As Tears Go By (25 page)

Unfortunately,
he had no words to ease her pain. In time, she’d hopefully see she hadn’t failed.
She was an incredible mother and her ex’s faults were not a reflection of her
own. “There are a lot of assholes out there, Becca, but I swear I’m not one of
them.”

“I know
you’re not. You’re probably one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. Your family’s
incredible and has been nothing but kind to us since we arrived. I don’t know
where you people come from, but you’re not normal.”

At
that, he did laugh. “No, we’re certainly not. We’ve got more heart than common
sense, but that’s what makes us McCulloughs.”

“It
must have been nice growing up in such a small town with such a close knit
family.”

“Yes
and no. Everything has a cost. Look at Luke. He spent years pretending to be
someone he wasn’t because he was
afraid
people
wouldn’t accept who he really was. And Sheilagh’s the best actor of all of us.
Only in the past two years did she actually find the courage to share her real
feelings about things. And Mallory, my God that girl has put herself through
hell and back.”

She
frowned. “Finn’s wife?”

“Yeah.”

“Why? She’s
seems so confident and funny.”

“When
she moved here she was about a hundred pounds heavier than she is now. She had
zero confidence and was bullied about her appearance all of her life. The
girl’s her own worst critic.”

“Mallory
was fat?”

He
grinned. “Some would say she still is. We don’t, because we see her for the
beauty she is. It doesn’t matter what size she is. She’s our sister and we
adore her—all of her.”

“You’re
really lucky, Braydon. Most people don’t grow up with such an accepting
family.”

“Every
single one of them would accept Hunter too. You saw Finn and Luke with him. We
aren’t judgmental when someone’s different. The outside world probably looks at
us like we’re crazy, but anyone who knows us knows it’s the best kind of
crazy.”

She laughed.
“Yeah.”

“Tell
me you’ll stay.”

She
sniffled and nodded. “I’ll stay.”

“And
tell me you won’t end our relationship because the future scares you.”

She
pursed her lips and looked away. “Sometimes I get freaked out.”

“And
when that happens we’ll talk it out and find steady ground again. Together.”

“Okay.
Just be patient with me. I’m not used to nice people.”

“Carla
and Nikki might resent that.”

“Oh,
well, Nikki might, but Carla wouldn’t. There’s no sugar, spice, or anything
nice about her. And she knows it. She’s her own unique blend of stubbornness,
sarcasm, and caffeine, but I adore her—thorns and all.”

“Then
we should probably go check on her. Colin said something about her growling at
him over a mug of coffee.”

“Ohhhh…it
isn’t safe to communicate with her until she’s had at least one cup of coffee
and decided whether to use the powers of caffeine for good or evil. We better
make sure she didn’t harm anyone.”

She
stood and he grabbed her hand. “Becca. Are we okay?”

A slow
smile twisted her lips. “Yeah, I think we are.” She opened the door and
laughed. “Just don’t go proposing again. I’m not even addressing that
outburst.”

When
she disappeared down the hall, he grinned. “We’ll see.”

Chapter Eleven

Thanksgiving
was the typical madhouse McCullough affair. All the aunts and cousins came to
the big house, children were stampeding all over the lawn, and Italian Mary
criticized the cooking. After dinner the men piled into the den to watch the
game and the women clucked about everything under the sun in the kitchen. It
was loud. It was obnoxious. It was home.

Braydon
was beyond relieved Becca and her friends stayed for the duration of the
weekend, but as the day progressed he found himself studying her in a different
light. The haze of alcohol and sex had worn off, yet his query remained.

When
she asked him to pass the green beans, he wanted to ask her to be his wife
again, but he held back. Same when she asked if he’d like a cup of coffee after
dinner.
Sure. Would you like to marry me after winter?
But he kept his
mouth shut.

All of
his life his family teased him about chasing perfection. Becca’s life was far
from perfect, yet he never wanted to run toward something as hard and fast as
he wanted her.
All of her.
This was very different
from everything else he’d known. This was deep and permanent. He just had to
convince her his feelings were real and pray hers were the same.

Friday
morning he took a ride with Kelly to pick up a shipment for the bar and get
some perspective. It was nice to get out of the house for a while and spend
some quality time with his brother. Especially since the longer Braydon was
around Becca the more difficult it became to hold those inappropriate questions
inside.

“Your
lassie’s cute,” Kelly said as they headed back toward Center County.

“I
know. And stop checking her out.”

The
corner of Kelly’s mouth hitched up as he sent Braydon a sidelong glance. “You
got it pretty bad for this one, huh?”

“I’ve
never had it worse. I don’t know how she does it, but I wanna be around her all
the time, and I can’t get her out of my head.”

