and
went to sit down at the bar. Nice shirt, the bartender remarked when he saw her. He was in
his early twenties, with red hair, long sideburns, and a cute, sly smile. Her sister was
always talking about how cute he was. Thanks, Vanessa said, smiling back at him. Its new.

You should wear red more often, he said. He held his hand out. Im Clark. Youre Vanessa,
right? Rubys sister? Vanessa nodded. She wondered if he was just being nice to her because
he liked her sister.

Can I tell you a secret? Clark said. He poured a few different things into a martini
shaker and shook it up. Oh, fuck, Vanessa thought. Heres when he pours out his heart and
tells me all about how hes been in love with Ruby forever, but she doesnt seem to notice
him. And he wants me to play Cupid and blah, blah, blah. What? she said. Well, Clark said.
I see you and Ruby come in here all the time. Here he goes, thought Vanessa. And you never
come up to the bar and talk to me. But Ive kind of had a crush on you since I first saw
you. Vanessa stared at him. Was he joking? Clark poured the drink out of the martini
shaker into a short little glass and squeezed a few limes into it. He pushed it toward
her. Try that, he said. Its on the house. Vanessa picked up the glass and tasted it. It
tasted sweet and sour at the same time, and she couldnt taste any alcohol in it at all. It
was good. Whats it called? she said. Kiss me, Clark said, with an absolutely straight
face. Vanessa put the drink down and leaned over the bar. Serena and Dan could dance their
pretty asses off for all she cared. She was about to be kissed.

The Kiss on the Lips DJ had just broken up with her boyfriend of four years and was
playing sad, slow, love songs back to back. Gorgeously dressed couples held onto each
other and swayed to the lonesome riffs, barely moving beneath the soft lights. The air
smelled of orchids and candle wax and raw fish and cigarette smoke, and there was a
peaceful sophistication to the evening that was both unexpected and familiar. It wasnt the
rocking slam-fest that some had hoped for, but it wasnt a bad party, either. There was
still plenty of booze left, nothing had caught fire, and the cops hadnt shown up to card
people. Besides, the year was just getting

startedthere were tons more parties to look forward to. Nate and Blair were dancing
together, her cheek against his chest, both of their eyes closed, his lips brushing the
top of her head. Blair had put her brain on pause, and her head was full of static. She
was tired of dreaming up movies. Right now, real life suited her just fine. A few couples
away, Chuck had his hands full of Jenny Humphrey. Jenny wished the DJ would bring up the
tempo. She was trying to dance as fast as she could, to keep Chuck from groping her, but
it was having the opposite effect. Every time she moved her shoulders, her boobs bounced
out of her dress and practically hit him in the face. Chuck was absolutely delighted. He
put his arms around Jennys waist and pulled her close, dancing off the dance floor and
into the ladies room. What are we doing? Jenny said, confused. She gazed up into his eyes.
She knew Chuck was friends with Serena and Blair, and she wanted to trust him. But Chuck
still hadnt asked her what her name was. Hed barely spoken to her at all. I just want to
kiss you, Chuck said. He bent his head down and enveloped her mouth in his, pressing his
tongue against her teeth with such force that she let out a little gasp. Jenny opened her
mouth and let him thrust his tongue deep into her throat. She had kissed boys before,
playing games at parties. But shed never tongue kissed like this. Is this what its
supposed to feel like? she wondered, suddenly feeling a little frightened. She reached up
and pushed against Chucks chest, pulling her head away from him, desperate for air. I have
to go to the bathroom, she mumbled, stumbling backwards into a stall and locking the door.
She could see Chucks feet, standing outside the stall. All right, he said. But Im not
finished with you yet. Jenny sat down on the toilet seat without pulling up her dress and
pretended to pee. Then she stood up and flushed. All done? Chuck called. Jenny didnt
answer. Her mind was racing. What should she do? Anxiously, she reached inside her little
black handbag for her cell phone. Chuck crouched down to look under the stall door. What
was she doing in there, the little tease? He crawled forward on his hands and knees. All
right, he said. Thats it, Im coming in. Jenny closed her eyes and backed against the stall
wall. Quickly, she pressed the buttons for Dans number into her cell phone, praying that
hed answer.

Rubys band was playing their last song, and Serena and Dan were slick with sweat. Dan had
some new moves down, and he was in the middle of an experimental slide to the side with a
pelvic thrust when his cell phone went off.

Damn, he said, pulling it out of his pocket. He flipped it open. Dan, he heard his sisters
voice. I Hey Jen. Hold on, all right? I cant hear you. He tapped Serena on the arm and
pointed to his phone. Sorry, he shouted over the music. He walked back to the table and
put his hand over his free ear. Jenny?

