Afterthoughts (8 page)

“
That’s part of why I came
by today. The investigation into the Steckler’s murder case is
closed. The Chief believes Richie killed Anthony and then committed
suicide and that witnesses from the funeral service said Sarah
stepped out in front of the bus on her own, probably because she
couldn’t handle it anymore.”

Paige felt like she had been slapped
in the face. She was silent for a moment. “They’re wrong. Something
else happened. Someone else was involved and I am determined to
find out who it was! I can’t let Sarah down. I have to close this
for her!” Paige’s blue eyes swelled up with tears again and Jay
handed her his handkerchief.

“
Let it go Paige,” Jay
pleaded with her. “At least for now. It’s not helping you to keep
this up. You really need to let it go.”

“
You’re wrong!” Paige’s
voice was getting louder. She spun around to see Ian staring at her
from the window. “Get that man out of here before I throw him out
myself!”

Jay left her and went into the house
to talk with Ian. Paige sat down at the patio table, looking at the
handkerchief. “Jay is wrong. There’s someone behind this,” she told
herself. “There has to be and I’ll find out who! I promise you
Sarah.” Paige looked up as if Sarah was watching her from above,
tears streaming down her face. She wiped them with the
handkerchief. “God, does anyone else besides Jay still carry these
things?” But today, she was glad he did.

Looking around the
beautiful patio she remembered sitting out here, cooking steaks
with Anthony and Sarah, and watching Richie play with the
neighbor’s puppies. What a perfect, successful family they appeared
to be. Everyone seemed happy and the house was full of love.
“Who would want to hurt these people?”
she asked herself. She looked around to admire
the rose bushes and Crepe Myrtle trees that lined the entire patio
and out to weeping willows along the creek side just beyond the
yard. She was sad to think that winter was creeping in and
everything would look as dead as she felt. She could see Richie’s
old swing set in the back yard and wondered what happened to
him.

“
Why did he get so messed
up in drugs? Maybe he was in trouble. Could the Steckler’s have
been murdered for drug money?”
Paige was
more determined than ever to find out.

She lay her head on the table and shut
her eyes. Visions of Richie swinging on his swing set quickly
changed into visions of him swinging in the garage. She could see
the ladder on the garage floor as she remembered the smell of the
urine that lay in a puddle around it. She could feel the rope in
her hands; the rope was in her hands …

She fell asleep.

Chapter 11

The rope around her was tighter than
she remembered. It cut into the flesh of her wrists and she could
smell the stale blood around her. The lightning flashed through the
window again as fear crept over her.

She could hear him coming. Paige
became ill at the thought of him entering the room. She vomited
violently as he opened the door.

“
Come now my little
pigeon. Don’t be like that!” his cold voice whispered behind her.
She could feel him try to clean her up. He touched her hair as she
tried to scream. Nothing would come out. She could feel herself be
taken over, told to relax. She tried to see his face, but the room
was too dark.
“Relax”
she kept hearing over and over again.
“Everything is fine. Just relax. Let it go.”

“
Paige?” Jay’s soft voice
woke her. She sat up with a jolt. Trembling, she immediately became
ill and raced to the rail to vomit over the side.

Jay came up behind her and held her
head as she was wretched. When she finished, he turned her around
and rubbed her shoulder. “Are you okay now?” he asked
her.

“
I think so,” she sniffed,
still trembling from her dream. She was determined not to tell Jay
about it. He was worried enough about her.

Was she remembering those months or
was all of the stress bringing this out in her? She couldn’t think
about that now. “I need some water.”

Jay helped her into the kitchen and
poured her a glass. Aileen came in with a cold wash cloth and
handed it to her.

“
I’ll wash this thing
before I give it back to you,” she smiled at Jay as she wadded up
his handkerchief.

“
Please do! I sure don’t
want your cooties,” he laughed at her making Paige
smile.

“
Feeling better?” Aileen
asked Paige. She could only nod and sit down at the breakfast
table, rubbing the cold cloth across her face.

Jay sat next to her. “Why don’t I take
you home so you can get some rest?” he begged her.

“
No, I’m fine. Is Ian
gone?”

“
Yes,” Aileen broke in. “I
sent him back to the orphanage.” She smacked her hands together as
if to say good riddance.

“
Good. I feel better
without that snake around here. I don’t see how Sarah put up with
him. He needs to be removed from the orphanage.”

Paige stood up denying Jay’s arm as he
offered it to her.

“
I am taking you home. You
need some rest,” Jay demanded. After seeing Aileen’s pleading look,
Paige agreed.

Jay led her out to his car and helped
her in. “I’m fine, Jay. Really,” she told him.

“
So humor me then,” he
smiled at her.

They rode in silence to Paige’s house.
Jay came in with her to make sure she made it in okay. “Take a
shower and get ready for bed. I’ll see if I can find some crackers
and ginger ale or something.” He patted her shoulder as he pushed
her in the direction of her bathroom.

Paige didn’t argue. Any other time she
would have but it was nice to not be alone. As she showered, she
let the hot water run over her, relieving her tense muscles. She
enjoyed the vanilla scent of her shampoo and shower gels and let
these things relax her. She was calm now. Everything was going to
be fine. She knew this somehow.

Everything was set back to
right again in her mind.
“Relax. Be calm,
still. No … fight this feeling!”
she told
herself.
“Nothing is right. Nothing is
fine. What is going on with me?”
She felt
the tears well up in her eyes.

