Bittersweet Deceit (20 page)

S
aturday morning at home, I worked on a new ad and did some research on a new sign for the front of the shop. I reconciled the debits and credits for most of April and even took a nap, which was a rare event for me.

I threw on my most comfortable jeans and T-shirt for
Jacqs’s and Red’s dinner party. Standing by the front door, I choose a pair of black flip-flops and on the way out I grabbed my purse and the wine I left on the entrance table.

As soon as I opened the door to Red’s house, the aroma of the upcoming dinner wooed me to the kitchen.

“Oh, what smells so good?”
I said, taking in Red and Jacqs attire. They wore matching aprons and I almost cracked up laughing but held it back. Stay didn’t make it easy, raising his eyebrow as if he knew exactly what I thought about it.

“
It’s a surprise,” Jacqs said, hugging me with her hands out to the side.

“The rest of the gang is out back,” Red said, taking the wine from my hand. “
I can open this or you can help yourself to something in the fridge.”

“Thanks.”

Stay walked to the refrigerator and said, “What will it be?”

“Hard lemonade or cider.” I crossed my arms and rested back against the counter.

Stay dressed in his usual relaxed blue jeans and plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled to his upper forearms.

I could feel him watching me watch him. “Thanks,”
I said when he handed me the bottle of cider.

“Can I steal you for a minute?” he asked.

I glanced at Jacqs who waved me off with her head, her hands busy mixing a dressing for the salad.

“Okay.” I let him lead me to the front sitting room.

Red’s decor reminded me of an upscale bed and breakfast. He must have used an interior designer because everything coordinated together. The loveseat we sat on matched the area rug below our feet.

“How are you?” Stay asked. He seemed relaxed and at ease, the way I’d always known him to be until recently.

“I’m good
; really good. Thanks for the card. You made me laugh so hard, I nearly fell off my feet.”

“I’m happy to be of service.”

“It’s good to see you,” I said before I thought better of it.

“You too. I’ve missed you.” He stretched his arm along the back of couch, behind me.

“Um, thanks.”

“Don’t get weird on my OC. I get it. We’re just friends. I’m a reformed alcoholic and now a reformed
‘Lainieaholic’.” Then he flashed me his dangerous, crooked smile and chuckled. “We good?” He scooted forward to stand and laid his hand on my thigh.

An
electric current pulsed through me, taking me completely by surprise. My body felt aroused, and singed.

“You did that on purpose.” I shifted
away from his touch.

He frowned and said, “I didn’t intend for that to happen. It’s never happened before.”

“Did you feel it too?” I asked, believing that he spoke the truth.

“I’m still feeling it.”

“Maybe we should refrain from touching each other.”

“Yeah,” he said, but he seemed shaken.

“I’m going to go say hi to everyone,” I said, standing.

“I’ll see you outside in a minute.” He seemed to be mulling over something.

Stay, don’t make too much of it,
I thought.

I stopped in
the bathroom along the way and when I sat down to pee, I found my pussy wet. I had to wipe a few times to dry the moisture that had settled there. It didn’t worry me at all. My body might still respond to him but my heart definitely resided elsewhere.

Outside I ran into Cat and Blue. “Hey girls,” I said. “How
’s it going?”

“I’m happy to have the night off,”
Blue said.

“I bet,” I said,
raising my chin and letting the warm wind hit my face.

Cat had the good sense not to hug me in front of Blue and said, “Anything new at the shop I should come by check out?”

“Sam talked me into getting some matching bra sets. They should be in mid-week.”

“Oh great! It’s really getting warm out, isn’t it?
I’m kind of glad I’ll be working in the AC for the rest of the weekend.”

“Yeah. It could be really hot tomorrow
at the fair,” Blue said. She stepped over to the pool and dipped her toe in.

“I’ll have to
remember to bring along a hat to the fair,” I said. “I’m going to go back in and see if Jacqs needs any help.”

