You Know You Love Me (7 page)

Keep your hands off him! she wanted to scream, jumping onto the table ninja-style.
Hiyeeh-yah! Ill see you later, guys, she said, and walked stiffly away. Serena sighed and
flicked a piece of lettuce off her plate. Blair was being boring. When were they going to
start having fun? She looked up at Kati and Isabel hopefully, but they were getting ready
to leave, too.

Ive got a stupid college advisor meeting, Kati said. And I have to go up to the art room
and put my painting away, Isabel said. Before anyone sees it? Kati joked. Oh, shut up,
Isabel said. They stood up with their trays. Its so good to have you back, Serena, Kati
said in her fakest voice. Yeah, Isabel agreed. It really is. And then they walked away.
Serena twirled her spoon around and around in her yogurt container, wondering what had
happened to everyone. They were all acting like freaks. What did I do? she asked herself,
chewing on her thumbnail again. Good question.

Disclaimer: All the real names of places, people, and events have been altered or
abbreviated to protect the innocent. Namely, me. hey people! WHERE THE BOYS ARE

Thanks for checking in, although most of you had little to say about S or B. Most of you
just want to know more about the boys. Your E-mail:

Dear gg, D sounds sweet. Whats he so hot for S for? Shes just a ho. Bebe

Dear Bebe, I happen to know that D is not that innocent. He was up to some kinky shit back
at summer camp in eighth grade. GG

dear GG, what does N do at lunchtime?? i go to school near him, and i wonder if i see him
all the time without realizing it. Yikes! ShyGirl Okay, if you want to know so badly,
then Ill tell you.

St. Judes lets its senior boys out for lunch. So right now N is probably headed up to that
little pizza joint on the corner of Eightieth and Madison. Vinos? Vinnies? Whatever.
Anyway, they have good slices and one of the delivery guys sells pretty decent pot. N is
one of his regulars. Theres usually a group of kids from

LEcole standing around outside the pizza place, so N will stop and flirt with this one
girl who Ill call Claire, who acts all shy and pretends she doesnt speak English, but shes
actually really bad at French and a huge slut.

N has this cute little gag where he buys two slices and he always offers Claire one. She
holds onto it the whole time theyre talking and finally takes a little weeny bit off the
tip of the slice. Then N goes, I cant believe you did that, youre eating my pizza! and
swipes the thing out of her hands and eats the whole thing in like two bites. This makes
Claire laugh so hard her boobs nearly pop out of her shirt. The LEcole girls all wear
really tight clothes and short skirts and high heels. Theyre like, the hos of the Upper
East Side school system. N likes to flirt with them, and so far thats as far as its gone.
But if B leads him on any longer, he might start giving Claire more than just a bite of
his pizza. This time, though, Claire surprises him by asking if hes heard about S . Claire
claims to have heard that S not only got pregnant last year, but that she gave birth in
France. Her babys name is Jules and he is alive and well and living in Marseilles.

As for Dwell, hes sitting outside in the Riverside Prep courtyard again, reading poetry
and eating PB and J. I know that sounds extremely sad, but dont worry about D. His time is
coming. Stay tuned.

Sightings K was seen returning a pink, army-print handbag at Barneys. Personally, I
thought the bag was cute. But someone must have talked her out of it. You know you love me,

Hey Nate. Its Serena. Im just calling to see what youre up to. I thought maybe we could go
out tonight, but you know what? Im tired. Its only ten, but I think Im going to bed. Ill
see you this weekend though, okay? I cant wait. Love you. Nighty-night.

Serena hung up. Her room felt very quiet. Even Fifth Avenue was still, except for the
occasional passing taxi. From where she sat on her big canopy bed, she could see the
silver- framed photograph of her family, taken in Greece when she was twelve. The captain
of the sailboat theyd chartered had taken the picture. They were all in bathing suits, and
her brother, Erik, who was fourteen at the time, was making a big fart kiss on Serenas
cheek while their parents looked on, laughing. Serena had gotten her period for the first
time on that trip. Shed been so embarrassed, she couldnt bear to tell her parents, but
what was she supposed to do, trapped on a boat? They were anchored off the

