Awakenings - SF1 (42 page)

"I guess that depends on where you touch me," she said with a mock leer. "No, I'm certain I'll be fine. I really do want to see the reactions you get when straight people realize you're gay."

They arrived just before noon. The shop was located on a main business street and they were forced to park several blocks away. Jamie was amazed at the physical transformation of her friend. Ryan acted completely comfortable and natural in her outfit. Her gait was shorter and her hips moved noticeably more, as Jamie was all too happy to observe as she walked slightly behind her. Her posture was significantly less aggressive and she gave off an almost demure aura. She looked physically smaller and more feminine, and Jamie was unable to stop herself from staring. Ryan noticed her stare and teased, "I like to keep'em guessing. I think I do a pretty good straight girl imitation, don't I?"

"It's...it's amazing," Jamie stuttered. "How do you do that?"

"I just try to look a little less imposing. I try to look less like a jock, too," she added with a grin. "Wearing a skirt and heels helps because they really don't let you take a normal gait."

"But your demeanor is so different."

"Having 3 brothers helps. I know what they like in a woman, so I try to be like that."

"Truly remarkable," Jamie remarked. "I don't think I've ever noticed before but you really are different from my straight friends."

"Aren't you observant?" Ryan smirked. "What was your first clue?"

Jamie gave her a pretty good elbow right in the ribs. "Not that difference, silly. It just dawned on me what is different about you. You don't look like you're trying to please or appeal to men. You just look like yourself."

"Exactly!" Ryan cried. "It's not that I don't like men, I just don't go out of my way to appeal to them."

"Right," Jamie agreed. "You relate to men as an equal. I noticed that when you met Jack. But when I see Cassie around him she's always batting her eyes at him or acting kind of helpless. And I do that too. I always let him do things for me that I could easily do for myself but he seems to enjoy showing that he's stronger than I am."

"I think a lot of that is very unconscious, almost like it's hard wired into people. I don't consciously try to intimidate men but I do a really good job at it. Guys flirt with me all the time but it usually only lasts for a few seconds. Once they interact with me they almost invariably back off. Funny, huh?"

"Yeah, you just give off a vibe that says, 'Not interested'. But when I see you flirting with a woman the energy coming off you is almost visible."

"Really?" she asked as she blushed a little. "I don't think I realized that."

"Oh yeah," Jamie drawled. "Every ounce of your considerable charisma comes right to the surface. It's fascinating to watch."

"I've got to be more discrete," she moaned as Jamie laughed at her discomfort.

They walked into the tiny shop a few minutes later. The room was rather stuffy and proper, just as Ryan expected. They were greeted at the door by an elegantly dressed woman who graciously showed them to a center table. After they were handed menus Ryan asked Jamie if she had noticed the admiring glances from the other diners when they had entered. Jamie admitted that she had not. "Pay closer attention," Ryan instructed. "People are definitely looking at us."

Jamie casually glanced around the room and noticed that people were still looking at them with approval. She looked back at Ryan and said, "I agree that people have noticed us, but I get that a lot. Don't you?"

"Why do you think people do that?" Ryan asked, ignoring the question.

"I guess because we're attractive and we're dressed well. We look like we fit in I suppose."

"Precisely," Ryan agreed. "Now continue to pay attention to the other diners." Jamie watched in fascination as the real Ryan returned. She slid her hand across the table and gently grasped Jamie's. Her eyes softened and she stared deeply into Jamie's eyes lovingly. After a moment she tenderly lifted Jamie's hand and kissed her palm, closing her eyes in pleasure, then softly placed Jamie's hand on her cheek, cradling it there for a moment. As she released her she whispered, "Still paying attention?"

"Huh?" she said vacantly. But she mentally slapped herself back into consciousness and looked around the room again. The formerly friendly faces had uniformly grown dark and disapproving. People were discreetly pointing them out to others who had not noticed. Jamie nodded her head to show that she was still doing her job.

"Want to make it worse?" she asked with one raised eyebrow. A small nod caused Ryan to pick up her chair and move very close. She took a roll from the basket on the table, broke it apart and put a little butter on it. She held up the morsel in front of Jamie and raised an eyebrow seductively. She cocked her head a little and raised the eyebrow again. Jamie mutely nodded as her mouth fell open. Ryan placed the bread in her mouth, tipping it in with her index finger. She gave Jamie an extremely sexy smile and grasped her hand again.

After a few moments of trying to make her mouth work again Jamie looked around. Now no one was looking at them. Every other diner tried to make them invisible. They continued to chat and observe the other patrons but as the time passed Jamie began to grow impatient. They had been at the restaurant for a good 15 minutes, but no one had come to take their order. After another few minutes passed Jamie signaled to the hostess but she blithely ignored her. So she got up from her chair and stormed over to the woman, ready for a fight. "Why haven't we been served?" she demanded, rather loudly.

"We're very busy today," was the arch reply.

"Every table that entered after we did has been served. I'm asking you again, why haven't we been served?"

"Why can't you people stay in the City?" she asked with an aggrieved sigh as she brushed past Jamie and into the kitchen.

Jamie stood in shocked silence for several minutes. Every other diner in the restaurant was looking at her, either blatantly or surreptitiously. She finally walked back over to Ryan with a very angry look on her face. "For two cents I'd throw you right down on this table and ravish you in front of these idiots!" she said fiercely.

As Ryan trotted out the door after her she said somberly, "That's why I hate to wear skirts."

Jamie turned to look at her with a puzzled look on her face. "What?"

"No pockets for change. I don't have two cents."

Jamie backhanded her right in her firm belly. "Wiseass," she muttered as they walked to the car laughing.