I saw Sam on the couch with Stay when I made my way back inside. They seemed deep in conversation.

Once we all sat down to dinner, Stay sat in the seat farthest from me and barely made eye contact the entire night.

The dinner was ridiculously yummy and I’m sure
I gained a few extra pounds from all the delicious food. They started with lobster bisque, which they made from scratch. It was so creamy and delicious, I could have licked the bowl. Then they served a small Caesar salad with fresh parmesan shavings, followed by lemon-garlic shrimp and grits with a pinch of red pepper for heat. Already full, Jacqs insisted I try her freshly baked strawberry tart. Who was I to deny her?

“Someone needs to roll me out to my ca
r. That is if I still fit in it,” I said.

Everyone laughed
, although Stay seemed subdued.

“I know what you mean,” Bond said, rubbing his stomach.

Like that man spent a day in his life being fat. I shook my head. I gathered the plates around me and carried them into the kitchen. Once I rinsed a plate from the stack, I handed it over to Jacqs.

“Did you do something to Stay? He’s been quiet all night,” she said
, loading another plate into the dishwasher.

I looked over my shoulder and saw we were alone in the kitchen.
“I thought we were fine but then he touched my leg and...”

“And?” she said, talking a bowl out of my hands.

“Well ... I think we both felt it more than we wanted to.”

“But you seem fine.”

“He’s probably reading more into it. Did you know he is a Buddhist and meditates?”

“Yes, of course. I’ll be sure to check in on him later. Hand me those glasses please,” she said as she pulled out the top rack of the dishwasher. “About tomorrow, why don’t we meet here and drive to Delray Beach together. You’ll get a chance to ride in my new VW Tiguan.”

“I thought you were getting another Beetle,” I said, passing over the glasses.

“Red wanted me to get something a bit larger. It’s like a mini SUV
and drives like a dream.”

“And color?”
I said, using a towel to dry the items in the dish drain.

“They didn’t have it in the
pale-green so I went with wild-cherry. So about tomorrow?”

“I need to drive myself. I have plans later and I’m not sure at what time.”

“Mason?” she asked, just as Kev and Stay walked through the swinging door to the kitchen.

I don’t know why but I felt bad for Stay. It’s not like I wanted to rub it in his face.

“Is there anything I can do?” Stay asked.

“Are they still working on the dessert?”
Jacqs said.

“Yeah and talking mostly. Did you know Cat is considering giving up her place, but is dragging her feet?”
Stay asked.

“I’m standing right here,” Kev said.

“Yes, I can see that,” Stay continued. “If I’ve learned anything recently, it’s that you can’t make someone be ready for something they’re not. Just give her some time.” He patted Kevin on the back.

“That’s easy for you to say, brother. You have the patience of a saint.”

“That’s not true,” Stay said, glancing in my direction.

“It really isn’t,” I concurred.

Both Kev and Stay stared at me.

“I’ll just shut up,” I said, going back to drying the spatula in my hand.

“Let’s go outside,” Kev said to Stay as he threw his arm over his shoulder.

As soon as they traveled out the French doors, Jacqs said,
“What the fuck?”

“I know.
Please do talk to him if you get a chance.”

“I will.”

Overall the din
ner was really great. I enjoyed seeing everyone and watching Red and Jacqs host and serve together. I vowed not to eat for three days after the meal. Still full by the time I crashed, it took me awhile to get comfortable. I figured the sooner I entered dreamland, the quicker I would be in Mason’s arms again. Tomorrow would be another excellent day. Art and music, and then more love. I couldn’t wait!

J
acqs, Blue, and I met in front of the main stage at eleven o’clock in the morning. The crowded streets belied the heat of the day. I had put my hair up in a ponytail and pulled it through the opening in the back of my House of Blues baseball cap. We all wore shorts and tank tops.

“Where do you want to start?” Jacqs asked.