island of Rhodes, and while their parents were snorkeling and Serena and Erik were
supposed to be having windsurfing lessons, Erik had swum ashore, stolen a Vespa, and
bought her some maxi pads. He came back with them in a little plastic bag, tied on top of
his head, her hero. Serena had thrown her ruined underwear overboard. They were probably
still there, stuck on a reef somewhere. Now Erik was a freshman at Brown, and Serena never
got to see him. He had been in France with her that summer, but theyd both spent the whole
time chasing or being chased by boys and girls, so theyd never really had time to talk.
Serena picked up the phone again and pressed the speed-dial button for her brothers
off-campus apartment. The phone rang and rang until finally the voicemail system picked
up. If you would like to leave a message for Dillon, press one. If you would like to leave
a message for Tim, press two. If you would like to leave a message for Drew, press three.
If you would like to leave a message for Erik, press four. Serena pressed four and then
hesitated. . . . Hey . . . its Serena. Sorry I havent called in a while. But you could
have called me too, you big jerk. I was stuck up in Ridgefield, bored out of my mind,
until this weekend, and now Im back in the city. I had my first day of school today. It
was kind of strange. Actually it sucked. Everyone is . . . everything is . . . I dont know
. . . its weird. . . . Anyway, call me. I miss your hairy ass. Ill send you a care-package
as soon as I get a chance. Love you. Bye.

Youre so full of shit, Dan, Jenny Humphrey told her brother. They were sitting at the
kitchen table in their large and crumbling tenth- floor, four-bedroom West End Avenue
apartment. It was a beautiful old place with twelve-foot ceilings, lots of sunny windows,
big walk- in closets, and huge bathtubs with feet, but it hadnt been renovated since the
1940s. The walls were waterstained and cracked, and the wood floors were scratched and
dull. Ancient, mammoth dust bunnies had gathered in the corners and along the baseboards
like moss. Once in a while Jenny and Dans father, Rufus Humphrey, hired a cleaning service
to scrub the place down, and their enormous cat, Marx, kept the cockroaches in order, but
most of the time their home felt like a cozy, neglected attic. It was the kind of place
where youd expect to find lost treasures like ancient photographs, vintage shoes, or a
bone from last years Christmas dinner.

Jenny was eating half a grapefruit and drinking a cup of peppermint tea. Ever since shed
gotten her period last spring, shed been

eating less and less. Everything she ate went straight to her boobs, anyway. Dan worried
about his little sisters eating habits, but Jenny was as spunky and energetic as ever, so
what did he know? For instance, he didnt know that Jenny bought a toasted, buttered,
chocolate-chip scone almost every day on her way to school at a little gourmet deli on
Broadway.

Not exactly a great strategy for breast reduction. Dan was eating an Entenmanns chocolate
donuthis secondand sipping instant coffee with Coffee-mate and four teaspoons of sugar. He
liked sugar and caffeine, which was probably part of the reason why his hands shook. Dan
wasnt into being healthy. He liked to live on the edge. While he ate, Dan was studying
Vanessa Abramss script for her short film, the film he was supposed to star in. He kept
reading the same line, over and over, like a mantra: Life is fragile and absurd. Tell me
you dont care about Serena van der Woodsen being back, Jenny challenged Dan. She put a
piece of grapefruit in her mouth and sucked on it. Then she stuck her fingers in her
mouth, pulled out the white pulpy skin stuff, and put it on her plate. You should see her,
she went on. She looks so completely cool. Its like she has this whole new look. I dont
mean her clothes; its her face. She looks older, but its not like wrinkles or anything.
Its like shes Kate Moss or some model whos like, been everywhere and seen everything and
come out on the other side. She looks like shes totally, like, experienced. Jenny waited
for her brother to respond, but he was just staring into his coffee cup. Life is fragile
and absurd. Dont you even want to see her? Jenny asked. Dan thought about what hed heard
Chuck Bass say about Serena. He hadnt wanted to believe any of it, but if Serena looked as
experienced as Jenny said, maybe what Chuck said was true. Maybe Serena really was the
sluttiest, druggiest, most venereally diseased girl in New York. Dan shrugged his
shoulders and pointed at the pile of grapefruit carcasses on Jennys plate. That is so
foul, he said. Cant you just eat a Pop-Tart or something, like a normal person? Whats
wrong with grapefruit? Jenny said. Its refreshing. Watching you eat it like that isnt. Its
disgusting, Dan said. He stuffed the rest of his donut in his mouth and licked the
chocolate off his fingers, being careful not to smudge any on his script. Dont look, then,
said Jenny. Anyway, you didnt answer my question. Dan looked up. What question?

