Always and Forever (28 page)

As soon as Bethany told me that we would be visiting her
gran, I became increasingly nervous. I’d only just confessed my undying love
for the girl and three seconds later I was meeting the most important member of
her family. For a screw up like me, it was an incredibly daunting moment.
However, the sweet old lady made me feel so comfortable and at ease, my anxiety
soon disappeared. I instantly realised why Bethany thought so highly of her and
everything seemed to be going well… until Bethany left us alone and went into
the kitchen, the second the living room door closed things took a turn for the
worse.

“Jake, it really is so lovely to meet you.” She had said
kindly.

“Thank you, that means a lot because I know how highly
Bethany thinks of you. It really is an honour that she brought me here to meet
you.” I replied, meaning every single word.

“I’ve never seen her so happy and I know you are the reason
for that, Jake.” She told me sincerely.

“Wow, that’s an incredible thing to say and I’m thrilled to
be the reason that she’s smiling.”  I really was ecstatic; to know that I
had been having such a profound affect on my baby girl was incredible.

“The thing is… I’d like to talk to you about Bethany’s
father.”

 I frowned, surprised that she wanted to discuss him.
Bethany has always made it quite clear that her gran dislikes her father just
as much as she does.

“Oh?” I prompted her, glancing at the door leading through
to the kitchen. I had a feeling that Bethany was not supposed to walk in on
this conversation.

“I’m sure that Beth has told you some things about him
already but I’d just like to take this moment and fill you in on a few things.”
 

“Ok…” I said uncertainly.

“I’m not going to sugar-coat it, Jake. I’m going to be
honest with you because I genuinely believe you have my granddaughter’s best
interests at heart. Her father is a monster. He’s an evil man and I wish my
daughter had never even met him; he’s a controlling manipulator and a bully.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so thankful for Bethany, she has blessed my life and I
can already see that she’s going to bless yours as well. I’ve worried about her
safety for so many years, even more so than my own daughter. You see, the
difference is that Arthur has always dismissed my daughter. He sees her as irrelevant
and stupid but he thinks the world of Bethany, he believes that she is special
and of course that’s true but he thinks that she’s like him. You and I know
different but Bethany is clever and everything she has done has been to
survive. Over the years she had simply mastered the art of deception.” She
paused and looked over at me anxiously.

I was trying to absorb all of the information she was
telling me. The blood in my veins had already started to pump ferociously fast
around my body, making my vision blur and my heart start to race. My fists
clenched of their own accord. 

“Tell me.” I urged her. My voice was dangerously low and I
could only hope that she knew my rage was not intended for her.

“One time Bethany cut the hair of one of her dolls. She was
only six years old and she was mischievous at that age. Of course her father
found out about it and to punish her he cut off her own beautiful hair. Can you
imagine what kind of monstrous person would do such a thing to his own child?
For weeks Bethany refused to tell me the truth, she was forced to lie and say
she had done it herself but I eventually managed to get the truth out of her.
She told me he had pinned her down and used the kitchen scissors to chop off
her hair. I’m sure this hasn’t been the only incident; there must have been
other occurrences over the years that I still don’t know about. She tries to
protect me from the truth but I know him and I know what he’s capable of.”

She stopped speaking and I couldn’t help myself, I jumped
up and started pacing back and forth, almost wearing a great big hold in her
living room floor. In that moment my fury knew no limits and I swear I have
never felt more murderous in my entire life. I was certain that if I ever saw
Bethany’s father I would squeeze the life out of him. I actually wanted to kill
him. The need I felt for vengeance was so strong that it even scared me. It
seemed as though the more my feelings for Bethany developed so did my
compulsion to protect her. In a perfect world this would be manageable but in
my world it was making my life impossible. My hunger for revenge and justice
could only be maintained and controlled for so long. I know that my thirst for
retribution would eventually become too much to bear and I would be forced to
act on it.

“I need to calm down before she sees.”

“That’s right, you do.” She insisted.

“How am I expected to calm down after what you just told
me?” I snapped.

“You have to, for Bethany’s sake.” She replied calmly.

I forced myself to sit down and focus on my breathing. I
needed to hear the rest, even if it killed me.

“Go on.” I told her through gritted teeth. My jaw was
clenched so tight; it felt like it might snap.

“I won’t be around forever and over the last few years I’ve
been worrying myself sick about what will happen to Bethany. My daughter’s no
match for her husband, she never has been. She can’t protect Bethany from him
and I’m scared that one day Bethany’s strong spirit will die out. I know you
two haven’t known each other for very long but I’ve seen the remarkable change
that has taken place in granddaughter these last few weeks. I noticed the way
you looked at her and I’ve just witnessed the anger that you felt when you
heard what her father did to her. You love her, don’t you?” She looked at me
intently and I nodded my head in acknowledgement.

“Yes.”

“Over the last couple of years things have been easier for
her because she’s somehow managed to fool him into believing that she’s like
him. He’s obsessed with the thought of controlling her; he’s a dictator and is
consumed by the idea of ruling people. Bethany’s strong but she will be so much
stronger with you by her side. I’m asking you to keep her safe. Please take
care of my granddaughter, Jake. Will you promise me that you’ll protect her?”
She implored me.

“Of course I will. I promise you, he’ll never hurt her
again.”

She closed her eyes and I noticed the immense relief on her
face. I realised that was the reason she was so insistent that Bethany should
introduce us. She wanted to see if I was for real, she wanted to ask me to
protect her granddaughter. The burden of Bethany’s safety was too much for her
to carry alone.

