Addicted to Him (25 page)

I start the SUV and slowly back out when Seth screeches to a halt behind my car. I slam on the brakes to avoid hitting him. He gets out and runs over to my driver’s side window looking flustered. I lower my window but look straight ahead avoiding the pull his eyes have on my soul.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I got held up at work. Can we talk please?” he pleads.

My mind is still stuck back on the fact that he just called me baby and what that simple word did to my insides.

“I only have a few minutes,” I lie.

“That’s okay. Follow me.” He jogs back to his car before I can argue. Something tells me that he doesn’t want me to follow him to a public place.

I wrestle with myself as I pull the SUV forward and put it into park. I want to be alone with him in a secluded place but I know I’ll lose control of myself if I am. I watch him drive off in my rearview mirror, battling with myself internally already knowing which side is going to win. I back out slowly and follow him, cussing myself the entire way.

I follow him several miles to a nature preserve. Places like these are normally jam-packed with people biking the trails or hiking but today is an unusually gloomy day with clouds threatening a downpour at any minute so we seem to have the place to ourselves, which I simultaneously love and hate.

I park next to Seth and give myself a quick pep talk. I have to play hard to get. If I just take him back after everything that happened, he’ll never respect me. My brain seems to get it but the growing need between my legs seems to have gone deaf.

I get out of my car and walk toward Seth. He is pulling a picnic basket out of his trunk and smiles when he sees me. He grabs a blanket and gestures for me to follow him. We walk for a few minutes to a grassy area just off a trail overlooking a small pond edged by a forest.

Seth sets down the picnic basket and spreads out the blanket. He kneels down and starts pulling things out of the basket as I lift my chin up and take in the threatening sky. Seth doesn’t seem concerned so I slip my sandals off and sit cross-legged on the blanket, spreading the skirt of my dress across my lap.

“I wanted everything to be perfect,” Seth frets, arranging and rearranging bowls filled with grapes, pasta salad, and fried chicken. I have to fight not to smile at the adorableness of him packing all of this for me.

“I’ve missed you,” I blurt out, realizing that nothing matters to me except Seth.
So much for playing hard to get
.

He stops what he’s doing and looks at me with such remorse that any doubts I had about him evaporate. “I’m supposed to be on medicine and I stopped taking it when I met you. You just made me feel so good that I thought I didn’t need it. But after what I did to you, I know now that I do. I would never hurt you like that again,” he promises, his eyes welling up with tears.

“I’ve missed you,” I repeat, reaching for him. He draws back but I can tell he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t trust himself to touch me.

“I’m no good for you. You deserve someone who can love you the right way.”

“No one has ever loved me the right way my entire life. I wouldn’t recognize normal love if it smacked me in the face,” I retort, getting angry. Why can’t he just accept that I forgive him without making such a big production out of it? I don’t want to sit here and analyze everything because I’m afraid then I’ll just realize that being with him isn’t a good idea. But I want him. Every ounce of him, even the angry part that needs meds.

“Doesn’t it weird you out that I’m not normal?”

“What’s so great about normal? Besides, half the people I know are medicated just to deal with life, at least you have an excuse.”

“How do you do it?” he asks, looking shocked.

“How do I do what?”

“How do you deal with all the bad shit that’s happened to you and still manage not to take it out on everyone around you?”

“It’s my superpower, I guess,” I joke, not meeting his gaze.

“I tried to forget about you,” he admits and I sneak a glance at him. Those insanely addictive eyes are focused right on mine and I know that I have to have him again. We were made for each other and nothing makes me happier than belonging to him. No matter what.

I don’t say anything but stand up and start walking, barefoot, toward the forested area. The last three weeks without him have been hell and I don’t give a shit what kind of medicine he has to take, I won’t be without him anymore. He calls to me but I ignore him.

I can hear his shoes crunching down the grass behind me. I speed up, wanting him to chase me, needing to know that he needs me as much as I need him. I jog the short distance to the forest and duck behind the giant base of a sequoia tree, waiting for him. A few seconds later, I hear his shoes crunch on a nearby twig.