“
Am I going crazy?”
She shook her head trying to clear her thoughts
and convince herself that she needed rest. Tomorrow she could think
clearly again. Rest would clear her head of the images of the past
she wanted to forget. Instead, the fear of dreaming and remembering
them crept back into her mind.
“At this
point, I’m not sure what I need,”
she
thought to herself.

Paige turned the water off
and reached for her towel. She dried off and wrapped the towel
around her, then looked in the mirror. The dark circles under her
eyes made her cringe. She was losing weight rapidly through all of
this and she really didn’t have any to lose.
“I look like a bloody skeleton,”
she
thought. She picked up her silver handled brush and ran it through
her long brown hair.
“Even my hair is
falling out!”
she thought as she cleaned
out the brush and threw the hair in the trash can. She brushed her
teeth quickly and walked out of the bathroom, still wrapped in the
towel.

“
Nice legs!” Jay laughed
from the kitchen as he saw Paige emerge from the
bathroom.

“
I forgot you were here,”
she blushed as she pulled the towel tighter around her. “I’ll be
right back.” She hurried down the hall and put on her silk pajamas.
Embarrassed, she walked back to the kitchen.

“
I’m sorry!” she
smiled.

“
Don’t be! Those were the
nicest set of legs I’ve seen in a long time!”

“
Better not let Dolly hear
you say that!” Paige laughed.

“
Well…she’s not exactly in
the picture anymore.” Jay shrugged and played with a spoon that was
lying on the counter.

Paige suddenly realized how out of
touch she was with him since Sarah died. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.
What happened?” She walked over and stood beside him.

“
That’s okay. I didn’t
tell you,” he forced a tiny smile. “Things just didn’t work out for
us. She’s now seeing Phil Meeks. Remember him?”

He laughed thinking about how he had
been dumped for the pudgy Phil. “How are things with
David?”

“
Fine. He’s been great.
He’s really helped Aileen a lot lately. He is gone to Las Vegas for
a book signing there and should be back next week.” Paige felt
guilty talking about David to Jay. She hoped it wasn’t bothering
him to hear that her relationship was doing well while his had
fallen apart.

He handed her a lime soda he found in
the fridge. She smiled and took the can from him. As she took a
drink and sat the can on the kitchen table, Jay took her into his
arms for a moment. “I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this,” he
whispered in her ear. She let her arms go around his waist. She
needed to be held. Jay rubbed her back as he held her. He enjoyed
her damp, vanilla scented hair against his face as he fought off
the urge to kiss her. He was startled at the thought. He hadn’t
felt that way about her before. Could she feel his heart start to
pound in his chest? He could feel her relax in his arms as he
realized he didn’t want to leave her. He wanted to be here with
her, to comfort her, to wipe away her tears. He held her tight and
kissed her hair. He felt her hold onto him tighter and heard her
sigh as she rested her head on his shoulder. She needed him to be
there. He knew it.

Paige felt so comfortable in his arms.
This was the safest she had felt in quite some time. She had tried
to be so independent through all of this. It was nice to let him
hold her up and comfort her even though she had a hard time
admitting that to herself and knew she would never admit that to
him out loud. Even Harry seemed to approve. He didn’t try to
squeeze his way in between them as he always did with
David.

Jay finally let her go and she sat
down at the table to drink her soda and nibble on the saltines he
had found for her.

“
I guess I need to eat. I
happened to stop and look at myself in the mirror today and I look
horrid!” she tried to force a smile.

“
You’re always beautiful.”
Jay patted her hand.

“
By whose standards?” she
laughed.

“
By anyone who has eyes,”
he smiled at her. When she smiled back warmly, his heart leapt in
his chest. Their eyes maintained contact for a few seconds that
felt like a lifetime for Jay.

“
Paige,” he said as he
gently took her hand. “You and I have been partners and friends for
years. I feel like I’ve known you my entire life,” he took a deep
breath and continued. “What I’m trying to say here is that I really
care about you and I am here if you need me. However it is that you
may need me.”

Squeezing his hand, she replied, “I
know that and I feel the same way. I’m fine Jay. I promise.” Paige
looked away trying to hide the lie she just told him.

“
I know you’re strong,
Paige. But sometimes you have to let someone help you. There’s
nothing wrong with leaning on someone. You don’t have to bear
everything alone.”

She only smiled slightly keeping her
eyes away from his gaze.

Chapter 12

Paige woke up the next morning feeling
like a new person. She slept the entire night without dreaming, at
least any that she could remember.

Jay had stayed over and slept on the
couch. She liked knowing that he was so close by if she needed him.
Part of her had wished that he had come to bed with her so he could
hold her and let her sleep.

Jay, on the other hand,
didn’t sleep well at all. He struggled all night with the thought
of her in the other room. He wanted to be with her but he knew that
would be the wrong thing to do. He even got off the couch several
times and paced around the living room before heading toward her
room at least three times, just to turn around and go back to the
couch
. “She is my partner. She has David.
She doesn’t feel the same,”
he kept
telling himself over and over again not wanting her to think that
he was taking advantage of her while she was vulnerable. “You’re
driving yourself crazy!” he chuckled to himself lightly, tossing
around on the couch.

“
Why’s that?” Paige asked
from the corner of the room. Startled, Jay sat straight
up.

“
Nothing. Just talking to
myself,” he tried to recover. “How are you feeling?”

“
Much better. Thank you so
much for staying. I slept like a baby.”

She stretched her long arms over her
head. Harry ran to greet her.

After hugging and scratching him, she
opened the door and let him out.

“
I’m glad you let me
help.” He stood and walked over to her and gave her a hug. Paige
kissed him on the cheek making Jay tremble. His hand brushed across
her cheek as he looked at her.