Ryan patiently listened as Jamie vented her anger all the way back to the Noe Valley. She was just about out of steam as they neared the house. "Ryan, why aren't you angry?" she finally asked out of frustration.

Ryan considered the question for a long while. Finally she replied, "I don't find anger that productive. I figure that if people are put off by me it's only because they are not used to seeing lesbians be authentic with each other." With a little shrug she added, "I try not to take it too personally."

"But how can you not?" Jamie insisted.

"Look, Jamie, I get my feelings hurt just like everyone else does. I wish that everyone could just get over making gayness such a big deal. But that's not going to happen very soon. I just can't afford to waste my energies caring what strangers think of me."

"Does it ever bother you?" she inquired.

"Of course it does. Every once in a while if I'm feeling vulnerable or I have PMS I'm tempted to really lash out when it happens. You saw how it bothered me when Cassie was giving me a hard time. It bothers me when Jack or your parents do it. But I still try not to get angry. Anger is just not an emotion that works well for me."

Jamie looked at her friend thoughtfully, "You are incredibly well adjusted you know."

"A lot of people wouldn't agree with that, but thank you anyway," she grinned.

As Jamie pulled up in front of the house Ryan asked, "Did you bring gay clothes?"

"I wasn't sure what to wear to a lesbian sex emporium. My charm class apparently didn't cover that occasion," she replied airily.

"Did you bring some jeans?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah, some old 501's," Jamie replied.

"I can take care of the rest," Ryan said decisively.

After watching a few minutes of the 49ers game with Da and Conor, Ryan led Jamie downstairs. "Okay, let's see what you have."

Jamie pulled out a very old pair of 501's and a pair of black high top Converse basketball shoes. "Is this a good start?" she asked hopefully.

"What size are these jeans?" Ryan asked suspiciously as she searched for the inside tag. "Jamie, this is a 24 inch waist. How old are these?"

"Um, freshman year I think," she replied honestly.

"Freshman year of what?" Ryan asked, seeing through the deceit.

"Um, high school?" was the timid reply.

"It's been obvious that you haven't been able to gain any weight but it's starting to look like you're still losing. You are, aren't you?" Ryan inquired sadly.

"Yeah, a little I guess," Jamie admitted. "I know what I should be eating but I just can't do it when I'm tense. I'm kinda surprised you haven't been giving me a hard time about it," she admitted. "I was afraid you were going to really be on me."

"I reconsidered my threat to watch you like a hawk. The last thing I want to do is increase your anxiety. I want to be supportive of you, but I don't want to be another person who tries to control you. You've got enough of that already."

Jamie gave her a delighted smile as she slid her arms around her for a hug. "Thanks. I appreciate your concern but I really am glad that you haven't tried to supervise me."

"I'm confident that you now know what you should be eating. I assume the nutritionist can do her job and the rest is up to you. If you need any help I hope you'll ask, but other than that I just want to support you. Is your energy level okay?"

"Yeah, it's pretty good. I know I have to eat more but given that, I feel good."

"Okay, you're the boss. If you feel good we can keep your workouts pretty intense even with your weight dropping. But I want you to promise me that you'll tell me if you start to feel tired or fatigued."

"It's a deal, Coach," she promised.

After several attempts Ryan was finally satisfied with her choices for Jamie's lesbian look. She wore the smallest t-shirt that Ryan owned. It was a thick yellow cotton baby tee that was supposed to fit rather snugly. On Ryan it stopped about 4 inches above her waistband, but it was just below the waistband of Jamie's jeans. Over the tee she wore a light blue bowling shirt that proclaimed 'Holten's Mortuary' across the back in black script. Her own jeans and high tops completed the outfit and Ryan was quite satisfied that she could pass for a lesbian anywhere in town.

Ryan, of course, never had a problem looking gay. She wore one of Jamie's favorite outfits. A snug black short sleeved t-shirt tucked into amazingly well fitting faded jeans, a black belt, big, heavy black boots, and her favorite hat, the backwards black driving cap.

They walked back upstairs so Jamie could watch a bit of the game while Ryan made lunch. Conor jumped up from his prone position on the bed, his face wide open in shock. "Ryan, what have you done to her?" he said as he shot his sister a glare. "I thought she was rubbing off on you, but now this?" he said sadly as he waved his hand toward Jamie's outfit.

"Relax, Conor," Ryan said wearily. "It's just an experiment for our class."

"You'd better bring her back to her normal gorgeous self, Ryan. This is too precious a commodity to hide under bowling shirts," he said distastefully.

Ryan decided that she wanted another breakfast for lunch and Jamie readily agreed. Da and Conor had already eaten, so it was just the two of them at the kitchen counter. Ryan had made fabulous banana pancakes along with Irish bacon and big glasses of orange juice. "This is beyond delicious, Ryan. You are quite the little cook," Jamie said appreciatively.

"I would say that breakfast is my favorite meal to cook. You get quick feedback that I really like. I don't really have the patience to cook dinner. Everything takes so long," she reasoned.

While they munched away Ryan asked her again if she was comfortable with their next stop. "We could just go and look around like normal," she offered. "You don't have to make people believe we're together."

"No, we set it up this way for a reason, Ryan. I want to really get a flavor for all of the different facets of life as a lesbian. We had a little spirituality, we had a little homophobia and now we get a little sex," she waggled an eyebrow seductively.

"Have you ever been to a place like this for straight people?" Ryan inquired.

"No. I've never had much of an interest. It all seems so lurid," she said as she made a face. "I just don't get most porn. It is all so objectifying of women. I fail to understand how you can say you love women when you really just make different parts of them a fetish."

"So why do you want to go to '
Good Vibrations'?" Ryan asked.

"I didn't know there was an erotic themed store made for women. I guess I want to see if women are interested in the same things men are. Have you been there before?" she inquired.