Chasing Forever (9 page)

Images of him pushing me against the wall and ravishing me on the spot sent me into a crazed frenzy. And when he spoke against my neck, right below my ear, I was almost panting with need.

“
My Lucy…
gorgeous, feisty, spitfire of a woman. I have wretchedly missed you—” he started to say, but I grunted in protest, not wanting to hear anything that would dispel me from this euphoric state of mind. “
Shhh.
Let me speak,” he murmured, holding me close as we swayed to the music while his right hand remained on the side of my hip and the other rested just below my stomach.

Using his sensually gifted fingers, he made barely
–there, excruciating circles, touching about an inch or two above the opening of my slit. He was purposely trying to arouse my body, wanting me to climb the walls in desperate need of him to release me from this tortured pleasure and pain. I was dying for him to take it further…

If my pride wasn’t stopping me, I could’ve begged for him to ease the throbbing need he
had created in my body…
for the last time.

“I just want to say thank you for taking the blindfold off my eyes. For over a year, I had been aimlessly living an empty, unfulfilled life. Without you—I was lost. I was in despair. Always dr
inking myself into a stupor so I didn’t have to bear living another day knowing that you had left me. For weeks, I felt abandoned. It got worse at night… when I’m left alone with nothing to comfort me but my memories of you. Severely broken with no direction, I became reckless and unmindful to the people around me,” he cooed in my ear, lips brushing against my earlobe while I tensed, absorbing his painful words. “The ephemeral blindfold might be gone, but it only exposed me to the truth that I had tried and failed miserably to bury. After everything that’s happened—after the hurt and pain, the lies and half-truths—I had come to terms that I am blindingly and hopelessly in love with you.” He paused while I stopped breathing all together, waiting in vain for him to finish.

“I know this makes you uneasy
, but I ought to tell you for the last time—before we close the door to the past and follow wherever the path may separately lead us—that, if there’s a small part of you blaming yourself because of what happened between us, I beg you, do not reduce your kindness to that. You were perfect and still remain a perfection, even though you try to portray this different woman.”

He softly spun me around to face him. In our darkened surroundings his eyes lit up,
glowing before me with acute intensity, with electrifying passion. “I know the genuine person inside, so don’t let this unfortunate incident tarnish your beauty. I now understand that I don’t deserve you because I wasn’t man enough to protect you from my family.”

Tears welled
in my eyes as I stared at him, unblinking as I felt this grave ache lacerating me—my heart and soul.

“Whatever you do from now on…”
He paused, brows furrowing while his throat bobbed, his eyes reflecting my own pain before he gently reached to touch my face. Closing my eyes, I let my tears fall, quietly sobbing as I leaned into his caress, keeping it in my memory. “Just promise me to be happy, okay? Always follow what your heart and mind envisions and not what others expect from you. Can you promise me that?”

I could only nod because my throat closed up, denying
me the ability to speak.

He slowly drew my face towards him. “I’m sincerely sorry for hurting you, Luce,” he whispered against my forehead before
brushing his lips across my skin. “Forever… I will eternally love you.”

He finally was saying his goodbye. He
had never wanted to—he’d fought the best way he knew how—but it wasn’t enough. Now he was truly leaving me, taking the last step in closing the door on us. Forever.

His lips kissed my forehead once more as I closed my eyes
, slightly shaking as he breathed me in before whispering, “Take care, my love.”

His muscular arms
then wrapped around me, giving me a deathlike embrace, blocking the air from my lungs. When he released me, I trembled from it all, knowing that he had just walked away from me. What he had just done, crucially hugging the life out of me then freeing me from his hold, portrayed what it had been like between the two of us for the past year. Him, desperately wanting to hold on to what was left of us, and me, aggressively and insensitively driving him further and further away.

He was gone…

Three. Five. Maybe ten minutes had passed, possibly more, as I carried on crying with my eyes closed. I didn’t want to open them. I didn’t want to see the reality of what I had done. I had known this day was going to come, but as much as I had prepared myself for this very moment, I had doubted if anyone could ever be ready for the crushing feeling, knowing that life was never going to be the same again.

Everything was going to change…

I was sure I was going to remain the same, though—silently loving him from a distance.

Chapter 12

Toby

Ultra sound appointment on Monday. Ten a.m. Be here. We need to talk.

I stared at the message for a couple more seconds until I could comprehend what it meant. The baby
was about six months in and in three months time, she would make her debut to the world. I supposed I was flying out to Spain tomorrow, and I also had to figure out how to discuss things with Amelia after the baby was born.

The baby. I had always referred to her as
the baby
or
it
. I couldn’t, for the life of me, acknowledge it as my baby or my baby girl because I didn’t want to get attached and have it all taken away from me by DNA testing.

It was a horrid thought to
have of a woman, but this was Amelia after all. Had it been some other woman who didn’t have the uncanny ability to lie like it was part of their nature, I wouldn’t even doubt that it was
my
child for a second. And of course, had it been Lucy’s, things would surely be different.