Jenny put her elbows on the table and leaned forward. About Serena, she said. I know you
want to see her. Dan looked back down at his script and shrugged. Whatever, he said.

Yeah, whatever, said Jenny, rolling her eyes. Look, theres this party the Friday after
next. Its some big fancy benefit thing to save the peregrine falcons that live in Central
Park. Did you know there were falcons in Central Park? I didnt. Anyway, Blair Waldorf is
organizing it, and you know she and Serena are best friends, so of course Serena will be
there.

Dan kept reading his script, completely ignoring his sister. And Jenny went on, ignoring
the fact that Dan was ignoring her. Anyway, all we have to do is find a way to get into
that party, Jenny said. She grabbed a paper napkin off the table, scrunched it into a
ball, and threw it at her brothers head. Dan, please, she said pleadingly. We have to go!

Dan tossed the script aside and looked at his sister, his brown eyes serious and sad.
Jenny, he said. I dont want to go to that party. Next Friday night Im probably going over
to Dekes house to use his PlayStation, and then Ill probably head over to Brooklyn to hang
out with Vanessa and her sister and their friends. Just like I do every Friday night.
Jenny kicked at the legs of her chair like a little girl. But why, Dan? Why wont you go to
the party?

Dan shook his head, smiling bitterly. Because we werent invited? Because were not going to
be invited? Give it up, Jen. Im sorry, but thats just the way it is. Were different from
them, you know that. We dont live in the same world as Serena van der Woodsen or Blair
Waldorf or any of those people.

Oh, youre such a wimp! You drive me crazy, Jen said, rolling her eyes. She stood up and
dumped her dishes in the sink, scrubbing at them furiously with a Brillo pad. Then she
whirled around and put her hands on her hips. She was wearing a pink flannel nightshirt
and her curly brown hair was sticking out all over because she had gone to sleep with it
wet. She looked like a mini disgruntled housewife with boobs that were ten times too big
for her body.

I dont care what you say. Im going to that party! she insisted. What party? their father
asked, appearing in the doorway to the kitchen. If there were an award for the most
embarrassing dad in the universe, Rufus Humphrey would have won it. He was wearing a
sweat-stained white wife-beater and red checked boxer shorts, and was scratching at his
crotch. He hadnt shaved in a few days, and his gray beard seemed to be growing at
different intervals. Some of

it was thick and long, but in between were bald patches and patches of five oclock shadow.
His curly gray hair was matted and his brown eyes bleary. There was a cigarette tucked
behind each of his ears. Jenny and Dan looked at their father for a moment in silence.
Then Jenny sighed and turned back to the dishes. Never mind, she said. Dan smirked and
leaned back in his chair. Their father hated the Upper East Side and all its pretensions.
He only sent Jenny to Constance because it was a very good school and because he used to
date one of the English teachers there. But he hated the idea that Jenny might be
influenced by her classmates, or those debutantes, as he called them. Dan knew their dad
was going to love this. Jenny wants to go to some fancy benefit next week, he said. Mr.
Humphrey pulled one of the cigarettes from behind his ear and stuck it in his mouth,
playing with it between his lips. A benefit for what? he demanded. Dan rocked his chair
back and forth, a smug look on his face. Jenny turned off the faucet and glared at him,
daring him to go on. Get this, Dan said. Its a party to raise money for those peregrine
falcons that live in Central Park. Theyre probably going to build like, birdhouse mansions
for them or something. Like there arent thousands of homeless people that could use the
money. Oh, shut up, Jenny said, furious. You think you know everything. Its just a stupid
party. I never said it was a great cause. You call that a cause? her father bellowed.
Shame on you. Those people only want those birds around because theyre pretty. Because it
makes them feel like theyre in the pretty countryside, like theyre at their houses in
Connecticut or Maine. Theyre decorative. Leave it to the leisure class to come up with
some charity that does absolutely no one any good at all! Jenny leaned back against the
kitchen counter, stared up at the ceiling, and tuned her father out. Shed heard this same
tirade before. It didnt change anything. She still wanted to go to that party. I just want
to have some fun, she said stubbornly. Why does it have to be such a big deal? Its a big
deal because youre going to get used to this silly debutante nonsense, and youre going to
wind up a big fake like your mother, who hangs around rich people all the time because
shes too scared to think for herself, her father shouted, his unshaven face turning dark
red. Dammit, Jenny. You remind me more and more of your mother every day.