He comes around the tree to face me, lust overtaking his features. “We should go back, it’s starting to rain,” he says unconvincingly.

“I’m not afraid of getting wet,” I tell him, licking my lips.

He moves closer to me, never taking his eyes off mine. He traces the top of my strapless dress with his index finger. My nipples harden inside the thin material and I hold back a gasp. The rain starts falling steadier now making its way through the canopy of tree branches. Seth’s hair is soaked and I reach out to run my hands through it.

Both of our gazes fall to the other’s lips. I want his on me so bad I can hardly stand it. I can tell he’s hesitating, still not sure if he trusts himself alone with me. I pull him to me and our tongues drive into each other with a fire I never knew existed. I don’t know how I’ve lived without him for the last three weeks but I won’t live without him again.

He runs his mouth down my neck, stopping to gently kiss the same area that he was choking just weeks ago. He pulls down the front of my dress, leaving me topless in the rain, and gives each nipple a turn in his delicious mouth. He reaches under my dress and slides my panties down my legs.

I fumble with the snap and zipper on his jeans until I finally slide them off and free him. I run my hand over his sweet hardness that I’ve missed so much. I can hardly wait to feel him inside of me.

He jerks my head up, startling me. “I’m never going to hurt you again.”

I ignore the tingling feeling I get in my stomach, my desire for him too strong to fight. “I know,” I lie.

He grips my bare butt cheeks in his hands and lifts me up against the tree. He slides himself into me and we rock against each other, rain pouring down on us.

He thrusts into me, going deeper than he’s ever gone before. I know in this moment that I will never love anyone as much as I love him. He is everything.

“I can’t hold out,” he says, his eyes begging for my approval.

“Come for me, Seth,” I say, tightening myself around him and reaching down to finish myself off with my hand.

“I love you, Cassidy,” he shouts, convulsing into me. I lean back against the tree, enjoying the last vibrations of my own orgasm.

“Please don’t ever leave me again,” I beg, clutching my arms around his neck and burying his face in my chest. We stay like that until we are both drenched. But I can’t feel the cold rain or the wind whipping through the forest, all I can feel is Seth’s heart beating against mine and I know I don’t need anything else my whole life.

****

“I had no idea you were such a gourmet chef,” I tease as Seth serves me Ramen noodles for the third time this week.

“One of these days I’m going to be feeding you prime rib and caviar,” he exclaims, presenting me with a huge bowl of noodles.

“You know I’m just kidding,” I say, giving him a peck on the lips. He sits down across from me with his own bowl and gazes longingly at me.

“I want to give you everything.”

“You already have,” I say, blowing on my noodles.

He smiles and takes a bite, wincing at the heat on his tongue. My eyes wander around his efficiency apartment as I let my noodles cool off. He moved out of his mom’s house when we were broken up and spent those three weeks settling in. He said it was his mom’s idea. She feels guilty that he has to help her run the restaurant but wants him to have his own life as much as possible. I still haven’t quite gotten used to the fact that I’m dating a guy who has his own place yet but I don’t think it is going to take long.

“It’s kind of a dump, isn’t it?” he asks, self-consciously.

“Not at all, I’m just an awe of you striking out on your own. It makes me feel like such a baby,” I admit.

“You can move in here anytime,” he offers, his eyes full of hope.

We’ve had this conversation about a hundred times in the last two weeks since we got back together. As much as I love being with him, I’m not ready to just bail on Dad’s house. Seth even wanted to give me my engagement ring back but I told him I wasn’t ready.

“There is no way I’m sleeping on that,” I tease, pointing to the pull-out futon he sleeps on.

“I don’t remember hearing any complaints from you earlier.” He throws me a sexy wink which causes my stomach to churn with lust even though I just had him a half hour ago.

“Stop it. I’m starting to think that’s all you want me for.”

“Please. You’re the one always on my stick all the time, woman.”

I start cracking up, practically spitting out my noodles. We finish our noodles, gazing lovingly at each other, quickly clean up then move to the futon to watch a movie on my iPad. I rest my head on Seth’s chest as he props the screen on his bent legs. Before I know it, I’m drifting off to sleep, happy and content.

