All For Anna (37 page)

This was simply her
destiny, perfect and complete.

There had been no names
decided as of yet. Both parents lacked the ability to compromise. Jack had
recently started drawing names out of a bowl in the kitchen, claiming he would
just let the odds of the lotto system decide. Stacie pretended not to hear his
crazy antics.

I chose to stay out of
that altogether. It was one thing to be a tie-breaker when I could voice my
opinion and then go on my merry way, but it was entirely another when I lived
in
their
house. I’d keep my opinions to myself on that one.

After putting the last
of the indoor decorations away while Stacie napped, I grabbed my journal and
headed to the recliner near the window. Looking over my list once more, I
focused on the final names for just a moment. Then, I turned to a fresh page.

On my lap was something
foreign to me. Something I had only referenced, but had never known intimately:
a Bible. Stacie had given me one for Christmas and had even gone through and
highlighted the passages that she thought I’d find most helpful and
encouraging. I ran my hand over the cool cover and cracked it open for the
first time.

Her letter on the front
page cover read:

Sister,

Words cannot express
the love I have for you, or the hope I have for your future, but they would
only fail in comparison to those God has already written for you. So rather
than attempt it, I have highlighted some passages. You journey has inspired me,
Tori. He is faithful. Let Him restore you in His perfect timing and in His
perfect way.

Love you,

Stacie

I looked through several
highlighted passages, always coming back to the same theme: God promises were
hope-filled, not hopeless.

I picked up my pen and
started what would be the most difficult letter I would ever write. The words
were far from flowing, but each touched the page with a powerful determination
that seemed outside my control. The sentences turned into paragraphs and soon I
had filled both sides of the page. At its completion, I carefully tore it out
and folded it, tucking it inside an envelope. This letter was not for now, but
for a time that was quickly approaching. It burned in my hand as I held it, my
heart pounding at its revelation inside.

Today I’d been given a
glimpse of hope.

I could only pray the same for tomorrow.

“Where you off to this
morning?” Jack asked me in the hallway.

“Work.”

“Work? It’s New Year’s
Eve...and it’s not even eight a.m.,” he said, looking at his watch.

“The hospital doesn’t
observe holidays, Jack,” I said, punching his arm. “I was able to change
shifts, though. I’m starting earlier so I can get off earlier.”

He nodded approvingly,
“Lucky girl.”

“Hardly,” I murmured,
walking past him to head downstairs.

“What?”

“Nothing. Happy New
Year, Jack. Hope you and Stace have a great night.”

**********

The graveyard shift had
just rotated when I arrived at work a bit after eight. The first hour was
always busy transferring the patients from one shift to the next and getting
caught up on the events of the prior evening. A large banner hung on the
nurse’s station proclaiming a wish for a
Happy
New
Year
.
Nurse Stormy sat directly behind it.

Well, that’s an
oxymoron.

She barely lifted her
head as I walked by, but I didn’t mind. Stormy might have been an old grump,
but after my last few shifts with Bev, I was grateful for her presence. At
least she wouldn’t be talking much to me today, which was all I could ask for.

I headed down the long
hallway to greet my first patient of the day, an older gentleman with a sinus
infection. I worked busily, asking him questions of drug allergies and
symptoms, all the while thinking of the countdown before me. My countdown had
nothing to do with the turn of the year and everything to do with the hours
just before it.

There was a steady flow
of patients all day, which helped the slow-ticking clock seem to speed up with
each new face I saw. As the end of my shift approached, uneasiness washed over
me.

My movements became
robotic: clocking out, grabbing my bag from my locker, walking to my car.

The night sky was dark,
the sun having said its final goodbye of the year, just as I would do all too
soon.

Jack and Stacie had
already been gone for hours when I arrived home to shower. I found a simple
black dress and paired it with a plum cardigan and black pumps. I readied
quickly, not wanting to spend extra time on primping. I wore my hair down and
applied the basics to my face. I focused for a moment on my scar.

What had once been the
reminder of so much shame, now represented something entirely different: mercy.

My scar also reminded
me of something else, the lone trace of a thumb that had known its shape almost
as well as I did. Though Kai must have seen it in its original state of
trauma—bloody and exposed—he had a rare way of making me feel
more
beautiful with it than without. I knew now that it had been his
connection
to me. His connection to the broken woman he had seen that night long ago. I
still couldn’t understand it, but I couldn’t fight it anymore, either.

It was time to let it
go, time to let him go.

**********

I arrived at the
stadium at half past nine. The valet met me at the curb and parked my car in
the very overcrowded lot. The amount of people who had chosen this venue to
ring in the New Year was overwhelming to say the least. As I walked inside,
however, I realized my expectation for the evening was far from accurate.

Kai would not be easy
to locate.

A Christmas pageant was
one thing, but here, where the lights were low and people danced and
congregated in pods all over this gigantic room, chances seemed low.

I’ll have to find him
after he sings.

I didn’t want to hear
him sing, or see him sing, or feel him sing. I had one purpose: to find Kai,
talk to him, and be done. That, however, did not prove realistic. I made my way
down the stairs to the bottom floor.

