You Know You Love Me (2 page)

Ill be right back, Blair told Kati and Isabel. She whirled around and began to walk across
the room to the front hall. She was going to put on her coat, go outside, get a hot dog
from the vendor, eat it in three bites, come back, burp in her mothers face, have another
drink, and then have sex with Nate. Where are you going? Kati called after her. But Blair
didnt stop; she headed straight for the door. Nate saw Blair coming and extracted himself
from Cyrus and Blairs mother just in time. Blair? he said. Whats up? Blair stopped and
looked up into Nates sexy green eyes. They were like the emeralds in the cufflinks her
father wore with his tux when he went to the opera. Hes wearing your heart on his sleeve,
she reminded herself, forgetting all about the hot dog. In the movie of her life, Nate
would pick her up and carry her away to the bedroom and ravish her. But this was real
life, unfortunately. I have to talk to you, Blair said. She held out her glass. Fill me
up, first? Nate took her glass and Blair led him over to the marble-topped wet bar by the
French doors that opened onto the dining room. Nate poured them each a tumbler full of
scotch and then followed Blair across the living room once more. Hey, where are you two
going? Chuck Bass asked as they walked by. He raised his eyebrows, leering at them
suggestively. Blair rolled her eyes at Chuck and kept walking, drinking as she went. Nate
followed her, ignoring Chuck completely. Chuck Bass, the oldest son of Misty and
Bartholomew Bass, was handsome, aftershave-commercial handsome. In fact, hed starred in a
British Drakkar Noir commercial, much to his parents public dismay and secret pride. Chuck
was also the horniest boy in Blair and Nates group of friends. Once, at a party in ninth
grade, Chuck had hidden in a guest bedroom closet for two hours, waiting to crawl into bed
with Kati Farkas, who was so drunk she kept throwing up in her sleep. Chuck didnt even
mind. He just got in bed with her. He was completely unshakeable when it came to girls.
The only way to deal with a guy like Chuck is to laugh in his face, which is exactly what
all the girls who knew him did. In other circles, Chuck might have been banished as a
slimeball of the highest order, but these families had been friends for generations. Chuck
was a Bass, and so they were stuck with him. They had even gotten used to his gold
monogrammed pinky ring, his trademark navy blue monogrammed cashmere scarf, and the copies
of his headshot, which littered his parents many houses and apartments and spilled

out of his locker at the Riverside Preparatory School for Boys. Dont forget to use
protection, Chuck called, raising his glass at Blair and Nate as they turned down the
long, red-carpeted hallway to Blairs bedroom. Blair grasped the glass doorknob and turned
it, surprising her Russian Blue cat, Kitty Minky, who was curled up on the red silk
bedspread. Blair paused at the threshold and leaned back against Nate, pressing her body
into his. She reached down to take his hand. At that moment, Nates hopes perked up. Blair
was acting sort of sultry and sexy and could it be . . . something was about to happen?
Blair squeezed Nates hand and pulled him into the room. They stumbled over each other,
falling toward the bed, and spilling their drinks on the mohair rug. Blair giggled; the
scotch shed pounded had gone right to her head. Im about to have sex with Nate, she
thought giddily. And then theyd both graduate in June and go to Yale in the fall and have
a huge wedding four years later and find a beautiful apartment on Park Avenue and decorate
the whole thing in velvet, silk, and fur and have sex in every room on a rotating basis.
Suddenly Blairs mothers voice rang out, loud and clear, down the hallway. Serena van der
Woodsen! What a lovely surprise! Nate dropped Blairs hand and straightened up like a
soldier called to attention. Blair sat down hard on the end of her bed, put her drink on
the floor, and grasped the bedspread in tight, white- knuckled fists. She looked up at
Nate. But Nate was already turning to go, striding back down the hall to see if it could
possibly be true. Had Serena van der Woodsen really come back? The movie of Blairs life
had taken a sudden, tragic turn. Blair clutched her stomach, ravenous again. She should
have gone for the hot dog after all.

Hello, hello, hello! Blairs mother crowed, kissing the smooth, hollow cheeks of each van
der Woodsen. Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss! I know you werent expecting Serena, dear,
Mrs. van der Woodsen whispered in a concerned, confidential tone. I hope its all right. Of
course. Yes, its fine, Mrs. Waldorf said. Did you come home for the weekend, Serena?