Dan? Jenny said. Her voice sounded very small and scared and far away. I need your help.
Please come get me? Now? Dan said. He looked up. Serena was walking toward him, a worried
frown on her perfect face.

Is everything okay? she mouthed. Please, Dan? Jenny pleaded. She sounded really upset.
Whats wrong? Dan asked his sister. Cant you take a cab? No, I Jenny said, her voice
trailing off. Just please come, okay, Dan? she finished hurriedly. And then she hung up.
Who was that? Serena said. My little sister, Dan told her. Shes at that party. She wants
me to come get her. Are you going? Yeah, I think Id better. She sounded kind of weird, he
said. Ill come with you, Serena offered. All right, Dan said, smiling shyly. This night
was getting better and better. That would be cool. Wed better tell Vanessa, Serena said,
heading for the bar. Dan followed her. Hed forgotten all about Vanessa. But she looked
like she was having a good time talking to the bartender. Hey Vanessa, Serena said,
touching Vanessas arm. Dan just got a call from his sister at the party. He has to go get
her. Vanessa turned around slowly. She was waiting for Clarks eyes to settle on Serena.
For his eyeballs to suddenly register beautiful girl in bold black letters like the
cherries in a slot machine. But Clark only glanced at Serena like she was just another
customer. What can I get you? he said, slapping a cocktail napkin down on the bar in front
of her. Oh, nothing, thanks, Serena said. She turned to Vanessa. I think Im going to go
with Dan. Hey Serena, we better take off, Dan called urgently from behind them. Vanessa
turned around to look at him, waiting so eagerly for Serena. His tongue was practically
hanging out of his mouth.

Okay, have a good rest of the night, Serena said. She leaned over and gave Vanessa a kiss
on her cheek. Tell Ruby I thought she was awesome. Then she slipped away to join Dan. See
you, Vanessa, Dan called, turning to go.

Vanessa turned back to Clark without a word. She couldnt wait to kiss him again, and
forget all about Serena and Dan, heading off into the night together. Who were they? Clark
said, resting his elbows on the bar. He picked an olive out of a dish and held it just in
front of Vanessas lips.

Vanessa bit into the olive and shrugged. Just some people I dont really know.

Dan hailed a cab and opened the door for Serena. The October air was crisp and smelled of
burnt sugar, and Dan suddenly felt very elegant and maturea man in a tuxedo out on the
town with a beautiful girl. He slid into the seat beside her and looked down at his hands
as the cab pulled away from the curb. They werent shaking anymore.

Unbelievable as it seemed, he had touched Serena with those very hands while they were
dancing. And now he was alone with her in a taxi. If he wanted to, he could take her hand,
stroke her cheek, maybe even kiss her. He studied her profile, her skin shining in the
yellow glow of the streetlights, but he couldnt bring himself to do it. God I love to
dance, Serena said, letting her head fall back on the seat. She felt completely relaxed. I
could seriously dance every single night.

Dan nodded. Yeah, me too, he said. But only with you, he meant to add. It takes a girl
like Serena to make a guy with two left feet say he loves to dance.

They rode the rest of the way in silence, enjoying the tired feeling in their legs and the
cool air from the open window on their sweat- dampened foreheads. There was nothing
awkward about the fact that they werent talking. It was nice.

When the cab pulled up in front of the old Barneys building on Seventeenth Street, Dan was
expecting to see Jenny waiting for them outside, but the sidewalk was empty. I guess Im
going to have to go in there and get her, Dan said. He turned to Serena. You can go ahead
home. Or you can wait. . . . Ill come with you, Serena said. I may as well see what I
missed out on.

Dan paid for the cab, and they got out and headed for the door. I hope they let us in,
Serena whispered. I threw my invitation

out. Dan pulled the crumpled invitation Jenny had made for him out of his pocket and
flashed it at the bouncer at the door. Shes with me, he said, putting his arm around
Serena. Go ahead, the bouncer said, waving them on. Shes with me? Dan couldnt believe his
balls. Hed had no idea they were that big. Id better look around for my sister, he told
Serena when they got inside. Okay, she said. Ill meet you back here in ten minutes.

The room was full of old familiar faces. So familiar that no one there was quite sure
whether Serena van der Woodsen had just arrived or if shed been there all night. She
certainly looked like shed been having a good time. Her hair was windblown, her dress was
slipping off her shoulders, there was a run in her tights, and her cheeks were all pink,
as if shed been running. She looked wild, like the kind of girl whod done everything
everyone said shed done, and probably a whole lot more.