Lucy…

God. Thinking about her had destroyed me a thousand times over after just that last thought.

Walking away from her as she stood with her eyes closed, silently weeping, had taken every ounce in me
. Had that really been only an hour ago that each step had felt like shackles had been strapped around my ankles? Each step that had brought me further away from her had caused the fire within my heart to dim.

Everything
had been pulverized to dust. What she and I used to stand for, the future we’d once discussed in the wee hours of the morning after an intense lovemaking with our limbs intertwined, our lips never apart and our hearts beating as one—it was all gone.

The one.
My only
. Lucy…

H
ow could I fathom going on living life if nothing was left to live for?

Lucy
was my absolute. My ultimate. My unconditional love. The driving force behind my survival. The sole reason underneath my actions. The entirety of my heart. My fundamental supplement in life…

And now it was all for naught. We would be together
nevermore.

Tonight, I
hadn’t gone out thinking that I was going to let her go. True, she and I hadn’t been together for quite some time, however letting her go from the binds and constraints of my soul—my heart… The inkling hadn’t occurred.

One might ask why would I do that if my love for her
was
my everything?
Well, it had taken just one look at her and seeing the reflection of myself in her eyes to make me pause; to ponder why there was tremendous unhappiness in those beautiful depths. Seeing that had made me feel like a selfish monster.
It was me
—the bastard—who had caused her profound grief, fracturing the only person I would give my life for.

The only redeemable thing I could do was to free her before she got destroyed by my greed.

This selflessness had been fueled from my love of her. How much I adored her—the stunning beauty, the shrewd mind and the kind heart. I asked myself then, could I take all that away from her because I was stubborn enough to keep fighting for something that was hard to get back?

My answer was no.
Of course not. I loved her too much to rob her from all of that.

All I could hope—if there was any left—was for her to find happiness. In her career, family, friends and a lover who would cherish th
at brilliant gem of a woman.

+++

I had only just barely checked in at the hotel ten minutes ago and someone was already knocking on my door.
Who could it be?
I wondered sarcastically.

Rubbing both of my hands o
ver my face as I groaned in irritation, I left my unpacked suitcase atop the luggage rack as I strolled out of the bedroom and into the hallway. I passed the living room with an amazing view of the city before I reached the entrance door.

Gripping the door handle, I swiftly opened it and didn’t bat an eyelash when it was the woman who legally called herself my wife.

“Amelia,” I greeted as she brushed past me, swaying along with her hips and four-inch heels. “Goodness, you could hurt yourself with those shoes. Why can’t you wear something more comfortable like other pregnant women?”

She stopped a few feet away from the glass wall overlooking the popular main streets of Madrid before spinning around to face me with a dark brow dramatically raised to question me. “
Por qué mio marido?
”
Why, my husband?
“Does it make you
jealous
that men still find me attractive even pregnant?”

Surely she did not believe that? Pure. Utter. Rubbish. Though I
had to admit that there was a time when I had found her easy on the eyes, however that sentiment had past quite some time ago.

“Honestly
, Amelia, do you not even consider the baby’s safety? Shouldn’t that be the first thing a mother would do? Is it really worth the risk?
For what?
A few whistles here and there and men lusting after you?” I tried to reason with her in a decent, calming manner, but her holier-than-thou attitude provoked anger and frustration.

She sashayed towards me, stopping just close enough to almost smother my eyesight with a bountiful view of her engorged breasts. “Why, mi amor,
do you lust after me
? I know how you love the fact that you can do anything with me and I never say no.” Her fingers reached out, touching my chest over my shirt, trailing down to the base of my neck, brushing against my skin. “Do you ever wonder what it would feel like to be inside me while I’m pregnant with our child?”

“It might surprise you
, but I barely think of you at all.” I wanted to argue that it wasn’t mine until proper DNA testing had been done, yet there was no point in bringing that up. Fighting with her was exhausting.

She snickered before brazenly arresting my scrotum with her greedy hand, palming it against the base of my cock
before she wrapped her fingers around my girth, stroking them both at the same time.

Amelia was a sex fiend. She thrived on making men fall to their knees and worshipping her until kingdom come, but I wasn’t that man. Sure
, I had been influenced for a short period of time, however I wasn’t in the least persuaded by her shameless attempts at seduction.

My cock stirred from her callous manipulation
, but even if my erection would cause me pain, I didn’t want to taint my body with another woman after I’d had Lucy weeks ago. Some might not understand the reasoning behind it, but it was the only way I could keep reliving that memory—still so fresh and vivid in my mind.

“That’s enough playing, Amelia,” I gritted through my teeth as I wrenched her hand
away.
How did I find that attractive before?
I wondered with confusion. I supposed she was the polar opposite of Lucy and I had wanted to forget every trace of her, so Amelia had fit the bill of a temporary lover. Little had I known that she’d had her own secrets to hide.

