Always and Forever (32 page)
Read Always and Forever Online
Authors: Lauren Crossley
much bigger, I look at the bench that gran and I used to sit on when I was
little girl. It’s reassuring to see its still here; it goes to prove that some
things remain the same. At the bottom of the garden there’s a huge grey rock,
the same one I carved my name into when I was six, thinking that automatically
gave me ownership of the whole garden. I trace my fingers over the childish
scrawl which spells out ‘Bethany Lauren.’ It causes me to smile with nostalgia;
it feels like it’s been waiting for me all this time. I never wanted to
acknowledge my father’s surname so I used to write my first and middle name
instead. I don’t know where the name Lauren come from but I’ve always liked it,
sometimes I wish it was my actual name, hoping it would somehow provide me with
a new identity.
Using all of my strength, I lift up the heavy
rock and reach for the rusty old key. I’m attempting to wipe some of the
disgusting grime from it when my phone starts vibrating in my pocket. Glancing
at my phone’s screen, I see it’s a new text from Jake letting me know he’s at
the front door. He must be curious as to why I asked him to meet me here. I
suppose I better explain everything, I can’t keep him in the dark.
There are a million butterflies in my stomach,
caused by the excitement of knowing that I’ll be seeing Jake in just a few
seconds. Walking around the side of the house, I have the luxury of being able
to observe him first. He’s leaning against the front of the house, tapping away
on his phone. I’ve not yet been lucky enough to see him without a shirt but I
just know he hides a strong, muscular physique underneath his clothing.
I clear my throat, alerting him to my arrival.
“Hey, Beautiful. This is all very mysterious,
you sure you’re ok?” He grabs hold of my waist, dragging me flush against him.
“Come on in and I’ll explain everything.” I
stand on my tip toes in an attempt to reach him but he’s so tall against me
it’s ineffective.
“Is your gran not home?” He asks with
uncertainty before taking a step inside.
I watch him as he politely wipe his feet on the
doormat, something which makes him even more charming and irresistible to me. I
choose not to answer and motion for him to follow me into the sitting room.
It’s so odd being here when gran isn’t. The house is almost silent; the only
sound I can hear is the ticking of the clock. Gran’s armchair in front of the
fireplace catches my eye; it looks bereft and lonely without her.
“She’s not here.”
I say softly, replying to his earlier question.
“Where is she?” He’s standing in the doorway
with a masculine, perusing expression on his face. His eyes take in my entire
appearance, something which he seems to appreciate. The knowledge of this fills
me with so much confidence, to know a man like Jake desires me is unbelievable.
“She’s in the hospital. She had a fall last
night, she was found this morning by a neighbour.”
“Baby, I’m so sorry. Is she going to be ok? I
wish you had told me earlier.” He walks over towards me, pulling me into his
arms.
“The hospital says she should be fine but
they’re keeping her in for a few days just to make sure.”
“That’s good.”
He tucks a stray strand of my hair behind my
ear and I fight the urge I have to tremble in front of him.
“So why are we here if she’s still in the
hospital?”
“I want to show you something.” I smile up at
him, feeling oddly calm about what I want to happen between us.
“Ok...” His uncertainty is still there but I hope he trusts
me enough to go along with this.
I lead him out of the living room and back into the hall.
Taking his hand, I head up the stairs, passing gran’s bedroom door on the
landing. I come to a stop when I reach the final door at the end of the
passage. I glance behind me and nod my head, wanting Jake to know he can follow
me inside.
There’s a double bed in the room with a lilac quilt and
matching cushions scattered on the bed. A full length mirror is in the corner
of the bedroom, a wardrobe and a desk of drawers. The curtains and carpet are
also lilac and through a door in the corner of the bedroom is a tiny en suite.
It’s really only big enough to fit a shower but it’s an en suite nevertheless.
“Wow.” Jake chuckles.
“I know it’s really girly, right?” I can’t conceal the big
grin on my face.
“Just a little.” He says playfully, taking a cautionary
step into the bedroom before taking a seat on the bed. He picks up one of my
lilac cushions and starts throwing it in the air and catching it.
Deciding to just be honest with him, I choose to take the
bull by the horns and tell him why I brought him here.