Looking out into the
crowd, I searched. It was hopeless. I couldn’t even see the back wall from
where I stood.

The perimeter was
seemingly endless.

Skylights, which were a
hundred feet above me, hung metallic streamers that reflected glints of silver
and gold around the room like a disco ball. The band on stage seemed miles away
from where I stood, yet the music carried effortlessly over the crowd. Dancing
was well underway, and it was hard to fight my way past the couples who were
sandwiched together all over the floor. I finally made it to a far wall.
Feeling flushed from my exertion, I leaned back against it and scanned the room
again.

No Kai.

The irony of the moment
hit me then. After all the effort I had placed on avoiding Kai these past two
months, after all the ways I had been careful to dodge an accidental run-in…it
had come down to this. I was now seeking him out.

I stood there for
almost an hour watching people dance, laugh, and drink. Three different men had
approached me, but I had declined their offers. I had a plan, and they weren’t
a part of it.

The music started to
fade. A well-dressed man, who looked like he could host the MTV music awards,
took the stage.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,
may I have your attention, please? We are just over an hour away from bringing
in the New Year and we have saved the best for last. We have with us tonight a
local celebrity and hero. Our evening entertainer is a paramedic in Dallas
County. He is also one hunk-of-a-Samoan, one that I’m certain every lady here
will remember after tonight. I’ll let his talent speak for itself. Please
welcome to the stage, Kai Alesana!”

The crowd cheered,
clapping as he approached the main stage, microphone in hand. A bright light
captured him in its orb, lights dimming to a soft glow all around the room. I
stood motionless, caught off guard by his presence. My breath hitched, and my
stomach took a nose-dive at the sight of him.

Anticipation shot down
through my toes.

When the crowd quieted
down, all that was left was the pounding of my heart. The music started.

I was compelled to
move. My feet no longer felt attached to my body. I was powerless to control
them.

Kai
.

His name was so
familiar, so comfortable, yet so distant at the same time. It hurt just to
think it. I walked toward him, to a place where I could easily hide behind a
group of rowdy women. I could see the buttons on his long-sleeve cobalt shirt
and the laces in his shoes. I was close. Peering over a shoulder in front of
me, I stayed hidden from his view.

He sang two upbeat
songs on the current Top-40 play list and executed each perfectly. His tone
matched every note, creating full swells and dips along with the melody line.
His body swayed naturally to the rhythm of the music and with the crowd. He
would be the talk of many after these performances; his talent was showcased at
its peak tonight. The crowd applauded him again at the end of his second set,
shouting for another.

He walked out of the
spotlight for a second, only to return to it again with a guitar strapped over
his chest. I peeked out, seeing him as he sat on the edge of a stool, strumming
lightly. The band behind him played softly, matching his tempo.

He looked out into the
crowd for a long moment, moving his eyes over the floor. Before tilting his
head toward the microphone, Kai closed his eyes. A familiar ache traveled
through me as I moved several inches to the left, veering further away from the
ladies that were now calling out his name in drunken slurs. Kai didn’t seem to
hear them.

He was lost in the
haunting tune that echoed throughout the building.

Then, he started to
sing:

“I knew your face
before your heart,

I saw your pain right
from the start

A stunning sight I
won’t forget,

Tears that flowed out
of regret,

So take your time and
take your space

I’ll be here while you
navigate

My love for you alone
will wait

My love for you alone
will wait

You captured me before
I knew

A rare reward, a heart
so true

How could it be with
just one look,

My world was changed,
my love unhooked

So take your time and
take your space

I’ll be here while you
navigate

My love for you alone
will wait

My love for you alone
will wait

I only want to see you
freed

Outside the walls you
cannot see

So break away from
debts not yours

Receive the grace
that's been out-poured

So take your time and
take your space

I’ll be here while you
navigate

My love for you alone
will wait

My love for you alone
will wait”

Kai lifted his head to
a room silenced by the hallowed sound of emotion. The song had been so raw, so
vulnerable, yet so unbearably beautiful. I was under its spell, too. Fresh
tears blurred my vision before I could blink and re-focus.

A single clap started,
and one by one the room exploded into a roar of encores, but Kai simply bowed
and thanked the Emcee before exiting the stage. I made myself move, made myself
run after him before he was lost to me forever.

“Kai!”

He stopped.

“Kai,” I said, as I
approached him from behind.

He turned slowly, face
still somber. He looked at me with disbelief.

“You came?” he asked,
the surprise in his voice cutting me deep.

“Yes, I said I would. I
meant it,” I said.

As he stared at me, a
pained smile spread across his face. The ache was back again, tossing in me
like the choppy waves of an ocean after a storm.

“Can we talk somewhere,
please?” I asked.

He nodded, leading the
way in silence.

We walked in perfect
stride to a courtyard just outside the main complex, the breeze crisp. Goose
bumps spread down my arms in an instant. Though we never touched, Kai’s hand
was dangerously close to mine, the heat of it calling to me for warmth.