Addicted to Him (22 page)

I’m sure by Seth’s comment that she thinks the worst. When she finds out everything she might not even think it’s that big of a deal. Part of me has always thought maybe I overreacted even though Seth seemed to have the same reaction that I did.

“It’s not like he’s been raping me or anything,” I admit.

She doesn’t pull away and scream horrible names at me like I thought she would. She doesn’t say anything as she digests my comment but tightens her arms around me.

“But something has happened with Phil, hasn’t it? Don’t bother lying because until tonight you wouldn’t touch your father. I saw you look like you were going to puke every time you even thought he might come close to touching you.”

This is it. My moment of truth. I thought I would be nervous but instead I just feel relief that I don’t have to act anymore. I’m so tired of trying to act like everything is normal. I’m a good enough liar that I could make her believe nothing is going on, or I could act psycho like I wanted it to happen. But I love Lisa. I don’t want to lie to her anymore.

“It started about two years ago. At first it was just hugs that lasted too long and lingering stares. Then it got worse, he tried desperately to get me alone and suggested we do stuff,” I admit, embarrassed. “But he never actually abused me.”

“Cassidy, roll over,” Lisa insists.

I flop onto my other side to meet her horrified expression.

“He may not have actually had sex with you, but you need to understand that what he did was abuse. You looked up to him as a father and he betrayed that trust. He made you feel unsafe in your own home. He messed with your head.”

I nod, tears running down my face.

“You didn’t deserve this. You’re a good person,” she continues.

I wish I could believe her but after years of Chastity’s brainwashing there is still a small part of me that thinks I asked for this, maybe even wanted it, even though I know in my heart that isn’t true.

“Repeat to me what I just said.”

“I’m a good person and I didn’t deserve this,” I repeat, not really letting the words sink in.

“Say it all,” she urges.

“He abused me,” I obey. Something I didn’t realize was trapped inside of me this whole time gets released when I admit to myself that Phil abused me. He was my parent and he took advantage of me. I’ve always told myself that it could have been much worse than it was and never allowed myself to grieve over the damage that it did do. He was my stand-in father for nine years when he started this. Everything I had ever known was shattered the first time he put his hands on me in an un-pure way. “I loved him more than I loved her.”

“I know you did, sweetie. I know,” Lisa comforts me, brushing my hair out of my eyes.

“After he touched me that way and said that he wanted to do more, I thought it was my fault. I thought I had done something wrong.”

Until Seth came along I was afraid to have any sexual feelings because I was sure it was a sign that I had led Phil on. Poor Ethan hung on for two years while I battled internally, trying to find the courage to love him but knowing he could do better. It took Seth to make me realize that I was worth more than Chastity and Phil had brainwashed me to think I was.

“You can’t ever live with them again.”

“I know,” I admit, exhausted. I will miss Wade more than words but I won’t let Chastity poison him against me. “She will never speak to me again when she finds out.”

“I can’t imagine how hard it is going to be, but you have to tell her yourself, Cassidy.”

“She’ll never want to see me again.”

Lisa doesn’t disagree with me, which I appreciate, because we both know that she would be lying.

“I’m going to miss Wade so much though.”

“I know you probably don’t want to think about any of this stuff right now but you need to remember that you are eighteen years old and the courts will grant you visitation of your brother if your mother won’t allow it. But something tells me that she isn’t going to want your revelation to go public so I think she will willingly part with him to make visits to see you.”

I perk up at the thought of Wade being allowed into my new life. He was the only reason I stayed in that terrible situation for so long.

“Your mother is used to having power over people, Cassidy. She doesn’t have any power over you anymore.”

She’s right. Chastity has always tried to use Wade to control me anytime she felt I floated a little too far out of her reach. But once she finds out about Phil, her entire world is going to be flipped upside down, especially when I threaten to take her to court if she tries to keep me away from Wade.