“Jake, when I was younger I always wanted to decorate my
bedroom at home. You know, to be able to choose the colour scheme and make it
my own. My father already controlled so much of my life; he never gave me the
option of making my room my own. I remember telling gran all about this one
day, she didn’t say anything at the time, she just listened to me but a few
weeks later she brought me up here and into this bedroom. I had no idea why
because back then it was just a spare room. we came upstairs and this is what I
found. She’d had it converted into a bedroom especially for me; she used my
favourite colour at the time, which I think you can probably guess was lilac.”
I laugh nervously.
“I can see that.” Jake grins at me and I love how we’re so
comfortable with one another now that we can tease.
“She knew I didn’t see my bedroom in my father’s house as
my own and that’s why she gave me this one instead. When I was younger I spent
so much more time here, I spent the night as often as I could.”
“That’s really sweet of your gran to do that for you.”
I join him on the bed and he kisses my forehead, brushing
my hair out of my eyes.
“It was really important for me to show you my room.” I
tell him.
“I know and I love that you did. It means a lot to me,
Bethany.” He stands up, innocently browsing the contents of my early adolescent
bedroom.
“My father’s gone.” I blurt out.
“What do you mean, gone? Gone where?”
“He’s going to be away for a week, he left this afternoon.
That’s why I arranged to meet you here. We can be a little more careless with
my curfew tonight.” I can’t help the mischievous smirk that follows.
“Are you serious? You mean I get to be with you for more
than a few hours tonight?” He kneels down in front of me, his immense
enthusiasm is infectious.
“That’s right” I beam at him.
“Wow, this is amazing. I have to see you every single day
before he comes back, you do know that, right?”
“You can see me whenever you want, Jake.”
I yelp when Jake takes me by surprise and picks me up,
spinning me around and around in a circle. I end up squealing and begging him
to put me back on my feet.
“This is incredible. When I think of all the time we can
spend together… baby, this is going to be so perfect. I promise you.”
He’s energised and breathless; his eyes are sparkling with
excitement. His zeal is so invigorating; it’s exactly what I needed to lift my
spirits.
“That’s what I was thinking; I knew this would be the
perfect place.”
“The perfect place for what?”
“For you to make love to me. I want it to be here, Jake.
Tonight.”
Jake’s jaw drops to the floor, making him look so humorous and
comical. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look so shocked in all my life.
As the seconds go by he continues to stare at me in astonishment, causing an
unstoppable giggle to escape from my lips.
“What? Was that a joke?” He asks me, a bewildered and uncertain
expression on his face.
“No, I’m not joking.” I reassure him, trying to keep a
straight face.
“So why are you laughing?” He asks, sounding dumbfounded.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it, you should have seen the
horrified look on your face.”
If I’m being honest, I
did
hope for a slightly more
enthusiastic reaction than the one he gave me. I thought Jake would be thrilled
that I feel ready to take things further with him.
“No, don’t say that. I didn’t mean it to appear that way.
It’s just… I can’t believe you’re actually serious.”
“Why would I be? I’ve never been more certain about
anything.” I take a step closer towards him, wanting no distance between us.
His eyes are smouldering, there’s so much passion
behind them. He’s burning for me and I’d give anything to know just how
incredible we would be together. I want to explore and experience every single
part of this man and in return, I want to give him all of myself.
“Oh, God. Bethany, believe me when I tell you that I want
to. I want to more than anything in this world but this is your gran’s house,
it wouldn’t be right.” He closes his eyes, making the internal struggle he is
warring against blatantly apparent.
I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult that must
have been for him. Jake wants me just as badly as I want him, maybe even more.
I did consider the fact that he might see what I want as being immoral but I
never thought he would actually try and resist my advances.
“Jake, look at me. I already told you that this is
my
bedroom, it always has been. I love you and I want to be with you more than
anything. I want you so badly and I need you right now more than ever. I need
to feel safe and protected; you’re the only person who can make me feel those
things. I trust you and I really do want this. I want us to be together.”
He opens his eyes, gazing at me so much hunger and
intensity. There’s a feral gleam in his eyes, igniting the indescribable lust
between us. Reaching up on my tip toes, I place a soft kiss on his lips, hoping
to instigate the beginning of what is to follow. He groans against my mouth,
grabbing hold of my hips and pressing himself against me. This encourages me to
deepen our kiss, eliciting a deep growl of frustration from Jake. I love
knowing that I can stimulate so much arousal in him, it makes me feel powerful
and dare I say… sexy.