“Why don’t we start on this street and work our way over to Atlantic Boulevard?” I pointed behind Blue and said, “There’s the information booth. Why don’t we get a map? I’d also like to know when the different bands are playing.”

“Okay,” Blue said.

We each took a brochure and then strolled down the road filled with white, pop-up tents. The streets in downtown Delray had been closed off for pedestrian traffic only.

“I’d like to catch
Daniel Wesley. He’s playing at one o’clock at the Third Avenue beer tent.”

“Sounds good,” Jacqs said.

The three of us milled around, checking out all kinds of art from folk to fine. I perused the clothing tents but the prices were too steep for resale.

Jacqs and I shared a fresh fruit cup and paid way too much for bottled water. By the time one o’clock rolled around, we were far from the concert tent.

“Why don’t you guys keep going, and I’ll text you after the show so we can hook back up.”

“That works for me,” Blue said, fanning herself with the brochure. “It’s too hot for me to stay in one place.”

“That’s fine. See you soon,” Jacqs said.

I waved and took off, heading toward Third Avenue.

By the time I arrived, the music had already started. Daniel Wesley sang out
Layde Maybe
while the crowd moved to the beat. I found a spot off to the side. I couldn’t help but recall the concert experience Stay and I had shared. If we could ever find a place of normality between us, I would definitely love to go to a show with him again. Stay belted out the lyrics like everyone else in the crowd that night and really seemed to enjoy himself.

So Fine
started up and I swayed to the beat, watching all the people who had showed up for the music.

Out of the corner of my eye I caught the sight of a recognizable walk. How did Jacqs put it?
Feline, but masculine.
My heart pounded uncomfortably in my chest—fast but shallow—I could feel it pulsing in my throat.

From the back, he looked strikingly similar to Mason. He held the hand of a petite woman, and two young children ran ahead of them. I’d
never seen him in shorts or a T-shirt so I couldn’t be sure it was him.

Barely able to breath
e, I followed behind them. They entered a booth that contained stoneware. The woman held up a square plate with a coyote and trees painted on it. She appeared to be around Mason’s age and was equally stunning with olive skin and dark hair. She said, “What do you think?”

I could tell by her e
xpression that she was kidding. They both laughed and then he reached out for her hand again, hugging her to his side.

And then he spoke
, and I died, “Hey, Mason, wait up for us. You too, Valerie.”

“Sorry,”
the children chimed, one taking Mason’s hand and the other taking Victoria’s.

I could
n’t breathe—tears flowed freely—but I couldn’t stop following them.

“Let’s get out of the sun for a few minutes,” Mason said, leading them to a grassy area under a tree.

I stepped out of sight, but could still see the scene playing out before me.

They all sat on the grass, the kids
each placed a blade between their thumbs to try to make a whistle. Victoria leaned back into Mason as he circled his arm around her. She tilted her head toward him and they laughed. He kissed the side of her face and the top of her head as he had done to me on many occasions.

I jerked my cell phone out of my pocket and typed a text.

Me
:
DON’T COME!

I was so close to the edge of a massive breakdown that I shook uncontrollably. Even so, I wouldn’t leave the spot until I watched him read my text.

His phone must have
rung because he shifted to get it out of his pocket. He swiped the screen with his thumb and pressed in his code. The look on his face didn’t help me feel the slightest better—his mouth open, the color rapidly draining from his face.

I
angled my head so the brim of my hat hid my forehead, and fanned myself with the map to further obscure my cheeks.

He stood
up abruptly, his mood completely altered. Scanning the area, he must have suspected I saw him, but then his shoulders relaxed just slightly. I could tell he had changed his mind.

“Is everything okay?” I imagine Victoria said when she touched his shoulder.

He nodded as they headed back toward me.

I
dipped behind a tree before they reached me.

“It’s too hot to stay,” he said, leading his family away
—his happy, beautiful family. His gorgeous, skinny wife, and adorable kids—leaving me with his lies and devastation.