This has been the most insane day of my life starting with Seth smacking me and terrifying me half to death. Followed up by a marriage proposal, a new baby, the orgasm of a lifetime, and now all my dirty secrets aired for the entire world to see. I’m sick at the thought of confronting Chastity, but there is a glimmer of hopefulness flickering inside me for the first time in my entire life.

****

I slink downstairs in the middle of the night to retrieve my ring box. I slip the exquisite ring on my finger and instantly feel happier. I tiptoe back to my room and curl up under the covers. The light on my cell phone is blinking and I realize that I slept through a text from Seth.

I will always do what it takes to keep you safe, no matter what
.

Not exactly the apology I was expecting but I guess maybe he doesn’t really owe me one. If the situation were reversed, and I knew he was going to do something to hurt himself, I would betray him, too.

I know you love me
, I type back and send off. For the first time I realize I didn’t just think the words but that I actually believe them. There is no doubt in my mind that Seth loves me. I smile in the dark as I realize that Chastity’s voice is barely a whisper in my head anymore. I’m getting stronger and soon she won’t be anything but a distant memory.

I drift to sleep and dream of being on a beach with Dad, Lisa, Seth, and my new baby sister.

****

I hear the garage door go up then a few seconds later go down. I’m glad that my parents went to work today and didn’t play hooky to babysit me. I need some time to digest everything that happened yesterday. I’m still so exhausted from all the crying I did that I’m just about to drift back to sleep when I hear the front door being opened and gently closed and someone quietly padding up the stairs. Either I’m about to be murdered or Seth is coming to see if he is forgiven.

I keep my eyes closed as I feel him staring at me. I hear him slip his shoes off, then his shorts, and shirt. I hate that I immediately get turned on at the thought of his rock hard body so close to me. I feel him pull the sheets back and slide into bed with me.

He puts his arm around my middle and I’m sure that he is going to seduce me, as if it takes much seduction, but he doesn’t. He just buries his face into my neck and holds me. He slides his hand down to mine and his fingers stop when they feel my ring. He sighs with relief and squeezes me tighter. I drift off to sleep knowing that I’ve never been more loved than I am at this moment.

Chapter Fifteen

Today is the day I’ve been dreading. I’m supposed to be on a plane heading home but instead I have to call Chastity and tell her that I’m not coming home and why. I’ve already thrown up twice just thinking about saying the words out loud to her. Even though I think she is already suspicious of Phil, she’ll never admit it. I know, as sure as I sit here, that this is the last day of my mother’s life that she will have a daughter.

“Morning, Cass,” Lisa says brightly, trying her hardest to act normal. I watch her pack a nutritious lunch for herself and her growing baby and wish for the thousandth time that she was my biological mother.

I get the coffee started, knowing that Dad is going to need a giant mug before we attempt the dreaded Skype call. He is nowhere to be found and I imagine I’m not the only one who was puking this morning.

“How are you feeling?” I ask Lisa.

She rubs her growing baby bump and smiles, still not used to the idea of a baby growing inside of it. “I don’t feel any different, which is weird, because I always thought I would feel so different.” A worried look comes across her face and I know a million negative thoughts are racing through her brain right now.

“That is going to be the luckiest, most healthy baby on the planet.” I follow up with a hug, more for myself than for Lisa.

“Be strong today. I can’t imagine how hard this is going to be but I know you can do it,” she says, squeezing me back.

“But what if she makes me come back?” I know as sure as the sky is blue that Chastity won’t want me anywhere near her or Phil after I confess my awful secret to her but part of me is still afraid that she will force me to go back just to torture me.

“You’re eighteen. She can’t force you to do anything,” she reminds me.

“I’m sorry all of this is happening during the happiest time of your life.”

“Are you crazy? I’m getting two kids now, what could be better than that?”

She pecks me on the cheek, grabs her lunch, and disappears into the garage. I hear the garage door go up, the car back out of the garage, and the door go back down. Part of me wants to run after her to stay for moral support but I know I can lean on Dad as much as I lean on her.

Dad bounds down the stairs, looking chipper. I know he can’t have forgotten what day it is because he isn’t dressed for work but I can’t help but wonder how he can be in such a good mood.