Dan suddenly felt bad. Their mother had run off to Prague with some count or prince or
something, and she was basically a kept woman, letting the count or prince or whatever he
was dress her and put her up in hotels all over Europe. All she did all day was shop, eat,
drink, and paint pictures of flowers. She wrote them letters a few times a year, and sent
them the odd present. Last Christmas shed sent Jenny a peasant dress from Germany. It was
about ten sizes too small. It wasnt a nice thing for their father to say that Jenny
reminded him of their mother. It wasnt nice at all. Jenny looked like she was about to
cry. Lay off, Dad, Dan said. We werent invited to the party anyway. So neither of us could
go even if we wanted to. See what I mean! Mr. Humphrey said triumphantly. Why would you
want to hang out with those snobs anyway? Jenny stared glassy-eyed at the dirty kitchen
floor. Dan stood up. Hurry up and get dressed, Jen, he said gently. Ill walk you to your
bus stop.

In the six-minute interval between the bell signaling the end of Latin and the bell
signaling the beginning of Gym, Nate slipped into the computer lab at the St. Judes School
for Boys. Every Wednesday, he and Blair had grown accustomed to e-mailing each other a
quick love note (okay, it was Blairs idea), to help them get over the hump of the boring
school week. Only two more days until the weekend, when they could spend as much time
together as they wanted.

But today Nate wasnt even thinking of Blair. He wanted to see how Serena was doing. Last
night she had left a message on the answering machine in his room while he was watching a
Yankees game with his friends. Her voice had sounded lonely and sad and very far away,
even though she lived only a block and a half away from him. Nate had never heard Serena
sound so down. And since when did Serena van der Woodsen go to bed early?

Nate sat down in front of one of the humming PCs in the lab. He clicked on the New Mail
window and typed a message to Serenas old Constance e-mail address. He didnt know if she
would check it or not, but it was worth a try.

TO: [email protected] FROM: [email protected]

Hey. What are you up to? I got your message last night. Sorry I wasnt there. I will
definitely see you Friday, okay? Love, Nate. Then he opened up his own e-mail. Surprise,
surprise, there was a note from Blair. They hadnt talked since her mothers party the

night before last. TO: [email protected] FROM: [email protected]

Dear Nate. I miss you. Monday night was supposed to be really special. Before we got
interrupted I was planning for us to do something weve been talking about doing for a
while. I think you know what Im talking about. The timing wasnt right, I guess. I just
wanted to tell you that Im ready to do it. I wasnt ready before, but now I am. My Mom and
Cyrus are going away on Friday and I really want you to sleep over. I love you. Call me.

Love, Blair. Nate read Blairs e-mail twice and then closed the file so he wouldnt have to
look at it anymore. It was only Wednesday. Was it possible that Blair could remain
ignorant about him and Serena until Friday, even though she was in school with Serena
every day and they were best friends and told each other everything? Chances were, no. And
what about Chuck Bass? He wasnt exactly good at keeping secrets. Nate rubbed his pretty
green eyes viciously. It didnt matter how Blair found out. Any way he looked at it, he was
fucked. He tried to come up with a plan, but the only plan he could think of was to wait
and see what happened when he saw Blair on Friday night. There was no point in getting all
worked up about it now. Just then the door to the computer lab opened, and Jeremy Scott
Tompkinson poked his head around the door. Yo, Nathaniel, were cutting Gym. Come to the
park with us and play some ball. The second bell rang. Nate was late for Gym anyway, and
after Gym he had lunch. Cutting sounded like an excellent idea. Yeah, sure, Nate said.
Hold on a sec. He clicked on Blairs e-mail and dragged it across the screen and into the
trash. Okay, he said, standing up. Lets go. Hmmm, if he really loved her, he probably
wouldve saved the e- mail, or at least answered it, right?