“Oh god,” I gasped out, grabbing my stomach and throwing up in the bushes. I couldn’t call my father. If he’d been in town, I’d have asked him to come get me.
I didn’t want to lay this on Blue or Jacqs either.

I
texted Jacqs.

Me:
The heat’s getting to me. I’m going to take off. Bye to Blue. Love you, girl.

Jacqueline:
Okay. We will probably only make it another hour. There is a particular artist Blue is hoping to see. Love you too, girl.

Nausea sloshed in my gut. The only thing that propelled me from the spot I occupied was my utter disdain of crying in front of people. I ran down the street
and continued until I reached the edge of the ocean. I found a spot void of people to south behind a grouping of sea grass and crumbled down on the sand. Falling to the side, I cried like I never have before. I sobbed and wept for the love I thought I had, for who I thought Mason was, and who I’d become with him. If anyone could hear me, they’d most surely called the police because I wailed like a dying animal.

It probably
would have continued on for days but between the heat and tidal wave of tears, I could hardly breathe my throat was so dry.

I wanted to die.
Such acute, abject pain should automatically trigger self-implosion. Everyone would say, “That person there”—pointing to the pile of dust—“expired of a broken heart. It was ripped from her chest and pounced on.”

Maybe if I lie here long enough lightning will be kind enough to strike me on the spot. Or the ocean. I could walked straight in and let the waves carry me away.

I’ve always been a coward for pain, which is why
suicide wasn’t really an option. That same fear was why I held people at such a distance before letting them in. Only I didn’t do that with Mason and see what that got me. I’d never felt so stupid in my entire life. I could hear my mother’s sharp voice saying, “For a smart girl, you really do dumb things.” Thanks Mom.

I could have destroyed that family, those cute kids and his adoring wife, all because I believed his stupid fucking lies. Seeing his skinny
, gorgeous wife made me think it was all some sadistic, cruel joke.
Why would he want someone like me? Find me sexy? Bull-fucking-shit!

My phone chirp
ed as I was trying to stand up and get my bearings. I saw that I had messages from two people.

Mason:
I hope everything is okay. Your message has me scared and confused. Please call me anytime between now and when my flight takes off. If I haven’t heard from

Mason:
you, I’m going to drop by and check on you. Baby, I love you. Please call me.

Stayman:
I’m sorry to intrude. I know you have plans with the girls but something keeps tugging at me to check in with you. I hope everything is okay. Call me either

Stayman:
way when you get the chance.

Is he witch or something? How could he possibly know?

Me:
Your voodoo detection system is on target. I’m nowhere near fine and I’m certain that fine and I will never live on the same street again. How did you know?

Stayman:
I don’t know. Are you still at the fair?

Me:
Yes and no. I’m on the beach nearby.

As if the universe was playing a cruel joke, the name of the event just hit me.
How apropos.

Stayman:
I’ll come get you.

Me:
My car is in paid parking. I can’t just leave it there.

Stayman:
We’ll come back and get it later.

Me:
I don’t know.

Stayman:
I do.

Me:
That’s just because you’re a glutton for punishment. I think I’ll just find some shade and sit until I stop shaking. Thank you though.

Stayman:
I’m already on my way.

Me:
You’re so fucking stubborn and don’t text and drive!

The phone rang in my hand, and I saw MM show up. I hit ignore.

Stayman:
I have hands free. What street is still open up there?

Me:
Let’s meet at 50 Ocean. I could use the walk and I’ll get water at the bar.

Stayman:
fifteen minutes.

Me:
Okay.

I guess the ocean will have to wait.

My phone rang again and I hit ignore. I had nothing to say. What could I say? I don’t think words would suffice for how I felt. I wanted to p
unch and kick him like a punching bag not stopping until I was too tired to stand.

In my current state, disheveled and sandy, I hoped
50 Ocean would let me in.