All For Anna (31 page)

“True, are you going to
sleep in here again tonight?” Kai asked.

“I don’t think I have another
option, everyone else has a tent-mate...except Briggs-”

“You won’t be rooming
with anyone else but me,
Pele
. I want you here. I’ll be passed out, so
you might have to fight for space once you’re in here, but at least you won’t
be cold,” Kai said.

“I’m never cold when
I’m near you.”

He lifted my chin and
kissed me deeply. All my anxieties of the day, all my worries, all my fears
were released in that one kiss, and I never wanted it to end. Kai held my face,
pushing his mouth away from mine, gently. He moved his lips to kiss my cheek
instead, then my forehead, then my chin. My pulse quickened as my desire for
his touch intensified.

I opened my eyes to
search his face. I wanted to memorize it, to burn this moment into my mind
forever.

He was alive. He was
safe. God had given him back to me and I’d never forget it. I scooted away from
him, determined to let him rest, when he reached for me again, catching just
the tips of my fingers.

“Tori...I-”

“Shhh...just rest, Kai.
I’m gonna go help Mrs. Julie with dinner. I’ll come and check on you in a bit,”
I said.

He nodded reluctantly.

He was asleep within
minutes.

I helped with the
massive taco feed at dinner, serving each man and woman as they came through
the line. I had to beg Mrs. Julie to let me assist her. I continued to keep
myself busy with tasks during the dinner conversation. I didn’t want to hear
it—much less be a part of it. I had received enough validation for the events
of the day, and I was more than done being the focus of questions and
commentary.

Due to Kai sleeping in a
nearby tent, the regular campfire festivities were cancelled. Poker however,
was plan B. It had been set up on the two large picnic tables which were now
lit by heavy lanterns on each end.

“Come have some fun
with us, Tori,” Briggs said.

“I should probably go
check on Kai again,” I said, avoiding his gaze.

“Yes, because a man
heavily doped up for the night might suddenly be in need?” Briggs asked,
raising his eyebrows at me.

I sighed, “Fine, one
game only though, Briggs.”

He smiled and said, “As
you wish.”

Briggs was likely the
wittiest person I knew, but that also made him fairly annoying at times. He
dealt to our table of six and called for Texas Hold-em to be the game of the
hour. He knew I had played before as I waved off his entry-level instructions,
but what he didn’t know was that Jack had spent a good two summers teaching me
everything
he knew
about the game.

I was no lightweight
when it came to cards.

The first two rounds I
folded. But on the third round I held out to the bitter end, taking the pot and
earning the respect of the men Kai called, his
brothers
. Three more
times I won and three more times fists slammed down on the table in
exasperation as I laughed.

“Weren’t you only going
to play
one
game?” Briggs asked me, his tone flat.

“Oh? So now that you
know
I’m awesome
you don’t want to play with me anymore,” I said.

“I already
knew
you
were awesome, but yeah...you’re kinda crampin’ my style,” Briggs laughed.

I stood up from the
table and stretched, twisting my back to release the tension. I grabbed a
flashlight and walked out past the fire into the inky darkness beyond. I could
hear an owl up above and somewhere nearby a group of cicadas hissed. They
quieted each time I shifted my weight.

I was alone, and yet my
heart was heavy.

Shouldn’t I be happy?

Kai is alive, safe. So
why do I feel this way?

Stop Running.

The words finally had a
source; I
knew
that voice.

“Why do you keep saying
that? I’ve stopped! I’m getting help now—
treatment
, even! Isn’t that why
Kai’s in my life? To help me
trust
again—to help me trust in
you
?”

I kicked some bark near
my feet, silencing the cicadas for a minute more.

I searched the sky.

“I don’t know how to
know you, God. I’ve...I’ve been on my own for so long that I’ve forgotten how
to
need
you.”

The words were true, but the meaning was far
from simple. If I had experienced
faith
in God this afternoon, then maybe
that was the spark that would start the fire.

Maybe there was
hope
for me after all.

TWENTY-SIX

Kai had slept through
the night and was awake before I was. I heard him walking around inside the tent;
I snuck several glances his way. I watched as he fished through his bag for a
clean set of clothes and a toothbrush.

I kept very still.

I knew I wouldn’t be
able to fall back asleep, but I wasn’t quite ready to let him in on my secret.
The warmth of my cozy cocoon was far too appealing, and so was the sight of Kai
this early in the morning. 

“You can stop
pretending, Tori. I saw you peeking over here a few minutes ago,” Kai said.

“Oh, uh...good
morning,” I said a bit sheepishly. He laughed.

“Good morning,
beautiful.”

Butterflies took flight
in the base of my belly. I’d never grow tired of hearing him say that.

“Are you feeling
completely restored today?” I asked.

“Yes, as it turns out I
had a very persistent and somewhat annoying nurse yesterday who saw to that.”

“Hmm...She sounds like
an excellent professional,” I said.

“Something like that.”
He grinned at me and winked.

After stealing a few
more moments of bliss, I crawled out of my happy place and stepped into the
brisk morning air. Reality was unkind. Zipping up his tent behind me to let him
get dressed, I went and did the same.

Mike and Carla had
already packed up and were leaving shortly after breakfast. The three guys that
had helped carry Kai yesterday—Andrew, Skyler, and Caden, were already fishing
at the lake. Mrs. Julie was preparing coffee and eggs as I walked over to the
fire, waiting for Kai to join me. 

“Good Morning,” Briggs
said, handing me a cup of coffee and sitting down beside me.