For a second, I saw
Amelia look offended, yet she immediately masked it with her usual snooty, defensive appearance. There were times I wondered what went on inside her head. I even went as far as hoping there would be an amiable side to her, that this persona was just a façade, nothing more. However, as time had gone on, I had concluded that there wasn’t much different between the woman within and the woman she appeared to be. I was certain it could be taxing to anyone’s psyche to be that vile and narcissistic around the clock. It was a pity really because she could’ve been extraordinary.

Watching her warily, I cleared my throat, getting her attention with a quick snap of her fathomless dark eyes. “Have you had dinner?”

She stared at me awhile. Silence fell in the room as she kept on gazing at me with a forbidding expression. “No.”

All right
, then. Jesus, would she relax and unwind for a moment?

Shaking my head in dismay, I strode over to the nearby accent table before plucking the menu off the glossy wood. Opening the leather binder, I glanced over the abundant Spanish selection before murmuring, “I’m ordering room service. What can I get you?”

“I’m not hungry,” she muttered with annoyance.

Giving her a quick glance, I ignored her blatant pouting. “You need to eat. Even if you aren’t hungry, try to nibble on something at least.”

She took in a sharp breath, about to explode in a tempter tantrum. “I said—I’m. Not. Hungry.”

Yeah, her usual antics weren’t going to work
, either. “I see. Well, I’m going to order you something anyway. You have to eat it or I’ll feed you myself.”

“
Fuck me
and I’ll eat whatever you want!” she threw into the air just when I was about to pick up the phone receiver from its cradle.

Letting go of the phone, I gr
ound my teeth together before I spun around to face her, throwing the truth in her face. “Never again, Amelia. Besides the fact that I’m divorcing you and you’re taking your sweet bloody time to sign it, I’m done fucking around with my life. It’s time to move forward.”

Her eyes sharpened
, almost squinting at me as if she’d detected something I had no clue about. “Huh,” she huffed. “When’s the last time you had sex?”

Epic question coming from her, truly.
How dare she ask me that? “You have the audacity to question me when everyone in this town, or maybe the entirety of Spain, know about your illicit affair with an influential married man!”

“Nice try.” She seemed unfazed as she blinked back a few times, fanning her lashes as she probed again,
“When was it, Toby?”

I growled, about to lose my temper
, “Drop it, Amelia.”

“Who is she?” Her hand shook a little as she strode towards me, looking enraged and possessed but with a calm
, eerie voice.
“Is it your cold, English bitch?”

That did it. I immediately snapped when the word
bitch
was said. “Don’t you fucking dare call her that!” I roared inches away from her.

“I can call her whatever I like
,” she screamed into my face, pointing her accusing finger at me. “I’m your wife!
Your motherfucking wife!
I have the right to everything!”

“But you aren’t really,
are you?
” Without my temper in check, my voice boomed about the hotel suite. It even echoed. I was at my last wits, and with Amelia being so stubborn, it made it twice as difficult to mend fences with her. “I can file for annulment if I wanted to, but I was advised not to burden your family of extra humiliation on top of all this.”

Out of nowhere, she launched herself at me, trying to paw my face
, however I swiftly moved the side and it landed on my neck instead. Sharp nails bit into my skin. The burn of flesh being opened made me wince as she scratched with all her might.

The need to shake her body and put some bloody fucking sense into her was tempting
, but even in my fury, logic interrupted, reminding me that I was dealing with a pregnant woman.

“Bloody Hell! What the fuck did you do that for?” I hissed, hurling the words at her.

She immediately tried to punch me on the chest before I grabbed her hand. Then she used her other fist to hit my shoulder.

Moving behind her body, I wrapped both of my arms
around her, holding her down in a gridlock as she tried to thrash against me, cursing and screaming profanities in Spanish.

“Calm the fuck down. You’re acting like a demented woman.
A fucking lunatic.
Get a hold of yourself!
”

Again
, for the second time tonight, her reaction surprised me, baffling me to no end, when she started uncontrollably sobbing.

I took a moment, absorbing the sharp turn of events. My heart raced against my ribcage while I tried to think what to do next. I ha
dn’t encountered anything like this—a woman who was a she-devil turning into a broken one who couldn’t stop crying. It was as if she’d held her tears in for such a long time, that our argument seemed to have snapped her composure and weeping immediately came barreling in with nothing to stop it.

Like a broken dam, Amelia’s cries only became louder, howling as if she was in deep pain.

Loosening my hold of her whimpering body, I took a deep breath and tried to soothe her. “I’m sorry,” I whispered into her ear, knowing how much I regretted putting ourselves in this predicament. “But you must understand, we need to live our lives. You need to let go of this grudge—it’s ruining you inside. Please, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.” My voice shook when a piercing sound came from her, like a sound or the noise a dying animal would make.

“
Cansado de la vida…
” she whimpered before giving another shaky breath, “
Cansado…
de la… vida…” she kept on muttering in between sobs before dropping to her knees as if she had no energy left.