Kelly
laughed. “Yup. Been there—am there.”

Ashlynn
was a remarkable woman and so good for Kelly. She had to be incredible to get
his uninhibited brother to settle down.

“I
can’t handle it,” Braydon confessed. “They all get away and I let them go. This
one, I can’t let go of. No one’s ever felt this right or made me want things to
this degree. I just want…her.”

“For
me,” Kelly said, “a big part was imagining her with someone else. Couldn’t do
it. Every time I thought about her smiling at some douchebag the way she smiled
at me I saw red. Those were
my
smiles. I wasn’t sharin’.”

Braydon
hadn’t thought about Becca being with someone else. Most of the time her life
was so busy with Hunter and work, dating—period—was the issue. But when he
tried to imagine her seeing other people—yeah, he threw that thought right out
the window, because it was extremely unpleasant.

Without
considering his words, he announced, “I wanna move home.”

Kelly’s
brows darted up as he shot Bray a quick glance,
then
quickly returned his focus to the road. “Yeah? Mum would love that. Get
Sheilagh to come back and she might have a conniption she’d be so happy. All
her little chicks back in the nest.”

“It
probably won’t happen.”

“Why?
You travel for work. How many of the buildings you design are actually in the
city?”

“Maybe
thirty percent. I’m on the road once a week.”

“So get
on the road from here.”

“I
can’t do anything until I finish this deal I’m working on with Becca’s
company.”

He
chuckled. “Last time it was the boss, now the colleague. You really love
dipping your pen in the company ink.”

Then
there was the greatest dilemma. “Becca would never move here.”

Kelly
turned again. “Wow, you really are serious about her. Why not?”

“Her
home’s in Pittsburgh. Her ex is there and they share joint custody.”

“What’s
he like?”

“The
ex? He’s a dick.”

“No,
the kid. Sammy said he has some special needs.”

“He’s
labeled autistic, but Hunter’s a really sensitive subject with Becca.”

“Well,
yeah, just like Nate’s a sensitive subject to me. He’s her son.”

“It’s
so different, observing her way of parenting compared to watching the rest of
you.”

“I
bet.”

“He
looks just like every other kid I’ve met, except when he gets overwhelmed. When
there’s a lot going on he sort of drifts into his own world and
self-stimulates. It’s like you can see his curiosity, but our brains are too
one dimensional to see what has him so intrigued. He’s incredibly talented.”

“So
how’s he special?” Kelly asked.

Braydon
struggled to explain. Becca knew all the right words and proper, politically
correct terms. “It’s like he doesn’t need socialization the way we do. People
see that as a problem and want to teach him ways to socially interact, but I
don’t think he cares or wants to. There’s this assumption that if a kid can’t
blend well with others and do the same thing every other kid that age is doing,
he’s wrong. But what if the world’s wrong?

“Hunter’s
always thinking. It’s in his eyes, the way he focuses so completely on some
minuscule detail, something we’ve completely overlooked. Becca thinks it’s best
to nurture his personal interest. I mean, she wants him to have manners, but
she isn’t concerned that he doesn’t want to play on sports teams or mimic what
his peers are doing. He’d rather think independently,” Braydon explained.

“You’re
pretty informed on this. Why should he have to do what everyone else is doing?
Kids today are frightening. Look at the crap reality shows Kate’s kids are
obsessed with. If they’re the trends being set, I’d say breaking away from the
masses and doing your own thing’s the safest bet.”

“It’s
not that simple,” Braydon explained. “He doesn’t understand consequences.
Sometimes he hits because he’s frustrated. He mostly inflicts it on himself,
but we can’t allow that. Plus, when he has a meltdown, Becca usually walks away
bruised. He’s strong. Her house is like Fort Knox, because he runs and doesn’t
understand running into traffic could kill him.”

“That’s
scary. I still remember freaking out when Nate learned to climb over the baby
gate, and he never got farther than the kitchen.”

“Yeah.
And Hunter’s fast.”

“She
does it on her own?”

“Mostly.
The ex never showed much interest in “being a family” so she has no choice.
It’s her son. Would you draw a line with Nate? Bump him down in your priority
list because you were exhausted or because you’d rather be doing something
other than parenting?”

“No. My
son and my wife are always first. No matter what.”

They
rode in silence for a while, but Braydon was enjoying their heart to heart.
There was a lot on his mind. “You know what she told me one time?”

“What?”

“That
she can never die, because no one will ever love her son or care for him the
way she does and he’ll likely need that kind of care his entire life.”

Kelly
let out a low whistle. “That’s heartbreaking.”

“Yeah.”

Kelly
cleared his throat. “Finn said he had an episode when they were there.”

