You Know You Love Me (18 page)

Blair noticed Serena right away, standing on the edge of the dance floor in that funny old
dress theyd bought together at Alice Underground. Blair pulled away from Nate. Look whos
here, she said.

Nate turned around, gripping Blairs hand when he saw Serena, as if to demonstrate his
devotion. Blair squeezed his hand back. Why dont you go tell her? she asked him. Tell her
you cant be friends with her anymore. Her stomach rumbled nervously. After all the
throwing up shed done, she really needed another tuna roll.

Nate stared at Serena with grim, slightly stoned determination. If Blair thought it was
crucial that he tell Serena to get lost, then hed do it. He couldnt wait to get this all
behind them so he could relax. In fact, after he talked to Serena he was going to head
upstairs and find somewhere private to light up.

Waspoid rule #1: When things get intense, smoke a joint. All right, Nate said, letting go
of Blairs hand. Here I go.

Hey, Serena said. She reached up and kissed Nate on the cheek. He blushed. He hadnt
expected her to touch him. You look mah- velous, darling, she said in a silly, hoity-toity
accent. Thanks, Nate said. He tried to put his hands in his pockets, but his tuxedo didnt
have any. Stupid thing. So, what have you been up to? he asked.

Well, I kind of blew off the party, Serena explained. Ive been out

dancing at this crazy place in Brooklyn. Nate raised his eyebrows in surprise. But then
again, nothing Serena said should have surprised him anymore. So, you want to dance?
Serena asked. She put her arms around Nates neck before he answered, and began to swing
her hips from side to side. Nate glanced at Blair, who was watching them carefully, and
collected himself. Look, Serena, he said, taking a step back and removing her arms. I
really cant . . . you know . . . be friends . . . not like the way we were before, he
began. Serena gazed into his eyes searchingly, trying to read his true thoughts. What did
I do? she said. Did I do something? Blair is my girlfriend, Nate continued. I have to . .
. I have to be loyal to her. I cant . . . I cant really be . . . He swallowed. Serena
crossed her arms over her chest. If only she could hate Nate for being so cruel and so
lame. If only he werent so good-looking. And if only she didnt love him. Well, I guess we
should stop talking then, she said. Blair might get mad. She let her arms fall to her
sides and turned abruptly away. As she crossed the room, Serenas eyes met Blairs. She
stopped in her tracks and reached into her bag, searching for the twenty-dollar bill Blair
had left on the table at the Tribeca Star. She wanted to give it back. As if, somehow, it
would prove she hadnt done anything wrong. That night, or ever. Her fingers found her
cigarettes instead. She pulled one out and stuck it between her lips. The music was
getting louder and around her, people were dancing. Serena could feel Blair watching her,
and her hands trembled as she fumbled around in her bag for a light. As usual, she didnt
have one. She shook her head in annoyance, and glanced up at Blair. And then, instead of
glaring at each other, the two girls smiled. It was strange smile, and neither girl knew
what the other meant by it. Was Blair smiling because she had won the boy in the end and
stamped all over Serenas party shoes? Becauseas usualshe had gotten her way? Was Serena
smiling because she felt uncomfortable and nervous? Or was she smiling because she hadnt
stooped to Blairs petty level of spreading nasty rumors and playing with Nates mind? Or
was it a sad smile because their friendship was over? Maybe they were smiling because they
both knew deep down that no matter what happened nextno matter what boy they fell in or
out of love with, or what clothes they wore, or what their SAT scores were, or which
college they got intothey both would be all right.

After all, the world they lived in took care of its own. Serena pulled the cigarette out
of her mouth, dropped it on the floor and began walking toward Blair. When they were face
to face, she stopped and fished the twenty-dollar bill out of her bag. Here, she said,
handing it to Blair. This is yours. And then, without another word, she kept on walking,
heading for the ladies room to splash some cold water on her face. Blair looked down at
the bill in her hand and stopped smiling. Over by the door, Rebecca Agnelli from the
Central Park Save the Peregrine Falcon Foundation was just putting on her mink coat and
kissing Kati and Isabel goodnight. Blair walked over and pressed the twenty-dollar bill
into her hand. Thats for the birds, Blair said with her fakest smile. Dont forget your
gift bag!

Serena turned on the tap and splashed her face over and over with cool clean water. It
felt so good she wanted to peel off all her clothes and jump in. She leaned against the
row of sinks, patting her face dry. Her gaze slipped to the floor, where she saw a pair of
black wing-tipped shoes, the fringed end of a blue scarf, and a girls black handbag.
Serena rolled her eyes and walked over. Chuck, is that you? she said into the crack in the
door. Whove you got in there with you? A girl gasped.

Shit, Serena heard Chuck say. Chuck had stood Jenny up on the toilet-seat lid in the end
stall and pulled her dress down so he could get at those massive jugs. Serena had come at
the worst possible time. Chuck pushed open the stall door a few inches. Fuck off, he
growled. Behind him Serena could see little Jenny Humphrey, her dress pulled down around
her waist, her arms hugging herself, looking terrified. Someone pushed open the bathroom
door. Jenny? Are you in here? Dan called. Serena suddenly registered: Jenny was Dans
sister. No wonder shed sounded weird on the phone. She was about to be mauled by Chuck. Im
here, Jenny whimpered. Get out of here, Serena snapped at Chuck, pulling the door open
just wide enough for him to get past her. Chuck pushed by her, knocking her against the
stall door. Well, excuse me, bitch, he hissed. Next time Ill be sure to ask your
permission.