“Cassidy, wake up,” Seth says, gently rubbing my arm. “It’s almost your curfew, you don’t want to be late.”

“I have a little time,” I say, checking the glowing numbers on his microwave. I slide on top of him groggily and rub myself up and down his body. I slide my chest down over his growing hardness, loving it when I hear him groan softly.

My phone rings next to me and before I can grab it, Seth scoops it up and sees Ethan’s picture flash on the screen.

“Why the fuck is he calling you?” he yells.

“I don’t know.” I’m just as surprised as Seth because it’s been months since I talked to Ethan.

“Did you get back together with him when we broke up or something?”

Seth is getting more agitated by the second and I know if would be best if I left. I grab my still-ringing phone and send the call to voicemail then struggle to my feet. I pick up a glass I was using and walk it into the kitchen.

Seth stalks after me and knocks the glass out of my hand, breaking it. A small sliver of glass lodges itself in my hand and blood starts running down my hand.

“Who else have you been fucking?” he demands, as I reach for a paper towel.

“Are you serious right now?” I ask, confused. I run my hand under cold water trying to get the bleeding to stop.

“You’re too much of a nympho not to have gotten it somewhere when we were broke up.”

His comment makes my noodles come back up and I’m grateful that I’m leaning over the sink. I clean myself up without another word to him, grab my keys, and run out of the apartment.

I drive back home slowly, trying to analyze what went wrong. We had a perfect night until one stupid phone call set him off. The cut stings under my paper towel bandage almost as much as Seth’s comment still stings. My phone chimes as soon as I pull into the driveway. I shut off the engine and reach for it.

I’m an idiot. Sorry about your hand
.

 
Take your meds
, I text back, even though I know immediately those words are a mistake. I shut off my phone and head inside, refusing to deal with it tonight.

Chapter Eighteen

“How did you get that cut on your hand?” Lisa asks, eyeing my hand suspiciously while spreading jelly on a piece of toast.

“A glass I was drinking out of broke and a piece of the glass went into my hand.” I answer, not skipping a beat.

She looks away, contemplating my response.

“How is my baby sister today?” I coo, rubbing her protruding belly.

Lisa cuts her eyes back to me, not falling for my attempt at a distraction. “Something is going on with you, I can feel it.”

My hand drops from her belly in shock. No one has ever been able to see through me like Lisa. Part of me wishes that I could tell her about how intense Seth gets sometimes and how sometimes I’m scared he might really hurt me, but I know how it would end. She would team up with Dad and refuse to let me see him again. I couldn’t bare that. I know Seth has some issues but he loves me enough to fix them. I just have to give him some time.

I take a deep breath and prepare to play the role of a lifetime. I have to convince Lisa that whatever vibe she’s picking up on has nothing to do with Seth. “Something is going on, Lisa,” I admit. “I’ve been going to Centaurus for almost two months and I still don’t have one friend. It’s such a big place that I don’t feel like I see the same people more than once a day so I don’t know how to approach people.”

“Give it time, sweetie. I know it can’t be easy but if you try to join as many clubs as you can and get involved then eventually you’ll meet people. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time.”

“Having a hard time with what?” Dad asks, bounding down the stairs on the tail end of our conversation.

“Cassidy is having a hard time making friends at her new school,” Lisa explains.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” I bluff, part of me still scared that Dad might scrap the idea of me living here and put my butt on the first plane back to Missouri.

“Just get more involved like Lisa said. Eventually something will click with someone.”

I smile and nod, acting like they just gave me the tools to find a lifelong friendship. This conversation wasn’t a total lie, it does bother me that I don’t have any friends. It makes me miss Whit. But I know that even if I had friends, Seth would feel like I was choosing them over him if I didn’t spend all of my free time with him so it isn’t even worth worrying about.

“What do we have going on today?” Dad asks, grabbing a protein bar out of the pantry.

“We’re registering for the baby shower, remember?” Lisa reminds him.