“Bethany, I want you so much. You have no idea how
badly I want you. It’s taking all of my self-control and restraint to keep
myself from throwing you down on that bed right behind you and giving you
exactly what you want but there’s also a part of me that knows how important
this is, I don’t want you to feel like you’re being forced to do anything. We
can wait; we can wait until you’re absolutely certain this is what you want to
do. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we don’t have to rush into
anything.” His breathing is erratic and his eyes are stormy, making him look so
animalistic and wild, his fingers are starting to bruise the sensitive skin on
my hips, his hold on me is so tight.
“Jake, do you really think I’d want to go through with this
if I thought you were pressuring me?”
“No but I just want to make sure this is definitely what
you want, I don’t want you to go through with this because you think it’s
expected because it isn’t.”
“I realise that we don’t have to do this tonight but I want
to, Jake. We’re never going to get an opportunity like this again, my father’s
away and I don’t have to hurry home anytime soon. Please give me this.”
“Fuck, you’re not making this easy on me. I really can’t
deny you for much longer; I just want to make this so special for you, Bethany.
Are you sure this is the right place? Are you certain it’s the right time?”
We’re standing in such close proximity together, our
breath is mingling together and I can blatantly see his resolve is slipping. If
I push him just a little further he’s bound to give me what I want.
“Do I have to beg you, Jake? I will if I have to, I’ll get
down on my knees and beg you to fuck me.” I whisper seductively into his ear,
pressing my breasts against his toned chest. I’m hoping he will admit defeat
and take away all of my control, I need him to take the lead and show me how to
be with him.
“Fuck it.” He growls, violently smashing his lips against
mine.
Jake and I have kissed passionately before but this time
it’s different. It’s more than intense; it’s forceful, ferocious and demanding.
I can actually feel my lips start to bruise from the fury behind his kiss. Our
teeth collide and when I bite down on his bottom lip I’m surprised to find I
actually manage to draw blood, something which seems to motivate Jake even
more. This isn’t gentle or unhurried; it’s urgent, frantic and almost
aggressive. The rush it gives me is exhilarating and I’m intoxicated by him in
a way I never even thought possible.
“Are you sure?” He asks, reluctantly prising himself away
from me.
I can’t believe he actually has to ask me that again. We’re
panting and breathless; drunk on the indefinable, indescribable thing that
exists between us, that connects us and unites us beyond anything I’ve ever
known.
“Yes, I want this. I need this and I need you, Jake.” I
assure him, desperate to know what it feels like to have his hands on me.
His hands circle my face, bringing us even closer together.
“Bethany, I love you. I love you so much but I need you to
know something. You mean everything to me, you’re the most important person in
my life and I know that I can make you feel good but if there’s ever a moment
when you don’t like something or you want me to stop, don’t even hesitate to
tell me. You’re the one in control here and nothing is going to happen between
us that you’re not comfortable with.”
“Jake, I understand all of that but I can’t take much more
of this, I need to feel you inside of me. Now.” Wow, now I am really begging
him.
The truth is I can’t even help it. The urgency I feel for
him to touch me is staggering, it’s so astonishing, I can’t even begin to
describe it. I’ve never wanted anyone so badly and I’ve now reached a point
where I can’t even remember a time when I didn’t want him. Jake has somehow
managed to obliterate and erase everything in my mind; the one thing remaining
is him. He’s the centre of my world and my obsession for him grows on a daily
basis.
His hands slowly move from either side of my face down to
my neck. Even the gentle stroke of his fingers causes me to quiver
uncontrollably. I almost stop breathing altogether when he starts to undo the
buttons on my blouse. He does this with so much dexterity and self-assurance; I
can’t help but wonder how many times he has done this before.
Gazing intently into my eyes, he waits for my
acknowledgement before unfastening the final button. I nod slowly; I wouldn’t
be capable of putting a stop to this even if my life depended on it.
“I’m going to run my lips over every single inch of your
body. I want to know what your skin tastes like, especially when you’re
aroused. I want to taste you more than anything. You know what I’m talking
about, don’t you?” He whispers right into my ear, an act that’s so seductive I
could melt.
“Yes.” I mumble incoherently.
“You want me to taste you?” He asks, dragging his lips
along my throat whilst tilting my head back.