Wait a minute, asshole, Dan said, sizing Chuck up. What were you doing to my sister?
Serena pushed the stall door closed and stood outside it, waiting for Jenny to step down
from the toilet and fix herself before her brother saw her. Inside, she could hear Jenny
sniffling.

Fuck off, Chuck said, pushing Dan out of the way. No, you fuck off, Scarf Boy, Dan said.
Hed never been in a fight before. His hands began to shake again. Serena hated it when
boys fought. It was so pointless, and it made them look like assholes. Hey Chuck, Serena
said, poking Chuck in the back. Chuck turned around. Why dont you go fuck yourself? You
know no one else will, she hissed. You bitch, Chuck hissed back. You think you can come
back here and act all high and mighty after everything youve done? You think you can act
like such a princess and tell me to fuck off? What have I done, Chuck? Serena demanded.
What is it that you think Ive done? Chuck licked his lips and laughed quietly. What have
you done? he asked. You got kicked out of boarding school because you are a perverted slut
who made marks on the wall above the bed in your dorm room for every boy you did. You have
STDs. You were addicted to all kinds of drugs and busted out of rehab and now youre
dealing your own stuff. You were a member of some cult that killed chickens. You have a
fucking baby in France. Chuck took a deep breath and licked his lips. Serena was smiling
again. Wow. Ive been busy, she said. Chuck frowned. He glanced at Dan who was standing
there, watching silently with his hands in his pockets. Fuck off, Chuck, Serena whispered.
Chuck shrugged and grabbed a bottle of Evian off the counter. Whatever, bitch, he said,
pushing past Dan and out the door. You know you love me! Serena yelled after him. Dan
knocked on the bathroom stall. Jenny? he said gently. Are you all right? More sniffling.
Jenny couldnt get control of herself. She just could not believe that of all the people in
the universe, it had to be Serena van der Woodsen who found her like this. Serena must
think she was so pathetic. Im okay, Jenny finally managed to say. She picked her purse up
off the floor and pushed open the door. Just take me home.

Dan put his arm around his sister and Serena took his hand. Together, they wound their way
through the crowded party. Wait! Your gift bags! Rain Hoffstetter squealed from her post
at the front door. She handed Serena and Jenny each a black Kate Spade tote bag.

Dan pushed open the doors and ran out into the street to hail a cab. When he found one,
Serena got in first, then Jenny, and then Dan. Jenny put her feet up on the hump in the
floor and hugged her knees, resting her head against them. Serena reached down and stroked
her curly brown hair.

You guys go home first, Serena offered. Dan glanced at Jenny. She needed to go to bed. All
right, he agreed, and gave the driver his address. Serena leaned back, still stroking
Jennys hair. Wow, she said ironically. I havent had this much excitement since I left
boarding school. Dan stared at her, his eyes wide and trusting. So, those stories . . . he
said, and then he blushed. I mean, did any of that happen, for real? Serena frowned. She
fished in her bag for a cigarette, and then thought better of it. Well, what do you think?
she asked. Dan shrugged. I think its a bunch of bullshit, he said. Serena raised her
eyebrows playfully. But how do you know for sure? she asked. Her mouth was open, the
corners of it quavering up and then down. Her blue eyes glowed in the light of a passing
car. No, Dan couldnt imagine her doing any of the things Chuck had accused her of. The
only thing he could imagine her doing was kissing him. But there was time for that later.
I just dont see you that way, he said. The corners of Serenas mouth spread wide and she
was smiling again. Good, she said. She took a deep breath and let her head fall back
against the seat. Dan let his head fall back beside hers. Good, he agreed, closing his
eyes. As they sped past the flashing billboards and bright lights of Times Square, Serena
kept her eyes open. She had always thought Times Square was ugly and depressing compared
to the quiet, manicured streets of her neighborhood. But now the brilliant lights and loud
noises and the steam rising from the grates on the corners gave her hope. In the darkness
of the taxi, she reached for Dans hand at the same moment he reached for hers. She couldnt
wait to see what would happen next.

Disclaimer: All the real names of places, people, and events have been altered or
abbreviated to protect the innocent. Namely, me. hey people! Well, I had a great time at
Kiss on the Lips. I must have lost fifteen pounds dancingnot that I needed to.

Needless to say, Im feeling good.

Sightings

B and N going into his townhouse together late Friday night. C wandering down Tenth Avenue
looking to get lucky with some Jersey girls. D and J and their scruffy dad eating a family
breakfast on Saturday morning at that diner where they used to film Seinfeld. V renting
horror movies with her new boyfriend in Brooklyn. S handing a black Kate Spade tote bag to
a homeless man on the steps of the Met.

Your E-mail

Hey GG,Just wanted to tell you that Im writing my college thesis on you. You rock!Studyboy

Dear Studyboy, Im flattered. So . . . what do you look like? GG

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Why worry about college? Im having way too much fun right now. And there are so many
questions to be answered: Will S and D fall in love? Will S grow tired of his corduroys?
Will J swear off high society and fancy dresses and stick to friends her own age (even if
theyll never be her bra size)?

Will V bust out and start wearing all sorts of bright colors? Will she grow her hair? Will
she and that bartender get it on? Will B stay with N? Will C stop harassing young girls
and admit that hes a loser?

Will S really make a movie? Shes never even used a disposable Polaroid. Will people stop
talking about all of the above? Its unlikely. I know I wont. Its all so good.

Until next time. You know you love me,