“Oh, thank you, good
morning to you, too,” I said, “Looks like the place is almost deserted. When
are you heading back?”

“Probably late
afternoon if the weather holds out. I might join the guys fishing down there. I
bought all my gear…I might as well use it,” Briggs said with a shrug.

Kai walked over then,
bringing me a breakfast plate with eggs and toast.

“Oh, you already have
coffee?” Kai asked me.

“Yes, thank you. You
have nice friends,” I said, smiling at Briggs. 

“Guilty.” Kai slapped
Briggs on the shoulder before sitting down next to me.

**********

The plan was to head
out a little after two o’clock. Kai had to be back at the station fairly early
in the morning. I re-packed my bag and helped him tear down our tents. When I
pretended to chuck Stacie’s
indoor sleeping bag
into the fire, he ran
over and ripped it from my hands.

“This, this right here
is my new
favorite
piece of camping gear, but only when it’s brought by
you,” he said, winking at me, “Don’t ever get rid of it.”

I blushed and kept
working till Kai’s truck was packed and ready to go. Mrs. Julie had made us all
sandwiches before she and Chief Max had left for home. Kai and I took one last
walk to the lake where we met up with our fishermen friends—Briggs among them.

After many good laughs
and stories, it was time for us to go. Kai helped me into the truck and we were
off, leaving behind a weekend full of memories—
our
memories. This
camping trip had forever marked my life.

“So I heard you have a
few tricks up your sleeve in poker, huh?” Kai said.

“I swear you guys are
worse than sorority girls, is there nothing you keep to yourselves?” I asked,
laughing.

“Uh, no, not really,
especially when it comes to our hot girlfriends.” 

I rolled my eyes and
shook my head. He laughed, of course.

We drove again on the
same horrid gravel road, but this time I had prepared. I cracked my window and
closed my eyes, focusing on the cool wind in my face and hair. I was relieved
when I felt the tires hit the smooth, quiet highway.

“Looks like there’s a
storm up ahead,” Kai said, pointing out into the distance.

The distant sky was
dark and gray—eerie. It was a glaring contrast from the sunshine we had left
just an hour prior. My stomach grew uneasy with anticipation. As the wind
started to howl, I rolled up my window and shivered instinctively. I hadn’t
been in a storm—a Texas storm—since the night of the accident.

“You okay?” Kai asked,
taking my hand.

“Yeah…fine.”

“You know, Thanksgiving
is less than two weeks away and I was thinking...”

I knew he was
talking—probably even asking me questions—but I couldn’t focus on his voice.
The clouds ahead were forming into monstrous black masses, and soon they would
be overhead. I nodded, trying to stay engaged with him, but after a few
minutes, the cab went quiet.

The rain started only
seconds after I heard the first crack of thunder. There were no light sprinkles
of warning, just hard unforgiving sheets of rain. The force of it was so
intense I feared the windshield might shatter.

Kai slowed the truck in
order to regain visibility. He glanced back at our gear which was now getting
soaked as I clung to the door handle with white knuckles. I could feel my mind
shifting.

No, not now. I don’t
want to see it...I don’t want to see her!

Out of the corner of my
eye, I could see Kai gripping the steering wheel with both hands. The truck’s
cab had grown dark, the sun, nowhere to be found. I thought I heard him say my
name before the hail hit, but I was in a one way tunnel with no way out. I
didn’t want to close my eyes; I didn’t want to give in to the memories that
were pulling me under, suffocating me.

I was helpless against
them.

My chest tightened,
restricting the oxygen to my lungs.

I can’t breathe!

My pulse throbbed in my
ears, drowning out everything but the relentless beat of the hail. I
contemplated my next move as my palms started to sweat. I eyed the lock on the
door.

I can do it. I can get
out.

I have to get out.

Somewhere deep inside,
under piles of literature and printouts from Dr. Crane, was the voice of reason,
but it was too quiet now. It was too weak.

There was no going
back.

I saw the overpass, or
at least the shadow of what I hoped was an overpass, and made my move. As Kai
slowed his truck even more due to his decreased visibility, I unlocked my door
and jumped out. In one quick, self-sacrificing motion, I flung my body to the
ground…and ran.

My feet slid and
slipped over and over again as I raced across the shards of ice, almost losing
control completely. I didn’t care. I just kept running. The dark mirage I had
seen from a distance was indeed an overpass. Without hesitation I ran
underneath it, climbing to its highest point of shelter.

I pulled my knees into
my chest, panicking.

I can’t breathe.

I can’t breathe.

I can’t breathe.

My breathing was
shallow and rapid—I couldn’t calm it. I was no stranger to this kind of panic,
I had felt it once before, wishing then that death would be its end. It was the
same end I wished for now.

I shuddered as I saw
her.

I could see Anna, lying
in the grass, body soaked with rain.

I felt something shift
next to me. Something solid, yet warm was pressed to my side, but it was too
late to be rescued.

The memory had already
overtaken me.

Her beautiful hair was
matted down by mud, I had touched it. I had held her in my arms, trying to take
away her pain, trying to patch it. I wanted her to breathe, to cry, to
speak…but nothing came.

Anna! Anna! Please wake
up! I need you to know I’m trying to save you. I need you to know I would do
anything to trade places with you. Please don’t leave me like this…please don’t
die.

I was sobbing now—shaking
violently.

“Why didn’t she wake
up?” I screamed.

“Oh, Tori,” Kai’s voice
was strong, yet broken.