“Mmm…yes.” I moan loudly, out of my mind with want and
desire. My body feels weightless and ethereal, a transcendent change is taking
place, one which I never thought I’d understand or comprehend.
“Say it.” He demands, tugging the hair at the back of my
neck, forcing me to look at him.
“I want you to taste me.” I reply obediently.
“I think I need you need to make your instructions clear.”
I look up at him in confusion and can sense the heat
rising in my cheeks at his request. He actually wants me to say it?
“Erm…” I’m suddenly at a loss for words, consumed by
trepidation and embarrassment.
My lack of experience and expertise once again proves how
little I actually know about sex and I can’t help but feel humiliated.
Jake responds by giving me a smile of complete reassurance and
I visibly relax. I remember his words a moment before, he won’t make me say or
do anything that I’m not comfortable with.
Jake inhales sharply when his eyes drop down to my breasts.
The pale blue bra I’m wearing doesn’t provide me with much modesty and I can
scarcely breathe, I’m so nervous of what he’ll think of me. His hands brush
aside my unfastened blouse and come to rest on my waist, squeezing me gently.
I’m so thankful he’s decided to let me keep my blouse on for a little while
longer. It’s completely undone but the three-quarter sleeved garment provides
me with a small amount of modesty. I’ve never been naked in front of anyone
before and the idea of being so openly exposed is terrifying.
“So perfect.” Jake mutters to himself, stroking his index finger
along the swell of my breasts just above my bra.
His touch is soft and cautious; as though he’s making sure
I’m completely comfortable with everything. It’s not long before his tongue
finds its way back into my mouth, swirling with my own in perfect
synchronisation.
I was worried that Jake would think of me as being
inferior. He’s got so much experience; he’s bound to have been with plenty of
exotic and beautiful women. So to have Jake compliment me was a wonderful boost
for my ego.
Deciding that I want to see as much as Jake as he is of me,
I attempt the removal of his jacket. However, the material is heavy and I find
it a struggle to remove it from his shoulders. Noticing my difficulty, he helps
me to rid him of his jacket, throwing it on the floor. I hesitantly move my
hands to the hem of his T-shirt, gazing up at him as I begin to stroke the skin
beneath it.
“Get rid of this.” I tell him, tugging on his shirt.
I then go on to tease him by purposefully biting down
on my bottom lip and watch as his eyes immediately fall to my mouth.
“Every time you do that I wish I was the one doing
it.”
His focus is still on my mouth, prompting me to lean in
towards him.
“So why don’t you?” I challenge him flirtatiously
“Oh, I will but my main priority right now is getting you
out of them clothes.”
“You first.” I urge him.
I watch in fascination as he raises his T-shirt over his
stomach and then his chest, revealing the indescribable body underneath it.
I’ve always known that Jake’s physique would be attractive but nothing could
have prepared me for the perfection that’s standing before me. He’s
breathtaking. His shoulders are broad and toned, the muscles in his arms are
powerful and strong and he owns an impressive six pack. I can’t help but wonder
what it would feel like to touch him, what would it feel like to run my lips
all over his body?
He stands with so much confidence and ease, allowing me to
peruse his body for as long as I need. My eyes absorb every single little
detail; I don’t think I will ever grow tired of staring at this magnificent
man.
Jake finally interrupts my lengthy observation of him by
slipping my unbuttoned blouse from my shoulders. I suddenly find myself
standing before him wearing only my bra. I feel completely exposed but cannot
deny the excitement that’s coursing through me, especially when I notice Jake’s
breathing accelerate.
I’m abruptly pulled out of my enraptured state by the sound
of Jake’s violent intake of breath. It only takes a second for me to realise
what provoked such a response from him. There’s a savage and bestial expression
on his face, revealing the acute rage he’s now consumed by as he continues to
stare at the awful bruising on my upper arms.
I am such an idiot; I was so caught up in the heat of
the moment and the thought of finally being with Jake, I didn’t even think
about him noticing the marks. I forgot about them altogether, a fact which
proves I have to be the biggest fool on the planet. He continues to stare at
them with eyes that I no longer recognise, they’re full of contempt and the
fact that I’m evoking such a reaction from him makes me feel worthless and
damaged. There are two sets of bruises from two different occasions and the
harsh contrast of the purple fingerprints looks even worse against my fair skin.