Serena van der Woodsen shook her head and handed her vintage

Burberry coat to Esther, the maid. She pushed a stray blond hair behind her ear and smiled
at her hostess. When Serena smiled, she used her eyesthose dark, almost navy blue eyes. It
was the kind of smile you might try to imitate, posing in the bathroom mirror like an
idiot. The magnetic, delicious, you cant stop looking at me, can you? smile supermodels
spend years perfecting. Well, Serena smiled that way without even trying.

No, Im here to Serena started to say. Serenas mother interrupted hastily. Serena has
decided that boarding school is not for her, she announced, patting her hair casually, as
if it were no big deal. She was the middle-aged version of utter coolness. The whole van
der Woodsen family was like that. They were all tall, blond, thin, and super-poised, and
they never did anythingplay tennis, hail a cab, eat spaghetti, go to the toiletwithout
maintaining their cool. Serena especially. She was gifted with the kind of coolness that
you cant acquire by buying the right handbag or the right pair of jeans. She was the girl
every boy wants and every girl wants to be. Serena will be back at Constance tomorrow, Mr.
van der Woodsen said, glancing at his daughter with steely blue eyes and an owl-like
mixture of pride and disapproval that made him look scarier than he really was. Well,
Serena. You look lovely, dear. Blair will be thrilled to see you, Blairs mother trilled.
Youre one to talk, Serena said, hugging her. Look how skinny you are! And the house looks
so fantastic. Wow. Youve got some awesome art! Mrs. Waldorf smiled, obviously pleased, and
wrapped her arm around Serenas long, slender waist. Darling, Id like you to meet my
special friend, Cyrus Rose, she said. Cyrus, this is Serena. Stunning, Cyrus Rose boomed.
He kissed Serena on both cheeks, and hugged her a little too tightly. Shes a good hugger,
too, Cyrus added, patting Serena on the hip. Serena giggled, but she didnt flinch. Shed
spent a lot of time in Europe in the past two years, and she was used to being hugged by
harmless, horny European gropers who found her completely irresistible. She was a full-on
groper magnet. Serena and Blair are best, best, best friends, Eleanor Waldorf explained to
Cyrus. But Serena went away to Hanover Academy in eleventh grade and spent this summer
traveling. It was so hard for poor Blair with you gone this past year, Serena, Eleanor
said, growing misty-eyed. Especially with the divorce. But youre back now. Blair will be
so pleased.

Where is she? Serena asked eagerly, her perfect, pale skin glowing pink with the prospect
of seeing her old friend again. She stood on tip-toe and craned her head to look for
Blair, but she soon found herself surrounded by parentsthe Archibalds, the Coateses, the
Basses, and Mr. Farkaswho each took turns kissing her and welcoming her back.

Serena hugged them happily. These people were home to her, and shed been gone a long time.
She could hardly wait for life to return to the way it used to be. She and Blair would
walk to school together, spend Double Photography in Sheep Meadow in Central Park, lying
on their backs, taking pictures of pigeons and clouds, smoking and drinking Coke and
feeling like hard-core artistes. They would have cocktails at the Star Lounge in the
Tribeca Star Hotel again, which always turned into sleepover parties because they would
get too drunk to get home, so theyd spend the night in the suite Chuck Basss family kept
there. They would sit on Blairs four- poster bed and watch Audrey Hepburn movies, wearing
vintage lingerie and drinking gin and lime juice. They would cheat on their Latin tests
like they always didamo, amas, amat was still tattooed on the inside of Serenas elbow in
permanent marker (thank God for three-quarter length sleeves!). Theyd drive around Serenas
parents estate in Ridgefield, Connecticut, in the caretakers old Buick station wagon,
singing the stupid hymns they sang in school and acting like crazy old ladies. Theyd pee
in the downstairs entrances to their classmates brownstones and then ring the doorbells
and run away. Theyd take Blairs little brother, Tyler, to the Lower East Side and leave
him there to see how long it took for him to find his way homea work of charity, really,
since Tyler was now the most street-wise boy at St. Georges. Theyd go out dancing with a
huge group and lose ten pounds just from sweating in their leather pants. As if they
needed to lose the weight.

They would go back to being their regular old fabulous selves, just like always. Serena
couldnt wait. Got you a drink, Chuck Bass said, elbowing the clusters of parents out of
the way and handing Serena a tumbler of whiskey. Welcome back, he added, ducking down to
kiss Serenas cheek and missing it intentionally, so that his lips landed on her mouth.