“Let’s get this over with so we can do something fun today,” he urges, filling his favorite mug with coffee.

“She’s going to hate me,” I say, knowing that she actually already has for quite a while.

“You’re her daughter. She’ll never hate you, but this is going to be a huge shock. She’s going to lash out, there’s no doubt about it. Just remember what I said. Don’t back down.”

I wring my already sweaty hands as I slowly climb the stairs to get the laptop from my room. I carry it back down into the kitchen and set it on the table. Dad and I set our chairs up so that the camera is on both of us. Just the shock of seeing Dad is liable to give her a heart attack and I can’t say that I’m not counting on it.

“Ready?” I ask, pulling up the home phone number contact. I picked this time specifically because I know that Phil will be at the school with Wade getting him registered for school. I left a gigantic note on the calendar and I know that Chastity wouldn’t think of going with them.

Dad squeezes my hand as the familiar gurgling bubble sound of dialing someone on Skype starts. I hold my breath, worried that she will be too lazy to even get up and answer. I would much rather just do this over the regular phone so I don’t have to look at her but I need to show her that I have more courage than she thinks I do.

The laptop screen suddenly fills with Chastity’s image. She is looking down, fidgeting with the mouse and doesn’t realize that Dad is with me.

“Why the hell are you calling so early? I told you that Phil would be at the airport to pick you up,” she says, finally looking up. Her mouth falls a little but she quickly recovers. She must have miraculously already been up because her hair is done and she has makeup on. I panic, thinking that Wade might still be there and I can’t do this with him being home.

“Is Wade there?” I ask.

“Why the hell is he on here?” she asks, deliberately not addressing Dad. She’s never gotten over him. I’ve always wondered if she only married Phil because her twisted mind thought Dad would be jealous and beg her to marry him instead. I wouldn’t put anything past Chastity.

“Is Wade home?”

“No, he and Phil are gone for the day. I’m really busy getting ready to go meet my friend so I don’t have time for whatever this is,” she smarts off, her hands going a mile a minute.

I’m glad she’s nervous, it calms my nerves a little. Her pupils are even dilated, like she knows that her universe is about to implode.

“I’m not coming home,” I start.

“Oh, don’t even start this bullshit. He doesn’t want you there, he just doesn’t want to pay child support anymore.”

“That’s not true, Chastity. I’ve always wanted to spend time with Cassidy, you know that. You’ve tried to thwart every attempt I’ve ever made at trying to be a good father. I know for a fact that you intercepted phone calls, cards, and packages and I’ve never said a word, but today, your daughter has something to tell you and you’re going to listen.”

I’m so shocked by Dad’s strong reaction that I kind of sit there in a daze for a second.

“Let me guess, you’re going to tell me that you want to live in Colorado now,” she spouts, full of venom.

“Yes, I’m going to finish high school here. I’ve already had my records transferred,” I reply timidly.

Her anger goes from mildly annoyed to looks could kill in a matter of seconds at the revelation that I’ve already gone behind her back to get the process started.

“Good. I’m glad,” she says, her anger turning to hatred. “This summer has been so relaxing without you here to worry about. Good luck keeping her in line, Martin. I’m sure she’s been putting on a good show this summer but she’ll show her true colors eventually.” She laughs at something that Dad and I aren’t privy to and I know that she is just trying to get under my skin but it hurts anyway.

“She’s been a joy since the day she was born,” Dad counters.

“Is that why you moved a thousand miles away, because she was such a joy?” she hisses.

“I begged you to let me have custody of her,” Dad shouts, leaning closer to the computer. “I never should have left her alone with you.”

I grip Dad’s hand to reassure him that he did the best he could. I realize now that Chastity must have made his life a living hell after he left her and I’m thankful that at least one of us was able to slip out of her toxic grip.

“Your brother is going to be devastated,” she says, leveling her evil glare on me. “I guess I’ll have to tell him that his sister doesn’t love him enough to come back home.”