 The door suddenly opened
and Bethany walked in, oblivious to the conversation we had just been having. I
tried so hard to keep my anger under control. I avoided her gaze for the rest
of the night because I knew if she looked into my eyes she would see the
intense rage behind them. I focusing on her gran’s patterned carpet instead,
remaining silent until I knew that my fury was under control. We all made small
talk for the remainder of the visit but inside I was going crazy. I promised
myself that the son of a bitch would pay. I swore to myself that he would not
get away with what he had done.

We left her gran’s house and that’s when I planned on
telling her that she was coming home with me. How could I let her return home
to be with that animal? I didn’t want him anywhere near her ever again. I’d
sooner die than let him hurt her.

I knew Bethany wouldn’t support my idea. She would have
told me that it was far too soon for us to be living together and under any
normal circumstances I’d probably agree with her but after what her gran told
me… I needed her safe, I needed her with me. The rest I thought we could sort
out later. All I needed was some more time with her, more time to convince that
I had considered every single option and that her moving in with me was the one
solution that provided me with some comfort. That’s why I wanted to walk her
home; I was desperate and thought that delaying our departure would somehow
provide me with enough time to convince her that it wasn’t safe for her to go
home.

She wasn’t having any of it of course. She’s unbelievably
stubborn and turned me down flat, saying it was too risky for me to be seen
near her house in case her son of a bitch father saw us together. I was quickly
running out of options and was tempted to just haul her over my shoulder and
take away her decision.

Everything changed when she asked me that question.

“Who was your first, Jake?”

I swear my heart just about stopped. I remember thinking
that she couldn’t do this to me; she couldn’t ask me that question. I wasn’t
ready. I wasn’t prepared to answer any of her questions and I certainly wasn’t
about to explain everything to her about my past. She would hate me, she’d be
disgusted and she would leave. I’d be completely broken if that happened and
that’s why I did everything in my power to make sure that it didn’t.

I tried telling her that none of it mattered, I told her
that she’s the only girl I’ve ever truly cared about. I told her that the other
girls didn’t mean anything to me but no matter what I said she refused to
listen. She refused to understand and it was absolute torture. It felt like my heart
had been ripped out of my body, she may as well have trampled all over it right
in front of me, it might have hurt less.

I tried everything. I’ve never felt so close to despair in
my entire life and every minute that I spent trying to explain, I could feel
her slipping further away. She tried to leave but I couldn’t let her, a part of
me truly believed that if I let her walk away she wouldn’t come back. I
convinced myself that if I let her go she wouldn’t return to me and the reality
of that would be a fate worse than death.

The torrential rain just seemed to make everything worse,
the downpour saturated us in a matter of seconds and despite all of my agony
and suffering, I couldn’t help but notice how sexy she looked all wet and
trembling. God, it took so much of my restraint to remain still, my hands were
curled into tight fists as I tried to control my urges and desire for her. I
wanted to fuck her so badly. I know it sounds crude and outrageous but that’s
exactly what I was thinking. I licked my lips, imagining her taste on my
tongue. I still wonder if she will taste as sweet as I imagine, will she scream
my name or will she moan softly? Will her nails leave a trail of ecstasy down
my back or will she ride me with her head thrown back in exuberant confidence?
All of these thoughts were swirling around inside my head and I could do
nothing to quieten them. She was everywhere, inside my mind, my heart, my body
and my soul.

 I was bordering on the edge of insanity when she ran
from me. I searched for so long and screamed her name until my throat was raw.
Eventually, I had to admit defeat and accept the fact that I had lost her.
Never in a million years did I think she could outrun me but I guess her
desperation heightened her adrenaline and that’s how she managed to escape me.

I shake my head in frustration; none of this is going to
help. What I need to focus on now is finding her, once I find her I’ll figure
out a way of making her listen. She’ll have to hear me out; she owes me that at
least.

I’m almost home now but the pain in my chest is still
crucifying, the agony from our last conversation certainly won’t weaken anytime
soon. If she’s really made up her mind to end things between us I honestly
don’t know how I’m going to survive. I’ll never be able to let her go; I won’t
ever be capable of walking away. I can’t leave her with that bastard knowing
that he could hurt at anytime. Even if she wants nothing more to do with me, I
still need to know that she’s safe. Her gran asked me to take care of her and
that’s exactly what I intend to do.

I turn onto my street and spot my house at the end of the
road. There’s no music blaring and no crowds of people outside. I’m so grateful
for the peace and quiet; I breathe a huge sigh of relief, releasing a load of tension
I was carrying from my shoulders. I plan on slipping into my house quietly,
hoping no one will hear me let myself in. Of course that doesn’t happen; my mum
intercepts me as soon as I close the front door

“Well, well, well… look who’s here! You finally decided to
grace us with your presence, what have we done to deserve such a privilege?”
She sneers at me contemptuously and I immediately smell the drink on her
breath.

“I’ve not been sneaking off anywhere. I don’t need to tell
you anything so if you don’t mind moving out of my way, I want to go to bed.”
My patience is limited; I can’t be doing with this conversation right now. I’m
too angry and frustrated; all I want is to be alone.

“Look at the state of you, you’re soaking wet, you look
terrible and you and still think you’re better than me.” Her cruel and
heartless eyes travel down the length of my body, taking in my hellish
appearance. My mum’s only thirty-nine years old but after years of drinking and
smoking, she looks much older. She’s usually surrounded by a disgusting cloud
of smoke but tonight the only thing I can smell on her is alcohol.