You havent changed, Serena said, accepting the drink. She took a long sip. So, did you
miss me? Miss you? The question is, did you miss me? Chuck said. Come on, babe, spill.
What are you doing back here? What happened? Do you have a boyfriend?

Oh, come on, Chuck, Serena said, squeezing his hand. You know I came back because I want
you so badly. Ive always wanted you.

Chuck took a step back and cleared his throat, his face flushed. Shed caught him off
guard, a rare feat. Well, Im all booked up for this month, but I can put you on the
waiting list, Chuck said huffily, trying to regain his composure. But Serena was barely
listening to him anymore. Her dark blue eyes scanned the room, looking for the two people
she wanted to see most, Blair and Nate.

Finally Serena found them. Nate was standing by the doorway to the hall, and Blair was
standing just behind him, her head bowed, fiddling with the buttons on her black cardigan.
Nate was looking directly at Serena, and when her gaze met his, he bit his bottom lip the
way he always did when he was embarrassed. And then he smiled.

That smile. Those eyes. That face. Come here, Serena mouthed at him, waving her hand. Her
heart sped up as Nate began walking toward her. He looked better than she remembered, much
better. Nates heart was beating even faster than hers. Hey, you, Serena breathed when Nate
hugged her. He smelled just like he always smelled. Like the cleanest, most delicious boy
alive. Tears came to Serenas eyes and she pressed her face into Nates chest. Now she was
really home. Nates cheeks turned pink. Calm down, he told himself. But he couldnt calm
down. He felt like picking her up and twirling her around and kissing her face over and
over. I love you! he wanted to shout, but he didnt. He couldnt. Nate was the only son of a
navy captain and a French society hostess. His father was a master sailor and extremely
handsome, but a little lacking in the hugs department. His mother was the complete
opposite, always fawning over Nate and prone to emotional fits during which she would lock
herself in her bedroom with a bottle of champagne and call her sister on her yacht in
Monaco. Poor Nate was always on the verge of saying how he really felt, but he didnt want
to make a scene or say something he might regret later. Instead, he kept quiet and let
other people steer the boat, while he laid back and enjoyed the steady rocking of the
waves. He might look like a stud, but he was actually pretty weak. So, what have you been
up to? Nate asked Serena, trying to breathe normally. We missed you. Notice that he wasnt
even brave enough to say, I missed you? What have I been up to? Serena repeated. She
giggled. If you only knew, Nate. Ive been so, so bad! Nate clenched his fists
involuntarily. Man oh man, had he missed

her.

Ignored as usual, Chuck slunk away from Serena and Nate and crossed the room to Blair, who
was once again standing with Kati and Isabel. A thousand bucks says she got kicked out,
Chuck told them. And doesnt she look fucked? I think shes been thoroughly fucked. Maybe
she had some sort of prostitution ring going on up there. The Merry Madam of Hanover
Academy, he added, laughing at his own stupid joke.

I think she looks kind of spaced out, too, Kati said. Maybe shes on heroin. Or some
prescription drug, Isabel said. You know, like, Valium or Prozac. Maybe shes gone totally
nuts.

She couldve been making her own E, Kati agreed. She was always good at science. I heard
she joined some kind of cult, Chuck offered. Like, shes been brainwashed and now all she
thinks about is sex and she like, has to do it all the time. When is dinner going to be
ready? Blair wondered, tuning out her friends ridiculous speculations. She had forgotten
how pretty Serenas hair was. How perfect her skin was. How long and thin her legs were.
What Nates eyes looked like when he looked at herlike he never wanted to blink. He never
looked at Blair that way. Hey Blair, Serena must have told you she was coming back, Chuck
said. Come on, tell us. Whats the deal? Blair stared back at him blankly, her small,
fox-like face turning red. The truth was, she hadnt really spoken to Serena in over a
year. At first, when Serena had gone to boarding school after sophomore year, Blair had
really missed her. But it soon became apparent how much easier it was to shine without
Serena around. Suddenly Blair was the prettiest, the smartest, the hippest, most happening
girl in the room. She became the one everyone looked to. So Blair stopped missing Serena
so much. Shed felt a little guilty for not staying in touch, but even that had worn off
when shed received Serenas flip and impersonal e-mails describing all the fun she was
having at boarding school.