“Yeah,
it was the first time I actually saw what she really went through. It was
intense. The house could’ve caught fire and she wouldn’t have stopped to put it
out until she was sure Hunter was safe, and not going to hurt
himself
. It was devastating, because I had no idea how to
help and I sort of just stood there. I’ve never felt so useless, and I don’t
ever want to feel like that again. I’ve really been researching, because I’m
positive that won’t be the last time. I can’t imagine how many times she’s been
in situations like that or worse and handled them on her own.”

“And
you’re up for this? Sounds like a big job for a guy that’s not his father.”

“His
father never helped her. I see her and…she takes my breath away, Kel. I can’t
explain it. I want all of her and he’s a part of her. He’s a cool kid.”

“Amen,
brother. You got this. There isn’t much I’ve seen you fail at.”

“Lost
Sammy.”

Kelly
snorted. “That’s because we all look like shit when compared with Colin. He’s a
freaking saint. Only compete with yourself in life and you’ll end up better
than the man you were yesterday.”

“Thanks.”

“I
speak the truth, Bray. You’re a great guy.”

His
brother’s words were comforting, but there were still concerns he needed to
voice, even if there wasn’t a ready solution. “Sometimes Hunter doesn’t sleep
for days.”

“Why?”

“I
think because his brain’s always working, like he’s always solving some theory
in his head. He gets insomnia.”

“What
does Becca do when he doesn’t sleep?”

“She
stays up with him.”

“Does
he talk?”

“Yeah,
but mostly when prompted or if he absolutely wants to communicate something. He
doesn’t seem bothered by silence like most people. He didn’t talk until he was
around five or six. And he can’t be touched.”

“Ever?”

“No,
Becca does this thing with his shoulder and sometimes she holds his arm to keep
him safe. But he doesn’t hug or cuddle.”

“That’s
gotta be difficult for her.”

“Very.”
He sighed, thinking about how much she liked being held close. “I just wish I
could somehow make life a little easier for her.”

They
pulled up to the pub and Braydon helped Kelly unload the truck. When they were
finished stocking the supplies, they each had a beer. Kelly was eyeing him
carefully.

“What?”
Braydon asked.

Kelly
leaned back and grinned. “Build her a house.”

“What?”

“Build
her a house, Bray. You have the land. You save every dime you make. You don’t
have to live in the city. She has no one there to help her. Our family’s
crawling with helpful, good-hearted maniacs. I know you always imagined
building the perfect, architect’s wet dream of a house, but maybe that’s not
what you’re supposed to have. You could build the perfect house for her and
Hunter.”

“And would
I be in that house?”

Kelly
laughed. “That depends on how you play your cards. Whip out your
hammer
and nail her to the wall with some good ol’ McCullough charm. It’s what we do.”

From
the moment Kelly put the idea in his head, his brain went into overdrive.
Visions of Becca’s brightly colored house and all the functional rationale
behind every touch flooded his mind, only his brain improved each design.

He’d
create a multisensory room with balls, mats, and baluster swings. There would
be a music room, not one with a hand me down upright from the church, but a
great big grand piano and cathedral ceilings for the perfect acoustics. He’d
design Hunter’s bedroom with a bed that didn’t have hard edges or sharp angles.

For
Becca he’d create the perfect monochromatic space, a sanctuary for her to
escape and find peace when she needed it. Every window would be custom fit with
unbreakable security screens. There were some so strong even a blade, crowbar,
or sledgehammer couldn’t puncture them. That way she’d be able to let the fresh
air in and watch her café curtains wave in the breeze without having to worry.

The
more he considered the possibilities the more he wanted to build it. He was so
motivated, he wanted to start mapping out the plans that very minute.

Rather
than return to the big house, he took a walk to his acreage on the mountain.
Unkempt grass waved like amber over the open space. Autumn’s last buzzing
insects hovered above the softened reeds of the meadow. It was a flat surface
begging for purpose and offering countless possibilities. He smiled, thinking
of how much Hunter would enjoy a safe yard to run in.

To the
outside world, it would appear he was just standing in the open, staring at a
patch of undeveloped earth. But in his mind, walls were erecting, calculations
were formulating, angles were deriving from theorems, and colors were
cataloguing every design decision. Perhaps his passion, architecture, was his
own personal portion of the autism spectrum, because when he got lost in his
ideas it truly did consume him.

The
crunch of leaves distracted him from his thoughts. Turning, he found his father
slowly approaching. “Hey.”

“Hey.”
His dad came to stand beside him, taking in the view. “You thinking about
finally doing something with this land?”

“Yeah.
Been thinking about it all morning.”

“
This sudden initiative have
anything to do with the lass?”

Braydon
smiled, hoping he could convince her to be a part of his plans. “I hope.”